Category — Uncategorized

24 hours from now, I’ll be getting ready for work. I’m not usually someone who feels down at the end of a break — I really like structure, and I’m usually better with work days than unstructured time. But I’m having a hard time with the break being over, even though I have three reports that I enjoy creating on my schedule for Monday.

It’s hard to feel rested and recharged during the pandemic, so the vacation in front of me (the one where I feel hopeful that I’ll catch up on sleep and get a break from worrying) is better than the vacation that has just happened.

It’s hard to feel hopeful in the moment. To sense any fresh start. Maybe summer will be better.

I found this piece by My Sweet Dumb Brain comparing the second year of the pandemic to the second year after a loss thought-provoking. She explains that while the second year doesn’t hold the shock of the first, it is hard for different reasons.

The second year, though, is undeniably more lonely … It’s hard not to blame yourself for not ‘moving on,’ because everyone else clearly has.

She goes into secondary losses and discouraging thoughts. And it’s true — in many ways, the second year of the pandemic was harder than the first. There was more cohesiveness during that first year. More clapping out the hospital staff every night. More “we’re all in this together” mentality, even if we also know that mentality wasn’t embraced in the same way by everyone.

And now… strangely… we are about to enter Q1 of the third year. And she recommends a thought that is getting her through—”embrace the fog”: “The future is a little foggy, and it always has been. Our illusion of control is just that—an illusion.” We don’t know what is ahead. Accepting that may be the key to getting us through a third spring.

Carolyn Hax tucked it at the end of a section; a closing line free-floating away from the other thoughts:

“Most relationships end. It’s okay to let them. Truly.”

However many relationships you currently have — let’s go with Dunbar’s number and say 150 — you have quadruple or quintuple or, if you’re super-popular, dectuple, the number of ended relationships. Because relationships end. Friendships end. Acquaintanceships end.

I’m not sure why such a simple thought never occurred to me before now, and how dysfunctional social media has made things by not allowing relationships to end. That natural social shedding now sticks around, remaining in your attention like snake skin. Like a ghost.

You begin by making one paperclip.

Then you make another.

And another after that.

And by the end of the game, you have undecillion paperclips.

I am very deep into Universal Paperclips, and it’s up there as one of my favorite games ever. It moves from managing a paperclip factory to sending drones out to explore the universe. No, that doesn’t make sense until you play, but since you have enjoyed the last two word games I’ve told you, I’ve decided to drop this little math-y game onto your plate as well.

Last year, I set an aim of reading 20210 pages in 2021. As of December 13th (which is the date GoodReads last updated my reading stats), I hit 22,402 pages with 64 books. I will probably finish two or more books before the end of the month. Not mind-blowing but not too shabby.

The interesting thing is that my job changed mid-year, which meant my reading habits changed mid-year when I started work earlier. I didn’t have time to read for 15 minutes in the morning, so I stopped reading non-fiction. But I clearly moved some of that time to the night because I was able to read more books overall.

I guess I should set 20220 as a goal for 2022.

My favourite things I’ve read this year:

• Finna (Nino Cipri)
• The Wife Upstairs (Rachel Hawkins)
• The Echo Wife (Sarah Gailey)
• Klara and the Sun (Kazuo Ishiguro)
• Good Neighbours (Sarah Langan)
• Bruno, Chief of Police (Martin Walker)
• People We Meet on Vacation (Emily Henry)
• The Other Black Girl (Zakiya Dalila Harris)
• The Guncle (Steven Rowley)
• Moonflower Murders (Anthony Horowitz)
• The Secret Bridesmaid (Katy Birchall)
• Still Life (Penny Louise)
• Tokyo Ever After (Emiko Jean)
• In the Woods (Tana French)
• For Your Own Good (Samantha Downing)
• My Lovely Wife (Samantha Downing)
• The Great Godden (Meg Rosoff)
• Dial A for Aunties (Jesse Q Sutanto)
• Rock Paper Scissors (Alice Feeney)
• Under the Whispering Door (T.J. Klune)
• The Man Who Died Twice (Richard Osman)
• The Hawthorne Legacy (Jennifer Lynn Barnes)

What is on your list of favourite reads this year? (Feel free to list movies or television shows if books are not your thing.)