Wet Jelly Beans

I had a gift certificate, and I decided to order a jar of jelly beans. It was my first time ordering from this site, which shall remain nameless because their name isn’t the point.

I was forced to pay extra for two-day shipping and then was promptly told that my jelly beans would arrive in five days. That was odd because I had just been forced to pay for two-day shipping, but fine. I wasn’t in a rush.

Five days later, the delivery person hands me a rattling box. I set it down slowly, thinking. It sure sounded like someone had filled a cardboard box with jelly beans. And then I opened the box and looked at a cardboard box with jelly beans. To be fair, there was also an empty plastic container (in one piece), and next to it, the plastic top (also in one piece), the safety seal, and a single random square of bubble wrap. Some jelly beans were dry, but most of the jelly beans were wet, and they had clumped together into a massive candy sculpture the size of a human fist.

What had happened here? Who had opened the jar, dumped out the jelly beans into the box, dropped in the lid, safety seal, and one square of bubble wrap, taped up the box, and sent it on its merry way? What did this person do after work? What were their hopes and dreams?

I called customer service. They could help me, no problem. They just needed me to mail back the wet jelly beans and pay for shipping, and then they would send me a new jar.

“Think about that for a second. You want me to mail back a clump of wet jelly beans? What will you do with the jelly beans when you get them back?”

“When you say it aloud, it does sound bizarre. Can you hold on one moment? I’m going to ask my manager why we want the wet jelly beans back.”

It took 20 minutes for her to return, but she told me that I could dump the jelly beans, and they would send me a new jar in another five days. I have low expectations and think my first order may be my last order. But I’m totally curious to see what happens next.