Category — Bettering

As we round on 2021, I had to make a decision about #15best. Yes, I still use 15 minutes every morning to do something to make my life better.

The first year, I read a lot of random books either aimed at giving me a new way of viewing the world or teaching a new skill or enhancing my productivity.

The second year, I started off with a big mystery-reading project with the goal that I would start writing a mystery in the spring. The COVID-19 hit, and my desire to write a book fizzled. I took a detour with a bunch of anti-racism books, and finished with style guides and cookbooks. (Style guides as in AP Style, not style as in clothing fashion or home design.)

What to do with the third year to make this time a little more… cohesive? To stick with a theme and move the needle towards a goal?

I considered using the time to work through a backlog of purchased books. I have A LOT of unread, purchased books, and I thought I could assuage some of the guilt by reading the owned books in the morning and reading library books the rest of the day. I also considered tackling classics that have been on my TBR list for a long time with the idea of plugging cultural holes. I also wondered if I should try to loop back to the mystery project.

But then I realized I didn’t have to move the needle. 2021 isn’t the year to move the needle. In some ways, it’s even harder to create a project right now because… I am depleted. It is enough to get through the day. Enough to get through the week. If I emerge alive from this pandemic, I will have grown as a person because I will understand that I can do things that I didn’t think I could do until I had to do them. Sort of like infertility, no?

So.

For the third year, I’m taking comfort in old favourites. I’m still going to meditate for ten minutes every morning, but I’m following it with 15 minutes of reading books that make me feel good, starting with The Lord of the Rings. I cracked open Fellowship of the Ring a few weeks ago, and I feel good after spending 15 minutes with Frodo. After I finish LOTR, I’ll probably go on to re-read the Narnia books or Louise Fitzhugh books and her new biography by Leslie Brody.

At this time next year, I will be able to say that I spent 6,786 minutes of the pandemic feeling good.

And that’s no small thing.

Exactly one year ago today, I posted that I was going to spend 15 minutes out of every day doing something to make my life better. Well, every weekday. I called it 15 Best:

I guess I want to feel like I moved the needle. Even if it’s an incremental amount; I want to go to bed knowing that I did something in my day that brought me closer to being the person I want to be. Or that I best used at least 15 minutes of my day. Hence #15Best.

Why it needed a hashtag? I’ll never know. But that’s what I’ve been calling it all year. How it worked:

I’m starting my 15 minutes per weekday on January 1st. There are 261 weekdays in 2019. 10 of them are holidays, and if I give myself a freebie, I get to a nice, round 250 days. That means that on December 31st I will have spent 3,750 minutes (or 62.5 hours) becoming a better person. To ensure that I remember to do it, I’m going to set a timer on my phone and make a habit of writing how I spent the 15 minutes in my bullet journal.

I ended up spending more than 3,750 minutes because I didn’t take off for holidays. In fact, I only accidentally missed one day out of the entire year, and I did a mini-version of this while we were in France. And I ended up spending 26 minutes and 10 seconds per day––not 15 minutes––which means that I ended up with closer to 6,540 minutes. My life is 6,540 minutes better.

I recorded what I did every day in my bullet journal, and I mostly kept the same routine for all 250+ days. I started out meditating; first for 5 minutes per day, but now I’m up to 10 minutes per day. Then I read for 16 minutes and 10 seconds. Why 16 minutes and 10 seconds? Because I gave myself a buffer of 10 seconds to switch from turning on my timer to picking up my book. And then I added an extra minute of buffer to account for daydreaming (and needing to re-read a paragraph) or looking up a word in the book.

I started out reading books that I thought would make me happier––self help-like books about happiness theory. But I quickly switched into books that made my brain happy. Books about computer science and math and psychology. I read The Bonjour Effect to prepare for our trip to France and then came home and read a book about story structure because I’m thinking about writing a new book. So I spent my time meditating and reading books. Every single weekday.

How did I make it work?

First and foremost, making time for it. Saying unapologetically to myself that I’m doing this and it’s non-negotiable. That I’ll be a better wife/mother/worker/friend/etc if I take this time for myself every morning. I thought about it like showering. I don’t feel like it’s indulgent to shower; it’s something I do every day to make myself better. Showering is washing the outside of my body and #15Best is washing the inside of my soul.

Next, I do it at the same time every day. I do it right after yoga but before I shower. If I don’t do yoga for some reason, I do it right when I get up but before I shower. Either way, before I’ve had coffee, before I’ve had breakfast, before I’ve started up the computer, I’ve done this. I’ve taken this time for myself.

Finally, I keep my 15 minutes really low-key. I focus on reading and meditation. I can do them anywhere. They don’t require a lot (really any) movement. I can do it if I feel well or don’t feel well. I don’t need any fancy supplies. I think the reason it works is because I don’t make things too complicated.

I’m going to keep this going in 2020, and I once again invite you to join me. I started a Google Group last year if people want to use it so they can ask questions, get ideas, feel accountable so they stick with their plan. But this is a really low-key challenge. It’s just take 15 minutes to do something for yourself. Every single weekday. To make yourself better than you were 15 minutes earlier.

I’ve never done a reading challenge because while I think they can be great motivators, I am such a rule follower that I know I would choose my books to allow me to hit the goal vs. choose books I want to read. If I was worried about numbers, I would read shorter books to boost the final count rather than give Stephen King’s The Institute a chance. But because I’m not worried about numbers — not aiming for any particular number — counting the books I’ve read this year is more a statement of a reading renaissance than achieving any particular goal.

There are some years when finishing 12 books is an amazing feat. Other years where you realize you’ve somehow read 52 and could have done one of those one-per-week challenges.

This year, I’ve read 42 books so far. And none of them are Little Golden Books. (Yes, I would not put it past myself to count Little Golden Books towards my overall final number.) Four were audio books. Eight were extra books I snuck in doing my #15Best thing. (Yes, I’ve kept that up all year missing very few days.) It turns out that 15 minutes in the morning = about 10 extra books per year. All of those were non-fiction.

The rest were fiction except for one or two.

My favourite things I’ve read this year:

• Magic for Liars (Sarah Gailey)
• Her Royal Spyness (Rhys Bowen)
• The Oracle (Charles Soule)
• Normal People (Sally Rooney)
• A Study in Charlotte (Brittany Cavallaro)
• The 7 1/2 Deaths of Eveyln Hardcastle (Stuart Turton)
• Tell the Machine Goodnight (Katie Williams)
• Truly Devious (Maureen Johnson)
• The Testaments (Margaret Atwood)

What is on your list of favourite reads this year?

I came up with this idea back in early December, but I’m waiting until the new year to implement it.  It was partially because December has been so freakin’ busy and I felt overwhelmed about adding something on my plate, and partially because I wanted something new for the new year.

#15Best

I’m taking 15 minutes every day to do something that I believe will make me a better person.  It will usually be reading 15 minutes in a book that I think will make me a better person (for instance, Mo Gawdat’s Solve for Happy) or working on my happy list (also Gawdat).  But I’m also leaving it open to any activity that will make me feel better, such as learning a new skill (card tricks!) or practicing an existing skill. I’m going to find these 15 minutes by spending less time mindlessly scrolling through social media or playing match-3 games. I mean, yes, I’m still going to spend time on social media and match-3 games, but I can trim 15 minutes from that and not miss a thing.

I guess I want to feel like I moved the needle.  Even if it’s an incremental amount; I want to go to bed knowing that I did something in my day that brought me closer to being the person I want to be. Or that I best used at least 15 minutes of my day. Hence #15Best.

I’m starting my 15 minutes per weekday on January 1st.  There are 261 weekdays in 2019.  10 of them are holidays, and if I give myself a freebie, I get to a nice, round 250 days.  That means that on December 31st I will have spent 3,750 minutes (or 62.5 hours) becoming a better person. To ensure that I remember to do it, I’m going to set a timer on my phone and make a habit of writing how I spent the 15 minutes in my bullet journal.

Want to join me?  15 minutes a day.  250 days of the year (so, yes, you’ll need to track this by writing down how you spent the minutes, but we’re working on a trust system).  Add your name and blog/social media account URL below if you’re committing to the challenge so we can hold each other accountable.  I’ve also started a Google Group for anyone who wants to chat daily about how they’re spending their 15 minutes. Sign up for the #15Best Google Group. Or meet back here on February 1st to let us know how you’ve done.

I hit a point this summer where I was starting to pick myself and surroundings apart, only looking at the negative things around me and within me.  If anyone had needed me to, I could list out all the things bothering me in a heartbeat.  In fact, Josh often got to hear all the negative things I thought about myself and various situations in list form.  I couldn’t really do the same for things I felt good about.

That all changed last week.  Nothing set the change in motion; it was just an internal decision that I wanted to start bettering things that were wrong vs. feeling like crap about them.

Body

I stopped doing daily yoga and running last fall, and while I haven’t put back on the weight I originally lost, I have felt sluggish and soft.  My back and shoulders have started hurting again on and off, something that had stopped happening while I did yoga.  And moreover, I felt less productive, my mind jumping from thought to thought like a monkey, leaving me feeling frantic after work time because I hadn’t gotten enough done.

I decided to return to the yoga app last week.  Every single morning.  I now spend a half hour with Lily before I shower and start working.  It pushes back my morning coffee (which I was becoming way too dependent upon) and yogurt too.  It’s helping me focus and sort of reducing my anxiety. (My anxiety may be too large to expect yoga to really make a dent in it.)  It’s making me feel focused and grounded when I sit down to work.  And it’s helping my back.  So yoga for the win.

Very soon, I’ll probably start adding in running twice a week.  But I want to make sure I’ve established practices that are sustainable before I start stressing out those practices by overloading them.

Brain

I decided I needed a mental challenge, so I went with learning programming.  I like that Steve Jobs quote, “I think everybody in this country should learn how to program a computer because it teaches you how to think.”  And writers need to think in a very calculated, precise way, piecing together a story much in the same way that a computer program is constructed.  Frayed storylines and loose threads of plot are just as problematic as coding missing a character.  Plus, it’s something I can learn that is very important to the twins.  There’s a nice hum between all of us as we work.

I wrote about how the kids are learning coding.  I’m tagging along for the ride, using the same books since they speak to someone on my level.  Right now, I’m trying to learn Python.  The Wolvog is faster than I am at picking it up, but I know a lot more mathematical theory so it balances out, especially when I slow us down by droning on about tuples.  He loves that.  So as long as my programming partner doesn’t ditch me or refuse to answer my endless questions, expect a really cool game that the ChickieNob is helping me design uploaded to my blog some time this year.

Personality

I rarely say no.  My thought is that if I can say yes, then I should say yes.  What I didn’t realize was how often I couldn’t really say yes, but was saying yes anyway.  So this year, I’m saying no.  I’m not over-committing and then feeling frantic in the process.  I’m offering things once, and if the person wants to take me up on the favour, the ball is now in their court.  I’m not going to chase them down in order to provide them with a favour (something I often did in the past that left me feeling resentful afterward).

I am saying yes to things I enjoy, things I think are important, things I can do to be helpful that don’t detract from my own sense of well-being.  And all other things, I am apologetically saying no and not obsessing about the opportunities I’m turning down.  It leaves me more time to enjoy or do a good job on the things I am saying yes to.

Home

We started home improvements this past spring.  There are A LOT of necessary home improvements, and most of them feel fairly urgent, at least from an aesthetic standpoint.  We took care of replacing the windows first.  Window replacement sucks because it’s one of those things that cost a lot of money but doesn’t change the look of the house.  So, for the most part, our house is EXACTLY the same as it was before they came with the exception that we can now open the windows.  Which will soon become more helpful than I realized at the time.

After we finished the windows, we realized that they had cost a lot more than we had budgeted, and we would need to wait a while to make cosmetic changes to our house.  It filled me with dread to live in this ugly space and it filled me with dread to think about a time when we’d be spending a shit-ton of money and have workpeople in and out of our home.  You’ve probably also picked up over the years that I’m a little overexcited when it comes to things such as evenness and symmetry.  Neatness.  I am the woman who bleaches the inside of my dishwasher.  So I spent a lot of nights lying awake, worried that the painters would  — let’s say — leave a tiny sliver of extra paint in some unnoticeable corner of the wall, and it would drive me crazy forever.

The only person I trust to deal with my neuroses is me.  And maybe Josh.  But mostly me.

Over the last few months, we’ve gotten estimates for the work we need done, and whenever they tell me the price tag and the length of time (remember, I work out of the house, so it also means a loss of work time for me when we have people in here), I would spend the rest of the day curled up in a little ball emotionally.  I didn’t see how we were going to do this in a way that didn’t demolish our savings and retain my sanity.

And that’s when I decided to do it myself.  Like almost all of it myself.  Like watching YouTube tutorials and then doing the whole ding-dong home improvement project mostly on my own.  When I tell people who know me well that this is what I’m doing, there are long pauses of silence.  But everyone eventually comes around to the idea.  And for the first time in many many years, I feel calm about it.  I feel in control.  I feel like I own this renovation; that it will be done my way with all lines very very very evenly measured.

Redoing every room in my house on my own feels very Riot Grrl.  I have a feeling it may also look a little Riot Grrl when I’m done, hence why I’m starting with low-stakes rooms such as my bathroom and building up to redoing my own kitchen.  I’ll need to hire out for some of the plumbing and electrical tasks, but anything carpentry?  I taught woodworking.  I mean, sure, it was one summer and our projects ranged from wooden napkin rings to alphabet blocks.  But it was woodworking nonetheless.  And painting the walls: I have an MFA and six of those credits had to be in a different medium.  Sure, my visual arts course work was in printmaking and my background is general illustration.  But how different can painting on a wall be from painting on a canvas?  Not that I ever really painted on a canvas but we can overlook that for a moment.

I am probably not going to post before pictures because they’re too embarrassing.  But I will post after pictures.  I’ve given myself a long window of time to complete this, and I’m going to do it in small pieces at a time.  All the better to obsess over every rotation of the paint roller.

Coda

So that’s where I am.  Not working toward perfection (except in terms of evenness of the distribution of paint) or anything silly like that.  Just bettering.  Making myself and the space around me better than where it is right now.

Anyone want to join along with their own personal bettering over the course of the year?  It’s pretty laid back.  Not too much stress (unless you count the fact that I am planning to lie on my side on the floor so I can be eye-level with the baseboard when I paint it).  Just tiny, sustainable change.  No, I’m serious: tiny, sustainable change.