Category — Read Me

I am a book-y sort of person, the type who likes to get a lot of books when I’m about to embark on a new experience. I am a fan of the travel guide, the cookbook, the home improvement book. When I started trying, I bought every pregnancy and baby book I could find. When I started wondering if there was a problem, I bought every infertility book I could find. You get the picture.

I’m excited because I get to go book shopping today for Lindsay! There is nothing quite like living vicariously through friends.

I know I usually write about infertility, adoption, and loss books, but today I’m going to write out a list of newborn, baby, and toddler books that worked for me and hopefully, you will add a few that worked for you or for people you know. This may be a post that you don’t feel like reading now but want to bookmark for the future (and it is labeled “read me” so you can find it in the future). I can promise you that I’m working on a fun sex question for Barren Advice for tomorrow so…it’s back to infertility then?

Since she will have a lot of time to read without visitors during her stay in the adoption state, my plan is to get everything I liked and everything I know other people liked and let her sort it out herself. These are my picks for baby books and you can add your own below if there are ones that you liked that either (1) were helpful or (2) gave you confidence.

In no particular order:

I have never heard someone say anything bad about Harvey Karp’s Happiest Baby on the Block. I am not certain we would have made it through the first few months without it. His 5 S’s were so good that I typed up an executive summary for Josh that I still mail out to people who announce they are at their wits end. I’m sure someone will say in the comments section below that it didn’t work for them, but as I write this post, I have yet to hear someone say that this book wasn’t the most useful thing item a new parent can own.

I read the book when the twins were in the middle of that crying stage that lasts from about week 6–week 8. Josh was at work and when he came home, I set one of the twins down so they would start crying. Then I picked them back up and quieted them in under 15 seconds. After 2 weeks of crying (that was so bad that I wore a construction worker headset because I couldn’t handle the constant noise) it was like magic. The off switch.

His next book for toddlers didn’t work as well for us and by “as well” I mean “not at all.” But his first book was gold. And actually, in the grand scheme of books out there, his second book was bronze.

For most things, we turned to Elizabeth Pantley. She will be happy to know that we still use our key words before bed and the twins are now 4 1/2 years old. They have literally heard the same words every night for about 1460 days. The first book we used was her No-Cry Sleep Solution. We waited a long time to actually do any sleep training, but we accomplished it in two nights with this book and our kids have never had to relearn sleep habits. Plus, they go down and stay down until morning.

She now has a new book that is specifically for naps called the No-Cry Nap Solution. I actually got a copy of it even though we are past the nap stage. It focuses on newborns and babies, explaining how and when to drop a nap, how to lengthen naps, etc. All I’m saying is that our kids took a 3 hour nap until quite recently–I mean, when they were three, they were still taking a monster nap in the afternoon and going to bed from 7 pm to 7 am. Have I mentioned that I love Elizabeth Pantley?

I know every child is different, but her techniques really worked on the twins. We potty-trained with only one accident or so per child with her potty-training book and I like one of her books, Perfect Parenting, right now because it is organized by problem and gives an explanation for the behaviour and five or six solutions.

We were not a Weissbluth or Ferber family, though I’m picking those up today in case they work for Lindsay. We were also not big Sears and Sears sorts even though we own a bunch of their books. I liked the What to Expect series, though they sort of freaked me out a bit too.

The Baby Whisperer was fantastic for us. Not her first book, but the follow up one that explained more, The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. She didn’t actually solve all our problems since, you know, our biggest problem was the whole premature thing. But she did help us figure out how much to feed them and other sorts of things.

I love Marguerite Kelly for her straightforward advice. We have the Mother’s Almanac, Father’s Almanac, and the Family Almanac. There’s a lot of overlap between the books, but she always makes me feel better when things are going to shit. She’s like a cup of hot tea.

We didn’t get to breastfeed and I got rid of all the breastfeeding books I bought in a moment of anger. But we did make all of our own baby food (the twins only ate from a jar once) as our comparable-pain-in-the-ass-feeding thing and the book we thought was the easiest was Mommy Made. I wish the “Daddy too” in the title wasn’t an afterthought because Josh spent a lot of time peeling apples and chopping string beans. But there you go.

We had a few twin books, though none that impressed me completely. A few preemie books, though none that impressed me completely.

What else have people found that have really worked for them? Which books would you give a second recommendation to on the list?

I’m kicking off my Read Me reviews with three children’s books–all picture books. They are books that you can use to kick off a discussion with your child or give your child a story where the character’s situation mirrors his/her own life (in other words, it’s a story where the character is adopted, though it’s not a book about adoption).

Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis

I have to admit that I was reluctant to read this book at first because there’s always the fear that the book was published simply because the author had great connections rather than a great story. But I’m glad I finally got a copy out of the library and I plan on purchasing a copy soon.

Is the book perfect–no. The birth family is sort of swept under the rug with a single page. But, to be fair, the story is the child asking about what her parents experienced during the night she was born. When I tell my own children about their birth story, it is always from my perspective and frankly, I didn’t have a problem with a book that showed that regardless of how a family is formed, we have more similarities than differences. But it’s worth giving you a heads up; I know there are people who don’t like this book because it relegates birth families to a single page.

The story is narrated by a little girl (maybe five-ish?) who asks her parents to tell her about the night she was born. I get choked up on the page where she says, “tell me again about the first time you held me in your arms and called me your baby sweet.” The twins love this book and think the illustrations are hysterical. And as picky readers who tend to like the same books over and over again, I think that speaks volumes. Age range: you could definitely hold a young child’s interest, though I can’t see a child beyond four getting into this book unless it was already a favourite. Not a lot of text–though perhaps it would make a good book to teach reading (more information or to purchase).

Something Happened by Cathy Blanford

I hope you never need this book, though I’m glad it exists if you ever do. Cathy Blanford, a counselor for grieving children, has written a picture book explaining pregnancy loss or stillbirth to children (and it can be tweaked to explain neonatal death and infant death).

The book doesn’t sugar-coat loss or present the concept of pregnancy loss in confusing analogies. Blanford writes in the foreword: “Many years of experience with grieving children have convinced me that this direct approach to the issues is what children, even very young children, need to help them understand and cope with death.”

I was drawn into the story by the first line: “On the day it happened, everyone woke up happy.” You learn about the pregnancy and subsequent loss from the son who was anticipating his sibling’s birth. I think the strength of this book is that it doesn’t make pregnancy loss a small blip on the screen of life and end with a new pregnancy. It ends with a confirmation that even though a loss has happened, the family continues even with this new missing piece.

On most pages, Blanford also includes a box of text for the parent to use to kick off a conversation with their child about the page or to understand how their child may process the book. All in all, a very helpful book for explaining loss to children especially because it is straightforward and secular and accessible to all. Age range: Most pages have a small amount of text BUT since the subject matter is advanced, I think it would be best for three and above. I could even see an older child wanting answers and sitting down with this picture book with a parent (more information or to purchase).

The Different Dragon by Jennifer Bryan

This is just one of those great books that reflect families beyond the one mother, one father, 2.4 children construction. In addition to giving children a storybook family that may reflect their own, it’s an imaginative story about a dragon who just doesn’t want to gnash his teeth and breathe fire anymore.

The book is told as a bedtime story by one of Noah’s two mothers. She weaves a tale where Noah and his cat, Diva, go on an adventure and run into a dragon who is tired of being one-dimensional. The dragon admits that it’s exhausting being mean, but no one wants a dragon to be nice or fun. Noah, of course, informs him that it really is within the dragon’s power to decide how he wants to be.

We constantly tell the ChickieNob and Wolvog that we want them “to be nice because they can be and not mean because they can be” and we often talk about how you behave with other people is completely within your control (barring, of course, people who grate on your last nerve and you absolutely cannot stand them…but that’s more an adult thing, nu?). So we loved this book. And if you have a two-mother household, this book additionally allows your child to see his/her family life mirrored in the storybook. A good book for every bookshelf. Age range: more text on each page making it a better book for three and up (more information or to purchase).

Almost two years ago to the day, we started the Best Little Infertility Books in the World list to help compile books dealing with ALI (adoption/loss/infertility) topics. And it’s certainly helpful and I can see that people click on it. Sometimes people also ask me if I know of a book on a certain topic. I read a lot and I have a lot of books on my shelf still to tackle. It made sense to start talking about some of them here. And when I say “some” I mean the ones that have grabbed me.

On weeks when I don’t have a Barren Advice column, I will put up a Read Me post. They are short reviews of books that I think are worth reading. You can send me suggestions for future book reviews by leaving a comment below on this post. If I’ve already read it, I’ll post my experience with the book immediately. If I have it on my shelf, I’ll bump it up to the front of my reading queue. If I don’t own it and it sounds interesting, I’ll get a copy. If I don’t own it and it doesn’t sound like my cup of tea, I may ask you to guest blog about the book here or on your own blog and link to it. If I don’t own it and it sounds completely off-topic or offensive (I’m obviously for ART, so a book arguing that ART is ruining the world won’t be reviewed here. Though you could always do so on your blog), I’ll probably simply ignore the comment.

Old posts are archived below, helping you find books on a certain topic. Books may be cross-listed in more than one category and the key for abbreviations is at the bottom of the page. Within each review, I link buying information to an independent bookstore that has an online shop or the publishers if its a small press whenever possible. Almost all books can be found through Amazon.

Infertility (I)

• Infertility Survival Handbook by Elizabeth Swire Falker (old review)

Donor Gametes (DG)

• Coming Soon

Surrogacy (S)

• Coming Soon

Adoption (A)

• Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis (C)

Living Child-Free (LCF)

• Coming Soon

Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, Neonatal Death, and Infant Death (L)

• Something Happened by Cathy Blanford (C)

Books for Children about ALI (picture books or older readers) and Families (C)

• Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born by Jamie Lee Curtis (A)
• Something Happened by Cathy Blanford (L)
• The Different Dragon (GLBT)

Fiction about Infertility Themes (F)

• Coming Soon

Key for Cross-Listing
I = Infertility
DG = Donor Gametes
S = Surrogacy
A = Adoption
LCF = Living Child-Free
L = Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, Neonatal Death, and Infant Death
C = Books for Children (either about ALI itself or reflective of families)
F = Fiction
SPBC = Single Parent by Choice
GLBT = Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender