Category — Mental Sampler

We get a lot of SPAM calls every day. Weeks ago, I let the answering machine fill up, and I haven’t erased the messages. This means that when phone solicitors call, they get a full mailbox. Yes, we have to listen to the phone ring, but we don’t have to listen to a recorded message left on our answering machine about an! exciting! offer!

I still feel partially enraged by the intrusion, but the rage level is simmering at a 3 rather than frothing at an 8. I don’t think I’ll clear the answering machine. Ever.

*******

I’ve told you about Beorn’s bedtime routine. The ChickieNob nicknamed the time period “the blender” because he would run frantically in a circle, and in doing so, would kick up his bedding. Kicking up his bedding would reveal the newspaper lining the bottom of his cage. And revealing the newspaper would mean that within minutes of cleaning the cage, it looked like the space had been through the blender. The newspaper would be messed up and bedding would be everywhere and I would be begging him to stop running.

But he couldn’t stop running because bedtime is too exciting.

The last time I cleaned the cage, I taped all the newspaper sheets together before I poured the bedding on top. It was the perfect solution. The newspaper no longer moves when he’s kicking up the bedding, and because it’s not crumpling, even the bedding mostly remains in place. He has been running every day, and everything still looks great.

Masking tape: It saved my sanity.

*******

Something making me happy right now: The latest season of The Crown. We’re finally in a time period that I lived through and remember.

I have a special iced coffee tumbler I use every morning, and it came with a teal reusable straw. Setting the scene: Election Night. Before any returns have come in. Josh doing the dishes, and I hear, “Crap.” He came in holding part of my teal straw.

It felt like a harbinger of things to come.

I had no clue I was that emotionally-invested in a straw until it snapped in two.

*******

I got the paid version of the Calm app a few weeks ago. (The fact that I am emotionally-invested in the colour of my straw probably points to why I need this app.)

ChickieNob and I have been trying to work our way through sleep stories, but they’re a huge time commitment. I wish they had eight minute versions. Or ten minutes, tops. Spending almost a half hour with someone speaking very slowly and calmly is making me feel like ripping up paper and smashing tea cups.

I love the meditation visual… image… video… sort of things though. If you have the app, you know what I’m talking about. The beach scene? Or the one that feels like a first-person perspective on a boat going toward the horizon? I want to hook up my phone to the television again and run all of the water-related videos on an endless loop.

There is a lot on the app, and I still need to explore. It feels like a good weekend activity.

*******

Speaking of which, after not wanting a stationary bike ever, I decided that a stationary bike would be the most amazing thing ever. I want something akin to a poor man’s Peleton. Something without a lot of bells and whistles that I can set up in front of the television so I can watch first-person biking videos streamed through my phone while on the bike to feel like I’m moving. Something like this. (Warning: non-Cotswolds-like music in video, so maybe mute for more enjoyment.)

A long time ago, I would go on the Wii Fit and run around Wuhu Island. Maybe I just need to do that again. Except I really want a stationary bike. Does anyone have an inexpensive one they love that they can recommend?

Sometimes, when I have a difficult email to write, I ask the ChickieNob to tell me what to say. She is excellent at setting firm, unapologetic boundaries. She is like a mini, young Violet from Downton Abbey—never complain, never explain—but she is fantastically polite and words things so succinctly that there is zero room for pushback afterward. I want to be her when I grow up.

I told her she should offer this service to others. People would pay $5 to have her draft the perfect response to an email that has been sitting, unanswered, in an inbox for days, producing high anxiety. But she insists that she can only do it for people and situations she knows.

It has been extremely useful to have her at home because I can hover on the stairs while she’s working and hoarsely whisper, “Wait, what am I supposed to say again?” See, a small, silver lining.

*******

I need to get it on video, but Beorn LOVES bedtime. Loves it with his whole body. We have a ritual, and when I start it, his whole body starts quivering in anticipation. First, I make a little extra pile of hay in case he wants a midnight snack and doesn’t feel like walking to the hay bowl. Then I plump up the bedding near the hay so he’s comfortable. Finally, I put down his hidey house so he can sip from his water bottle without exiting.

And then he goes bananas with happiness.

First, he runs into the hidey house to check everything out. Then he runs out and popcorns while wheeking. Then he jumps on top of the hidey house. Then he jumps off and runs around in circles for five solid minutes, pausing for a second to nibble a particularly delicious-looking piece of hay, and then return to expressing his happiness that it’s bedtime.

We’ve tried softly telling him to calm down. And we’ve tried sternly telling him that it’s time for bed. But he cannot stop expressing his excitement. Especially if the Wolvog is watching him. Especially if the Wolvog laughs. It’s like the whole thing is a performance to make the Wolvog crack up.

Josh muses that it is good someone is happy to go to bed in the house. The rest of us are terrible at getting to sleep.

*******

I am rewatching season 3 of The Crown in anticipation of season 4 coming out in mid-November. I forgot major pieces of the story because we originally watched the season quickly. It is much more enjoyable the second time around.

Two “mental samplers” two weeks in a row? The virus is giving birth to small thoughts.

*******

I needed to take my car in for an oil change. At this point in the pandemic, I’ve learned that it’s best not to wait on things that could create more problems in the future. The devil I know (the pandemic today) is better than the devil I don’t know (the pandemic in the future). I didn’t want to damage the car by putting it off too long. So we made an appointment and a plan with the local garage.

I’m taking their word that they wore a mask in the car and wiped down the surfaces they touched afterward. But not taking any chances, I drove home with all windows open and then sprayed down the seats with Lysol fabric spray and wiped every surface with disinfectant. I couldn’t believe that I felt so stressed out about an oil change. I also never want to forget how stressed out I was about an oil change.

*******

For the first time… ever(?)… I have no paper library books in the house. I have digital books checked out, but we brought back all of the paper books we checked out before the pandemic. It felt very weird to return the final book through the slot. I had an irrational thought to try to stick my arm back through the slot and snatch one back.

We can’t enter the library to browse, but you can request books and do contact-less pick-up from outside the library. But we’re not going to do that for now. We’re sticking to paper books we own and digital library books.

The whole thing just made me feel sad. The library is such a huge part of my life, and it has been weird not to go inside for the last five months.

*******

One of my mint plants has given birth to a new baby mint plant. I have no clue how it happened because I didn’t root a cutting. It just spontaneously happened. The first day it poked its head out of the dirt, I had no clue what it was. But two days later, I realized that I was seeing tightly packed mint leaves, and now it’s growing at a rapid rate and looking like a normal mint plant. I love it. And a second one popped up its head a day ago, too.

What is new in your world?

We bought a fan that blows directly on me in bed. It is a game changer. (All my middle-aged ladies, amirite?) I’m still waking up from hot flashes, but when I wake up, I am greeted by a cool breeze blowing over me, and I can get back to sleep quickly. I pretend that I am on a beautiful island, and I have left my window open, allowing the cool night wind to blow through our bedroom. I am good at pretending.

*******

This article by FiveThirtyEight—”Every Decision Is a Risk. Every Risk Is a Decision.”—perfectly sums up how I feel. Every decision I make feels weighty. And everything I do is a choice. It is my choice to wear a mask in the parking lot, my choice to not go on walks with friends, my choice to still do human-free volunteering. There are so few needs out there, and a shit-ton of wants that we pass off as needs. I take a long, hard look at my choices each week and weigh them out; what I can live with. What I can’t.

*******

The twins school is virtual until late January 2021. I am relieved and sad. The twins had already decided not to go back if school was held in-person, so they knew they would be home. So this makes it easier because everyone will be home, and they won’t feel pulled emotionally in different directions hearing about friends’ experiences. On the other hand, I am really sad for them. Provided they truly go back in January, they will have been home for ten-and-a-half months. If they don’t go back for the second semester, they may miss out on a year or more in a school building. This is just a really weird thought.