Category — Uncategorized

I can’t tell if I’m out of practice with adulting due to the pandemic or if this would have happened regardless with age, but I had to go downtown last week, and I felt so out of sorts over putting on real clothes and leaving the house.

I had two options for the Metro. One route was shorter but had an unknown parking lot. The other route was longer but had a familiar parking lot. Old Melissa would have gone with route one to get there quickly. She would have figured it out. New Melissa first chose route one and then switched to route two, a decision she regretted once on the train and feeling her stomach lurch for an additional ten minutes.

Old Melissa wouldn’t have written out walking directions. New Melissa clutched them in her hand, ignoring the fact that the CITY IS A GRID. It is super hard to get lost. The directions served no purpose except as a security blanket.

I made myself promise that I wouldn’t be this timid when I have to go downtown next month. I’m parking in the iffy garage and trusting I’ll be able to find a space. My stomach needs me to make that decision on its motion-sick behalf.

Yesterday we crossed the line that stretches across the month, dividing “you’ve got plenty of time to make a decision” from “you better make a decision.”

For people unfamiliar with the US college process, it differs from person to person, but most people apply to a bunch of schools where you’re in the criteria window and then decide amongst their acceptances which program/college fits the best. Because kids also often apply for direct admit, which means they go directly into their major. Some majors are only direct admit, meaning if you don’t get in via admissions, you will probably not be able to do that major when you get to school. Other majors are easier to switch into down the road.

The whole process takes about a year of your life unless you apply early decision, which means you’re committed to that school if you get in. The twins wanted to see which colleges wanted them back and didn’t feel comfortable committing to a school in October, so they went regular decision.

They ended up with many lovely schools to choose from, and it has been difficult to narrow it down. They realize that life is a series of making hard choices and knowing all the other options you won’t get to take. If it helps anyone else, I found this article a good one in helping the twins realize that every choice is just a choice; not a statement on the other options but just a leap into the unknown that the option you’re taking is the best one insofar as you know at the moment.

What would be awesome is if there was a way to test drive each college for a month and then commit to one. It’s not possible — at least, not in the way I envision — so we’re doing the next best thing by taking a deep breath and hitting accept. Any day now.

There was an article making the internet rounds a few weeks ago about faux vs. real self-care . Faux self-care is any obligation that adds to your stress vs. relieves it. Real self-care is putting your needs first for a moment and doing something to destress. So it’s not the activity that is good or bad, but how it makes you feel.

She explains,

Rethinking how you take care of yourself can slowly transform your quality of life. And crucially, she adds, as you align your individual choices and actions with your beliefs, you can help improve larger social systems that hold women back.

So if the activity makes you feel good, it’s self-care. If the activity feels like one more thing you must fit into your day or buy, it’s not.

Mostly I loved this article for this thought:

Every time you are in a situation where a boundary might need to be asserted or bent, Dr. Lakshmin suggests taking a pause instead of giving in to a knee-jerk reaction.

I am becoming more and more of a fan of the pause.

Pesach begins tonight, and a holiday feels like a good time to take a few days off to think and breathe and not eat bread. I’m bummed about that last one because I really love bread, but I can give it up for the holiday. I will be back in a few days, but I will skip writing the Roundup because I will read posts late, and then I’ll take a few days to recharge. Back mid-week after some real self-care.

Every once in a while, we talk about culling out books from our collection, and then we buy another bookcase, move books into storage, or stack them up in another spot, and the idea disappears for a while.

We got rid of a bunch of books years ago, but I kept pulling them back out of the donate pile, thinking, “What if I decide months from now that I want to read this? What will I do then?” Better to be safe than sorry.

If I love a library book, sometimes I’ll buy it after reading the borrowed copy. I hate the idea of being cut off from a story I liked.

So this article resonated with me about the grief you feel after getting rid of books. I read it like a warning: Do not get rid of anything, Melissa.

Passing it along in case you are also feeling guilty about your stacks.

We had our internet router replaced, and the moment filled me with dread. The old router worked fine-ish. Mostly fine. Would the new router work as well? Or worse?

I always assume worse. I always believe that new is bad. Josh promised me long ago that I would never need to drive a new car. He would give me his old one — one I knew would work — and he would take the unfamiliar one. New shoes hurt your feet until they’re broken in. And new clothes make me feel like I need to be careful. And new glasses take weeks to feel normal.

The only thing new that is good from the get-go is new books.

That’s a pretty small category.

The devices took a bit to pair correctly with the router, which went out after a few minutes. It’s clearly currently back up, but it had a rocky start. Just as I suspected it would.

How do you feel about new things?