Category — Uncategorized

Things never go how you imagine while sitting on the sofa at home. I assumed that prom shopping would be a heinous experience, moving from store to store and ending up with disappointing clothing for too much money worn once and then moved to the back of the closet to be forgotten for the next ten years.

Until we sell it in a garage sale.

But what happened was that we looked at some dresses online to make a game plan and then went to the mall. We walked through a department store to go to our game plan store and noticed that they had a lovely formal dress section that we did see online. We went to our game plan store, tried on a few dresses that were too large and casual, and then doubled back to the department store.

ChickieNob tried on three or four dresses, fell in love with two, and settled on one. It was slightly too long, but instead of hem it, we bought a new pair of shoes on sale because the dress was under budget. She loves the dress and shoes; they are both re-wearable because they’re more classic formal dress and shoes than straight prom-y fare. She could wear both well into adulthood because they’re timeless.

The Wolvog went directly to the department store, tried on a single suit, and purchased said suit, which fit perfectly and needed no altering. He already had a shirt, tie, and shoes. We paid for everything with bonus money from last year, and his clothes also came in under budget.

Why did I spend multiple nights worrying about this? Because things usually don’t go this way. My fears were based on what people posted online, and it sounded like this would be a frustrating, expensive exercise. That wasn’t our experience, though I’m not sure why. I know I won’t remember this next time we have a task to do. I will assume that it will be difficult, expensive, and frustrating and worry about it ahead of time because that’s just how my brain works.

I forgot (once again) that it’s NIAW. It’s funny because National Infertility Awareness Week felt like the most important week of the year many years ago. And now I end up forgetting until I see someone post online.

And at the same time, on Sunday night, we started the new season of Schmigadoon, which once again follows Josh and Melissa through… infertility. We exchanged glances when they ended up at the reproductive endocrinologist’s office in the first episode (before taking a side trip to Schmicago). It’s funny how seeing any reference — especially a reference with your names on it — can emotionally take you right back to the spot.

Two ends of the experience spectrum.

A tiny productivity idea that stuck with me this week: Instead of setting an exact time to do X, you put a “no later than” deadline.

For instance, if you usually get to work by 9 am, and you know it’s feasible, instead of telling yourself that you need to be there at 9 am and feel stressed out as you watch the minutes tick down, you tell yourself that you need to be there no later than 9:30 am. You’ll mostly hit that 9 am mark because you know it’s when you usually get to work. And sometimes you’ll get there early. And sometimes you’ll get there between 9 am and 9:30 am, and you’ll be okay because you hit the goal — no later than 9:30 am.

The idea is to give yourself some leeway to the goal so you don’t get stressed out about the goal itself vs. doing the thing that takes you to the goal. You can set goals like, “I’m going to write more than two pages today,” if you can generally achieve five pages. Everything you do over those two pages becomes extra. Reaching the goal becomes less stressful, but the same amount of work gets done.

What do you think?

The topic of rest keeps popping up, maybe as a response to the recent self-care article in the New York Times. And this idea stuck with me from one of those posts:

Work is active and valuable: it’s where we prove our worth and create a legacy … Busyness is a badge of honour, even a sign of moral superiority. Rest, in contrast, is often treated as if it’s passive and pointless. Indeed, I’ve noticed many people hardly think of rest as its own thing. It’s just a negative space defined by the absence of work.

The point of the post is that you need to know how to rest and get good at rest. It’s a skill. And many people are never taught how to rest and therefore don’t know how to step back and not do anything related to accomplishment. Not do a task for work or home, check a box, or take care of one tiny thing.

I love the idea of getting other people to rest with you.

I can’t tell if I’m out of practice with adulting due to the pandemic or if this would have happened regardless with age, but I had to go downtown last week, and I felt so out of sorts over putting on real clothes and leaving the house.

I had two options for the Metro. One route was shorter but had an unknown parking lot. The other route was longer but had a familiar parking lot. Old Melissa would have gone with route one to get there quickly. She would have figured it out. New Melissa first chose route one and then switched to route two, a decision she regretted once on the train and feeling her stomach lurch for an additional ten minutes.

Old Melissa wouldn’t have written out walking directions. New Melissa clutched them in her hand, ignoring the fact that the CITY IS A GRID. It is super hard to get lost. The directions served no purpose except as a security blanket.

I made myself promise that I wouldn’t be this timid when I have to go downtown next month. I’m parking in the iffy garage and trusting I’ll be able to find a space. My stomach needs me to make that decision on its motion-sick behalf.