The Empty Nest List
Grown and Flown had an article on the top 21 things empty nesters enjoy. I never click on these things, but I did this time because the social copy acknowledged people who are having trouble with the idea of their kids leaving for college. Being one of those people, I decided to click over with an open mind, hoping there would be wisdom I could use to make myself feel better.
There was not.
The first item was how I would get great sleep again—pre-baby sleep. Oh, you mean like all those nights where I cried wildly on the way to bed because another cycle had failed or when I was up with insomnia, wondering if X, Y, or Z would work? In that case, yes, this period is very similar: I either cry on the way to bed or stay up with insomnia, running through all my worries for the next few months.
Next.
I quit the list after six items, realizing that this list was for someone else, not me. I’m happier cooking for four than two if I’m cooking at all. If we’re doing laundry for two, we can do laundry for four. Water savings are lovely, but it’s not really saving. We’re just moving around where the water is used. And underneath it all, I want to be wanted. I want to be needed. And this list was all about not being needed anymore.
And that may be the hardest part of all of this. I’ve done my job and am now told by the universe that it’s time to retire.
3 comments
Everyone needs their mom forever. Everyone. Some people are unlucky, and get a mom that no one wants, but even that doesn’t negate their need for A mom, and so they find surrogates. You will continue to be wanted and needed. You will not get to see them and talk to them with the same frequency. And that will make you feel left out, which is a terrible feeling. That’s why you have to fill the void with something else – friends, new hobbies, etc. And you’ll do that with the idea that it is something that can be dropped at a moment’s notice, if one of the twins needs you.
But what you should do right now is…get another guinea pig. 🙂
I give a talk to parents during orientation that deals with being needed. I remind them that they ARE very much needed, even if not in the same ways. But the loss is real. I acknowledge that too, for anyone who needs to hear it. I wish more people would.
I have no words of wisdom for you, but am sending hugs.