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Squirrels Ate My Car

An update about the car situation. The mechanic called us yesterday. I was correct. There was a gas smell. This was because a squirrel ATE THROUGH THE FUEL LINE.

The mechanic thought this was due to the fact that I don’t drive the car very often. Apparently squirrels like dormant cars. But I know better. A few weeks ago, a squirrel was being sexually assaulted by another squirrel in my yard. I ran outside, clapping my hands loudly, buying the one squirrel time to scamper away. I believe it was the bad squirrel who came back to mess with my car. I cannot prove this, but it helps me to direct all of my ire at that squirrel who attempted murder.

Because that’s the outcome of driving a car with a chewed through fuel line — it can potentially catch fire.

The mechanic is replacing the fuel line and has given us a list of things to try to deter squirrels, including driving the car. Imagine that. A friend passed along an article from the New York Times about rats chewing through car parts. And Josh found this article of a few more things to try.

Because I’m not going to stop coming out there to break up rough squirrel sex on my lawn. That isn’t an option.

7 comments

1 Beth { 08.10.22 at 8:42 am }

Squirrels. The worst. We are plagued by criminal chipmunks so I stand with you in solidarity against these neighborhood terrorists. Good for you for being an upstander when you witnessed an assault. I hope the offender is apprehended soon and you don’t require witness protection.

2 a { 08.10.22 at 8:48 am }

You and your squirrels…

3 Maya { 08.10.22 at 8:49 am }

I thank you for your courageous bystander intervention into Squirrel sexual assault!

And I’m so glad your car didn’t catch on fire due to squirrel retaliation.

There’s acres of green things everywhere at the moment, but squirrels seem to love to dig up only the green things in my porch planters. I’ve sprinkled pepper to ward them off… to no avail.

4 HereWeGoAJen { 08.10.22 at 9:09 am }

A squirrel put out a hit on you.

5 loribeth { 08.10.22 at 3:11 pm }

You know MY feelings about squirrels…! (Destructive little buggers…!) Glad you are all safe.

6 Mali { 08.11.22 at 1:23 am }

But squirrels are so cute! (Says the woman from the squirrel-free country at the bottom of the world. lol)

7 AnneB { 08.15.22 at 6:04 pm }

My mom has had squirrels do damage to her car in Colorado. My co-worker had an issue parked at my office. The Denver International Airport had a problem with rabbits. It is crazy! Hopefully you can deter them from causing future damage. https://www.cbsnews.com/colorado/news/rabbits-wreaking-havoc-on-cars-at-dia/

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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