How To Say Mind Your Business Without Saying Mind Your Business
Okay, so Carolyn Hax actually starts her advice with: “You don’t have to tell people to mind their own business … You don’t have to respond to people, period. You have so much power here, and always do. You get to choose what you say.”
The advice is for a person who doesn’t want to say why they’re not drinking, but it’s applicable to any nosy questioner. I am terrible at using silence, but it’s a skill worth perfecting because there is so much power in simply not answering what you don’t feel comfortable answering.
As Carolyn says, all you need to do is “either ignore the comments as if they never happened or, other end of the scale, make silent eye contact with an eyebrow-raise.”
4 comments
This is how we do it in the Midwest. If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Silence is SO uncomfortable.
Doesn’t work as well, in say, California, where they don’t have that culture and are more likely to keep asking. But possibly you’re also more likely to feel comfortable telling people it’s not their business.
This is so hard but does work well. I have to practice not filling awkward silences. I’ve also learned to respond “Why do you ask?” Which sometimes works as well.
I love this! It’s something I advocate for on No Kidding – the fact that we don’t have to answer people’s questions. We don’t have to justify our decisions to anyone. Now, if it was just that easy! lol
PS. I like Beth’s “Why do you ask?” response too.
I remember Miss Manners recommended “Why do you ask?” when confronted with nosy questions. 🙂