Unreasonably Sad
There is this man who worked at the post office, who watched my kids grow up and always chatted with me while I mailed a package. I didn’t know him well — for instance, until this week, I didn’t know he had a kid a little older than the twins — but I saw him every time I got the mail.
He died this week; a heart attack a few months before his retirement. I read about it on a town listserv; following the story from his hospitalization to the funeral announcement.
I told Josh that I felt unreasonably sad. Why unreasonably? Because he wasn’t a close friend or really any friend at all. He was just someone I liked. Someone who added to my day. Who was amused by the twins when they were little and calmed my fears when my passport went missing in the mail. He was just a good person, and the world was a little colder without him in it.
I felt it would be unreasonable to ask for time off to watch the livestream of the funeral. Again, how do you say that you want an hour to watch the funeral of a town member? I could imagine the question: “Oh, were you close?” And then the answer is no. We weren’t close. I just cared.
I will have the funeral playing on mute; off to the side of my computer, known only to me. I would like to say goodbye, even if I can’t hear the speeches. I kind of know what they’re going to say. That he was a kind guy, full of patience, who made the world better. And now he’s gone.
9 comments
Why would you say you’re unreasonably sad? Seems entirely reasonable to me. You’re sad that someone you saw occasionally will no longer be there. You’re sad that someone you were acquainted with will not be able to enjoy retirement. You’re sad that someone who was of a similar age to your kids lost their dad.
But, this is why we have personal time at my work…
I’m sorry for your loss. Yes, this was a loss, even if the two of you weren’t close, and I think it’s appropriate for you to want to say goodbye.
I’m sorry for your loss. These kinds of relationships that we perceive as ‘casual’ have so much meaning. They ground us in a place and make it feel like home. I hope the funeral gives you a sense of peace and connectedness. You have such a kind heart.
I don’t think it is unreasonable to be sad about this. This is a community loss–someone within your general community of being. His loss will be felt by you and that is reason enough. May we all be missed in such a way.
It’s okay if you weren’t close. He was still important to you. Familiar friendly faces are invaluable. Plus, his death IS sad. It’s okay to grieve.
I agree with @Phoenix and others above me. I’m sorry for your loss, and sorry that this lovely man passed away before getting to enjoy his retirement.
I’m sorry for your loss, Mel. Sounds like he and his kindness had been a structural part of your life for a long time. And yes, and Melissa said, you too have a very kind heart.
I meant to say “as Melissa J said” (not “and…”)
He was someone who improved your day when you encountered him. It’s perfectly normal to feel sad. And lovely that you want to honour him.