Category — Friday Blog Roundup

I used to have a friend in college who annoyed the ever-loving crap out of me by leaving his used tea bags (the actual kind, not the urban dictionary kind) on plates in his kitchen so he could reuse the bags several times.

I always felt terrible accepting a cup of tea because the saving of the tea bag signaled to me that this was an expense that worried him, a treat that needed to be rationed.  But even if I bought him tea, he would still save the tea bags, insisting that it was wasteful to throw them out until they had been used many times.  This annoyed me because it meant the dishes were never finished because there were always one or two more holding tea bags.  Sometimes the counter was littered with a multitude of little plates and wilted tea bags.

I bought a box of vanilla rooibos to try from the local organic market this week, and I liked the first cup so much that I left the tea bag on a plate so I could make another cup in a moment without having to grab the step stool to reach the cabinet again.  Every time I passed the plate, I thought of him and his annoying plated tea bag collection.  I almost took a picture and mailed it to him.  I wonder if he still saves his tea bags.

Do you?  Do you save your tea bag and use it a second time?  What about third?  At what point do you toss it?

I am also curious about your teapinions — which teas you like that I might like.  Here’s what I’m looking for — decaf or mostly decaf.  Nothing that falls under the category of “weird ass shit.”  I think you know exactly what I mean by this.  It’s when you’re reading the ingredients list and it has something like dried placenta as one of the items.  And while you may think I am making this up, go peruse the tea section at your local organic market and you’ll find some things that will shock and amuse you, making you do that laughing/crying thing simultaneously while dropping the box.

Beyond that, I don’t do things like beet juice.  I just don’t.  If you list dried beets as an ingredient, you have lost me.  It also took me a long time to move onto drinking rooibos, just to give you a sense of how squeamish I am about trying new things.  I still have not tried Yerba Mate.  I don’t do ginseng.

So, for a squeamish pussy tea-drinker like me, what do you have?  Especially stuff that’s decaf because do you honestly think I need more caffeine in my diet?

In case you are wondering about my teapinions, mostly so you don’t have to shell out $10 a box to try a tea you’ve never had, here are my thoughts on some recent purchases:

• Strawberry Chocolate (The Republic of Tea): uh… okay?  It’s sort of growing on me.  It’s one of those teas where I will finish the case, but I don’t know if I’ll buy again.  If you like berry teas, you’ll probably love this one, but I’m not a huge fan of berry teas, so it’s so-so for me.
• Organic Vanilla Rooibos (Equal Exchange): excellent.  I purchased a second box when I was only a few bags into the first box because I could tell that I’d want more in the future.  Liked that it was simple, sweet enough to not need sugar, and didn’t contain weird ass shit such as dried human fingernail clippings.
• Decaffeinated Chai (Twinings): I’ve tried a lot of chais, and this is probably my favourite so far.  Again, I can recognize every ingredient on the list and my tongue can recognize every ingredient as well.

So, your teapinions?

*******

Family Act of 2011 was introduced into Congress last week by Senator Gillibrand, which is a tax credit to cover out-of-pocket costs for infertility.  Interested in seeing this become a law?  Click over to Resolve to get involved.

*******

I am going to an all-ladies open jam session this weekend, which is a night that a bunch of thirty-something and forty-something women get together, drink beer, and play music.  The songs were picked a week or two ago, and they told me what to learn when I signed up to be part of the group.  They meet about once a month.  Not sure what to expect — how far behind skill-wise I am from the rest of the group, whether I learned the correct chords for the songs, whether I’m going to look like an ass, whether I’m going to meet some really cool women to hang out with once a month.  Will let you know how it turns out.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Envy, Atheism, and Neil Gaiman” (Mommy Odyssey)
• “My ‘Expressing Motherhood’ Story” (Life Without Baby)
• “And Yet” (An Unwanted Path)
• “Out-Grieve Me” (The Mompetition)
• “Just Relax” (Are You Listening?)

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Hairy Farmer’s Family about Turbo squeezed at my heart; not just because it is a difficult situation, a sea of suck, a tenuous time period, but because despite all of that, the post is so beautifully written.  And below the words is this undercurrent, this understanding of a mother’s love.

You too will find yourself singing Still Life with Circle’s song: “she is strong / she is brave / she can do anything she waaaaaaaaaants to do.”  And your breath will catch with this line: “It seems a strange habit to try to control the passage of time by sheer will.”  Aaaah, but this is the thought that killed me: “Ironically, the only permanent thing I know in my life is that Lucy is dead. Everything else I can hold in my arms is a lesson in impermanence and that scares the shit out of me.”  Can you believe how beautiful this post is?

I love Tales of a Batty Nurse’s post about attending the Prince concert.  It contains this thought: “Yes, it would have been more fun with someone but if I’ve learned nothing else from my life, I’ve learned that I can sit home thinking about what I would like to be doing and wishing I had someone to do things with or I can just go do them myself.”  I love her differentiation between “alone” and “independent.”  It’s a lovely post.

Lastly, I like this post about having a second child at Unwellness.  I really liked the beginning — the contrast of the wet walk to holding a baby chick.  And then it enters the well-trod territory of trying to make sense of family building; of how do you know and what if you can’t make it happen and what are you willing to try.  There are never simple answers for anyone; with someone infertile, there are added layers.  It’s not about finding the perfect  answer; it’s about finding peace of heart.

The roundup to the Roundup: What tea do you like?  Support the Family Act of 2011.  Wish me luck at the open jam.  And lots of great blog posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 13 and May 20) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

It’s funny; before I posted the blog name post, I was pretty much 100% positive that I wanted to change the name.  Felt at peace about it.  Really loved the other name and felt it fit me perfectly.

And then you guys talked.  And you mentioned the “S” in Stirrup Queens (the one at the end of the word, not the one at the beginning), and I realized that the plurality was a big part of who I am; much moreso than this joke-like title that the ChickieNob and I laughed about one day.  Which is a title in singular.

I think I will take Cradles and Graves suggestion to make it a section of this blog; a small part of the larger whole.  I will still get to use it, only in a smaller capacity.

The problem, of course, is what to put in that space.

Password protected posts?  That’s not really me.

Photographs? I take a lot of them, but usually only to preserve memories.  And without the story, the photograph is sort of worth less (not worthless, but worth less).  And with the words, why not just run them as a regular blog post?

Recipes?  It didn’t really excite me.

Short stories and snippets from chapters I’m working on?  Maybe?

I guess I am looking for something that makes sense to separate it from the main blog.  Because if it’s not self-contained, what is the point?

*******

I am having massive anxiety about kindergarten ending.  On one hand, I want school to be over.  I am done with this school thing.  I’m done with the lunch boxes and homework and racing out of the house at an ungodly hour so we’re not late (I’ll admit that we are an incredibly lazy, slow-moving family).  But I am beyond freaked out for that last day because that last day means that I can no longer say that I have kindergarteners.  After that day, they’ll be first graders.  And that doesn’t sound babyish.

I can’t even write this without crying.

I know that they will be exactly the same age before and after.  That they won’t suddenly change overnight; refuse my kisses and tuck-ins.  But it is the same feeling that came with turning 35.  I was still the same Melissa, but it felt like this wall looming in front of me that once I stepped over, everything changed.

I am well aware that all people need to age.  That I could have a dozen children like a freakin’ human opossum and still need to go through this with the last one.  All puppies turn into dogs.  All babies turn into sulky teenagers.  There is no way to stop this, and I know that “fair” isn’t being used correctly in this instance, but… by fuck… it’s not fair.

Forgive me if I’m moody in the denouement to the year.  I am having a really hard time with them growing up this month.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “One of Those Girls” (Single Infertile Female)
• “A Public Service Announcement” (By the Brooke)
• “Hope” (Sprogblogger)
• “A Conversation with Painting” (Still Life with Circles)
• “Remember Us on Sunday” (Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed)
• “On My Mind” (SassyMama)
• “Orphaned and Eldered at 40” (Waiting for the Ukulele)
• “I’m Not Fat, I’m Big Boned” (Bring on the Babies)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Nuts in May has a post that starts out so brilliantly that I would argue that she hit the mark she wished to reach: “I have Bloggers Block. What I want, is to write something (something? anything!) of searing beauty, or utter hilarity, or elegant irony, or intense meaning, or, of course, all four because the English Language, she is my bitch. What we’ve got is a sort of low-grade flu of the intellect.”  Wasn’t that so damn good?  Plus her point about thanking your mother on Facebook when your mother isn’t even on Facebook made me snicker.  Aloud.

Marriage 2.0 has a post about rejoining Weight Watchers that resonated with me because… well… we sound very much the same.  It had me musing to myself how you bring about that internal spark that goads you into buckling down and getting serious.  Doing it right.  Doing it with support. (Whatever “it” is in your world.)

Our Family Beginnings has a post about adoption that I’d like to show to everyone who says “just adopt” in order to have them understand the intricacies that come with the process.  The very real people involved in the triad, the banging-your-head-against-the-wall paperwork, the waiting.  It’s just an every day post, unleashing frustrations, but I thought about it long after I clicked away.

Lastly, I had to include Baby Smiling in Back Seat’s incredibly moving Mother’s Day post.  It is brief, but it packs an enormous punch, especially the realization about 2010 that comes at the end.

The roundup to the Roundup: Keeping the name, but trying to incorporate the new one somehow.  Having trouble with the concept of everyone aging.  And lots of great blog posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 6 and May 13) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Much more exciting than that Sunday-holiday-which-shall-not-be-named is Saturday’s Free Comic Book Day.  It has been on my calendar for several months now, and we planned the day around a trip to my favourite comic book store.

I know — Josh likes to say that I’m a 12-year-old boy trapped in a woman’s body.

I’m not that excited about any of the ones they’re giving away, but that’s sort of not the point since I obviously have the means to buy whatever $2.99 comic books I want.  The day is a celebration of the almighty comic book.  It’s to get new readers to think about graphic novels.  It’s to bring back readers who have been away for a long time.

So we’ll be there since I wanted to pick up the rest of the Daytripper series (Gabriel Ba and Fabio Moon are my favourite artists — not just because they’re twins — their drawings/inking work is gorgeous).  And to show you just how cool comic books can be, here is a video of Moon inking a drawing.

*******

Instead of ComOnNaPro, I want to try something new this week and if people like it, will figure out how to keep it going indefinitely.  In other words, add your feedback about this idea in general in your comment so I can gauge interest.

We are approaching the 5th anniversary of the Friday Blog Roundup (I know, freakin’ crazy).  And in honour of this fact, I’d like to kick off the next five years with an idea I introduced over at BlogHer in my new section (are you reading my new Blogging & Social Media section?  Because you should.  You can even subscribe to it so you only get the posts in my section: http://www.blogher.com/topicrss/10/10/feed as well as follow me on Twitter at @BlogHerBlogging).

This is how the new idea would work:

Every Friday Blog Roundup would continue to look as normal — my blatherings at the top and a roundup of a few posts that I read this week that stuck with me (I get asked this a lot, so I’ll just answer it here — the posts that I feature are simply posts that I read and was still thinking about after I walked away from the screen.  That’s my only criteria for choosing them) — but the comment section would become an open thread of the best posts you read this week.

So it would be more of a conversation of great posts — a big Stone Soup approach to sharing must-read posts, focused entirely on posts WITHIN our community (in other words, anything ALI-related which is the only guideline I use for constructing the Roundup.  If the blog fits somewhere on the blogroll, their posts can fit in the Roundup).  BUT the second part is that each week, I’d gather up all the posts left in the thread and post them a second time in the body of the next Roundup under a section called “second helpings.”  So you’d see the posts a few times — in the comment section during the week and again in the “second helping” section of the next Roundup.  So really good posts have an extra two week lifespan.

Makes sense?

So if you want to participate, here’s what you should do:

• Read posts and bookmark anything that really strikes you during the week (this week, for instance, runs April 29–May 6).
• Once I post the weekly Roundup, leave a comment with a link to the blog post you want people to read as well as a brief explanation.  Please include the brief explanation.  My blurbs are not only to entice you, but to give you a heads up before you click over since not every person is in a mental space to read every post.
• Yes, you can leave more than one post, but please curate thoughtfully.  In other words, ask yourself if this is something you think everyone needs to read because it really resonated with you or you’re really proud of it.
• Yes, you can nominate one of your own posts.  You can highlight someone else’s post or you can highlight your own.  Be proud of your words and stand by them — you did the work, you thought the thoughts, own it and shout it.
• Come back and read the thread throughout the week.  The thread remains open from Friday until the following Wednesday.  Any comments added after Wednesday evening will not be included in the “second helping” section, though feel free to still leave comments since people may be checking the old threads in the future.
• I will scoop up all posts left and run the links (though not the explanations due to length) in the next Roundup in a special new section titled “second helpings.”  This next Roundup will also look the same as usual (with the additional new section), and a new open thread will start again.

Makes sense?  So get started this week.  Posts must be published between April 29th and May 6th to be included.  Anything that doesn’t fit that guideline or that isn’t part of the ALI-community will not be included.  And as you read this week, bookmark so you’ll be prepared for the next open thread.

And for this first time, please give me feedback on what you think of this idea.  No one has to participate, no one has to read it, but it’s there to highlight more posts.  Think of it like our own, private, ALI-StumbleUpon.  I still want to point out the great stuff I read during the week, but this gives you a chance to point out the great stuff you read during the week, all in one, succinct space.  And people bored, looking for good posts, can always come to the thread and find one.  And frankly, I think it can be eye-opening to see which posts that you wrote resonated with another person enough for them to add it to the list.  As well as for other readers to see which posts you are most proud of that you added to the list.

*******

And now, the blogs…

I’m not sure how one can read Mrs. Spit’s post “How to Live Forever” and not cry.  In a note to her son, she explains how another blogger walked to raise money for March of Dimes in his name, though prior to the event, the blogger lost her own son.  I bawled reading: “You are remembered. Your memories as close as our breath. You have entirely outlived your tiny bodies, and your presence reminds us of the need for mercy and goodness. You are not here, but you are not gone.”  Absolutely gorgeous.

Kate, Uncensored has a post musing about whether she would undo her experience with infertility if this were possible.  She explains, “I’ve often said that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. Yet, I wouldn’t wish it away for myself. I have learned so much about myself throughout the process and since.”  I love her list — what would you add to yours?

Fertility Challenged in Florida unpacks the idea of having a second child.  Namely, why they will never put themselves back on the trying-to-conceive roller coaster but how they may build their family a different way.  It was a very interesting read.

Lastly, The Long Way Around has a post about other people’s baby announcements.  Namely, the joy she is expected to feel upon hearing someone’s news.  She writes, “I think people assume that just because you are now trying to conceive and have babies on the brain, that any baby news is going to bring you joy.  What they don’t realize is that after you have suffered a miscarriage, others’ baby news is the last thing you want to hear about.”  She gives a great breakdown, separating the news from the expectation.  Go weigh in on her question.

The roundup to the Roundup: It’s Free Comic Book Day!  What do you think of the open thread idea to carry forth the Roundup into the next 5 years (I sort of want it up and running before the anniversary in a few weeks)?  And lots of great posts to read.  In fact, there could be more great posts to read: add them into the comment section below and then come back later to see what other posts have been added (and please read the posts).

As you read this, I am watching the royal wedding.  Not only did I keep the kids out of school for this, but the reason I gave for their absence was “watching the royal wedding” because I have no shame.  We are eating tea sandwiches and scones and speaking in terrible British accents. (The ChickieNob has been practicing for days!)  I am not wearing a hat even though that was part of the original plan because I have two more things I need to go to today and I don’t want hat hair.

I shaved my legs for this.

We’re watching it with my mother because I watched Diana’s wedding with my mother.  And we are dressed up because this is a party, damnit.

Silly, yes, but 10 years from now, I suspect the twins will remember how their mother let them stay home from school to watch this wedding.  They’ll remember the scones and how the ChickieNob and I both wore tiaras.  What they would have never remembered was a random day of kindergarten.

So I am watching it.  Without shame.  And I’ll cry when they kiss.  Just because I’m like that.

Are you watching?  What is your favourite moment thus far (or, if you’re reading this after the wedding, what was your favourite moment overall)?

*******

ComOnNaPro (Comment on NaBloPoMo Prompt): Talk about the best wedding you ever attended.

*******

There have been so many fantastic myth-busting posts this week for NIAW.  I chose one for the Roundup, but wanted to give people a chance to list their NIAW post so people could read ones they missed.  Feel free to add your blog post below.  Please use the permalink url for the post and not the main url for your blog.  I will be deleting the entries that simply go to a main url for a blog since they’re meaningless for people searching for NIAW posts in the future.  This linky list will close next Friday.

Now go bust some myths.

*******

And now, the blogs…

Forever Reaching explains that not every person without children is that way by choice.  She explains what led them to resolve their infertility by living child-free after going through a long, emotional journey through treatments.  She explains, “We want children, we really do. But we wanted our lives, our selves, our marriage back from the black hole infertility brought them to.”  Infertility changed them and by default, changed their relationship.  I love this post because it points out the far-reaching effects of infertility.  It’s not just about a uterus; it’s about your heart.

The Other End of the Speculum has a post about taking a break from Facebook.  She has been posting information for NIAW online.  She writes, “Apparently, my blogs and postings have begun to ‘annoy’ some people on my friends list. They have commented and messaged me about my incessant infertility posts.”  And she asks an excellent question: “I don’t understand, if women are allowed to post status updates about their ‘baby bumps’ and ‘pregnancy woes’, why am I not allowed to post informative blogs and articles regarding infertility?”  The post continues on to explain how infertility has changed her.  Great opportunity for discussion.

Lastly, Serenity Now has a post about knowing that she’s done, but balancing that with reactions on the Internet.  This is one of the most brilliant insights I’ve read in a while: “Part of my responsibility of being a blogger, I think, is really grasping the idea that my readers have a lot of different mind-views when they read what I’ve written. Understanding that the comments I receive on my posts are infused with other mind-view. Which is sort of like going on a journey in someone else’s viewpoint. Except that right now, I’m in a place in my life where I want to really understand MYSELF.”  Go over and read the whole post.

*******

The roundup to the Roundup: I’m watching the royal wedding, are you?  Answer ComOnNaPro (best wedding you ever attended).  Add your NIAW post to the linky feature or visit some blogs.  And lots of great blog posts to read.

So there was actually a reason to why I wanted to pull back from writing for a bit and just read through my Google Reader.  On Monday, I start a new position at BlogHer.  I am the section editor for the newly launched Blogging & Social Media section of the site.

So what does that mean?  It means that I am curating, syndicating, and assigning out any posts having to do with blogging, commenting, Twitter, Facebook, etc.  It also means that several times a week, I am highlighting a blogger or pointing you towards amusing tweets or celebrating someone else’s blog project.

In other words, I am essentially hired to read blogs.  And then to help cull out the amazing posts, spaces, tweets that I think other people should make sure they don’t miss.  My entire job is about directing people towards good posts and bloggers to read on the Internet.  Can you imagine a better job?

So, I wanted to just spend the week leading up to the kick off reading.  I’ve gotten behind in blog reading; it’s easy to do.  But now I’m back.

*******

Cherry blossoms are the pigeons of the tree world.  If you live in the DC area, they are everywhere.  Tourists think they look pretty — and they sort of do — but the trees make the tourists stop and gawk on the sidewalk in the same way that the pigeons do.  The tiny petals blow into our house every time we open the door, which means that I need to vacuum three or four times a day.  People track them through the house on the bottoms of their shoes which makes me curse them.  I recently started calling the petals “rats with wings” as we do the pigeons which Josh said was confusing since the petals were neither an animal nor had wings.  But still — for something that lasts for a very short period of time (cherry blossom time is maybe three weeks long), they are a huge pain in my ass.

*******

I would just like to write a tiny ode to technology.  I have no fashion sense, therefore, I need to ask people fashion advice before I leave the house so I don’t embarrass myself.  One day only Josh was around, which was no help at all.  So I went on Skype and called Calliope.  And I could stand in my living room and try on stuff and show it to her — all over the Internet!  How crazy is that?  And then walk out of the house with confidence?

I love video calls.

*******

Remember how I’m offering one NaBloPoMo prompt in the Roundup to entice you to one day commit to doing NaBloPoMo?  It’s a chance to test in a comment if you have the brain power to do a full month of NaBloPoMo.

So try your hand at a single prompt each week and if you can think of an answer, perhaps consider doing the entire month at some point.

ComOnNaPro (Comment on NaBloPoMo Prompt): If you could have a tree in your yard that would sprout anything, what type of tree would you have?

You can either answer this in a comment, or if you’re moved to do so, answer it in a post on your blog and then come back here and let me know the permalink to the post.

*******

And now, the blogs…

A Half Baked Life has a post about what fuels a blog.  She explains: “I think that our stories–regardless of what those stories are about, whether it’s food, or running, or pets, or children, or infertility, or meditation, or Capitol Hill–are advocacy, for a way of life, for an approach to the world.”  It’s really a fascinating post on redefining advocacy — broadening the definition.  And it may just make you a better blogger to read it, especially if you’ve been wondering about your blog’s direction. (And there’s a recipe to boot.)

Four of a Kind has a moving post about taking the statistical bullet and pairs it with a story about her father that will make you rethink the whole start of the post where she explains that she is that someone in the sentence, “it has to happen to someone.”  It is about re-examining suffering from two different angles.

Lastly, I’m a Smart One explains why it took her so long to return to blogging.  She writes, “The logic of mind reasoned rightfully that I had no cause to feel guilt. The affective capriciousness of heart told me that not only should I feel guilt, but that I also deserved guilt. The opposing sides canceled each other out at best and crusted into a stiff stalemate at worst.”  It is about not fighting the silence, but instead embracing that period of time and how she came through it to the other side.

The roundup to the Roundup: Starting a new job at BlogHer on Monday.  Not loving the cherry blossoms.  All hail Skype and giving fashion advice from afar.  Answer the ComOnNaPro.  And lots of great blogs to read.

That ComOnNaPro one more time: If you could have a tree in your yard that would sprout anything, what type of tree would you have?