Category — Friday Blog Roundup

Seriously?  They needed a study in order to prove that if we had insurance coverage, we would actually elect to do single embryo transfers?  Did they actually think infertile women (and men) WANT to transfer multiple embryos and deal with those risks?  It didn’t occur to them that perhaps we make those choices because we’re paying out the nose for each cycle?  No?  Not obvious?

We’ve all been writing about this for years.  It seriously pains me that this is news.  But now that it is, for the love, give us insurance coverage because it will save money for all on the back-end.  NPR says so.

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I am very much in love with post-it notes.  I always have a couple of pads around the house to jot down ideas or random things I’m trying to remember or construct to-do lists.  The ChickieNob recently asked me for her own pack of post-it notes because she had terribly important work that needed to get done.  I acquiesced, laying down a bunch of ground rules as to where post-it notes could be left after finding them lining the upstairs hallway.

She recently turned her play kitchen into her home office.

I was going to write something snarky about her terribly important work and then thought better of it when I looked down at the inane commentary I’ve  scribbled on the post-it notes on my desk.  Touche.

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I shaved my legs for the first time this week since the beginning of winter.  Which means that, yes, I did go to that fancy winter wedding in a long ball gown with hairy legs.  And no one was the wiser.

I actually not only hate to shave my legs, but I actually like how it looks au natural.  Shaving my legs is the one thing I do for public appearance.  I don’t wear make-up, I don’t dye my hair, but I’ll shave my legs to blend in with the majority.  I don’t really have a reason for why I choose to do this.  It defies reason why I care.  Yet I do.  So out comes the razor when the weather gets warmer.

Where do you stand on the shaving leg front?

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Remember how I’m offering one NaBloPoMo prompt in the Roundup to entice you to one day commit to doing NaBloPoMo?  It’s a chance to test in a comment if you have the brain power to do a full month of NaBloPoMo.

So try your hand at a single prompt each week and if you can think of an answer, perhaps consider doing the entire month at some point.

ComOnNaPro (Comment on NaBloPoMo Prompt): What three words do you hope other people use to describe you?

You can either answer this in a comment, or if you’re moved to do so, answer it in a post on your blog and then come back here and let me know the permalink to the post.

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And now, the blogs…

Things get If’fy has a post about questions you can’t answer.  It’s a wisp of a post — it travels from one if to another (if she answers this way, if Linnea fell different…).  But it’s powerful in its quietness.

Three Little Birds has a beautiful post about sex and missing her husband.  I’m not sure why I found this so touching, but I did.  It’s one of those posts that I sat thinking about for a long time, wondering why I was so moved by it.  And unable to come up with the words, I instead send it out there so you can be moved by it too.

Tippy and Tidy’s Tumultuous Trip to Toddlers has a post about hanging out with her sisters in the city.  These trips recharge her because “…besides the good food, drink and dressing up, it’s also great to be reminded that there are a lot of women out there near my age who aren’t mom’s yet and that’s… ok!”  It’s an excellent reminder that this reality exists — even if the reality that surrounds you is otherwise.

Lastly, Delayed in DINKville has a post about opening up to friends and family about their infertility.  She explains all the times when she didn’t tell others what they were going through and what became the tipping point where she sent a letter that she held onto as a draft for months.  She writes, “I’m so glad that we sent it. Sending the e-mail felt liberating.  It felt like the right time to finally “out” ourselves.  I felt like I got rid of a huge weight I had been carrying around.”  The post, of course, is an excellent reminder that NIAW is right around the corner beginning on the 24th.  And I loved reading the aftermath from sending the letter.

The roundup to the Roundup: the whole family is now overusing post-its.  Shaved my legs — how about you?  ComOnNaPro.  And lots of great posts to read.

I have a lot to say, but my thoughts are a jumbly mess.  I don’t think now would be a good time to try to place them down in a post.  Nor does it feel right to not write about it and write about something else, if that makes any sense.

Whenever I use the term “jumbly,” I think about Edward Lear’s poem, “The Jumblies.”  It reminds me of one of my closet friends who biked through SE Asia (hello, sweetest).  I believe I told her that she was wonderful AND crazy before she left.  And I definitely told her that she was wonderful, crazy, and lucky when she returned.

They went to sea in a Sieve, they did,
In a Sieve they went to sea:
In spite of all their friends could say,
On a winter’s morn, on a stormy day,
In a Sieve they went to sea!
And when the Sieve turned round and round,
And every one cried, ‘You’ll all be drowned!’
They called aloud, ‘Our Sieve ain’t big,
But we don’t care a button! we don’t care a fig!
In a Sieve we’ll go to sea!’
Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a Sieve.

If you don’t know this poem, I would click over and read the whole thing.  I think it should be handed out at every graduation, read by everyone who is at any crossroad.

When I hear that poem, I think about the people who take chances and the people who point out the rational facts and the people who go down in a sieve and those who somehow make it to the other side.  And is it all just luck?  Or is there something more to it?

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As I said in the NaBloPoMo post:

NaBloPoMo is also a good fit because it is now the receptacle of my daily, unending string of questions, which have now been shunted into daily writing prompts.  One of which I will offer each week in Roundup to entice you to one day commit to doing NaBloPoMo.  I’m calling it ComOnNaPro (Comment on NaBloPoMo Prompt) — a chance to test in a comment if you have the brain power to do a full month of NaBloPoMo.

So try your hand at a single prompt each week and if you can think of an answer, perhaps consider doing the entire month at some point.

ComOnNaPro: Discuss a friendship that has sprouted from interactions on the Internet.

You can either answer this in a comment, or if you’re moved to do so, answer it in a post on your blog and then come back here and let me know the permalink to the post.

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And now, the blogs…

Wonderfully Ordinary has a post about going home as well as caring for aging parents.  It is something I hadn’t considered before, and as someone in advance maternal age, it has given me food for thought about the future of my children.  The point she makes is that while all children will turn around and care for their parents, she is doing it at a much younger age than most people since her parents were older when they had her.  She writes, “It doesn’t feel that long ago that we used to joke about that and now it’s here.  So I knew this would happen, but I didn’t know it would happen now.”  Is it hard to read — yes.  But I think it’s also important to hear even if there is nothing one can do to change a situation.

When she found herself being mocked on a message board, Write Mind Open Heart countered with this thoughtful post about why she is anti anti-open adoption (she may also be pro-open adoption, but there is actually a distinct difference she is making here).  It’s an interesting read and a thought-provoking read, but it’s also a even-handed response that provides Googlers who come over from the fray with the other side.

Twice the Fun (Plus One)’s post about her unused name made me bawl.  As I said in my comment over there: “We have this name for our third child picked out and there is a little stretch of road that always makes me think of this name. I have to drive it several times a week and when I do, I think this name in my head. The twins are usually with me in the back seat when this happens and when it does, I feel both here and not here. At the same time.”  It’s an interesting thought — the child who is almost corporal who isn’t there, simply based on a name vs. a true existence.

Lastly, From IF to When has a post about fighting the good fight.  It goes through how infertility has changed her, has turned her into a person who feels the need to fight back.  This line took my breath away: “Sticks and stones never hurt my bones. Words did, a little. But taking away my womanhood ruined me.”  The comments (especially amiracle4us) are worth reading too.

The roundup to the Roundup: More to say when I get my thoughts straightened out, but until then, cogitate on Lear’s “The Jumblies.”  Answer ComOnNaPro.  And lots of good posts to read.

Josh wanted me to do an April Fools Day Roundup linking all the blog posts listed below to porn.  And I told him I wouldn’t.  Not because I love you and respect you, but because I hate April Fools Day.

After I wrote that paragraph, I read it aloud to Josh who commented that it made him sound like he knew anything about Internet porn.  In actuality as I write this, Josh is reading War and Peace on his blackberry. (His goal was to read the longest free book he could find on the smallest Kindle screen.)

I’m not sure I just elevated your opinion of Josh with that last thought.

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I’m just going to be honest here: I fucked up this entire week.  I didn’t get anything accomplished that I wanted to get accomplished.  The house is a wreck — piles of random papers on the kitchen table, toys across the living room floor, unfolded laundry.  I’m phoning it all in at the moment.  ChickieNob asked me if I wanted them to clean up the living room and I said, “nah.”  What sort of person tells other people not to clean up their clutter?

I didn’t practice guitar enough.  I got frustrated with the song I was working on and pretty much quit because it was making me feel like a loser.  I’m sure I’ll regret that action at my next guitar lesson.  I ate like shit when I ate at all.  I ate french fries for dinner one night.  I meant to make a protein with them, but I didn’t.  My email inbox is overflowing.  I didn’t replace guitar practice, cooking, or returning correspondence with anything amazing.  I couldn’t really tell you where this week went.

I don’t even know why I told you all of that except that it simply felt good to unload it.

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Most people know of my fear of mayonnaise — it is even part of my BlogHer profile because it felt like it was pretty much the most important thing someone should know about me.

Yesterday, I encountered a post on BlogHer about mayonnaise and I had to tweet about it.  So I closed my eyes and thought about England (isn’t that what you’re supposed to do during situations such as LH-surge sex and tweeting about mayo?) and wrote it.  And Lori saw and came back with this:

[blackbirdpie url=”http://twitter.com/LavLuz/status/53629223776169985″]

Could not stop laughing.

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Instead of the Weekly What If: what food item would you banish from this earth if given the power?

You might think I’d say mayo, but I’d actually choose chocolate-covered crickets because that would rid the world of crickets too.

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And now, the blogs…

Stumbling Gracefully has an interesting post about aging that gave a lot of food for thought.  In the first part of our life, we work towards all of these goals, and in the second part of life, we simply… well… live those goals.  It’s the ever after — whether it is happily or not.  And it’s her explanation at the end of how to relive the roller coaster or the forging of new roads (of creating your own new goals) that resonated with me.

Life of the Barely Sane has a post about open adoption and medical records.  About seeing your child ill and not having the answers to questions asked, and how that feels.  It is a post simply about the importance of knowledge — not just because it gives us information that can push us towards a solution, but because information can also make us feel settled.  And sometimes that is equally important — to know answers to yourself or to be able to provide them to a child.

CD1 Again has a post about defining family and a conversation she has with her step-daughter.  She explains that she needs to convey: “I’m her step-mom and I don’t want to take her mother’s place when she’s with us. I’m her friend, one of her parents, and someone who loves her very much. But at the same time, I have to make her understand that I would love to have been her mom, lest I make her think I don’t love her like a mom.”  I think what struck me is this idea of — within any relationship — wanting more.  I have certainly felt it as well as what she writes about how these relationships knock at the tender spot in an infertile woman’s heart.  It’s a post worth reading and thinking about.

Lastly, Empty Whole records the a-ha moments that took her out of mourning the end of the cycle.  The first is really interesting especially in regards to risk and what odds we would need to lay out that money on a cycle (vs. taking it to Vegas!).  But the second one just made me smile since I also read those signs and often hope they’ll somehow provide the answers I need.  And the one she passed is a damn good reminder.

The roundup to the Roundup: No April Fools joke here.  I really wasted this week.  I can’t believe I had to tweet about mayonnaise.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.

One day, before Josh and I got engaged, we were at his aunt’s house and I turned to him and said, “do you want to go to Paris?”  I’m not sure if it’s still around today, but I used to be able to get very cheap flights via a predecessor to STA.  Like I went to Dublin for a little over $100 cheap.  I had never been to Paris, and I was just feeling romantic.  I didn’t really expect him to agree or for my boss to give me the week off, but a few days later, I found myself on an airplane, going to Paris, with this boy I really really loved.

And it fucking rocked.  Not planning it made it that much better.

I’m not usually a very impulsive person, at least not when it comes to spending money.  I mean, I’ll impulsively take the wrong turn to see where the road goes, but it has been a long time since I’ve plunked down cash without thinking it through deeply.  I’m the sort who only goes to Starbucks when I’ve planned to go to Starbucks.  I won’t even spend $4 without thinking it through even though I know there is somewhat of a high that comes from the occasional frivolous purchase.

I commented to Josh last weekend that some of the Broadway theaters were raising money for Japan relief efforts by auctioning off tickets, though they were for a day of the week that we couldn’t possibly get to New York.  He asked if I wanted him to buy me theater tickets to see “American Idiot” before it closed.  Just because.  I said yes, but before we could hash out the idea, think it through ad nauseam, he walked downstairs, secured babysitting, and purchased two tickets.  Done.

I have to admit, my first thought was nausea at the idea that we just plunked down that money on theater tickets and we hadn’t debated it to death.  And then I got really excited over the idea of having a few hours of adult time to see a play.  It has been about six years since I’ve been to a Broadway show.

After he handed me the printed out tickets and assuaged my oh-my-G-d-what-have-we-done fears, he pointed out that it had been over ten years since we’ve done something like that.  Since we turned to each other and said, “what the hell, want to go to Paris just because we’re in love?”  And suddenly, those tickets seemed like the most romantic gesture in the world.

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The Weekly What If: What if you were given $300 and told you have three minutes to spend it (to decide what you want; not 3 minutes to haul yourself to the store).  You can’t donate it, you do-gooder.  What would you buy?

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I am performing? presenting? reading? existing? in a Girls Night Out event in Washington, D.C. on April 7th at 7:3o pm for Life from Scratch.  There will be cocktails.  There will be backstories.  There will be shmoozing and networking and simply chilling with equally cool Washingtonians like yourself.  Putting this out there in case anyone would like to come along.

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I normally don’t subject you to the Wolvog’s music simply because there is so much of it and he runs heavily towards gamelan, but I really loved this guitar piece he wrote this week.  I like how it keeps moving from chaos to order.  Oh, and this one is brief as opposed to the disc he handed me recently that ran 50+ minutes.  It was a very painful car ride.

[audio:https://www.stirrup-queens.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Song_converted.mp3]

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And now, the blogs…

IFSerenityNow has a post about using other people’s children as a barometer for the ones she doesn’t have.  She explains, “And every time I see my friend’s kids, the counting begins.  Seeing them is a constant reminder of how long we have been trying.  The journey that never stops.”  It’s a brief post, a sad post, but one that resonated with me.

Singular Desire has a really interesting post about a donor dilemma.  Namely, after never using the same donor twice, she wonders if she should return to the one who ultimately gave her a positive.  And beyond that, she muses on what her behaviour means; what hidden thoughts it reveals.  An interesting post.

Here We Go Again has a post about the in-betweenness of a mid-term loss.  While it’s technically classified as a miscarriage, she has had a miscarriage and this feels different, yet it also is distinct from a stillbirth.  Our language simply lacks in this department; we feel very unique things, yet our words lump all experiences together.  She writes so achingly: “There is something so, so different for a baby that I labored for, delivered, held, kissed, named, and called a funeral home for.  I’m in an in-between place, stuck between two definitions.”

Lastly, I loved this reminder about reaching out from Creating Motherhood.  She writes, “It’s the days after a tragedy that can be the hardest to deal with. The immediate rush of love and support sort of fades away and you are left standing on an island with a giant suitcase full of emotions and feel like there is no one there to help you unload them.”  She has a fantastic idea.

The roundup to the Roundup: I’m spontaneous every 10 years or so.  Answer the Weekly What If.  I’m doing an event in D.C. for Life from Scratch.  The Wolvog rocks out.  And lots of great posts to read.

I’m finding it difficult this week to get any traction on work.  Part of me feels like it would be better to just let it go, stop stressing, release myself from any feeling of pressure and try again next week.  Part of me knows that it’s really a waste of time to not be getting work done AND to spend the time beating myself up about it.  That part of me knows that if I’m not going to get anything accomplished the least I can do is count it as a mental vacation and take the time to read a book or watch a movie.  De-stress.

But instead of doing that, I spend all my time arguing with myself about the fact that I don’t deserve a break.  That I’m an idiot for wasting time when I could be working.  I am really hating my internal voice right now.

I wish I could slap her sometimes.

Please tell me it was something in the air and not my own fault.  Did you have trouble focusing this week?

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I haven’t gotten a chance to see the book yet, but Michael Barr, a blogger, put out a book about infertility from the male perspective called Swimming in Circles.  From the book information on Amazon:

Swimming in Circles provides an all-access pass into the private life of a couple faced with situations ranging from the embarrassing to the absurd, and decisions that are impossible one moment and incomprehensible the next. This truly unique memoir is told from the usually neglected male perspective and is filled with gallows humor peppered in between the depths of disappointment and the peaks of possibility.

It just feels like there’s a real dearth of the male perspective out there, so I thought I’d put this out there.

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The Weekly What If: What if you could read, internalize, and have a complete understanding of any work of literature without having to actually sit down and read it simply by touching the cover?  You could only do this with one book.  Which one would you choose?

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And now, the blogs…

Baby, Interrupted had a post about an accident that was avoided though the residue of what could have been still remains.  I read the post with my hand over my mouth.  She writes, “If I had been looking down, changing the radio station.  If I had been reaching into the back seat to retrieve her teething ring.  If I had taken the moment to glance at my phone.  If, if, if…”  The post will make your heart stop.

Sugar Donor had a post last Thursday that I didn’t read until Friday about a horrible, irreversible mistake with the doctor’s office.  I sat on commenting because it was so raw that I couldn’t pull my thoughts together; and I still can’t now.  She calls it a small part of the whole, but it’s not just the mistake, it’s what it represents.  She writes so heartbreakingly at the end of the post: “I literally have nothing from this pregnancy, nothing. No pictures, no connections, nothing.”  It’s the repetition of all the times the letters N and O come together in those two sentences that makes me want to scream for her.  Losing that information is both part of the whole and its own loss.  And my heart just went out to her.

Flotsam often asks good questions, and this post is about drawing your personal lines.  She promises this question ties into a specific post, one that hints that her line has been pushed (perhaps I’m reading too much into that?), and says, “How much do you let others dictate what remains private and what becomes public?”  The discussion is interesting as well.

Lastly, The Road Less Travelled has a post that made me smile about the pregnancy of fictive kin.  Maybe it’s because she captured in words the love and fear and longing and hope and excitement that she feels about this impending birth.  About how it will change things.

The roundup to the Roundup: Absolutely no ability to concentrate this week.  Book about the male perspective with infertility.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.