Has and Had at the Same Time

I’m back to being in a state of wanting something I can’t have. With infertility, the want was apparent. With life after active parenthood, the desire is less clear. I want them home. I want them to be little. I want them to need me and interact with me like they did for the last eighteen years. But it’s strange because inside all of that want is the conflicting feeling of wanting them to have an amazing time in college and loving seeing the world through their eyes and celebrating their independence.

I want that superpower that the guy in About Time had where he could relive any day he wished. And then, he could jump back to the present, simultaneously enjoying what he has and what he had.

At this time next month, we will be apart. I will have plenty of photographs and not enough videos or audio recordings to jump back in time mentally, which isn’t the same thing at all.