Category — Uncategorized

I am not writing my blog right now because I want to spend time with the twins before they return to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to best use the end of their break. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

Where I should be: the Western Ball with my cousin wearing the turkey cutlet gown and a pair of 3 inch black satin slides.

Where I am: at home.

My cousin wanted me to go to the ball with her and I have to tell you that even though I am completely anti-dressing up (which goes along with the anti-shaving-my-legs and the how-the-hell-do-you-apply-eye-make-up side of me) and it would have easily taken five hours of standing in freezing cold temperatures wearing nothing but a skimpy dress and I probably would have had my breasts fall off from frost bite, I really really really wanted to go to the ball. Not for the actual party, but just to be close to everything.

Seeing it on television made me want to go rub my cheek on the Mall grass.

Read the whole post here.

I am not writing my blog right now because I want to spend time with the twins before they return to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to best use the end of their break. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

I’m notorious for being unable to control my verbal diarrhea when I see famous people. One time, we were in Dupont and we were walking toward Christiane Amanpour and Jamie Rubin on the sidewalk when they parted to allow us to pass between them and I pretty much crapped myself and then told every employee at Kramer’s about it for the next hour.

I was at the Helen Hayes Awards because Josh was nominated for one of his plays, and we were at this party when Judd Hirsch walked by. And unable to control my own body, I pointed at him and screamed, “that’s Judd Hirsch!”

Which isn’t even the most embarrassing part. I DID THE SAME THING YEARS LATER TO PAULA DEAN.

Read the whole post here.

I am not writing my blog right now because I want to spend time with the twins before they return to college. I scheduled these posts so the blog wouldn’t be empty and I could have space to best use the end of their break. A cop-out, but forgive me. Having them go is really, really hard. I need mental space to feel what I am feeling, help the kids through the transition, and sit in the quiet for a moment on the other side.

And for those who know, the first Virtual Lushary happened around this time many years ago…

Those lyrics feel like they were made to describe my infertility experience. I just want to go where people get it. And maybe this speaks to your feelings too–to be in a place where you’re not fighting upstream against sensational articles or have relatives telling you why you shouldn’t adopt. Where people care if the anniversary of a loss is approaching. Where you can set your mind at ease by reading that thirty other people are thinking the same thing that you’re thinking. At my bar, there is no pain olympics because “you wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same.” We are all on this island and it doesn’t matter if you’ve decided to forego fertility treatments and start immediately on the adoption path or if you’re in the middle of your third IVF attempt. You are hurting. And I am hurting. And we are all on this island.

At least, that is how I hope people feel when they come here.
Read the whole post (and comments!) here.

Oliver Burkeman perfectly describes how I feel about writing. If I’m writing something — and I’m writing a new book right now — I find that it’s hard to get back into it if I take even a few days off.

The solution is to “write” even when I’m doing something like moving the kids back into their college dorms. I re-read a page and change a word or two to keep myself in the story. Or I take a chapter with me in the notes function on the phone, and I add one paragraph per day. It’s just enough that I put myself into the scene that I’m working on every 24 hours.

I don’t know why I’m this way with writing but not this way with other creative tasks. There is work I can pick up and put down and not think about in between, and it’s just as easy to do when I return to it. But not writing. Writing needs to be a continual flow; I need to act fast, as Oliver says.

I love this: “What action could you simply decide not to hinder today? I bet there’s something. Go on. Act fast.”

I found a fascinating piece on “money dials” via Modern Mrs. Darcy. The idea is that you can see what is important to someone based on how they spend their money.

Money Dials are an easy way to diagnose what you claim is important vs. what is actually important. In a nutshell, your money dials are the things that you are willing to spend extravagantly on by cutting back mercilessly on the things you don’t care about.

And to figure it out, he asks a question: “If you had $25,000 to spend on any of the above, which would you put your money into? Your answer—the one you instinctively came to within seconds—is likely your #1 Money Dial.”

Beyond necessities such as the mortgage, heat, and food, the vast majority of our spending goes toward the kids, especially their education. And when I say “education,” I don’t just mean college, though that is clearly our largest expense right now. I mean making sure they can pursue their interests or taking them places so they can have experiences.

After that, it’s books. As much as I use the library, I also buy myself books. Often. And books could probably be lumped under entertainment, including streaming services and our membership to the symphony.

So the kids and… let’s be fancy and call it “consuming art.” That’s what my spending shows to be my priorities.

What do you spend money on?