Category — Friday Blog Roundup

Yesterday was Mr. Whiskers’ birthday (he of earectomy fame) and we–of course–had to throw him a party.  Mr. Whiskers loves Wii, so we had to include some Wii.  Mr. Whiskers loves chocolate chip cookies, so–naturally, like all inanimate objects–he deserves freshly-made chocolate chip cookies.  And lastly, Mr. Whiskers requested crepes for dinner.

I forgot to mention that Mr. Whiskers actually went through a name change several months ago, and even though I still call him by his original moniker, his new name is actually Cuddle Bumps.  Which makes Josh and I whisper to each other, “oooh, I got to second base when I touched her cuddle bumps!” and “it was so cold in the room that I could see her cuddle bumps through her shirt.”

Cuddle Bumps has a twin sister whose name is Cuddlelove Bumps.  What sort of cat parents name their children Cuddle and Cuddlelove?

So it was Cuddle and Cuddlelove’s birthday yesterday and we had a party for them complete with presents and the aforementioned crepes and chocolate chip cookies.  AND we had to sing “happy birthday” to them separately because for the love, the Bump siblings are twins and there are sensitivity issues about sharing the spotlight.

So, in summary, the reason I got crap done yesterday was that I had to throw a party for two inanimate objects–one missing part of an ear and both with porn-y sounding names–that included crepes and games and cookies and presents.

I quake in fear of the upcoming August birthday of Rita, the My Little Pony, and what that horse is going to expect me to do in the name of imagination.

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The Weekly What If: if you could only save one item from childhood, which one would it be: a single class picture (name the grade and why), a favourite stuffed animal (name the stuffed animal and why), or an outfit (describe it and why)?

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I’m not sure why I felt the need to describe myself as a werewolf in the head shot post, or why women constantly dismiss their looks.  The reality is that I don’t look like the Melissa in those pictures 99.5% of the time.  About .5% of the time, I need to look super-presentable and I slap on some powder and eyeliner and mascara and nude lipstick (that’s what I was wearing in the shot).  I do my hair and put on an outfit that does not include a t-shirt.  But that other 99.5% of the time, I wear no makeup at all, my hair is up in a ponytail or twisted into some sort of knot, and…I’m wearing my normal uniform of a t-shirt.  So it’s not the best representation of ME, but it’s the best representation of who I can be if you want me to attend an event.

And I do love those pictures.  I think Mary did a fantastic job.  I think part of that job was relaxing me so that those types of pictures could be taken; it was about timing and attitude and keeping an eye on all the small details that affect a picture such as space and light.

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Weebles Wobblog has had trouble with her feed. If you follow her blog, please resubscribe via this link.  And if you don’t already subscribe to her blog, you should.  I mean, listen to this line from the top post on her blog at the moment: “It was a dark and stormy night.  Actually, it was a frigid January night, and all the homes in our old neighborhood were shut tight. As tight as the skin on Joan Rivers’ face.”  Lori is funny and she’s serious and she has taught me so much about open adoption and she is caring and she asks tough questions.  You know what she (and by extension, her blog) is like?  It’s like when you’re running around completely chaotic with tasks and suddenly, everything feels organized and you sit down and realize you can breathe again.  Lori is like that first breath that comes when you suddenly realize that you’re at peace.

So on that note, please resubscribe to her blog via this link.

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And now, the blogs…

I love this post from A Run For My Money that tells how life really is with a newborn.  I think too many times, as women, we candy-coat those first days and everyone goes through them thinking they’re some sort of monster for being so frustrated and tired and weepy (though also in love and joyous and high on lack of sleep).  I like that she tells it like it is for her, and hopefully, others will read it and realize that they’re really not alone.

Here We Go Again has a tiny post about honesty and presents a grey ethical situation.  Oooh, and I just love the discussion that is unfolding in her comment section.  I’ve been thinking about this situation on-and-off since I read this post and it gives you really good food for thought.  Go jump in and give your take on what you would have done.

I Spy a Family has a gorgeous post about wanting to bottle up childhood for her sons and place the essence of their childhood into mason jars as you would if you were catching fireflies.  She still lives where she grew up, and she explains how that changes the way you celebrate holidays as an adult vs. those who live far away from the places where they first celebrated those special days.  She writes, “They could open their jars and breathe in the smell of suntan lotion and citronella candles, remembering what it was like to be young, snuggled on beach blankets as fireworks lit up the sky, in the company of people who loved them.”  And I bawled.

Lastly, A Year of Hope has a post about the pain of invisibility that comes with infertility.  Without a clear visual signal, the people we interact with who don’t know our back-stories have no idea that the questions they’re asking are causing so much emotional pain.  She writes, “Some days, I wish I had Evie and Jack and Will’s names tattooed across my face along with their birth/death dates and some sort of tag line about how we lost them. Or something like ‘I may have all my limbs, but my heart has been amputated and here’s why…‘.”  It is a moving, important post.

The roundup to the Roundup: Happy birthday dear…Cuddle Bumps.  Answer the Weekly What If.  Musings on the head shots.  Resubscribe (or subscribe) to Lori’s blog.  And lots of great posts to read.

I blogged about the new blood test designed to predict when you will go into menopause over at BlogHer, and while there are still kinks to work out and more studies to be done for the test, the doctor who created it has been able to predict within a four month window when you’ll start experiencing–I’m assuming–those first symptoms of menopause (since, as we all know, menopause doesn’t happen in a day, but instead, is a long denouement).

I’ve been struggling with the idea of whether my 20-year-old self would want to know–whether it would have been more pressure in an already pressure-filled world; if it would have made me make terrible decisions, feeling it selfish to not try to procreate even if it wasn’t the right time.  And at the same time, I know I sometimes need deadlines to goad myself into action.  As I agreed in the comment section–the 36-year-old Melissa knows it would probably be best to avoid the test based on my obsessive tendencies.  But she would never be able to talk the 20-year-old Melissa away from that information.

And, at the end of the day, it only looks at one reason you might have trouble conceiving.  It doesn’t consider any other factors causing infertility.

The Weekly What If: if you were 20-years-old and had the opportunity to take this test for free, would you opt to find out the date (within a four-month window) of when you’d be entering menopause?  How would you use the information if you found out you were going to enter menopause at 25?  How would it have changed your life if you knew you weren’t going to enter menopause until 45?

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It’s July 4th this weekend and we’re spending it cleaning out the basement storage room.  We have been gutting the house of clutter for the past few months and a lot of things have trickled down to the storage room with the promise that we’d deal with them in the future.  It is now, apparently, the future, since the storage room has become unusable.  It’s pretty much impossible to enter it by this point.

I’m in a place where I feel emotionally ready to part with old papers and items.  Let’s see if I still feel that way by Sunday night.

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And now, the blogs…

Pundelina Kafoops Lives Here has a very emotional post about ending treatments.  While she cries and rails and ultimately comes to a place of peace, balancing out the positives are the negatives, including the heartbreaking question: “I don’t get to see what wonderful person tBG and I would have made. Where is that dark-haired, clever little baby?”

A tiny post by BigP and Me in the moments prior to learning the fate of the cycle, Heather admits that she can see the invisible positive on every negative test.  And that line just struck me with such force that I returned to read it dozens of times.

Waiting Lisa has a post about the way she is treated when she is watching children vs. when she goes out alone.  She writes, “When we are out, people assume they are my kids. It’s been a while and I forgot what it is like to walk around in the world giving off the impression that you have children.   People are nicer to you. They make eye contact with you and smile.  It’s like there is a secret society of moms. They acknowledge each other.”  It’s a wistful and honest post.

Lastly, Believing in June has a post about how infertility seeps into every aspect of your life as well as why she wants to switch clinics and how far she’s willing to go financially to build their family.  It is a simple post that floats from topic to topic, landing on each one just long enough to closely examine it and move on.  And I liked how deeply she unpacked why she does the things she does.

The roundup to the Roundup: would you want to know when you are entering menopause (in other words, answer the Weekly What If)?  Cleaning out the storage room this weekend.  And lots of great posts to read.

So, now that we are about to pass into July, this is the annual Who-Is-Going-to-BlogHer-from-the-ALI-Community list.  If you’re going, let me know in the comment section below and I’ll compile a list.  Yes, I still want to have an ALI get together while we’re all up there since it sounds like a lot of people will be able to drive into NY for the day even if they’re not going to the conference.  So I need those people who live in the area to leave a note too.

To simplify: if you are going or are in the area, write your blog name (and url) in a comment with either (BlogHer) or (area) in parentheses after your blog name so we can get a sense of who will be there.  Write (BlogHer) if you will be at the conference and write (area) if you will not, but are willing to drive in on Sunday morning.

The list will be added to constantly and can be found right here (plus, there is a link under On-Going Projects).

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I have been away on holiday, and got back last night.  It’s a hard landing into reality and I don’t really want to be home.  I feel very out-of-sorts and it’s always hard to play catch-up after being away.  I apologize if you’ve sent me an email this week.  I’m getting around to answering them this weekend.

Thank you for the blogoversary wishes.  Today is my actual blogoversary–the 25th.  Four years feels like quite the milestone.

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The video store in town is closing, a sad fact following on the heels of JJ’s recent post about the difference between Netflix and actually perusing a video store.  My high school job was at a video store which I loved because I could rent movies for free.  The original video store has since been converted into a fish market and a new one by different owners has popped up around the corner, though I fear that store is also not long for this world.

Apropos of nothing except for a desperate need to tell this story, there was a man who came in every single day I worked.  I need to repeat that–I saw him every single time I worked.  Every morning, he would come in right when the store opened and rent three porn videos.  We had a binder on the counter that had the box top in a sleeve and you could flip through the video choices and then tell the clerk the number for the video.  Most men would quietly mutter their choice, “1984, please” but Mr. D would flick through the book as if he already had it memorized (which he probably did) and then call out to one of us, “let me have 1887, 2034, and 1651–is that a good one?  I can’t even remember anymore.”

But that’s not even the remarkable part.  Every single day, he also returned at noon and returned one movie and checked out one more.  Why the hell did he do this?  Why didn’t he just check out four in the morning and return four the next day?  He always came in, checked out three, brought back one midday, checked out one more, and then returned three the next morning.

We all were dying to know why he came back–even when it was all guys working, he did the same thing–but none of us had the ovaries to ask him.

Poor Mr. D.  I’ve always wondered how the advent of Internet porn changed his morning (and midday) rituals.

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The Weekly What If: what if you could spend the day within Disney World with any Disney character (the real deal–not a person in a costume).  Who would it be and what would you do?

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I am still participating in Crystal Light’s Pure Fitness Challenge and I’m giving away a $100 gift card on my review blog.  Read and leave a comment to enter.

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And now, the blogs…

Circus Children has a post about Midsummer and celebrating it as a child.  I love the idea of picking seven flowers and trying to predict your future partner.  And this line made me smile: “I may never have dreamt about who my husband would be, but every day I wake up next to him I know he’s The One. ”  It’s a lovely post about a holiday I knew little about.

Hope Springs Eternal has a very moving post about a counseling session she had with her husband and the different way they process the idea of having prior information about their infertility.  She writes, “I’m glad that we didn’t know, because I’m glad every day that I gave him a chance, I’m glad every day that I fell in love with him, and I’m glad every day that he felt the same way.  I am thankful every day that he loves me.  I don’t know that I tell him that enough.”  Her post is brutally honest and reflective and it creates an interesting what if in the mind about how knowing the future has the possibility to lead you away from wonderful things.

Lil Family Blog has a brief and sweet post about how we choose our family.  It is more that blood and legal contracts.  It is “familiarity, intimacy, love, forgiveness, and respect.”  Go over and add what you have learned about family.

Lastly, Tales from the Rat Race has a lovely twist on her own desire for parenthood.  Stronger than her need to be a mother is her wish that she could make her husband a father.  The post, coming on Father’s Day weekend, is about looking ahead and trying to hold onto hope.

The roundup to the Roundup: add yourself to the list if you are attending BlogHer this summer or will be close enough to the area for a get together.  I’ve been away, but now I’m back and it’s my Blogoversary.  What was up with Porn Man?  Answer the Weekly What If.  Still doing the Crystal Light Challenge.  And lots of great posts to read.

I was at a blogging event in DC and I received a ticket for a free half hour session with a professional photographer.  It’s kismet that I also need a head shot for the new book as well as a brochure for a speaking event so I wrote her the day after the event to book my session.

Holy fucking Christ, she made me look so pretty.

I don’t think I photograph particularly well, especially when I’m conscious that there’s a camera pointed at me.  But Mary immediately put me at ease.  Her studio is in this gorgeous converted mill that I always knew existed but had never visited.  It is this fantastic space with antique velvet furniture.  If it had been socially acceptable, I would have wanted to curl up on one of the couches and read.

But I wasn’t there to read–I was there to get this head shot done.  The head shot for the first book was taken by Josh after I had stepped out of the shower.  We were on our way to run errands or eat sushi and I let my wet hair out of my bun, plopped down on some nearby steps, and he snapped the picture.  And I was fine with that in the same way that I was fine back when my blog layout was that free version provided by Blogger.  And then suddenly, one day I woke up and realized just how hideous my blog looked and how aesthetics do matter to an extent.  The same thing happened with my head shot, especially in regards to the book.  If I’m going to take a year and a half to craft a book (especially with all of those damn deadlines and late nights), I should put a little effort into even the head shot.

So Mary started moving me around the room, taking pictures in different types of light, on different pieces of furniture, talking to herself from time to time as she saw a shot she liked on the camera.  And I have to admit that I had low expectations because while she may have liked the shot, I think I look more like Frankenstein doing a fear grimace in most pictures of me.  But at one point, she flipped around the camera so I could see and it was incredible.  The woman in the frame looked polished and mature and relaxed and happy.

It finally clicked with me why I should have shelled out the $150 (that’s all it costs to get a head shot–$150!) two years ago.  The difference between a picture snapped by your husband on a point-and-shoot vs. a photograph artfully arranged by a professional photographer is day and night.

It will take two or three weeks to get my head shot back and when I do, I’ll post it on my blog and on the new book site.  But peruse her other photographs on her photo blog.  Isn’t her work amazing?  If you live in the D.C./Baltimore area, Love Life Images does amazing work.  You know how Josh brings out the best in me?  Well Mary captured that best in me on film–somehow, she got it to come out and caught it in a snap shot.

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I am still participating in Crystal Light’s Pure Fitness Challenge and I’m giving away a $100 gift card on my review blog.  Read and leave a comment to enter.

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22 months ago, I brought the twins to school for the first time and found myself unable to leave the building.  I hid in the library at the back of the school for…a while.  I will not admit to how many days I spent at the school.  The point is that Allison knew how impossible this moment was, how it brought back that screaming-on-the-inside (and in my case, also screaming-on-the-outside) feeling of leaving your child in the NICU and she offered to remain on the phone with me while I walked outside.

22 months later, we were out celebrating at a graduation dinner when I got word that Allison gave birth to beautiful and perfect Olivia Moonpie (fine, not her real name, but damn that’s a good nickname).  It was this strange symmetry of beginnings and ending, with school and now with this new life.  And I think the entire restaurant must have thought our table was crazy over the way we cheered as I read the message.

Congratulations, Allison, and may the first days be sweet days.

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The Weekly What If: What if you had to get stuck on an amusement park ride (choose your amusement park from Disney to a boardwalk funhouse) for 8 hours, but the ordeal would grant you lifetime free admission to the park as well as a spot on a late night talk show to discuss the ordeal which leads to a book deal.  Which ride would you choose to get stuck on and ride in an endless loop?

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And now, the blogs…

Mom to Twins Plus One has a post (fine, it was last Thursday, but I didn’t read it until Friday, so I’m counting it as part of this week) about two losses in her family, but namely, her great uncle.  Her great aunt and uncle were unable to have children, so with his death, her great aunt loses her entire nuclear family.  While there are obviously other people in her aunt’s extended family–Solaris for one–she writes of the loss, “There really are no words to console her, she lost her love, her family, suddenly and sadly. She only wants to be with him and who can blame her.”  It is a heartbreaking post.

Baby, Borneo or Bust has a post about her move.  It was her last night in her old house and she wistfully writes, “It’s our last night in this room where we created her…our last night in this room where my water broke, where she and I spent much of those early months, coccooned in from the winter weather and the world.”  I don’t do well with change, so I read her post with my heart in my throat.  It’s a move that comes with possibly even more endings, and the post is brief and beautiful.

Braving IVF has a post about a dream that is followed by fresh bleeding after her D&C.  I cried when she wrote, “he said my dream was our little girl saying goodbye. (A week later, this still makes me tear up.) We’re not religious in the slightest, but I think he was right. My body realized it was letting go of the last little bit of her, and gave me that dream.”  It is an incredibly moving post.

Lastly, Once a Mother has a post about trying to wrap her mind around her daughter’s death.  She describes this feeling of powerlessness as “I feel like a pawn, anxiously awaiting whatever move the universe doles out for me next, and it’s terrifying.”  The part that made my heart break is her description of the scent of the soap.  You will not be able to read this post without crying too.

The roundup to the Roundup: A professional photographer takes my head shot.  Read my blatherings to win a $100 gift card.  Huge congratulations to Allison.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And four sad blog posts to read–perhaps creating a quiet sort of mood.

You’ve probably read by now one of the 8000 posts out there about abortions performed after IVF.  You know, the one where they paint women who utilize IVF as desiring “designer goods” (because that’s the reason why people do selective reduction–to get a Vera Wang baby).  This is my take over at BlogHer on whether or not this is even newsworthy, because seriously, how many assumptions can the BBC make?

I believe strongly in the statement I make at the end: choices are not choices if they only have an “in” door and no “out” door.

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On a lighter note, I also made a step-by-step video/photo post about making ice cream (complete with two recipes).  After I finished making the ice cream and eating two bowls (okay, maybe three bowls), I went to clean out the freezing canister and I noticed that water was squirting out a hole in the unblemished metal.  In other words, not another scratch in sight, but water…wait, scratch that…freezing gel was pouring out through the hole.

Of course my ice cream maker doesn’t sell replacement bowls.  I was going to buy a new ice cream maker, but my mother ended up offering hers.  In the meantime, I left the ice cream in the freezer and Josh went to eat it that night despite my warning that who knows if freezing gel leaked into the batch (unlikely since it was frozen and therefore on the other side of the metal).  That’s how good the ice cream is–it’s worth risking the consumption of saline gel.

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The Weekly What If: what if you could own any type of store?  What kind of space would you create?  What would you sell?  Where would it be?  Would it be a restaurant, book store, candy shop?  If the chance to succeed was not a factor and people would flock to your retail space wherever it was, what type of business would you run?

Obviously piggybacking on yesterday’s post about Politics and Prose.  Sniff.

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And now, the blogs…

An Unexpected Life has a post about Facebook.  She explains how seeing the baby announcements are like hearing someone fight–you don’t want to listen, and yet you can’t turn away.  She points out the ways she’ll never be able to participate in the Facebook game–even once she reaches parenthood.  It’s a well-written post.

Dear Rowan has a post about a dream that led her to her new doctor.  It’s crazy dream interpretation, moving between the asleep world and the awake world.  I just thought it made for an interesting post.

Find Joy Now has an incredibly beautiful post about everyone else but her.  She asks, “How do you tell someone who is so thrilled and excited with life and the new life growing inside of them how much you are aching inside without them taking it personally and then hating you for bringing them down?”  It is about knowing your personal limits and recognizing the rain falling on your head when everyone else seems to be basking in sunshine.

Lastly, Just Keep Swimming has a post about the other teachers at her school who complain about the students during lunch.  She points out the inherent problem with this, explaining, “There is a lot of self-righteous cynicism among the teachers at my school; since we spend 1 hour a day with each of these children, we are obviously experts in parenting. ”  And for an infertile woman, who wants a child in her home to parent, the idea of directing hatred towards a child is unfathomable.

The roundup to the Roundup: Please give your thoughts about the abortion after IVF articles.  Or make some ice cream this summer (so damn easy).  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great blogs to read.