Category — Friday Blog Roundup

Today is Friday the 13th.  That only occurred to me because someone Tweeted about it earlier in the week.  I also missed the fact that it was 8/9/10 on Monday.  I am not the brightest woman when it comes to dates, though I have 2012 circled on my calendar not just because the world is ending that year, but because it’s also Queen Elizabeth’s diamond jubilee.

Though I’m usually fairly anxious around certain dates, allowing my imagination to run towards grotesquely disturbing scenarios, I’ve never had big feelings concerning Friday the 13th.  Even if I live … like … 2 miles from Camp Crystal Lake and I totally know someone who knows someone who is the cousin of the counselor who decapitated Mrs. Voorhees.

It’s one of those dates that I feel like I should have big feelings about.  If I’m not worried, then I must be a fool.

You know how girls pinched each other’s arms with a Cootie Shot to ward off boy germs?  Mentioning that it’s Friday the 13th feels like a horror Cootie Shot.

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The Weekly What If: In honour of spooky things and Friday the 13th — would you knowingly eat a whole spider (as in, you would need to pick it up and pop it in your mouth, unadorned by other ingredients) in order to gain an extra year of life?  If the number was limitless, how many spiders would you eat?

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Thank you to all of the people who participated this past week with the Cake Extravaganza for the Roundup.  I Stumbled all of the posts (because I seriously have mad Stumbling skillz), and I hope that the party continues.

Just to repeat an idea from last week — and I’ll keep annoying you with it until it catches on:

I set them out there simply because I hope that you too will read these posts if you missed them the first time, or nod in agreement if they moved you too, and then jump into the comment section on that post and let the author know.

300 (okay, 200) posts later, and that last concept, sadly, hasn’t truly caught on.  So let’s remedy that for the next 200 posts.  If you click over to read (and for the love, you should click over to read because you’d want people to do the same if a post from your blog was here and hopefully, I do a decent job of remembering who has been featured and who hasn’t and keeping it fresh each week), please leave the author a comment.  Answer their question, let them know you’re abiding with them, tell them how hard you laughed.  The Roundup has always been about community discussion.  And it has been way too quiet.

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And now, the blogs…

All Aboard the Pity Boat has a post about her dad that I not only couldn’t stop thinking about, but made me burst into tears when I tried to tell Josh about it.  I cannot tell you about it without ruining the gorgeous ending.

FtM Doctor has a post about a complicated situation; where one person wants a child and the other does not, and they are situationally infertile, adding an additional emotional layer to the decision.  It is a post about reaching out to those around him, begging for the right words that will bring the peace of heart he craves with this situation.  And it’s never easy; there are no perfect words.  But that doesn’t mean that you don’t stop by an offer support anyway.

DI Mom has a post about the two sides — love and hate — that rises out of infertility and their need for donor insemination.  Oh my G-d, it’s a gorgeous post; especially her ability to see the beauty in the small realities of life.

Fertility Foibles has a post about the two year anniversary of learning about their son.  She writes, “When parents go to help at the orphanage, I get photos, videos and updates about how he’s doing – just like I would if I was carrying him in my uterus and going to the doctor and getting ultrasounds.”  I love the analogy, and your heart aches for all of them in terms of the wait.

Lastly, A Garden for Butterflies has a post about rewriting your story.  The moment in the post that gutted me came in the middle: “The story I was working on took such a dramatic change that it’s like a new book had to start.  The story where I was in love and loved and joyfully waiting for my son stopped abruptly. The story of being admitted to the hospital, inducing labor for a pregnancy that I wanted, holding my dead son, then the years of grief could not be combined with the story of happily expecting a baby.”  Do you really need more than that to click over and read the post in full?  Then I promise you that she will help you reexamine your own life by the time she writes the last line.

The roundup to the Roundup: It’s Friday the 13th!  Answer the Weekly What If.  Thank you for participating in the Cake Extravaganza.  Comment, pretty please.  And lots of great posts to read.

Happy 300th (200th) Roundup to you

Happy 300th (200th) Roundup to you

July 21st marked four years

Happy 300th (200th) Roundup to yooooooooou.

Welcome to the 300th (fine…200th) Friday Blog Roundup.  As I said in the first Roundup* back on July 21, 2006,

Every time I read something I love, I want to send it out to everyone I know. Which is how I came to the idea to do the Friday Blog Roundup and comment publicly on a few things I read this week. There is plenty that I read that also moved me, but since space is limited, I must pick-and-choose.

(This is the same post where a young Melissa says, “golly gee, I sure would like to start an organized blogroll if I could figure it out!”)

What the Roundup meant four years ago is still what it means today: they are simply posts that I read during the week that stuck with me.  They are not all the posts I read that stuck with me, but they are four or five that floated to the top when I sat down to write the Roundup.  And I set them out there simply because I hope that you too will read these posts if you missed them the first time, or nod in agreement if they moved you too, and then jump into the comment section on that post and let the author know.

300 (okay, 200) posts later, and that last concept, sadly, hasn’t truly caught on.  So let’s remedy that for the next 200 posts.  If you click over to read (and for the love, you should click over to read because you’d want people to do the same if a post from your blog was here and hopefully, I do a decent job of remembering who has been featured and who hasn’t and keeping it fresh each week), please leave the author a comment.  Answer their question, let them know you’re abiding with them, tell them how hard you laughed.  The Roundup has always been about community discussion.  And it has been way too quiet.

So make a commitment to let one or two of the author’s know each week that you liked their writing if you did (it goes a long way in keeping someone writing), and now, let’s get this party started.

As I’ve been saying all week, to participate in the celebration, upload a picture of a piece of cake (and don’t get hung up on the words “a piece of cake” — if you want to bake a whole cake or celebrate with an oreo or simply walk by the bakery and take a picture and not put anything in your piehole, it’s all good) and then link to your blog post.  It would be lovely if you wrote something about what community means to you.  Why you love being part of the ALI community, and how you feel when you read a particularly satisfying blog post.  If you don’t have time to write a short post, simply post the picture of the cake and a link to your blog’s main url to show your presence at this virtual party. 

The party will be open until next Thursday night.  Check back to see who is in attendance.  And then mingle.

Thank you for celebrating with me.  Here’s to four more years.

* Thank you to those first Roundupers: Dead Bug, Richard (who has a breathtaking post at the top of his blog right now), Carrie, and Serenity.

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No Weekly What If this week because I want to jump back into the party once I tell you about this week’s posts.

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And now, the blogs…

The Miss Ruby has a post about not recognizing herself anymore and how we can never truly return to who we were before infertility.  We can only try to grab back what we can from that old life and mesh it with the new one.  And she asks a good question at the end: “when was the last time you looked into your soul & heart and saw who you really are?”

Big Love, Big Acceptance has a post about emotionally drowning.  Observing a baby at a nearby table interacting with her mother, BLBA admits how much she wants that and says, “I just wanted no one to talk to me, no one to look at me – like if these things were avoided, I could disappear. No one would notice the tears welling up in my eyes, or the tightness of my face as I tried to hold it all together.”  It is a post that lays bare all of her fears, and you will cry with her honesty.

Baby Magnesi has a brief post about the stupidity of the idea that a person can just focus on something else.  As if people have perfect control over their thoughts and emotions.

Lastly, My Infertility Woes has a post about how she has returned (after a brief hiatus) to liking kids.  I love the distinction she makes as well as her ability to take care of herself and take the time she needs.  It is not an either/all situation–it is merely a response to the moment.

Tucking whatever BlogHer posts I’m moved to write today (as well as pictures and video) below this one to keep the Roundup party post at the top of the blog.  So if you are following the conference at home, return later in the day and use the BlogHer Diaries tag in order to find all the posts.  And you know, while you’re here, you can see who else is celebrating the Roundup and visit their blog.

The roundup to the Roundup: Celebrate good times, come on!  And lots of good blogs to read.  Back later for more entries from the conference.

One Roundup away — which means one week away — from the great Cake Extravaganza.  Since the linky tool worked well last week, next Friday, upload a picture of a piece of cake (and don’t get hung up on the words “a piece of cake” — if you want to bake a whole cake or celebrate with an oreo or simply walk by the bakery and take a picture and not put anything in your piehole, it’s all good) and then link to your blog post.  It would be lovely if you wrote something about what community means to you.  Why you love being part of the ALI community, and how you feel when you read a particularly satisfying blog post.

So get to it — you have one week to set up your celebration and I’ll meet you back here to have a virtual party.

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Wait … don’t go run off and take pictures yet.  We still have to do the rest of this week’s Roundup.

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Speaking of great posts and driving readers to them (since that is the purpose of the Roundup), while we stopped doing the Kirtsy’d Pick O’ the Day for the time being over at the LFCA, I have been Stumbling posts daily with decent results.  Sometimes, the post only gets 20 additional reads, but sometimes, the post gets several hundred additional reads.  If you clicked over and looked at my Stumbling line and it isn’t impressive, you’re probably looking at it early in the day.  I tend to Stumble a lot in the morning and it keeps all those posts at “1 view” for a few hours before the hits start happening.  But scroll back a day or two and you’ll see that I generally have a bunch of reads on each post that I Stumble.

Why am I telling you this (beyond the point that I want you to picture me with my morning coffee, scrolling through great posts)?  Because if you see a great post (especially one you wrote yourself) that you want me to Stumble, pass it my way via email with “Stumble” in the subject line.  Why do I want ones that you wrote yourself?  Because I’ll know then that the author is totally cool with me Stumbling it.

I do this almost every morning, so feel free to send me stuff as often or as infrequently as you wish.  It can be ALI-related or simply a kick-ass recipe or photograph you found.  I just like to find good things and send them back out there again.

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The Weekly What If: What if you could be locked inside one store all night, utilizing the merchandise (or in the case of food, consuming it) without needing to pay?  Which store would you choose for your lock-in and why?

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And now, the blogs…

Just Being has a post about Hope’s tenacious hold on our heart.  She explains that you cry in the beginning because you actually have hope each month that each cycle could be the “one.”  And then time passes.  She writes, “You’re two years older. Your ovaries are probably older even than that. And you feel a hundred. And a part of you has died. You never cry when you get your period, you never talk about how exciting it would be if it were ‘this month’.”  You need to read the post in full to get the arc of Hope’s life-span.

Bottoms Off and On the Table has a post about a dream where she argues herself back into reality.  I can’t say much more without ruining the emotional impact the post has when you read it in full.

Single Infertile Female has a heartbreaking post explaining her anger.  She deleted a recent post upon rereading it and states that while the anger felt out-of-character, there was a lot of truth in the words.  My heart broke with her words: “It isn’t supposed to be this difficult.”  A lot of the post may ring true for you too.

Thinking Miracles has a post about what she has been sweeping under the proverbial rug.  She writes, “I’ve been shoving lots and lots of stuff under there, and I think it is about to hit critical mass. The silliest things set me off. Someone will say something completely harmless and in my head I go into meltdown mode.”  It’s an honest, well-written post — complete with graphics.

Lastly, Working on It has a post about the direction of her blog (I am hyperaware that I love blog posts about blogging.)  She writes about her desire to start a new blog, “I’m starting to think that part of my desire to make a fresh start with blogging is linked to my new-found desire for order generally. I used to be very comfortable with a certain amount of disorder, mess, open ended-ness. But something has changed now.”  It’s about trying to find order in the chaos of life, of finding yourself through words, of allocating your time.  And it’s just a wonderful post.

The roundup to the Roundup: One more week to the 300th Roundup and the Cake Extravaganza to celebrate.  Send me stuff to Stumble.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.

I was going to write an addendum to that last post and then … well … the day got away from me as it seems to have everyday for the last four weeks (and I massively apologize if you are waiting for an email back from me.  My goal is to be caught up reading blogs and answering emails by the end of the weekend, but who knows what will happen to my good plans.)

I promise: I am not closing down my blog; it was merely pointing out that many of us have that thought from time to time, and I loved Andrea Ross’s speech about how we really have no sense of our blog’s reach.  We have comment numbers and visitor numbers and even emails from a reader from time to time, but like icebergs, most of the real facts are submerged underwater.  That everyone goes through frustrating times (and I agree, Vee, I think it’s seasonal too) where they are speaking and getting no feedback.  And on the other hand, we all have times where we hit a post out of the park and it gets a lot of attention — and we have no. clue. how. to. repeat. it. again.

Thank you, also, for being with me during the move.  When we were driving to my parent’s house for the final time, I was thinking to myself, “I can’t do this.”  I really didn’t think I’d be able to walk out the front door; that I’d ever be ready.  And suddenly, a Toyota pulls in front of my car with the license plate — UCNDOIT.  And like a fucking idiot, I start trying to decipher it, and I’m saying to myself, “University of California … Nursing Department … Or … Internet Technology … no, that doesn’t seem right … University of …”

Seriously.

We drove behind the car for several miles and it felt like my own private message from G-d.  So I went into the house thinking to myself that I could do this, I could walk through one more time and then say goodbye.  Except it seems like I was right the first time (sorry, Toyota, for wasting your fine message.)  I cried walking through the rooms, and finally realized that I simply couldn’t take in the enormity of never seeing the kitchen again, never seeing my room again, never seeing the tiling in the front hall again.  And I accepted that I’d never be ready and just had to walk out the door.  So I gave my dad a hug and kiss, thanking him for being a wonderful father in this house, and I left Josh and my dad behind to close up our lives there while I took the twins to meet my mum in the new apartment.

By two streets away, we had all stopped crying.  And a few exits on the highway and we all commented that we felt fine.  And then we moved my parents into their temporary apartment while their new house is being finished.  I haven’t watched the video again since the move mid-week.  It still doesn’t seem real, and at the same time, it feels wholly okay.  So maybe I can do it.

And thank you for the good thoughts on the new book.  I am really excited about it and I love, love, love the cover.  When I get the final version, I’ll post it here and on the book site.

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The loudest vote for celebrating the 300th Friday Blog Roundup seemed to be for cake (or, if you don’t want to bake or purchase a cake, you could take a picture of a cake in a bakery and walk out without tasting a slice, or simply down a few oreos and snap a picture of your cookie orgy.  The point is more to celebrate the Roundup and our community and have a built-in excuse to eat sugar.)  Which is actually, if you can remember back to June 2007, how we celebrated my first blogoversary.  We will hold the videos for the 333, which will be next spring.

Though first, I must admit something highly amusing that just happened as I wrote this.  As I did the math and realized that 33 posts later would be nearly 3/4th of a year away, I started wondering how I was hitting 300 Roundups in 4 years.  That just wasn’t possible since I started doing this a few weeks after the blog started and with 52 weeks in a year, I should be nearing on the 200th post.

And so I am.

Back in January/February of last year, the numbering jumps from #173 one week to #274 the next week.  In other words, I added one more to the first number as I was adding one more to the last number and in the end, aged the Roundup 100 posts.  I am not going to renumber the posts because it would be a pain in the ass, so the Roundup will be forever mis-numbered.  But this will be actually the 200th post of the Roundup (though it will say 300).

Queue slightly hysterical, overtired laughter.

I’d like to practice today with this new linky tool that Calliope uses for Photo Fridays before the big day.  If you have a picture of yourself on your blog (or on your computer) and can help me test this out, please click below and add your headshot with a link to your blog so we can all see how this works and troubleshoot since the actual 300th (well … 200th) Roundup will be during BlogHer and I’m not sure how much I’ll be online.

It seems fairly simple.  You (1) click on the link below. (2) Add the url of your blog. (3) Add the name of your blog. (4) Either give the url of the picture as it appears on your blog, OR upload a new image to the Linky Tool that is from your computer (see, it doesn’t even need to go on your blog).  That’s it — it should appear below.  And this practice list should close on Sunday.  So we’ll see if that’s the case.

Thank you to the heads floating above this sentence for helping me test this.

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The Weekly What If: What if you could either be given a free netbook or iPad tomorrow — which would you take and why?

Can you tell that I’m still trying to make this decision?  I like to hear what other people think are the benefits and drawbacks of each one (as well as opinions if you have either and how you primarily use it) because it helps me consider things from entirely new angles.

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And now, the blogs…

Baby Wanted: Apply Within has a post about where they are now, and how she thought life would be back when they started trying to build their family.  It is a simple, straightforward post, but I found it incredibly moving: the thought of what you don’t know and simply can’t imagine when you start down this road.

Impersonating Normal (formerly, Infertility Rocks!) has a post about faking a birthday wish for the sake of others.  She contrasts this current birthday with the one she celebrated last year, back when she was starting her lupron shots and had no idea how the year would unfold.  Again, it is a reminder of what we can’t possibly know about our future and how that fact makes us look back on past events with wonder and sometimes bittersweet sadness with what that earlier version of ourselves doesn’t know.

Lastly, Nuts in May asks at the end of a post this week: “So really, are any fertile people reading this? Who have read this far? Have I really pissed people off now?”  The discussion in the comment section is equally as interesting as the post.  Go jump in with your thoughts.

The roundup to the Roundup: This has been a crazy week (I’m not sure I could say it more succinctly than that.)  Celebrate with cake in two weeks for the 200th/300th post of the Roundup AND please help me test this linky tool today.  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great posts to read.

When I wrote the title of this post, I realized we were only three posts away from the 300th Roundup.  Remember?  It’s the one where we were going to show our work spaces.  Are you currently saying, “oh crap! I meant to do that?”  Well, you should be saying that, slackers.

Though I am just as guilty for not writing numerous reminders.  And by now, I simply don’t have enough time between now and when the 299th post goes up to upload more videos if they come in (I think I have 5 in hand).  The question now is do I post the paltry 5 that I have in hand (doesn’t feel like quite the milestone marker worthy of 300 posts celebrating the community)?  Ask people to upload them on their own to YouTube or Vimeo and just send me the html to embed?  Skip this celebration entirely or do something else?

Help.

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The Weekly What If: What if you only had 5 videos in hand for Blog Marks the Spot (hey…wait a second…this what if sounds a lot like the question she just asked above…).  Would you post the paltry 5 that you have in hand (doesn’t feel like quite the milestone marker worthy of 300 posts celebrating the community)?  Ask people to upload them on their own to YouTube or Vimeo and just send Melissa the html to embed?  Skip this celebration entirely or do something else?

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One reason the reminders didn’t happen is that there are already too many items on my plate.  I have been having a few too many 15 hour work days in a row, which is a tad stressful, but I really like being busy.  It’s sort of one of those when-it-rains-it-pours moments after a dry spell.

One of the coolest things on my plate at the moment is that I’m going to be the keynote speaker at the Resolve of New England’s conference on November 6th.  If you’re anywhere close to Boston (and by close, I’m counting Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine), I would love for you to come.  It sounds like a wonderful conference and I’m excited to be back up in Massachusetts.

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Another thing on my plate which hasn’t gotten done is planning an exciting meetup for BlogHer.  And I’ve got to be frank, I’ve been working 15 hour days and moving my parents, so…er…this is something that seems to keep getting pushed to be back burner.  But the beginning of August is quickly approaching so…

I am going to propose repeating something we did last year that worked very well.   BlogHer attendees can grab their lunch on Friday (the 6th) between 11:45 am–1:15 pm and bring the plate to the hotel lobby.  That way, people who are not part of the conference, but live in the area, can mingle with people who are.

Not everyone can slip out of work or get down to the city on Friday, so I propose that people start brainstorming a cheap and easy place for a bunch of people to meet on Sunday morning.  Coffee?  The lobby of the hotel again?

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And now, the blogs…

Dear Stevie has a post about a date night that she went on with her husband.  I loved the everydayness of it, but the reader is always reminded of the backdrop it rests against.  She writes, “Of course you were the topic of conversation for most of the night last night, but it was a lot more of the reminiscing about the good times we had with you talks, and a lot less of the being sad and depressed about you dying talks. I liked that, a lot.”  It’s beautiful and her photographs are gorgeous.

Fertility Foibles has a post about the Crinone that is lurking in her bathroom drawer.  The post manages to be both funny and wistful at the same time.

Peesticks and Stones has a post about dealing with her father’s things after his death and what she learned about him through the objects as well as about her own past.  There is a letter she finds on the computer, written to a woman who may be her birthmother.  The writing is gorgeous, and the moments she has captured will make you hold your breath as you read the post.

So Dear and Yet So Far has a post collecting people’s emotions surrounding infertility after loss.  It struck me because this is what social media can do that other mediums cannot–it can provide validation.  It’s not a long post, but the question pack a punch.

Lastly, Serenity Now has a post about returning to the RE–what has changed and what is still the same.  She writes, “But. I was as nervous as ever when we were waiting to see my doctor. I tried to tamp the irrational panic from choking me by breathing and pretending to be involved in work issues on my blackberry.  I never wanted to go back there.”  It’s that blunt honesty that makes this a wonderful post.

The roundup to the Roundup: Remember that Blog Marks the Spot celebration?  Answer the Weekly What If with your suggestion of how we should mark the 300th Roundup.  I’m going to be the keynote at the Resolve of New England conference.  What to do about the BlogHer get together.  And lots of great posts to read.