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292nd Friday Blog Roundup

You’ve probably read by now one of the 8000 posts out there about abortions performed after IVF.  You know, the one where they paint women who utilize IVF as desiring “designer goods” (because that’s the reason why people do selective reduction–to get a Vera Wang baby).  This is my take over at BlogHer on whether or not this is even newsworthy, because seriously, how many assumptions can the BBC make?

I believe strongly in the statement I make at the end: choices are not choices if they only have an “in” door and no “out” door.


On a lighter note, I also made a step-by-step video/photo post about making ice cream (complete with two recipes).  After I finished making the ice cream and eating two bowls (okay, maybe three bowls), I went to clean out the freezing canister and I noticed that water was squirting out a hole in the unblemished metal.  In other words, not another scratch in sight, but water…wait, scratch that…freezing gel was pouring out through the hole.

Of course my ice cream maker doesn’t sell replacement bowls.  I was going to buy a new ice cream maker, but my mother ended up offering hers.  In the meantime, I left the ice cream in the freezer and Josh went to eat it that night despite my warning that who knows if freezing gel leaked into the batch (unlikely since it was frozen and therefore on the other side of the metal).  That’s how good the ice cream is–it’s worth risking the consumption of saline gel.


The Weekly What If: what if you could own any type of store?  What kind of space would you create?  What would you sell?  Where would it be?  Would it be a restaurant, book store, candy shop?  If the chance to succeed was not a factor and people would flock to your retail space wherever it was, what type of business would you run?

Obviously piggybacking on yesterday’s post about Politics and Prose.  Sniff.


And now, the blogs…

An Unexpected Life has a post about Facebook.  She explains how seeing the baby announcements are like hearing someone fight–you don’t want to listen, and yet you can’t turn away.  She points out the ways she’ll never be able to participate in the Facebook game–even once she reaches parenthood.  It’s a well-written post.

Dear Rowan has a post about a dream that led her to her new doctor.  It’s crazy dream interpretation, moving between the asleep world and the awake world.  I just thought it made for an interesting post.

Find Joy Now has an incredibly beautiful post about everyone else but her.  She asks, “How do you tell someone who is so thrilled and excited with life and the new life growing inside of them how much you are aching inside without them taking it personally and then hating you for bringing them down?”  It is about knowing your personal limits and recognizing the rain falling on your head when everyone else seems to be basking in sunshine.

Lastly, Just Keep Swimming has a post about the other teachers at her school who complain about the students during lunch.  She points out the inherent problem with this, explaining, “There is a lot of self-righteous cynicism among the teachers at my school; since we spend 1 hour a day with each of these children, we are obviously experts in parenting. ”  And for an infertile woman, who wants a child in her home to parent, the idea of directing hatred towards a child is unfathomable.

The roundup to the Roundup: Please give your thoughts about the abortion after IVF articles.  Or make some ice cream this summer (so damn easy).  Answer the Weekly What If.  And lots of great blogs to read.


1 myinfertilitywoes { 06.11.10 at 1:27 pm }

I think I’d own an eclectic artsy store with cool books & things to hang on your wall – inspirational stuff… with Brian Andreas art work for sure!

2 N { 06.11.10 at 1:53 pm }

Sadly (given the P&P news), J and I have long talked about opening a bookstore/cafe combo. She would bake (though I’d do the cookies), and she’d be the eclectic one who knows everything about all the books, while I’d manage the business side. We even had a little building in our town picked out for it, you know, money and time aside, but alas, it’s been torn down.

3 Melissa G. { 06.11.10 at 2:18 pm }

Jewelry. Definitely jewelry.

I like shiney things.

4 HereWeGoAJen { 06.11.10 at 2:27 pm }

I’ve always wanted to open a little private school, where the children would be well behaved and wear plaid uniforms. I’ve also dreamed of a bookstore and a bakery.

5 Heather { 06.11.10 at 3:27 pm }


A lysol factory?

No, no…truthfully, i really, really dream of buying an old farm, turning into a B&B–but for parents of children with special needs. I mean, I have this nursing degree, so I could take care of kids, and parents could go take a nap. Plus, you know, having a husband who manages a hotel helps too.

pipe dreams…

6 Kir { 06.11.10 at 3:32 pm }

Wow, I read them all…that was a good list, thanks Mel.

I would own a HALLMARK, I’ve always said that. I love cards, and tchatckes. (How do you spell that word) ..I’d esp love to own one at the beach, so all year long I could spend Beachy stuff, jewelry and CARDS…and today, there are cards with gorgeous pictures, ones that sing, one that let you record a message and SING, make you giggle, make you cry. I swear I could spend an afternoon in a Hallmark just reading cards .

mmm, ice cream. 🙂

have a great weekend

7 Elizabeth { 06.11.10 at 4:50 pm }

We love to play this what if game in my family – I’d have a coffee shop/bookstore with my husband; my mom would have a fabric/crafts store, my dad a sciency nature store (like the Discovery channel store at union station in DC), my sister a vegan healthfood store.

8 mrs spock { 06.11.10 at 5:56 pm }

I seriously thought of opening a cloth diaper store- but I honestly don’t have much business acumen. So I’m settling with developing an introductory class for newbies.

9 DeterminedDory { 06.11.10 at 7:30 pm }

I’d definitely own a used bookstore, the kind where people come us much to read and chat as they do to browse. There would be big comfy cushions everywhere, throw rugs and unique coffee tables all around, lamp lighting, and a few friendly cats. I wouldn’t include a coffee shop, just a coffee pot, some hot water and tea bags, and a few funky mugs for people to help themselves to. And it would be small, intimate-feeling. My Nana used to own a bookstore, and I miss my growing up days when I memorized (and read!) the entire children’s section to help customers find what they wanted.

Also, Mel, have you read this article in Time about sharing through blogs on the web? http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1990586,00.html/

10 Kristin { 06.11.10 at 10:17 pm }

I would have a ginormous crafty store with three main areas – cross stitch supplies, quilting stuff, and crocheting/knitting supplies.

11 jrs { 06.12.10 at 12:35 am }

I am so touched that I was in the Roundup. Thank you so much and I am grateful for the kind comments that people left me.

12 WiseGuy { 06.12.10 at 3:10 am }

I particularly got funnelled to two posts you included in your round-up…and I do not want to comment on the abortions post-IVF.

If I could, I would run a book store!

13 Mina { 06.12.10 at 1:47 pm }

Thank you for explaining the fine print of THAT piece of news.
I got duped by the fake news. Sometimes I am so naive that I fall for the ‘taken-out-of-context-news’ and take it for face value. I needed to be pointed out by others that this particular piece of news includes reduction and termination due to genetic conditions and so on… It should be commonsensical to make this distinction, shouldn’t it, this is bad journalism in my books.

I feel like the same fool who decided to extend the internet provider contract (for another two years, mind you), expecting triple speed and being totally dumbfounded when told that yeah, the contract might say so, but it is not technically possible (they lack the proper optical cables to do that and do not intend to do anything about during the next 5 years), but I cannot do anything about it, I am stuck with them since the fine print says that ‘due to technical conditions, the speed may be x times lower’. I never expected that conditional fine print to mean ‘you sucker pay for a service we are never able to deliver during the contract duration’. I thought it means that it may happen once in a while for the speed to be lower, but I expected that ‘once in a while’ to mean a few days a month, not throughout the contract duration. So yeah, I am the idiot who thinks common sense is more than an abstract concept and bases too many judgements on this lie…

Thank you for explaining the fine print of THAT piece of news.

If I could, I would run a book store, too. Perhaps I would fit in a coffee/tee & snack corner, where people could read while munching on avocado or ricotta and tomatoes sarnies or brownies and sipping good java.

14 Annie { 06.12.10 at 6:37 pm }

I love your Blog Roundup. It’s a great way to find interesting new blogs.

I’m making homemade ice cream today, too. And homemade root beer!

15 TwoDogMama { 06.12.10 at 8:45 pm }

Thank you so much for including my post about Facebook on the blog roundup. I cannot tell you how much it meant to me that it was included and I have loved receiving all the positive comments from it. I also have tons of new blogs to check out. Thank you again for everything you do for the IF community.

I want to own a bookstore. A used bookstore. Also have a place with some coffee, pastries, a neighborhood place that people can stop in and stay awhile.

16 Bea { 06.13.10 at 7:41 am }

Ok, I have actually read the article. The first set of comments suggest that the issue people have is with patients “taking away” state-funded IVF cycles from someone who may follow through with a live birth, but will never get the chance because they couldn’t get the treatment. That’s a valid concern (I point my finger at the health system in place, though – these sorts of rationing concerns are a symptom of that more than anything else).

The quote from the person talking about “designer babies” was talking about all who choose to abort for social reasons, fertile/infertile/planned/unplanned, and not just those who abort IVF pregnancies. So, ok – I can accept that as a consistent point of view.

Someone has an unfortunate quote about how some patients get caught up in the process of treatment and only start thinking about the reality of parenthood once they fall pregnant. I know what she means. But all those who don’t are taking it completely the wrong way.

In some cases, people know they are infertile/maybe infertile ahead of time. But in a lot of cases, people are totally side-swiped by this news. They set out to have a baby just like any other couple, but then a crisis landed on their lap and it’s hard to step back and stay in control of a crisis that is happening to you. We should be clear that these are people who might have had regrets however their baby was conceived – the IVF and the Big Finger To Mother Nature is not the driving factor here, although there is a lot of emotional heightening during the treatment process and perhaps also a loss of self-esteem that makes them act differently on their pre-baby nerves. I think there is an argument (not just because of this) for clinics to take a more active role in inviting patients to step back and re-take control over their decisions. Perhaps clinics should also do more to follow up with patients and make sure they remain in a reasonable state of mental health. The doctors quoted in the article certainly seemed to be having this thought.

Yes, there is pre-treatment counselling, but certainly from my own point of view, I believe mine could have been improved insofar as encouraging that slow-down/take control aspect. There was always an underlying assumption that you had come to the doctor because you wanted to be treated, which is, you know, it makes sense, but it’s not necessarily the right choice and although most patients will e able to orientate themselves enough to make proper decisions, some people are just going to be totally wiped out, and by the time they have had a chance to take a deep breath, the decision may be well in the past. It’s really hard to slow down when everything is being pulled from under you, and I think this is something people don’t appreciate when they haven’t been through a crisis, or if they (erroneously) don’t believe infertility is that type of crisis. And I have to say that, in my case, my strongest reason for slowing down and stepping back was my family history of breast cancer (which made me quite afraid of treatments) and not my doctor or my clinic. Well, you can’t rely on everyone having that kind of external check. And I know that if I’m ever giving advice on seeing a fertility doctor, one thing I stress is that you should keep reminding yourself to slow down, make decisions slowly, and keep control. So what I mean is, properly understood there is some truth in the article and some room for improvement in patient care which may prevent some of these abortions, which I think we can all agree is a good aim.

Less than 1% of all treatments, though. And you’re never going to make the world perfect, and that shouldn’t be surprising anyone.


17 Missy { 06.13.10 at 8:56 pm }

My favorite C’s: coffee, cupcakes, and crochet. Part coffeehouse, part bakery, and a place you can stay awhile to make a blanket or scarf. I used to think this was crazy to combine all these, but then I ran into a hair salon/yarn shop/new age bookstore.

18 gingerandlime { 06.14.10 at 6:54 pm }

Less than 1%. 1%. That’s lower than the rate of fetal abnormalities you might expect to find, and also encompasses selective reduction. I fail to see how this is news at all; would it really be better for mothers to give birth to higher-order multiples and/or babies who aren’t going to live long, if at all. It’s sensationalism based on the premise that women are fickle and thoughtless, and it completely ignores the reality of IVF.

(c) 2006 Melissa S. Ford
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