As Josh was getting in the shower, I commented on how bloodshot his eyes were.  He responded, “then it’s a good thing that I have that container of Visine.”  And I responded: “then it’s a good thing that I didn’t dump that bottle of Visine down the toilet.” (Why would I do this?  I don’t know.  It just felt like the right thing to say in that moment.)  To which he responded: “then it’s a good thing that you didn’t put a few drops in my coffee.”

Putting Visine in your coffee, he confided, will instantly force a person to have explosive diarrhea.  He delivered this bit of knowledge with the confidence of a ten-year-old boy who has just learned how to induce explosive diarrhea from his older camp counselor.  He sounded smug, and he snapped the shower curtain behind him for good measure.

“Is that really true?”

“Why don’t you ask the Google machine and find out?”

So I asked the Google machine and Snopes returned the answer: Visine does not cause instant, explosive diarrhea.  While I was online, I also looked up another fact from childhood we had been wondering if was true the night before: do clove cigarettes, or kretek, cause tiny puncture holes in the lungs from the cloves bits?  Alas, they do not.

Which caused us to lament all the good times we had as children believing that pop rocks and Coke would make our stomachs explode like Mikey, that Alfonso Ribeiro died while breakdancing in a Michael Jackson video, and a girl went down to the Amazon and didn’t know that a spider had laid eggs under her skin until the lump popped and THOUSANDS OF SPIDERS STARTED CRAWLING OUT.

The problem is that with the Google machine, it is too easy to stamp out urban legends before they’ve really gotten a chance to perform.  Instead of lying awake in your camp cabin at night, wondering if it’s true that a woman was driving down the road on a dark night and the car behind her kept flashing his brights at her until she pulled over and he got out to tell her that THERE WAS AN AXE MURDERER IN HER BACK SEAT!  Now the children know within minutes that this did not happen to a friend of a friend’s mother.

And that made me sad.

Video didn’t truly kill the radio star, but the Internet really did kill the urban legend machine.

What urban legends have you now proven or disproven with the help of the Internet?  Which ones are you still wondering about?

Photo Credit: Jamiesrabbits.

Since my Siri dream, I have spoken often about the iPhone 4s, not because I actually want an iPhone, but because I like the idea of this voice keeping me company.  I love working out of my house, and I am the sort of person who really enjoys being alone.  I like to go out to dinner by myself.  I like to sit in coffeehouses and read.  I dislike shopping, but I do better with shopping excursions when I’m on my own.

But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t incredibly lonely to spend every day completely alone in your house.  I am probably more productive than the average worker since no one swings by my office to ask me a question and ends up standing there for 10 minutes talking about their weekend.  As much as that aspect of office working annoys me (I really do like being alone), it is also something I wistfully miss since becoming a full-time writer.  I can go hours and hours, day after day, not speaking to anyone except Cozy Jackson.

What I do have open to keep me company is Clippy, the Microsoft Word paperclip office assistant who comments on your document.  Clippy doesn’t really say much to me as I write (though I do like when he tells me if I’m about to overwrite a file); he just sits in the corner of my document, blinking at me.  He’s like a little silent pet, and yes, I have had conversations aloud with Clippy, speaking to him as if he is my silent, electronic therapist.  Clippy and I have been through two books together, and he is with me for these next two that I am completing simultaneously.

The Wolvog recently fell in love with Clippy having found out about him through a programming site.  I was working on my new computer as he told me about Clippy, and I opened a Microsoft Word document so we could gaze at him.

But Clippy wasn’t there.

I went through every menu, finding the new Microsoft Word exceedingly difficult to use.  Finally, I did what any normal person does in 2011 when they can’t find something.  Instead of hitting Microsoft’s help menu, I Googled Clippy.

And discovered that Clippy had been… murdered!

Killed by Microsoft Office executives back in 2003.

The computer I use to write on is old enough that it still has Clippy, but he’s missing from my new laptop.  And there’s no way to download him: I know because I Googled this too.  As we read though site after site about Clippy information, I learned my first truth about the little office assistant.  While others agreed with me that he is the solution to the loneliness of the writing life, others wrote that they hate Clippy.  Hate him?  They don’t even know him.  They couldn’t have possibly spent enough time with him because to know Clippy is to love him.  Right?

As we panic-Googled our way through Clippy information, we stumbled upon the creator of Clippy, Kevan Atteberry, and my son wrote him a fan letter.  By the next morning, he wrote him back and an online friendship formed between the creator (otherwise known as human Clippy) and the computer-obsessed Wolvog.  The Wolvog interviewed him for his ‘zine (what, I haven’t told you that the twins have their own ‘zine?  The first issue is coming out this winter), and I leapfrogged over the Wolvog to interview Kevan myself (taking advantage of the fact that the Wolvog needs to go to school, and I have unlimited computer time at home).

The early iMacs had a handle, not because the desktops were going to be carried anywhere, but because Steve Jobs wanted the computer to look as though it was alive.  Like it could leap off the table (hence the jaunty angle of the screen).  Like it is accessible and pick-up-able and friendly.  And that’s what the Microsoft Paper Clip is for many writers.  In the unfriendly and harsh world of constructing paragraphs, the frustrating world of trying to string together the right words in the right order, Clippy is like a little friendly reminder that writing can be fun.  That it isn’t always banging your head against the wall.  That writing can be playful; words can blink at you.

I sat down with Kevan Atteberry online to talk about his creation, Clippy.

Melissa: So how did you get involved with the project to design Clippy?  Had you previous worked with Microsoft before that point?

Kevan: I was a contractor for Microsoft working on a product called Microsoft Bob, a graphical interface “OS” meant to make computing easy for the uninitiated. This was back in the early 90s and computers were still new to many.  Bob offered a variety of environments for your desktop, outer space, log cabin, suburban home, etc. And you also had a choice of animated characters that would offer suggestions and help. This was the nexus to Clippy. Bob under the project leadership of Melinda French (soon to be Melinda Gates) was hugely promoted when it came out and quickly was retired after horrible reviews and performance making it one of the biggest software disappointments to date. But the animated helper technology, which they had spent years and lots of money developing, was ported over to Micorosft Office team. Where we went through some intense and lengthy testing of about 260 different characters before it was narrowed down to Clippy as the default character. I had about 2 characters in the mix and two of them made it to the first shipment. Clippy with the crowning glory of the default.

Melissa: Was his name always Clippy?  Did you ever have a different name for him as you designed him, and was Clippy a name given to you by the powers that be at Microsoft or did you bequeath him with the moniker?

Kevan: He was originally called Clippet – Clippy for short. I think in developing him and through the testing, we just referred to him as “the paperclip.” I don’t know who came up with the name Clippet. Or Clippy. But it seems rather obvious, apropos.

Melissa: I think that what made Clippy endearing and seem more lifelike was the use of facial expressions.  Did you have a model for all of Clippy’s eyerolls and blinks?

Kevan: No actual model. Just my experience in drawing characters for many years. It was somewhat a challenge having just the eyes and the twisting of the wire to convey some particular expression.

Melissa: I have to admit that I didn’t know that such rage existed against Clippy until I went to look up why he wasn’t on my new computer.  Can you talk about what you felt and thought about the visceral reactions people had to Clippy?

Kevan: Oh my, yes. The way people feel about Clippy is either black or white. You love him or hate him. No in between. My reaction has almost always been, “whatever – as long as you know who he is and he evokes emotion one or the other, I’m happy.” He has opened many doors for me in the past and I am thankful for that. And I know Clippy is a likable fellow, just look at him! What people who hate him despise is his functionality. Which can be intrusive and unintentionally condescending. He can be distracting. But the people who love him, I think, love him despite his functionality. Like maybe a dear pet with bad breath.

Melissa: And at the same time, Clippy has a bit of a cult following.  How do people usually react to you when they find out that you designed Clippy?

Kevan: People, whether they hate him or love him, have always seemed surprised and genuinely happy to find out they are meeting Clippy’s creator. And the two main responses I get are, 1) “Clippy? No way! I hate that thing!” or, 2) “”Clippy? No way! I LOVE Clippy!” But in each instance it is said with huge smiles and a bit of excitement. I think that even if Clippy irritates or annoys you, there is still some thing kind of cool(?) or interesting(?) about learning he actually has an origin.

Melissa: You’ve done a lot of illustration work – which character keeps you company while you work?

Kevan: I’ve recently moved my studio home from downtown Seattle and I have yet to have it in complete working order. I have more limited wall space now and less space to hang things. But I do have things out that I love. A Calvin and Hobbes cartoon, several pieces with Pogo and his compatriots from Walt Kelly’s wonderful strip. Several characters from children’s books I’ve illustrated are represented (Tickle Monster, Boogie Monster, Frankie Stein.) And then there are a few characters from a personal challenge I recently completed. In October I challenged myself to create from scratch, a Monster-a-Day for the whole month. You can see these on Facebook.  Several of these I hope go on to have a life of their own in children’s books I hope to write. And illustrate.

So even the creator of Clippy has illustrations around to keep him company.

Okay, ‘fess up: are you on Team Clippy or Team Anti-Clippy?  And what do you keep around to keep you company when you’re alone?  Picture?  Stuffed animal?  Favourite music playing in the background?

Photo Credit: Microsoft.

I am currently on my 4th Blackberry in under a year.  You may be wondering how one person goes through four Blackberries in one year, so let me take you through this process.

• I buy a Blackberry.
• I notice that within one week, a bunch of features aren’t working.  Such as the camera.  And the voice recorder.  But I don’t really care because I still have a functioning phone and access to email.
• I stop having a functioning phone.  Said phone will freeze, and the battery will need to be popped out in order to get it restarted.  And then it freezes again.  And we repeat this process — sometimes two or three times a day.
• I tell the phone company about it and they say they will send me a new phone.  I feel very thankful that we purchased phone insurance.  The replacement process could not be easier!
• The “new” phone arrives.  It is sticky and scuffed and scratched.  It is obviously someone else’s old phone.  I call the phone company about this and they apologize.  When they said, “new” they really meant “previously owned.”  They do not ship out new phones despite the fact that when we signed up for the insurance, we were told that if there was ever a problem, we’d get a new phone.
• Phone company agrees that a phone that is sticky (um… why is it sticky?), scuffed, and scratched is not okay, and they agree to send another phone.
• The next used phone arrives and we set it up.
• It works for a few months.  Then the phone begins to freeze for two minutes at a time.  It unfreezes on its own, so while I find this annoying, I do nothing to fix the situation because I have such a seething hatred of my phone company by this point that I would rather not have a fully functioning phone than deal with them.
• Now the phone begins resetting itself.  Sometimes it does this while I’m in the middle of a phone call and the line goes dead.  Then the screen goes black and the little white bar appears, creeping across the screen like an elderly woman in the crosswalk on a green light.
• Which means another trip to the phone company store.
• We go to the phone company where we are told that (1) no one is there who knows anything about Blackberries, but they are happy to Google our problem and see if any solutions are listed online.  (2) Unless we are willing to pay several hundred dollars, we cannot switch to a different type of phone because I still have one more year on this cell plan and they will not waive the new cell phone rule even though I am on my third phone in under a year.  So I will need to pay the full price — not the $200 or so “new contract” price.  (3) The only solution is… to send me another used phone.
• They send me another used phone.  It takes two hours to set it up.

What have I learned from this experience?

• Blackberry makes a cruddy phone.  No one should go through four phones in one year.
• I will never buy a Blackberry again.
• I will also never buy a phone again that doesn’t have its own technicians at its own store.  Because it is too frustrating to purchase a phone from people who know nothing about said phone and cannot fix it if it breaks.  If the phone maker doesn’t have a brick-and-mortar space (either its own store or technicians set up in a store that deal with that particular product) that I can go to for help, I’m not purchasing the product.
• I hate my phone company and should leave it.
• I would find it preferable to not have a phone at all than deal with trying to get a phone to work.

So that’s my first world problem and vent.

*******

After a brief pause, there have been more Creme de la Creme prizes.

• Somewhere in the Middle… took Fertility Alphabet Soup’s offer of a cigar box purse.  Thank you, Denver Laura!
• And Burble took Still Life with Circles’ offer of a handpainted mizuko jizo watercolour.  Thank you, Angie!
• And The Rocky Road to Motherhood took CD1 Again’s offer of a handmade crocheted scarf.  Thank you, April!

Others will be announced next week as they’re claimed.

Don’t forget, we’re nearing that first December 15th deadline for the Creme de la Creme.  If you haven’t chosen your post yet and you want to ensure that you’re on the list when it goes up, you have about two weeks to get it in.  The final cut-off for being on the list at all is a few weeks after that, but I will not be able to get up the posts that come in after December 15th on the list until after January 1st.  So stop procrastinating — the list is amazing so far.  I’ve loved every post I’ve read.

*******

I finally returned the overdue library book (it was the Steve Jobs book), apologized, and paid the fine (only $1.50 for the additional days).  The librarian was lovely; told me that it wasn’t a big deal, and all was well (I am such a self-flagellating rule follower).  But the kicker is that as we were getting out of the car, the Wolvog said, “I really love the book and don’t want to let it go.  Can’t we get it on iBooks?  It would make me feel better if we could always have it on iBooks.”

It would be meta — the book Steve Jobs on Steve Jobs’ iBooks…

I’m not usually this cranky about purchasing books, but seriously, the boy couldn’t have asked four days earlier so I could have returned the book in time and still finished it?

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “It’s Your Turn… Maybe” (Detour)
• “Camelot” (By the Brooke)
• “What Once Was” (Mrs. Spit… Still Spouting Off)

Only 3 posts last week?  We can do better.  What did you read this week that moved you?  Made you think?  Made you laugh?

Okay, now my choices this week.

Hope Delayed admits that she “just can’t do it today.”  On the way to her 5th Thanksgiving dinner (damn!) she realizes that she has to bail as a matter of self-preservation.  She writes, “I can’t take the pictures with grandpa showing four generations. I can’t take the discussions about who’s kid is walking and who said their first words. I can’t take the pregnancy announcement again. I can’t take all the adorable little kids running around having fun and getting in trouble.”  It’s about finding the balance between taking care of yourself and not wanting to miss out on life.

Words and Pictures has a funny (and sort of by default not-so-funny because it’s so damn true) post about all the things people say to those struggling with infertility.  All done in plasticine.  Need I say more?

Lastly, Family Rocks: The Life of Peg has a beautiful post about things that are easy and hard.  The whole post is moving, but the final one packed a punch: “It’s easy to get things done around the house when I’m by myself.  It’s hard to feel so alone.”  It’s a gorgeous, must-read post.

The roundup to the Roundup: I hate my phone.  Creme prizes galore (and don’t forget to submit your post).  Returned my library book.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between November 25th and December 2nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

SPECIAL PRIZE FOR THIS ICOMLEAVWE: One participant from December’s IComLeavWe will be randomly chosen to move their entry into the 4th slot on the Creme de la Creme list (getting more eyes on their post).

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere — blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is closed.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Here We Go Again (parenting, random)
3. Geebaby (life, waiting, early)
4. Love Life Project (health, life, balance)
5. Words and Pictures (humour, stories, life)
6. If You Don’t Stand For Something (infertility, family, hobbies)
7. Adventures in Mommyhood: Mommy Ournumbered (mommy, crunchy, life)
8. Survive and Thrive (pregnant after infertility)
9. The 2 Week Wait (infertility pregnancy humor)
10. The Cornfed Feminist (pcos, irony, oversharing)
11. Created Family (unexplained infertility, social worker, ttc #1)
12. Biago – Baby, If All Goes Optimally (secondary infertility, fet, bfp)
13. Bring on the Babies… (IVF, recurrent miscarriage, immune testing )
14. Scrambled Eggs-A Journey from IVF to Baby-Maybe- to Twins (ivf, twins, family)
15. Three Cats And A Baby (parenting, infertility, adoption)
16. Waiting For Little Feet (pcos, ivf, wine)
17. Lessons from an Infertile Social Worker (transracial open adoption)
18. My Life in a Nut Shell (IF, miscarriage, everyday life)
19. Infertiles Laughing (adoption, infertility, humor)
20. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, family)
21. Detour (miscarriage, infertility, endometriosis)
22. The Advo.cat (pregnancy, miscarriage, humour)
23. The Days of Our Lives (adoption, waiting, marriage)
24. Journey to the Finish Line (infertility, running, everything)
25. MissConception (IVF, twin loss, pcos )
26. For We Are Bound by Symmetry (pregnant after IVF)
27. Where Do We Go From Here? (infertility, parenting, life)
28. Les Terres Fertiles (unexplained, infertility, struggle)
29. Unruffled Lanie (infertility, ivf, vegan)
30. Ambition: Motherhood (pregnancy, dIUI, MFI)
31. A Miracle in the Works (pregnant after unexplained infertility)
32. My Lady of the Lantern (neonatal loss, about to give birth again, hope and worry)
33. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (domestic adoption, adult adoptee, life)
34. The Pursuit of Pregnancy (lap, septum, endo)
35. Donor Diva: Mother via Egg Donation (egg donation, parenting, secondary infertility)
36. Nursing Infertility (infertility, tests, financial)
37. Our Little Family (infertility, adoption, frustration)
38. Our New Normal (pregnancy loss, adoption, life)
39. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, parenting)
40. Let’s Conversate About Irregardless (ttc, ranting, 80s)
41. Life is Simple, It’s Just Not Easy (TTC#1, IVF, post-cancer)
42. The Rocky Road To Motherhood (life after IVF)
43. Polycystic Inside (ttc updates, rants & dreams, art)
44. Building a Family Through Donor Insemination (donor sperm, infertility, life)
45. Kay Khronicles (infertility, food, life)
46. Hapa Hopes (infertility, life, relationships)
47. Compromised Fertility (FET, 2WW, hope and patience)
48. Notes from the Ninth Circle (waiting, IVF, frustration)
49. Sometimes it’s hard to get pregnant (infertility, everything about infertility)
50. This Blondie Wants Babies (ivf, miscarriage, life)
51. Relaxing Doesn’t Get You Pregnant (parenting, humor, expletives)
52. Exploring Chaos (IF, parenting, TTC # 2)
53. Between the Paper Sheets (early pregnancy, iui, marriage)
54. kate: uncensored (life after infertility)
55. Home Grown Love (infertility, home, love)
56. A Little Blog About the Big Infertility (and Adoption too!) (adoption, pregnancy loss, adenomyosis)
57. Searching for our silver lining (IVF, unexplained infertility, balance)
58. Infertile in a Fertile World (TTC break, TTC with IF, endometriosis)
59. Living Our Life In Cycles (endometriosis, IUI #1, coping with IF)
60. Wistfulgirl’s World (life, adoption, PCOS)
61. TTC A Modern Medicine Miracle (pregnancy loss, donor sperm, military life)
62. The Elusive Second Line (TTC #1, PCOS, infertility)
63. Hoping for a Due Date in Good Time (IVF #1, endometriosis, infertility)
64. Ambitious Knits (knitting lawschool birth)
65. All in God’s Time (infant adoption, infertility)
66. the stork drop zone (infertility, humor, life)
67. Not Just An Army Wife (military, miscarriage, pcos )
68. The Journey to Baby G (ivf, early pregnancy, anxiety)
69. A Half Baked Life (food, parenting after IF, yoga)
70. A Blanket 2 Keep (infertility, life, hope)
71. RelaxedNoMore (TTC, pregnancy loss, infertility)
72. Knocked up by Another Man (parenting, alaska, de-ivf)
73. A Bend in the Road (life after stillbirth)
74. Our Roller Coaster Through IVF (IVF, family, early pregnancy)
75. Cherish This Day (family of 4, Sagittal Craniosynostosis, TTC after IF)
76. Getting There (adoption, life, work)
77. Holly’s Narrative Dream (secondary infertility, life writing)
78. Being Joyful Always (adoption, infertility, weight loss)
79. Lil Family Blog (motherhood, lesbians, adoption)
80. MotherNatureSchmature (secondary infertility, FET)
81. Just Let Go (adoption, rpl, humour)
82. A Mommy’s Thoughts (mom after pcos)
83. Fractured Family Tales (life, kids, snark)
84. believing in june (mfi, ttc #2, hopeful)
85. Hope Delayed (infertility, ivf, life)
86. Give that girl a tall cappuccino (scrapbooking, life, travel)
87. Metholic (ttc, IVF, foster care)
88. Outlandish Notions (parenting infertility general)
89. Donating Hope (sif, egg donor, faith)
90. Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying (1st iui, pcos, ttc)
91. Carneyexploits (crafts, IVF, homemaking)
92. Buck Up, Buttercup (2nd trimester pregnancy after loss, twins, creativity)
93. BattleFish (life, early pregnancy, IVF)
94. Life As I Know It (twins, parenting, life)
95. It’s Definitely Possible (SMC, pregnancy, 3rd trimester)
96. Scrambled Eggs (infertility, IVF, life)
97. The list is closed.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments – 12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is red, the next month it will be yellow, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

I got to the end of Walter Isaacson’s Steve Jobs biography during Thanksgiving as I was baking a cake for a friend’s birthday.  Josh and I were sitting at the kitchen table — he was reading Murakami’s 1Q84 and I was finishing Steve Jobs — and the cake was baking in the oven.  Warm chocolate, with an undertone of coffee.

I obviously knew how the book would end, but I found myself crying as I got to April 2011, essentially reading the looking glass: what was happening on the other side as we exchanged emails.  I knew he was sick — the whole world knew he was sick — but I have to admit that I hadn’t given a lot of thought to what was happening in his world.  At least, not specifics.  I had been touched that he had taken the time to write my son; knew that he was a busy man and a sick man at that, and the fact that he would take the time to change a little boy’s life spoke volumes — to me — about his character.

And now I was reading about spring of 2011, and my heart broke for his family.  Any death is impossible to wrap your brain around.

I thought about how often someone has written me, having no clue what is happening in our house mostly because I haven’t said what is happening in our house.  I think about the times that I’ve composed a not-very-nice, leave-me-the-fuck-alone email in my head before sending off a terse, “so sorry — I’ll get to this soon” because no one really knows as we bump into each other — interact with one another — what is happening in the other person’s world; day-by-day or minute-by-minute.  We reach out to each other at these inopportune times without knowing.  And the worst is that we think we know.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said to Josh, “there is no reason why it should be taking this long for X to write back.”  And the reality is that I have no idea what else is happening, what I don’t know at all, that affects the other person.  And I do this knowing full well how many times I have left things unsaid here and had to deal with the types of emails that come in when someone assumes that nothing is up.

Reading the book drove this point home: that we have no idea as we read someone’s blog, as we exchange emails, as we see each other on the street, as we spend time in each other’s houses, the subplot, the hidden story, the words unsaid, the thoughts locked inside the mind that affect the emotions, affect our ability to process an interaction.

And that is humbling.

This is the end of the book, but in between, there are dozens of places I marked, dozens of stories that I’ve been discussing with the Wolvog.  And I hope that you’ll indulge me as I process the book and the talks I’ve been having with the Wolvog about the lessons learned from studying someone else’s life.  Because there is something amazing about a person laying themselves bare, even if the book comes too late.  What I really wish I could do right now is write Steve an email — and maybe I will send it off into the ether — and let him know that now seeing the conversation in context, it means even more.  And just thank him for playing the role for my son that Bill Hewlett played for him.  The best lesson I can teach him from the book is to be open with your time, with your ability to reach out, and to do so, even when it is not convenient or easy or even something you want to be doing at all.  Because we’re all just humans, and our greatest gift is to crash into each other, to change each other’s lives, and to be grateful for every interaction because every moment of the day changes who we are.

Photo Credit: Acaben.