I’ve been having a lot of trouble starting this post.  How can I summarize years of work and a whirlwind weekend of b’nai mitzvah events into a few short paragraphs?  I kept jotting down things I wanted to remember on post-it notes that I stuck inside my notebook.  The look on my friend’s face when she dug her hand deep into the candy basket and gleefully chucked enormous handfuls of gummy candies at us while we were dancing on the bimah after the ceremony.  Or the kids pressing their foreheads to mine after I gave my speech, their arms tight around my back while Josh pressed us into a group hug.  Or our friend who married us getting up to lead the end of the service in order to provide that connection between where it all began and where it’s all going.

I can write down moments but I can’t capture the whole thing.  I mean, it’s huge; it’s too big to hold.  To have all these people you love in the same room, cheering your kids on, supporting them as they work towards this enormous, life-changing event.  To know all the times your kid has said “can’t” and then watch them obviously “can” it in the moment.  It leaves you aching that you can’t capture it; that you have to just experience it and let it go.

I feel like I’m coming out of a fog.  For months we’ve been cocooned in preparation for this event.  We translated their Torah portion and dived into the etymology of the words.  We wrote speeches and planned parties and tried on many pairs of high heels and gave up a lot of other activities in order to be ready in time.  Now it’s over and we all feel a little lost, like we’re trying to remember what normal life feels like when we don’t have this big event looming over us.

When I started this blog, the twins were giving up their bottles and moving to sippy cups.  Now they can perfectly chant long passages in a foreign language.  One day I will probably refer back to this post and state that they are now going to college or have won the Nobel Prize or solved all the world’s problems.  (Yes, I think my children are the most wonderful, creative, brilliant people on earth.)  Life keeps moving on.  It will break your heart if you think about that too much.

The weekend was one of the best weekends of my life; to see the twins shine like that.  To accomplish something huge and in turn become more of who they are.  It’s hard to come out of it only because it meant so much and they did so well and had so much fun.  The fact that we’re struggling to find our footing is just testament to just how heavy the moment was in our hearts — in a good way, an anchor, holding us and making us sure of something we now know we know.

While we were out Saturday night, we encountered a zombie walk.  All the kids rushed to the window of the party space to observe the adults dressed in costume.  (There was also a dinosaur.  I’m not sure how dinosaurs fit in with the whole zombie theme.)  It was a moment that reminded me of college or my early 20s; a time period where I would have dressed up as a zombie and moaned down the street.  Now I’m more likely to crawl into bed and read a book about zombies.

It made me think about a recently re-run New York Times article about making friends past 30, because that’s the real thing that caught my attention with the zombie walk.  The people with their arms flung around each other’s shoulders, walking in twos or threes.  There were no single zombies, no lone undead dragging themselves through the street.  Marching in makeup is clearly an activity that requires friends; the more the better.

The article states:

In your 30s and 40s, plenty of new people enter your life, through work, children’s play dates and, of course, Facebook. But actual close friends — the kind you make in college, the kind you call in a crisis — those are in shorter supply.

As people approach midlife, the days of youthful exploration, when life felt like one big blind date, are fading. Schedules compress, priorities change and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends.

So acquaintances keep coming — and maybe you only need an acquaintance to join a zombie walk — but the friends are few and far between.  We spend the vast majority of our social time with people we’ve known since high school or college.  We’ve added a few close friends in the last few years because our kids are all friends.  But even that has slowed down.

The article does a great job outlining why it’s hard to make friends, and what has changed from the college years until now.  It’s not just the low-hanging fruit you’re thinking about like difficult schedules.  It’s about you job or how much you earn coming into play.  Or whether your colleagues are also your competitors.  It’s an interesting article.

Definitely worth reading before the next zombie walk.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

*******

Another year, another lack of Halloween costume.  Actually, I take that back; I dressed up as the TARDIS a few years ago, but I made the costume so I could wear my jeans and boots with it.

I have great intentions when it comes to dressing up and poor follow-through because I’m always cold.  And I hate being cold.  So I avoid wearing anything that may make me colder than I already am.  I was thinking about going as Veronica from Heathers, but changed my mind once I remember that I would have to wear a skirt and stockings.  I go for comfortable over clever every single time.

How do you choose your Halloween costume (or lack thereof?)  Do you go for comfortable, or do you go for clever?

*******

Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

Wrote this ahead of time because I knew I would be busy today.  Because I’m busy, I’m not watching the new season of Stranger Things.  I also didn’t get a chance to watch last night’s episode of Dirk Gently (which I’m sort of relieved is released one episode at a time like a normal television show.  I love it so much, and I want it to last as long as possible.)  We’re also woefully behind with Marvel series; only one episode into the Defenders and we haven’t even started Iron Fist.  You can be fairly certain that you won’t read spoilers on this blog unless you are even slower than I am with tapping into the zeitgeist.

Part of it is a lack of time and a lack of desire to see things first.  I want to see them when I’m in the mood to see them, not when I’m told by online magazines that I should see them.  Part of it is a desire to savour.  If I really like a book or a television show or a movie, I don’t want to consume it quickly.  I want to experience it as slowly as possible to stretch out the enjoyment.  It annoys Josh to no end that I pause movies in the middle so we can pick them back up the next day and continue experiencing the piece.  And if I really love a book, I will start another book at the same time and then have one book become my main book and the much loved book become my special treat book.

So are you a binger or a savourer?  No spoilers for Stranger Things, please!

Facebook has been killing me softly with its memories feature. Every morning, I open Facebook, and every morning Facebook tells me that it bets I would like to see a memory from last year. No, Facebook, I would not. We’re currently living the outcome of the election and our country is a mess. I would not like to relive the experience again and again and again.

No like.

Particularly painful is that I know an update is coming up in the next week or so where I told the ChickieNob this was the last time she would go to bed in a country that never had a woman president. Sorry, kid, not only did you wake up to another 365 days with that glass ceiling, but instead we’re in yet another cycle of #metoo.

Last year I went to speak to the students at the middle school for Career Day right after the election. Everyone was still shell-shocked, and we spent more time talking about the election results vs. my job. I’ve been asked to return and speak for Career Day again, and like a bad Facebook memory, all I can think about is how the world felt this time last year.  How it still feels the same.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Love and Light” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)
• “With Different Eyes” (Bent Not Broken)
• “Survival is Not Mandatory” (No Kidding in NZ)
• “Showered” (Infertilityhonesty)
• “Microblog Mondays: Home Sweet Home” (My Path to Mommyhood)
• “You Make Yourself Sad” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Cristy!
• “How Infertility Kills” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)
• “Ripples” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)

Okay, now my choices this week.

A Separate Life has a post about friends she made via the Internet through a blogging challenge back in 2006. She writes, “These links around the world, born on the ether and solidified over the years, or born in real life and maintained on the ether, make me happy and sad, they educate me and delight me and sustain me, and add to the richness of my life. Our hugs may only be virtual, but our love is real.”  So true.  It’s a gorgeous post; go read the whole thing.

Jewish IVF is returning for her seventh IVF cycle. She talks one of the lesser discussed aspects of IVF — that the patient has to be on top of every aspect of the cycle or be possibly affected physically, emotionally, or financially. She explains, “It’s a challenge to constantly be on the ball and know that if I miss something then we lose out.” It’s scary when you consider that thin line. While it’s true in so many places in life, the stakes feel high when we’re talking about something so expensive and so invasive that is completely dictated by time.

Author* brings light to a very serious topic: domestic abuse. She explains how it can happen even to the most outspoken woman; even the strongest self-advocates. It’s a post about the rational meeting the emotional; what the head knows and the heart suspects. It’s an important post for every woman to read. *Because this is about domestic abuse, I’m not going to post the blog name.  Please don’t put it in the comments, too.

Lastly, Bent Not Broken has a post about her sister announcing her pregnancy on social media before she has told her. While she knew about the pregnancy from their mother, her sister hadn’t told her directly because she worried about hurting her feelings. Though, of course, posting on social media meant she still found out about the pregnancy, but she did so without the personal touch that comes from a direct discussion. It’s food for thought for anyone struggling to talk about something.

The roundup to the Roundup: No, thanks, Facebook.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 20th and 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.