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The Weight of the Moment

I’ve been having a lot of trouble starting this post.  How can I summarize years of work and a whirlwind weekend of b’nai mitzvah events into a few short paragraphs?  I kept jotting down things I wanted to remember on post-it notes that I stuck inside my notebook.  The look on my friend’s face when she dug her hand deep into the candy basket and gleefully chucked enormous handfuls of gummy candies at us while we were dancing on the bimah after the ceremony.  Or the kids pressing their foreheads to mine after I gave my speech, their arms tight around my back while Josh pressed us into a group hug.  Or our friend who married us getting up to lead the end of the service in order to provide that connection between where it all began and where it’s all going.

I can write down moments but I can’t capture the whole thing.  I mean, it’s huge; it’s too big to hold.  To have all these people you love in the same room, cheering your kids on, supporting them as they work towards this enormous, life-changing event.  To know all the times your kid has said “can’t” and then watch them obviously “can” it in the moment.  It leaves you aching that you can’t capture it; that you have to just experience it and let it go.

I feel like I’m coming out of a fog.  For months we’ve been cocooned in preparation for this event.  We translated their Torah portion and dived into the etymology of the words.  We wrote speeches and planned parties and tried on many pairs of high heels and gave up a lot of other activities in order to be ready in time.  Now it’s over and we all feel a little lost, like we’re trying to remember what normal life feels like when we don’t have this big event looming over us.

When I started this blog, the twins were giving up their bottles and moving to sippy cups.  Now they can perfectly chant long passages in a foreign language.  One day I will probably refer back to this post and state that they are now going to college or have won the Nobel Prize or solved all the world’s problems.  (Yes, I think my children are the most wonderful, creative, brilliant people on earth.)  Life keeps moving on.  It will break your heart if you think about that too much.

The weekend was one of the best weekends of my life; to see the twins shine like that.  To accomplish something huge and in turn become more of who they are.  It’s hard to come out of it only because it meant so much and they did so well and had so much fun.  The fact that we’re struggling to find our footing is just testament to just how heavy the moment was in our hearts — in a good way, an anchor, holding us and making us sure of something we now know we know.

21 comments

1 Jodi { 11.01.17 at 7:40 am }

MAZEL TOV!! I am so thrilled for you!

(And this post was just what I needed because we are firmly in the can’t right now!).

2 a { 11.01.17 at 8:03 am }

Congratulations to the twins – and to the whole family, really – on such an accomplishment!

3 Cristy { 11.01.17 at 8:36 am }

I can’t help but weep while reading this. The emotions are crystal clear for this milestone for your kids, you and Josh and your family as a whole. This is beautiful and it brings me so much hope and inspiration for what can lie ahead.

Mazel Tov!

4 Middle Girl { 11.01.17 at 8:39 am }

Congratulations to you all!

5 tigger { 11.01.17 at 8:42 am }

MAVEL TOV!

6 Jessica { 11.01.17 at 8:49 am }

Huge Congratulations to all! So very exciting.

7 Erin { 11.01.17 at 10:13 am }

Mazel tov! What an exciting accomplishment for all of you. You so beautifully captured the notion of wanting something so badly, yet when it finally happens, not wanting it to end. So happy you were able to stay in the moment and experience it all.

8 Wendy { 11.01.17 at 10:45 am }

Mazel Tov to your family!

9 Jjiraffe { 11.01.17 at 11:05 am }

Wow – that is a big milestone. Mazel Tov!

10 Charlotte { 11.01.17 at 11:34 am }

Gah! This made me cry. The part where you describe your family group hug just seized my heart. And time keeps on moving will break your heart, yes, yes to all of it.
Abiding with you all as you come out of the dog and find your footing in the world again.

And…Mazel Tov! Such a big huge thing, for all of you!

11 Sharon { 11.01.17 at 1:03 pm }

Mazel Tov! What a wonderful post.

It must be such a great feeling to see your children growing and maturing into the people they will be, and liking what you see. 🙂

12 Raven { 11.01.17 at 1:36 pm }

Wow! Congratulations to all of you…what an accomplishment! (I can’t believe it’s over either…).

I have been a long time reader of yours, and while I don’t know any of you in person, I have to say – I always think of your kids when I think about the kind of kids I hope to have. I wish you could write a book (or even a post) about the things you’ve done, and the way you’ve raised them to turn them in to the smart, kind, good kids they seem to be!

13 Jennifer { 11.01.17 at 2:04 pm }

Congratulations to you and the twins! Your kids are awesome and I have loved hearing stories about them over the many years I’ve been reading your blog (mostly lurking). My oldest, the one that took fertility treatment to conceive, is turning 8 soon. My two surprises are 5 and 2. Your post about the last bottles made me cry!

14 Turia { 11.01.17 at 4:23 pm }

Oh congratulations! I really have no cultural reference point for what you’ve been working towards, but this is such a beautiful post. You’ve captured how special this moment of time is for you and your family, even for those of us on the outside.

Your kids sound like they are growing up so wonderfully. They are going to be amazing adults and I hope I have that good of a relationship with my kidlets when they are the twins’ age.

15 loribeth { 11.01.17 at 5:18 pm }

Awww, congratulations!! It’s so wonderful to know that they (& you) have reached such a significant milestone in their lives. I think we all feel like we know the twins, at least a little, through your posts over the years, and have watched them grow up. Thank you for sharing them with us! <3

P.S. How was the dress??

16 April { 11.01.17 at 7:36 pm }

MAZEL TOV!!!!

17 Jivf { 11.01.17 at 8:20 pm }

Enjoy the moment. It’s a really big deal. Mazal tov!

18 katherinea12 { 11.01.17 at 10:15 pm }

Congratulations to all of you! It sounds like an absolutely amazing, beautiful culmination of all the hard work that went into it.

Thank you for sharing this journey with so many of us.

19 Lori Lavender Luz { 11.02.17 at 12:19 pm }

I feel such joy and wholeness reading this post. Especially the forehead connection/group hug you mentioned. So happy and proud of all of you for making this happen so amazingly.

I, too, can hardly wait to see your children share their gifts with the world.

20 torthuil { 11.02.17 at 10:59 pm }

Aw, congratulations. I know from reading this it was a beautiful, heart-exploding event. So happy you could share these special moments with your family.

21 Mali { 11.03.17 at 9:12 pm }

Oh wow, I got tears in my eyes reading this. So glad it went so well. I hope the kids loved it as much as you did. Perhaps though the magnitude of the event won’t really strike them until much much later. I hope too that one day you’re still writing (and I’m still reading) and you can report that they’ve graduated college, or made a research breakthrough, or have met someone who makes them happy, or have been elected to office.

It’s probably not that far away.

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