The Creme de la Creme list burst open with dozens of entries within the first hour.  Last year, on the first day, we had 27 entries.  This year, we had that within the first few hours.  I have high hopes for hitting 400+ posts.  I want to thank everyone who has already spread word about the list via Twitter, Facebook, and blog posts.  Thank you to everyone who Stumbled it.  Because the list is closing early this year, if we don’t spread word now, many people who only find out about the Creme when the list goes up in January will miss out.

The first prize has also been given out.  Mommy Odyssey hit the current 18th slot on the list (since people will be shifted back to make room for the new people in the 2nd, 4th, and 6th slot.  Don’t know what I’m talking about?  Read the Creme de la Creme post).  She has won the $100 Amazon gift card provide by Attain Fertility (thank you, Attain!).  Slot #36 will be contacted soon.

For everyone who thinks they don’t have a “best” post this year, I challenge you with this.  Are you completely willing to delete your blog?  Every single last post from 2011?  No?  Then you technically have one you can submit.  It’s the one you’d save if you could keep just one.  It may not be spectacular.  It may just be an update on your lining thickness.  But it means something to you.  And therefore, it means something to us.

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We will be having the Grateful Said, and that will launch within the next week or so.  So go look for good comments — again, don’t get hung up on the word “best” but instead think about a particularly nice comment that came exactly when you needed it.  Personally, I am looking for what was a difficult post to write and publicly thanking the first person who commented since they set my heart at ease.

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The twins are working on an autobiography project at school.  They need to bring in a baby picture and a current picture to kick off the book.  Printing out a current picture was easy — I went into the computer and grabbed one of each from a hiking trip we took this summer.  The baby picture wasn’t quite as easy.  I started with actual baby pictures, and then I started to get worried that the other kids in the class would (1) be freaked out to see a two pound baby covered in wires and tubing or (2) that the twins would be made fun of because they had been two pound babies covered in wires and tubing.  So I skipped forward a few months to when they had some meat on their bones, but that felt false, as if I was editing history.  They were two pound babies; why should we pretend otherwise?  So I went back to the earlier pictures in the NICU and started the whole internal monologue several more times.

I finally went with some pictures from when they were 5 months.

Even though I think there is a lot of beauty in this:

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Time” (This Was Supposed to be My Symphony)
• “The Legacy of an Adopted Child” (I Believe in Miracles)
• “My Son Processes a New Layer of His Adoptedness” (Write Mind Open Heart)
• “Notes from a Dragon Mom” (NY Times)

Okay, now my choices this week.

It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) has a difficult to read post this week about being abandoned for the second time by her mother.  I was drawn to this post for the sheer rawness; the eloquence of her explanation.  And I love this point: “Yet, I am still standing. And, as things come to a head and the crazy swirls around me, I wonder how that is possible. I credit the many friends in my chosen family who mentored me and ushered me through the toughest years.”

Getting There also had a difficult post about death, namely, the fact that death is part of her child’s adoption story.  She explains, “I’ve promised my boy that he is with us forever – and that’s a promise for a two year old. But at some point in the future my boy is going to realise that forever isn’t going to happen. If his birth father can die, doesn’t that mean that his mummy and daddy might die?”  The ending of the post is moving, and you’re forewarned that you should bring Kleenex to read it.

Lastly, ending on a happy note, A Half Baked Life has a post that asks an excellent question: when was the last time you treated yourself as the honoured guest?  My internal answer was… pretty much never.  Which begs the question: why don’t a bake a freakin’ cake for myself, declare myself important enough to warrant the same treatment I give my guests?  It’s a great post about being compassionate to yourself with a recipe to boot.

The roundup to the Roundup: The Creme de la Creme is off to a great start (and please keep spreading the word).  The Grateful Said will kick off soon.  A glimpse into my internal monologue over a school project.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 14th and October 21st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

It is the sixth anniversary of the little Creme de la Creme.  364 bloggers participated last year.  I’d love that number to jump past 400 this year.  If this is your first time hearing about the project, this post should tell you everything you need to know.   If you’ve participated in years past, you know how much fun the list is when its revealed on January 1st. So, I hereby declare the 2011 Creme de la Creme list open.

I know this is loooooong, but please read this whole post before submitting your entry. Every year, the rules change slightly in order to streamline the process.

If you didn’t read or participate in this list in 2006 or in 2007 or in 2008 or in 2009 or in 2010, the impulse behind this list are the ubiquitous award ceremonies that crawl out of their hiding spaces usually around December or January. Awards are nice — it’s good to honour someone and mark big accomplishments. But we all have a best post tucked into our archives. We all have words that have moved another person or ideas that have kicked off a series of musings. Bloggers are writers, and all of us deserve to be celebrated.

And we’re doing just that.

This is the way it works. If you want to participate, read through your archives from 2011 and choose a favourite post. You can leave all sorts of comments below telling me how fantastic I am, but fill out the form to send in your submission (do not leave it in the comments section–the point of this list is also the surprise of seeing the choices revealed on a single day). If you post your link below, I will delete it. Again, feel free to leave love comments below — in fact, please do leave love comments below — but not your submission for the list. Let’s keep it a surprise until the list is ready to go up.

You can only choose one entry. You cannot be modest. Everyone has a best post. There is no such thing as a boring blog. Even if you don’t think you have any readers because you’ve never received a comment, you have a best post. The one that you felt really good about when you hit publish. The one that would be the post you’d put forward if an editor called you tomorrow and said, “I have this great writing job for you that will pay a million dollars an hour. You just need to submit one blog entry to get this job so we can check your writing style.”

Even if you just found my blog because you read about the Creme de la Creme on another person’s blog, you are not only welcome to submit; you are encouraged. It is the best posts of 2011 for the ALI community and that community includes anyone who writes about infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal death, assisted reproduction, pregnancy after infertility or loss, and every related topic — from living child-free after infertility to parenting after infertility. Everyone on the blogroll (or could be on the blogroll) is welcome to participate. Really, you don’t need to be a regular reader of my blog to join in. It’s open to everyone in the ALI blogosphere. I can’t say this in more ways than that. Which means you don’t need to write me a note asking if it’s okay to participate. The answer is yes. Okay?

Actually, it’s not only “yes;” it’s “please do.”

The list will be posted January 1st, and I promise that you will use up a good portion of the beginning of the year reading through the most stunning posts you’ve ever seen. We had 364 posts last year, and I’d really like to top that this year. My goal is all 3000 blogs currently on the blogroll, but barring that, let’s aim for over 400. Which means that not only do you have to participate if you’re reading this, but you need to spread the word and get other bloggers to participate (more on that below). Link to this post, send out a note to other bloggers you like, and suggest favourite posts to bloggers from this past year.

Um…other FAQ-like things:

How many posts can I submit?

You can only submit one. Please don’t submit two and ask me to choose. Submit one.

How will I know that you received my entry?

When you hit submit on the form, you should get a screen telling you that I have my entry. If you don’t see that screen, I don’t have your entry.

I sent in a post last week but I just wrote one that I love more! Can I switch my submission?

The short answer is no. The reason is that I write up the blurbs that appear next to each entry. This takes a lot of time. When you change your post, I have to write another blurb. Therefore, think carefully. But get your post in early so it’s high up on the list. But take your time picking it so you’re positive it’s the one you want on the list. But don’t give this too much thought…

If you just submitted it an hour earlier and realized you sent the wrong link, email me quickly so I can change it. Once I write the blurb, it’s set. I mean, you can pull your blog from the list, but you can’t submit a different link.

How do I know which one is my best?

Think of this list in sort of the same vein as those “Best American Short Story”-type collections except that it’s blog entries and everyone in the blogosphere should be represented with a link. The idea of the creme de la creme is not to put out there “the best” by someone else’s definition of “best.” It’s to put out the entry that means the most to you. Everyone has a best entry from 2011. It’s the one you would cry about if it was ever eaten by your computer. Even if it’s only meaningful to you.

I’m having a lot of trouble choosing my best one.

Why don’t you give a few choices to a friend and get their opinion? Don’t get hung up on the word “best.” It’s more about presenting a small taste of your blog. A lot of people read the list each January and it’s a chance for them to get to know your blog in one post. The goal, of course, is not only to honour every blog, but to also introduce everyone. Think of it like a cocktail party. You certainly think about what you wear, but everything doesn’t hinge on this one outfit.

I want to submit a post about my dog/favourite recipe/vacation in Hawaii. So … er … it’s not about adoption/infertility/loss. Can I? Or I want to submit a post but it has pictures of my baby in it. Do you think this is okay for an IF list?

Well, this list is sort of a pu-pu platter of the ALI community. Therefore, if your post is about your ski trip last winter, it doesn’t really show any emotion, thought, or event flitting through the community. Still, people have submitted off-topic posts in the past. If you have any part of the post that if ALI-related, all the better though.

The second question is a sensitivity one. Personally, I think that babies are part of the community and territory. The reality is that we’re all working towards parenthood or were once working towards parenthood. And children are included in that. I try to always mention in my blurb if it’s about a baby or if there are photos so people are given a heads up before they click over. So, yes, send posts that have photos in it and I will make sure that people know the gist of the post before they click over if they’re in a sensitive space.

I’m a man. Can I participate?

Are you part of the ALI community? Then didn’t you read above? EVERYONE is invited to participate. Male, female, young, old, married, single, gay, straight, everyone everyone everyone.

I’m a golden retriever. Can I participate?

Er … a golden retriever with a blog? An infertile golden retriever with a blog? I guess … I mean … I did say everyone …

I just started my blog in October. Can I participate?

As long as you’ve had one post in 2011, you can participate. Even if you didn’t start your blog until October 2011. Just choose your best from the last two months.

My blog is password protected. Can I participate?

If your blog is password protected and you want to participate, choose your blog entry and create a free blog at Blogger or WordPress and post that single entry. Then send me the link so I can place it on the list. I can’t link to password protected blogs.

When is the deadline for getting in my submission (and this has changed since last year so pay attention)?

To ensure that you’re on the list on January 1st, please fill out the form by December 15th. If you submit after December 15, you will be on the list, but you will probably go up after people have started reading on January 1st.

The 2011 list doesn’t technically close until January 5, 2011. Therefore, if it is after January 1st and the list is already up, you can still submit as long as it is before 11 pm EST on January 5, 2011. After that point, the list will be close to new entries and I’ll be working to get up the last remaining few.

So, just to reiterate — (1) if you submit before December 15th, you will be on the list on January 1st. (2) If you submit between December 16th and 31st, you may be on the list January 1st, but more likely, you’ll be on some point after January 1st. (3) If you submit between January 1st and 5th, you’ll go up on the list as soon as possible. And then the list is closed until next year when the new one opens.

What about those prizes and special spaces on the list thing you were mentioning a few weeks back?

We have 18 prizes.  The 18 slots that will get to pick from the pool of 18 prizes are 36, 54, 72, 90, 108, 126, 144, 162, 180, 198, 216, 234, 252, 270 288, 306, and 324.  Also the person in the 18th slot on the list will receive a $100 gift card to Amazon from Attain Fertility.  An enormous thank you to all of the prize submitters.

1. Babylegs (Here We Go Again)
2. A curated list of 10-20 good book suggestions (for an adult or child) based on reading preferences, mood, etc. I’d throw in a copy of a book or two that ends up on the list as well (I Lost a World)
3. My Hopeful Journey — a web organizer for treatments (My Hopeful Journey)
4. Mugs (First Time Twins)
5. Israeli chocolate (Mommy Odyssey)
6. $10 Starbucks gift card (Are You Kidding Me?)
7. Personalized notecards (PB Creations by Virtue75)
8. Custom-made scrapbooking banner (Lessons from an Infertile Social Worker)
9. Glass jewelry (Battlefish)
10. 3 phone charms (Battlefish)
11. 2 bookmarks (Battlefish)
12. A handpainted mizuko jizo watercolour (Still Life with Circles)
13. A cigar box purse. One of a kind design (Denver Laura)
14. Handmade crocheted scarf (CD1 Again)
15. 6 digital scrapbooking pages (Tears are for Babies)
16. 1 adoption profile review (Profiles that Get Picked)
17. Crocheted afghan (Wistful Girl’s World)
18. Watercolour (Jess Rowe Art)

• Lucky Spot Prize (for spot #18): $100 Amazon gift card from Attain Fertility.

This is how it works.  If you fall on one of the prize slots, I will email you with a link to the list of prizes.  As prizes are claimed, they’ll be removed from that list.  You can choose any item off the list, and I’ll connect you with the prize giver so you can arrange for the delivery of the prize.  The first person (#36) will have their pick of all prizes.  The last person (#324) will get the remaining prize.

What about how you said that you were holding a few spaces near the top of the list…

Yes, some prime real estate is being held for three bloggers: slot 2, 4, and 6.  The second slot will go to the winner of the upcoming commenting contest (more news on that in the next few weeks).  Slot 4 is being held for a random IComLeavWe’er from November.  And slot 6 is being held for a random IComLeavWe’er from December.  Add your post regardless — don’t wait — because I will move you into that slot in the future if you win one of them.  Of course, it may end up that someone wins a prize because they’re in a prize slot and then moves into one of those top slots because they won that random contest, but I think we should all just marvel at their insane luck rather than grumble about them.

Can you post another link to the form right now because I’ve decided to submit.

Sure, here’s another link to the form. Just fill it out and hit send and it will go into the Creme de la Creme spreadsheet.

If you don’t want to participate, do nothing. With the Creme de la Creme List, I never add a blog or highlight a post unless the author has sent it to me. Therefore, no hurt feelings. If your post isn’t on the list, it’s because you haven’t sent one. If you see someone missing from the list after it is posted, go bug them and tell them to submit a post. But don’t send me a note asking me to add them without their permission. I really would like this post to be what the author believes is their best post, but if you are feeling shy and can’t choose, enlist a friend to help you narrow it down and choose your best work.

Lastly, there is another section of the list that needs your help: blogs that closed in 2011. These are blogs that closed entirely — the person stopped blogging and said specifically that they were not going to post any longer — not blogs that went password protected or the person moved their blog to a new space. If you read a blog that closed during 2011, please send me the title of the blog. It doesn’t matter if it was read by one person or read by 5000 people, all blogs should be honoured and recognized. And all blogs stand on the same plateau here.

Spread the word with the following button on a post or your sidebar to encourage others to send a link:

The code for adding the link to your blog can be found here.  You can also use the social media buttons at the bottom of the post.

Everyone has a best post. It is your personal best. It is not best by any other standard. Stop comparing yourself. Stop feeling shy. Stop thinking it’s immodest to toot your own horn when I’ve told you to toot your own horn. Start reading through your archives. Reflect on the year. And then send me a link for the list.

Wheew. Sorry about that last part. But everyone in the blogosphere should be represented and honoured.

Back in college, I went to see Chinua Achebe speak.  Before he took the stage, a musician came on, his purpose to get the crowd in the mood for the lecture.  A hype man of sorts.  Later that evening, I went to this coffeehouse/book store, and Chinua Achebe was at the next table along with the musician and a few other people.  I told my friend that I wanted that — someone to precede me to events and get the crowd good and ready for me.  I know I don’t actually warrant that sort of entourage, but I’d love to hear what my hype man would say about me to get people in the mood.

I was thinking about Achebe because we went to a parade last week, and we had to sit on the street curb for a good hour before it began.  They had positioned these teenage boys every few yards to entertain the crowd, pump us up, remind us as our asses became numb that it was all for a good reason — because the freakin’ parade was going to start in just 18 minutes and if we got up now to stretch we. might. miss. it.  So we watched these boys and even participated when they attempted to get the entire block of people to do the wave. (Fine, I didn’t actually stand, but I participated from a seated position.)

Which is a long way of saying that the Creme de la Creme of 2011 opens tomorrow morning at 9 am.

There are prizes, there are blurbs, there is laughter and crying and thought-provoking words.  There are posts that will blow your mind and ones that will make you sigh and quite a few that will make you smile and others that will simply feel as if you are sitting at someone’s kitchen table because they are a little slice of someone’s life.

I know the Creme post is often long — okay, I know it is extremely long and your ass will probably be numb by the time you finish sitting and reading it — but like any good hype man, I am here to cheer you along, promise you that slogging through will be worth it.  Please read the post in its entirety before submitting your post because things do change slightly every year and it helps things go smoothly.

And please help spread word tomorrow.  The list is closing early this year, so people who miss out on hearing about it now will miss out on being on the list.

So who is ready to get their Creme on?

Is it just me or does the publish button seem to hold a mysterious power?

There are plenty of posts that I write that never see the light-of-screen (which I guess is the blogging equivalent of never seeing the light-of-day).  But the hugely emotional ones?  The ones I grapple with?  The ones that take me forever to write because I am so invested in the words?  Those only feel complete once I hit the publish button.

Is it because blogging sometimes feels closely related to therapy?

Therapists often just sit there, listening, and honestly, their prompting sometimes just sounds like a polite reminder that they’re listening.  Yes, their questions can guide the conversation and their assessment can bring new light to an old problem, but a vast majority of therapy is simply talking, putting words to a situation, pondering it, crying about it.  It’s more that a person let’s go and talks most honestly with their therapist since they’re unencumbered with worrying about the listener’s feelings.  They’re not censoring themselves to spare the other person.

But in that regard, why isn’t writing in a journal or talking to the wall in your living room just as productive as therapy?  Is it really the questions or the brief assessment at the end of the session?  Or do we only really let go of unhelpful or useless thoughts and feelings when we know that someone else has collected them?

Do we need to know that someone else is sharing the burden of our thoughts?

Back to blogging, where is the line?  Do we just need to know the post is out there to get that release?  Do we need to know that people have read it?  Do we only start feeling like we can let go of those words and not let them have a hold of us once people comment (to either let us know that they heard or to let us know a “me too!”)  Or do we only get the release we feel from therapy when someone starts guiding our process by asking questions or giving advice or telling us how they hear our words?

What do you need to have happen to feel like posting it was worth it?  That posting it needed to happen so you could let go?

Or are you okay with not hitting the publish button?  Can you get the same release by leaving your words in the draft folder?

I was asked recently “how I do it.”  How I write here so frequently, read other blogs so frequently, raise the twins, work pretty much full time, cook meals, volunteer a few hours a week, and bonk my husband, all while wearing a frilly white lap apron and gaily whistling.  Come closer and I’ll tell you how.

I don’t.

I mean, yes, I do write here an awful lot and I do read a lot of other blogs, but I don’t watch television or read as much as I’d like to in exchange.  I raise the twins and parenting them is the one thing I don’t phone in.  I work pretty much full time hours shoved into part time hours, which doesn’t look pretty.  I am usually pretty stretched thin because of that, and sometimes I don’t get to sleep until very late if I’m working up against a deadline.  And by “very late,” I mean after midnight.  I do cook a lot, but I also serve a smorgasbord of Morningstar Farms products every time the twins get a large chunk of homework, which is pretty much three times a week.  I volunteer, and somehow that never seems to fall through the cracks; and I bonk my husband, though I don’t wear a frilly white apron and I am more commonly muttering obscenities under my breath than whistling.

I think we all peek at each other’s lives via blogs or social media accounts and think we know how life must look beyond the computer screen.  Or we even meet each other in the face-to-face world and spend time with one another and think the other person has their shit together.  I may look like I have my shit together on the computer screen or if you meet me face-to-face.  But I don’t have my shit together.  I am often feeling overwhelmed, pulled in too many directions, and missing out on stuff.  I am constantly worried about time.  I sometimes eat Tums for breakfast.  And there are also days when my to-do lists are all humming, and I feel like I have a hold on things.  But most of the time, I don’t.  Even if it appears like I do.

Life in this house isn’t a smooth Disney boat-ride a la It’s a Small World with colourful singing dolls all in their places.

It’s more like an IKEA product, cobbled together with a lot of cursing and missing parts and holding your breath while you say a prayer that the desk isn’t going to collapse the second you set the computer monitor atop it.  And yes, it looks pretty from far away, but you can tell that it’s laminate up close.  And I don’t mind that.  I like IKEA.  I like this messy, cobbled-together life.