I rarely do this, but all has been quiet on the blogging front.  So instead I pass along three pieces of advice/ways of viewing the world that I have been mulling over for weeks.  Do any of them speak to you, too?

The first was in a GQ article about Ram Dass.  I don’t know a lot about Ram Dass, but this quote felt like it summarized 2018:

That’s when Ram Dass articulated an idea that held as much truth and force in 2017 as it did when he said it 49 years earlier. “I know many of you will feel uncomfortable when I say this, but the hippies create the police as much as the police create the hippies,” he said, his Kennedy-esque Boston accent still intact. “That the liberals create the conservatives. The protesters create the John Birchers just as much as the John Birchers create the protesters. That as long as you are attached to whatever pole you are representing, the vibrations which you are sending out are creating its polar opposite around you. If you can do whatever is your karma—which may be walking in a protest march or fighting in Vietnam, or being a conservative or a liberal or being a housewife or being a yogi—and can do it without attachment, and do it fully and thoroughly but without attachment, then you do not create that karma. You do not create the polar opposite.”

It’s something I’ve said a lot over the years, even more so since the election two years ago: You can be pro-something without being anti-something else.  Not every “for” needs to be defined by what it’s “against.”  Though, of course, sometimes — for the sake of your own sanity and the lives of others — you have to be anti-something, too.

Your reaction?

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The next two are both from Carolyn Hax.  The first is a response to a letter she got where the person was upset that a sibling wasn’t responding to their news on a group text despite this same family member voicing support for another sibling.  The question asker wants to know if it’s cool if they cut out that family member from future news shares.

Carolyn responds:

I think it’s absolutely astonishing that you’re poised to punish a till-now “close” sibling because you “can’t help feeling they must feel” they “have . . . reason for feeling” that “it seems” “I’m feeling” they “seemed to pointedly” feel. Or seem. Or point.

A lot of seem and feel, signifying nothing.

Before you start a cold war, at least make even a cursory effort to find out whether the other side is actually on the other side … Choose not to take things personally, and watch most problems go away.

It was just this great reminder to look at how often we talk about our feelings and take them as fact.  When… they’re just that.  Feelings.  Maybe not always the best information source to use to make life-changing decisions.

The second is a person who has found happiness after a struggle, and Hax asks a question in return that I think I’m going to use in the future when I tell myself that I don’t deserve to enjoy a moment.  The person asks: “How do I get over the feeling that I don’t deserve this happiness?”

Carolyn responds: “If you don’t, then who does? Real question, not rhetorical.”

Perfect on both counts, don’t you think?

A Cup of Jo has a very good trick for managing anxiety at night, which is just don’t do it.  Don’t worry.  Like in the same way that you tell yourself that you’re not going to eat after dinner, and then you do whatever you need to do to not eat after dinner.  You give yourself a cut-off time for worrying — for instance, 8 pm — and then after that time, you tell yourself that you are totally allowed to worry tomorrow morning.  Just not tonight.

I also really love the idea of giving my anxiety voice a name and separating the anxiety from myself.  Because then it becomes this other entity ringing into my head and trying to get me to pick up the worry phone.  It’s like a worrying phone solicitor, and I should treat it just as I treat the real SPAM callers and not pick up the damn phone and engage.

I’m putting the ChickieNob on the case to get me a name for my separate-from-myself-trying-to-get-me-to-worry voice.  I keep sort of returning to the name Phil, but I’m open to any suggestions you may have.

Two similar pieces popped up back-to-back in my world last week.  One was a video calculating how much longer you have on this earth so that you’ll spend the time with people who are your priorities rather than staring at a screen, like you’re doing right now by reading this post and watching this video… that is made by an alcohol company.

The other was this old blog post from Wait But Why, breaking down how many winters you have left, how many presidents you’ll live to see elected, how many more pizzas you’ll eat.  It’s your lifetime, focused on the finish line.  Or, as he tries to teach, “If you’re in your last 10% of time with someone you love, keep that fact in the front of your mind when you’re with them and treat that time as what it actually is: precious.”

Both pieces totally depressed me, missing their mark. Instead of focusing on the message, my very basic brain started running around inside my skull, screaming, “Everyone and everything you love will be gone one day!”

Big sigh.

Sorry to ruin your post-Christmas glow. I pass them along (as they were passed along to me) with the hope that you get something different out of them.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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The Internet is a wonderful space because it allows me every year to vicariously experience Christmas.  So feed my heart: how do you do Christmas?  What did you do last night?  What will you do later today?  Have you opened your gifts?  What did you get?  Who are you with?  What is the best thing about this Christmas, or, if it hasn’t been a great day, what is the worst thing about this Christmas?  This doesn’t just need to be a place to gush; you can also use it as a space to vent.

Christmas 2018 — spill it.  Let me know how you’re spending the day if you celebrate it.

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

Valery and I were emailing after she mentioned that she re-read her own blog, and it occurred to me that I have never done this.  I’ve re-read specific posts, and sometimes, if I’m looking for something, I’ll read the posts around it.  But I’ve never started at the beginning and read back through it as the story of my life.

Which is, you know, what it is.  It’s the story of what I’ve thought about for the last 12+ years.  A quarter of my life.  But I’ve never gone back to the first post and read from June 2006 until now, seeing how those thoughts have changed or reliving moments.  Who knows what I’ll find in there that I’ve forgotten about?

Have you ever read your own blog from beginning to end?