Two posts about infertility that I saved to read on the weekend, hence why I didn’t slip them into the Friday Roundup.

The first was on Slate and asks why we don’t have better workplace policies around fertility treatments when infertility is “as common as breast cancer and more common than Type 2 diabetes.”  Why we have tons of debate about “whether employers have the right to limit women’s access to contraception through their health plans,” yet little debate about whether employers should cover treatments in the same health plan.

Moreover, as the article points out:

Since these treatments fall, in terms of official workplace policy, at the intersection between medical treatment, disability, and pregnancy, companies are often caught flat-footed, with many lacking precedent and clear policies—leaving managers and HR staffers to make their own judgments.

In other words, there is more of a chance that employers will get this wrong, but there’s little incentive to get it right because the burden falls on the employee.  Career + pregnancy/parenthood is already a thorny issue; and this is the worst of all worlds: announcing a possible pregnancy before there is any pregnancy to announce.  The article is a good look about all the issues surrounding infertility and the workplace.

The second was on Geekmom, and it’s why they decided to publicly speak about their miscarriage on social media.  It wasn’t only to gather support or let other people know that they’re not alone.  There’s a benefit to posting your difficult news on Facebook: “We could take our time to put our message together once and not have to rehash it out over and over again when we just didn’t have the energy to be that emotionally vulnerable in front of everyone yet.”  It changed her relationships with people she already knew, drawing her closer to the ones who could support her through the aftermath.

The first article points out all the reasons you should play your infertility cards close to your chest.  The second article points out all the reasons why you should place those cards on the table.

I remembered to watch Rent!  We treated it like a three-hour sing along, which was probably annoying for the ChickieNob, though she didn’t say anything.  Rent is sort of like pizza; even bad Rent is still better than no Rent.  And this wasn’t bad Rent.  It was totally enjoyable with solid performances.  A night well spent.

But it kicked off trying to recapture how it felt to see the show in the 90s.  So first we tried to show the ChickieNob the film.  I didn’t realize (1) how many songs they skipped and (2) how much they spoke instead of sang.  But at least she got to see the original actors that we saw on stage.  Next, we’re moving on to Rent Live in 2008.  They filmed the stage version with that cast, so it’s the actual play without changes and the audience is behaving like an audience.  I was a little thrown off by the audience cheering during the Fox performance as well as the actors singing to the audience rather than each other.  So I’m hopeful about this one.

What did you think of last week’s Rent event?

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Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “The First Follow Up” (R. Sativus)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I’m kicking things off with two non-IF posts because they’re both so good.  The first is Her Royal Highness (yes, the ChickieNob) warning about believing the faux royal feud.  I love this because she came downstairs to ask if she could read something to me before she posted, and it contained this nugget: “These are real people who you keep spreading rumors about.”  We often forget that as we scroll through social media; that what is written for our entertainment comes at another person’s expense.  So… go ChickieNob!

The other is The Skinny Black Girl writing about the primaries.  Again, a very smart way of seeing the world: “I’m listening. Because that’s what primaries are about. Have questions. Hold leaders accountable for their records. That’s part of a healthy, engaged democracy. But also: hear them out. That’s the point. To meet and learn the candidates.”  Skinny Black Girl for President because she’s literally that smart.  Go read the whole post.

The Road Less Travelled has a post about discovering the next selection at book club: The Mothers.  She explains, “I’m trying to tell myself that this is part of the reason why I’m joining a book club, to be exposed to books & authors I might not otherwise look at. Who knows, I might wind up enjoying it. But seriously — the next read just happens to be a book called The Mothers?? What are the odds, right? Just one more reminder of what I am not.”  Yes, book clubs push you onto new reading paths, but this is the flip side of that; when it leads you somewhere you don’t want to go.

Lastly, Res Cogitatae captures what love really is.  It’s not the big romantic gestures.  It’s not the wedding or the anniversary celebrations.  It’s 5:45 am in the snow.  Yes, I’m going to make you read the post to get the story.

The roundup to the Roundup: All Rent is good Rent.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 25th and February 1st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I was talking with Josh, trying to determine my alone line: the boundary that separates you from a desired activity if you have to do it alone.  In other words, things you do for pleasure since most people don’t really have an alone line when it comes to work events.

Some people have a really big green “go” zone before they get to their line, and only a little sliver of the red “no” zone on the other side.  Other people have a tiny green zone and enormous red zone.  Evenly split, all green, all red — the line is always personal.  And I think people often over- or underestimate where their line exists.

For me: all restaurants are in the green zone.  I like eating alone.  So every eating establishment, even date-y restaurants, are a go.  Going to the movies or theater is also in the green zone.  Any show, any theater, I’m good with going to both alone.  But not concerts.  Concerts are mostly in the red zone.  I would need to be desperate to see the act, and I am never desperate to see any act.  So concerts are over the line.  I’d go to a concert with someone, but I’d never go alone.  Same with sporting events.

Coffee houses are green.  Bars are red.  It’s not that I wouldn’t go to a bar by myself, but it’s over in the red zone, so I’m more likely to give up on the idea of going if I have to go alone.  Maybe if I was on a work trip… but even then… I’d rather spend time in the hotel room by myself than go sit in a bar.

Travel not for work.  I mean, clearly, sometimes I have to travel alone for work, but would I take a vacation by myself?  To the local beaches, yes.  To beaches farther than a three-hour drive… probably not?  To cities I know, yes.  To cities I don’t know… probably not?  Once upon a time, I went to foreign countries and traveled around by myself.  Now, I don’t think I would do that anymore.

That’s where I petered out in coming up with activities to place on one side or the other side of the alone line.  What else am I forgetting?  And where is your alone line?

I am on the final book in the Crazy Rich Asians trilogy.  Reading the first page was like getting into my pyjamas at the end of the day.  (Who am I kidding?  I’m always in my pyjamas.  If I have a day with zero video calls, you can bet that I am in a hoodie and clashing sweatpants.  But pretend that I spend my whole day dressed up and finally get to undo my bra at 8 pm.)

It’s just delicious, mindless fun.  I missed all the characters.

Anyway, I was moved to start it because there was an article about Singapore in the LA Times, which made me think about how I never finished the trilogy… I guess that thought-route wasn’t that interesting.

But the article is about the idea of kiasu, or the fear of losing out.  My only issue with the article is that the writer references FOMO, which immediately made me confused because none of the examples given had anything to do with FOMO.  The only thing similar (that I could see) between kiasu and FOMO is the word “fear.”  But while FOMO is a sense of not being included, kiasu is about not doing enough and therefore missing out.  Sort of like this.  But more the sense that you should have spoken up, and now it’s too late, or you should have grabbed something, and now it’s gone.  It’s a fear that you’ll have regrets because you didn’t do something you should have done in the moment.  It’s being able to say you did everything in your power to make something happen, leaving nothing to chance.

And the book, of course, is about kiasu, though the word has yet to come up in the text.  The grandmother is dying; the mother wants Nick to return to Singapore to say goodbye on the off-chance that seeing him puts him back into her will.  So kiasu about possibly losing out on an inheritance.  For her son, there is a sense of kiasu that if he doesn’t return to connect with his grandmother, she’ll die with them estranged and he loves her deeply.  The article made me remember that I needed to complete the series, but then article gave me deeper insights about what’s motivating all the characters.

I connect deeply with this idea of kiasu.  I am someone who worries a lot about having regrets and therefore probably goes overboard trying to control a situation so I don’t have regrets.  I guess I’m curious to see how the end of the book unfolds, and how everyone deals with their fears.  Maybe I’ll learn a little lesson about life in this totally wonderful (and only pretend vapid) series.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I read a little nugget of advice that I like and hate in equal measure.  On the plus side, it’s a really easy way to get yourself motivated.  On the minus side, it brings up all my feelings over the idea of “just one more bite.”

(No, not just one more bite.  When you’re full, you’re full.)

So the idea is that when you’re stuck or dragging, you tell yourself that you’re just going to do five more of something or spend five more minutes.  For instance, I’ll just answer five more emails.  Or I’ll work on this for five more minutes.  The idea being that we can usually handle five more of something and continuing can sometimes get us over the “don’t wanna” hump:

Don’t feel like exercising? Do five downward facing dogs. Can’t bring yourself to clean out the whole fridge? Clear out five items. Taunted by that giant unopened novel that’s been sitting on your nightstand? Read just five pages. You’re giving yourself a jump-start—and once you get going, you likely won’t stop.

What do you think?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.