The Alone Line
I was talking with Josh, trying to determine my alone line: the boundary that separates you from a desired activity if you have to do it alone. In other words, things you do for pleasure since most people don’t really have an alone line when it comes to work events.
Some people have a really big green “go” zone before they get to their line, and only a little sliver of the red “no” zone on the other side. Other people have a tiny green zone and enormous red zone. Evenly split, all green, all red — the line is always personal. And I think people often over- or underestimate where their line exists.
For me: all restaurants are in the green zone. I like eating alone. So every eating establishment, even date-y restaurants, are a go. Going to the movies or theater is also in the green zone. Any show, any theater, I’m good with going to both alone. But not concerts. Concerts are mostly in the red zone. I would need to be desperate to see the act, and I am never desperate to see any act. So concerts are over the line. I’d go to a concert with someone, but I’d never go alone. Same with sporting events.
Coffee houses are green. Bars are red. It’s not that I wouldn’t go to a bar by myself, but it’s over in the red zone, so I’m more likely to give up on the idea of going if I have to go alone. Maybe if I was on a work trip… but even then… I’d rather spend time in the hotel room by myself than go sit in a bar.
Travel not for work. I mean, clearly, sometimes I have to travel alone for work, but would I take a vacation by myself? To the local beaches, yes. To beaches farther than a three-hour drive… probably not? To cities I know, yes. To cities I don’t know… probably not? Once upon a time, I went to foreign countries and traveled around by myself. Now, I don’t think I would do that anymore.
That’s where I petered out in coming up with activities to place on one side or the other side of the alone line. What else am I forgetting? And where is your alone line?
7 comments
Apparently leaving my house for anything that doesn’t involve work.
Oh man! I am never alone, and sometimes I so wish I was/could do more alone. It is very rare these days for me to have an opportunity to do things alone, but I totally love when they do, such a traveling and going to concerts/shows. I wish I felt like this more when I was younger, because I have had shows “ruined” because I didn’t want to go alone and ended up going with people who didn’t appreciate the artist/music and made it not great for me. Life is too short and I like what I like, so next time an opportunity comes to go alone, I definitely will.
It’s really funny because last year I was going to DC by myself for a show, and my 14 year old was very worried and concerned about me riding the metro alone, and it dawned on me that since I am never alone, she had no idea I could function by myself! I had to reassure her I would be fine, and I also sent text check-ins.
I will say that having a smartphone means I never actually feel alone, even when I am. Which is kind of weird to say.
I’ll do some things alone other cities/overseas that I don’t do here. Perhaps it is living in a small city, where we can never be anonymous? That includes movies/theatre, fine dining restaurants. I love my cafe/restaurant alone time here though.
That said, as much as I enjoy travelling alone, I sometimes get a bit lonely. But the freedom. Aaah, that would be wonderful. I would love to go somewhere to study the language, and do that alone. Travelling with my husband really cramps my language-learning style! (We talk to each other rather than the locals). It has been ages (7-8 years) since I travelled alone, and I miss it.
I wouldn’t go to a bar alone either.
I spend A LOT of time alone.
Movies, concerts, restaurants, bars (during happy hour), travel. All are on the table as solo ventures. Especially movies because I tend to talk when I go with friends.
I wouldn’t go to a club or late-night bar alone b/c dancing is better done with friends. I’ve not had the opportunity to travel abroad alone, but I think I’d be okay in a mostly English-speaking country. Sporting events are in the middle. If it’s a team I’m really invested in, I’d go alone if I couldn’t find a companion.
Very thought provoking! Restaurants would have been a total red for me, but as I’ve gotten older I don’t feel as self conscious about the idea of eating alone. Like you I also have traveled alone in my past but not sure I would go it again.
Very interesting. I have traveled alone but would rather not. Hopefully, any future trips will not be a solo excursion.
Restaurants/coffee shops/cafes, movies, theater, museums–pretty much everything–I’m okay to do alone but again, would rather have company. I haven’t been in a bar in years. I’m thinking I absolutely will not go into one alone now.
I can’t think of too many things I wouldn’t do alone. I generally don’t do much alone these days — for one thing, I don’t drive, so I sometimes NEED dh to take me places (if only to the subway station, lol), or else I wouldn’t get there at all. He gets quite anxious when I go off on my own, downtown for appointments, etc. I get a bit annoyed because it’s not like I’m a teenager, right? 😉
But I have done a lot of things on my own, especially when I was younger… movies, museums, restaurants, travelling. Sometimes I didn’t want to be alone, but sometimes I didn’t really mind. 🙂 As a university student, & as a newlywed, I didn’t always know a lot of people to do things with… when I was first married, dh was at work during the day, so I did a lot of exploring by myself. I even used to go to parties by myself when I was a student, especially in first year. I felt sort of funny doing it — I would have preferred to go with someone — but I really wanted to go and the floor I lived on was NOT a partying floor. 😉 I figured I would probably see someone I knew there that I could hang out with, and I usually did. I don’t remember ever going to a bar by myself, even when I was younger, and I don’t think I would do that today. Not sure about concerts, but my sister has gone to concerts alone (Paul McCartney — not this most recent time when I went with her, but another time previously — Bon Jovi). She really wanted to go, and couldn’t persuade her partner or her best friend to go with her, so she just bought a ticket for herself.