Why is People magazine telling us about a three-year-old study, apropos of nothing?  This week’s article:

There could be another (surprising!) anti-aging solution for women: having more children. According to a study conducted by researchers at Simon Fraser University in 2016, the number of children a woman gives birth to can have an effect on the rate at which her body ages — slowing the process down.

I’ll admit, the first time I read the opening my eye skipped over the date, and I felt like shit about myself.  But the second time I read it, I felt like People thinks shit about me because they are delivering up a three-year-old study as if this is breaking news for seemingly no reason.  Like reporting on the sinking of the Titanic as if it happened last night but including the fact that the news is 107 years old.

In other words, it’s not news, but they’re putting it out there because fertility sells.  Articles about motherhood sells.  Scaring you with ideas about your biological clock sells.  Because they believe their audience wants to read about three-year-old studies as if it’s breaking news.  There is no update, no reason for saying it now; this is not evergreen content.

I’m putting this out there in case you wanted an example to use to explain to people society’s hyperfocus on fertility and how it affects people who can’t conceive.  You can show them a 2019 article about a 2016 study and ask them to find an article on any other topic that does the same, for instance, a 2019 article that solely covers the 2012 report about concussions and football as if the study came out this week.  Strange how that never happens.

On Monday night, we went down to Politics and Prose to hear Jasper Fforde read.  When I saw that DC was a stop on his book tour, I ran around the house screaming, “WE ARE SEEING JASPER FFORDE IN FEBRUARY!” when the date was announced a few months ago.

He is one of my most favourite-ests.

A bookseller at Politics and Prose recommended The Eyre Affair right when it came out, promising that it was Harry Potter for adults.  And while it isn’t actually Harry Potter for adults, it is twenty kinds of fun and just makes me happy.  His writing makes me happy.  Even when he put a huge cliffhanger into the end of Shades of Grey and then didn’t work on the next book in the series.  Just saying.

I saw him once before in 2007, but it was the first time for the twins and Josh.  I love that we all enjoy the same author.  And that he kinda sorta has our last name.  And that the reading was so packed that we had to get there over an hour beforehand to get a seat.  (It’s nice to feel a part of a fandom.)  And that fifty people all shouted out about the ending of Shades of Grey at the same time when he was speaking about series work.  And that I have a new Jasper Fforde book to read.

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Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Lucky” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Jess!
• “A Teaching Moment” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Lavender Luz has a post about the movie Three Identical Strangers and a reaction to a piece in Psychology Today.  It’s a disturbing story, and I’m a little stunned someone would publish something supporting the study in Psychology Today (and that the piece would pass the magazine’s editorial team standards).  While there is probably more to the story than presented by the filmmakers, the fact that the notes are sealed and will be until all the (unwilling) participants are gone is indefensible.  She makes dozens of great points in the post — go read it.

Not a Wasted Word has a post about identifying core values.  One, I love the reframing of, “We don’t prioritize that.”  And then this: “It was easy to believe our choices were drastically limited, but the reality is that we limit them ourselves, with our assumptions, our preconceptions, and our values.”  It’s empowering to think that you can take an unhappy situation and change it or find peace with it by bringing in your core values.  Food for thought.

Life Without Baby has a post about how time moves differently when you don’t have children.  She explains the difference with her friend: “She marks the passing of time with birthday parties, school grades, and childhood milestones. She knows how long ago something happened, because she knows how old her kids were, or what grade they were in at the time.”  It’s about finding your anchors and milestones.

Lastly, Torthúil has a post marking the five years since her positive pregnancy test.  It’s amazing to look back on what you didn’t know in the moment from the vantage point of the future, and it’s a beautiful reminder you may one day reach a day where you don’t automatically know the day of your cycle.  She writes: “The weeks after February 17th didn’t go smoothly. At the time it felt like they might be the undoing of me. But they began a new story, and here we are.”  Congratulations!

The roundup to the Roundup: I got to see Jasper Fforde this week.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 15th and 22nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I’ve been holding onto a New York Times opinion piece, reading it from time to time and taking comfort in the words.  Emily Winter set out to get 100 rejections.  She figured that if she wasn’t rejected, it was a win because she got a job.  And if she was rejected, it was a win because it was part of her project.  Pretty sneaky.

The point is that you can’t achieve things if you don’t put yourself out there.  Every achievement comes with the possibility to failure baked in.  And even if you don’t end up finding closed doors along the way, there is the possibility of closed doors along the way.

But mostly I loved this piece because of Angela Duckworth’s words about grit and what plugging away at something — even if you never succeed — is worth for the life lessons learned along the way.  It, of course, made me think about infertility.  Plugging away, month after month, only motivated by hope.  How much grit does our community have collectively?

Does the piece have a happy ending?  Not really.  It has a realistic ending.  And maybe that’s why I keep reading it over and over again.  No prancing unicorns; just a believe in the worth of putting your heart out there again and again.

There was a study that came out right before Christmas about how loneliness comes in three waves during life: late-20s, mid-50s, and late-80s. Not that you can’t be lonely at other times, but those are the big time periods for emotional upheaval.

CNN had a quote from one of the authors of the study:

“One thing to remember is that loneliness is subjective. Loneliness does not mean being alone; loneliness does not mean not having friends,” said Jeste, who is also director of UC San Diego’s Center for Healthy Aging. “Loneliness is defined as ‘subjective distress.’ ” It is the discrepancy between the social relationships you want and the social relationships you have, he said.

So loneliness is in the eye of the beholder, and it’s often tied to what is happening in your life and feeling apart from others even while surrounded by many.  Some life events we go through “alone,” even when we’re not alone.

The authors stated the reason for loneliness in your late-20s is tied to decisions — life decisions and career decisions.  Mid-50s loneliness is tied to health.  (It made me think of Spalding Gray’s Bermuda Triangle of Health between 50 and 53.). Late-80s is tied to loss and end-of-life situations.  So they’re all high-stress situations that make you feel like you’re floating out there on your own.  Even if you’re not alone.

I’ve clearly already lived through my late-20s.  I did feel lonely, but it was from going through infertility; not decisions.  But mid-50s is on the horizon.

I wonder if it’s helpful to be told that a certain time period will be X.  Or does it become a self-fulfilling prophecy where you’re filled with dread because you’re told you’re going to feel awful; and, in turn, you end up feeling awful due to the dread?  Is it better to have the heads up and mentally get your ducks in a row (if you can), or better to let things unfold without the warning of how stressed out you will feel?

Too late; I’m already worried about the next decade.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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The books you’re reading now — at least, the e-book versions — are the future books that people described decades ago.  Wired had a piece on all the ideas people had for where digital books would go:

The Future Book would change depending on where you were, how you were feeling. It would incorporate your very environment into its story—the name of the coffee shop you were sitting at, your best friend’s birthday. It would be sly, maybe a little creepy. Definitely programmable.

There are definitely books doing innovative things — I’m thinking of books that have accompanying apps.  But for the most part, my e-books are screen versions of my paper books, albeit with the ability to highlight with my finger and look up a word with a tap.

Read through the list of ideas in that article.  Which do you wish would come true?  Me — I want the indefinite Ulysses.

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.