Category — Friday Blog Roundup

Life from Scratch is a little over nine years old. Isn’t that bizarre to think? It came out in December 2010. The reason I’m telling you this is that the e-book version is on sale for the next two weeks for 99¢. You can’t even get a gumball anymore for 99¢, and here, the publisher is giving you a whole story.

So if you have missed the old days of blogging or want an easy read to get through the winter months (or, I guess, summer months if you’re in the southern hemisphere), pick up your own copy of Life from Scratch today.

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “The Second Wave” (It’s Inconceivable)
• “Paths Forward” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Jess!

Okay, now my choices this week.

Searching for Our Silver Lining has a post about gaps in understanding. While the original situation which kicks off the post is a financial one, it also applies to infertility and the assumptions we make about other people. She writes, “The truth is that though all of us are doing the best we can, most won’t venture outside the comfort of the narrative they’ve been given.” And moreover, that there is “comfort behind not challenging the narrative.” Go read this thought-provoking post.

Life Without Baby threw out a topic that got me thinking: baby pictures at the OB/GYN. Which really doesn’t make sense. Pictures in a pediatrician’s office, of course. But unless OB/GYNs are also going to put up artful shots of vulvas and acknowledge the bodies they deal with directly, should they have pictures of babies? I mean… really… babies make zero sense. OB/GYNs spend months or years dealing with your genitalia. Doesn’t that deserve wall space?

Lastly, My Path to Mommyhood is caught off-guard when she has a twinge of sadness seeing baby items she gave away put to use. As she explains, “It’s one thing to give someone things that were supposed to be for your baby that never existed, and to see them in your own home or a restaurant. It’s quite another to see them in their now-native environment, scattered on a toy-peppered couch, or placed just-so in a gorgeous nursery.” So perfectly understandable.

The roundup to the Roundup: Life from Scratch is on sale. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 10th and January 17th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

It was Linus’s third birthday this week.

We took glamour shots to mark the occasion. That’s when we put him on a white backdrop and snap hundreds of photos while he stares at us with a hopeful expression, sometimes sniffing the camera to see if it’s an alfalfa cookie.

Linus at three is very similar to Linus at two. He has learned how to use his nose to push open the side door to his cage if we unlock it. He still begs for a Cheerio any time I pour myself a bowl. He loves any kind of lettuce and apples. He dislikes celery and kale unless it is slightly wilted. He still hates nail clippings and loves having his back stroked.

Happy birthday, Linus!

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Life After Infertility: One Decade, Many Thoughts” (Silent Sorority)
• “5 Years Ago & Now” (Infertile Phoenix)

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ looks back on her blogging year, which also gives her insight into what was on her mind during the last 365 days. She writes, “Sixty times last year, I thought about writing about not having children, I thought about the positives and negatives of my situation, and I thought about what you might want or need to hear about. Sixty times I reminded myself to be honest.” It’s a great look back on a year.

Whereas Infertile Phoenix takes a longer look back at the scope of five years. By looking at the same day, five years apart, she tells the story of change. From first embryo transfer to first day of a new job, it’s about how our experiences shape us.

Finally, Lavender Luz asks an important question: It’s 2020. Why do we struggle when it comes to telling kids about adoption? We’re entering the fourth decade of more openness in adoption, yet she explains: “A few times a month, someone will ask in a social media adoption group WHEN is the best time to tell their child they were adopted. And WHEN to disclose information about that child’s birth family.” When is now; as in, from birth, even before a child understands so they always have access to their own story. It’s a great post, full of resources for talking about adoption.

The roundup to the Roundup: Happy third birthday, Linus. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 3rd and January 10th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

We had a very chill New Year’s Eve. I listened to Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen while crocheting a bag. I couldn’t watch and crochet at the same time because I need bifocals, but I’m not getting them. So glasses off to crochet, which meant not being able to see Anderson Cooper’s facial expressions while he downed shots.

But I got to listen and imagine what was on the screen, all in the comfort of pyjamas and my bed.

Which is where I like to be on New Year’s Eve.

I hope you had an equally fulfilling night.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff…

Okay, now my choices this week.

Dreaming of Diapers gives an overview of IVF #8 and #9. She is pre-retrieval on the latter cycle and holding hope. It is stressful to have cycles canceled, but she also acknowledges the fact that we have options (whereas in other time periods you had zero options). She writes, “At least I am fortunate to pursue this dream, I certainly won’t ever forget that…and also how unbelievably grateful I am to have my son…a true miracle…beyond a miracle really…” It’s an important lens to have.

Edenland gives a life update. It is an impossibly hard situation, but I love this thought towards the end: “I actually broke. My life was scattered everywhere around me and I was drowning. Someone came into my life and is actually helping me. Bono says a friend is someone who lets you help. I’m not used to accepting help but I couldn’t do this by myself anymore.” After so much upheaval, it’s a tiny light when people like that come into your life.

Finally, Much Ado About Nothing has an update. She is going through a health scare; trying to get answers. And she states exactly what she needs: “My doctor has ordered me to stop googling and talking to people because it’s making my anxiety so much worse. But if you have prayers, love, good thoughts, healing vibes, those I will take.”

The roundup to the Roundup: Hope you had a good New Year’s Eve. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 27th and January 3rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

About this time last year, Josh started broaching the topic of our future empty nest in earnest, gently bringing it up every few months. His cousin — a fellow parent of twins — told us that they hadn’t prepared and were completely immobilized for months after their twins left for college, not knowing what to do with themselves.

We talked about it a lot in France this summer, tossing out ideas while we sat on the boardwalk in Perros Gueric. Okay, tossing out ideas while I sobbed on the boardwalk in Perros Gueric. I knew I had to spend the fall taking actual steps toward new interests because the longer I waited, the emptier the activities would feel–obvious substitutions vs. actual interests. Plus the kids are busy with their own interests and activities and friends and mountains of homework. I needed to fill in my hours.

We’ve taken up birdwatching and already have two birdwatching trips planned for the spring and summer. I joined Friends of the Library and started volunteering with them. I volunteer weekly with the kangaroos. I joined the LGBTQ group at our shul. I joined a book club. Josh and I have a shortlist of classes we want to take or activities we want to start doing. We’re going out with friends more often. I started a research project for a book I’m planning to write.

My life at the end of 2019 looks different from my life at the beginning of 2019. I don’t feel at peace, but I also don’t feel as panicked. Which is a small, good thing.

Looking forward to 2020. And I hope you are, too.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “#MicroblogMondays: This Is What It’s Like” (The Road Less Travelled)
• “The Last Moon Cycle of the Decade” (The Barreness)
• “Don’t Render Me Invisible” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Risakerslake looks back at a decade (a little more profound than looking back at a year). From infertility not even being on the radar to becoming a parent to two girls via donor egg, she takes you through her roller coaster ride while conjuring up your own decade in the back of your mind. It’s amazing to look back on how much has changed in ten years.

It’s Inconceivable has a post of snapshots about Christmas. It is not an easy holiday for many people. She writes, “It’s deciding a few years ago to cease stressing about creating the perfect Christmas for everyone else and taking back control and doing things your own way – logging out of social media, mainstream tv etc, not attending triggering events and tending to your own needs.” Amen.

Lastly, No Kidding in NZ has a post about the stories we tell ourselves. She points out that some of the pain of being child-free after infertility (or even infertility itself) is that you need to change the story. The new tale goes against the one you were telling yourself. She explains, “We suffer because we have, for so long, told ourselves how happy we will be when we get pregnant/adopt/become parents. We suffer because we have told ourselves it is the only acceptable outcome.” I love this post, and it’s such an important read as well as a tool for reflection for the stories you’re telling yourself.

The roundup to the Roundup: All my new activities. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 20th and 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

People who have been reading this blog for a long time will remember TOOTPU — The Order of the Plastic Uterus — which was a group of DC IF bloggers who would get together about once a month. Sometimes bloggers who came into town also joined our group for a meetup.

The group drifted apart, though most of us kept in touch via Facebook. Which isn’t really the same thing. I miss these women and feel so lucky that I had these people in my life and got to be part of the group.

Sunny has been battling brain cancer for many years, and she entered hospice. I was out picking up the twins when I heard the news from Lori, and I started crying when I tried to tell them about it in the car. And then I started laughing because I was thinking about all the times when Sunny would tell me that we needed to do something about my bra situation. She thought that my boobs had perky potential if I would just get myself a better bra.

I call her SLAB — Sweetest Lady Across the Bridge — because she lives over the bridge in Virginia. It’s just a few miles down the road, but years ago, every time I had to cross the bridge for some reason, I would email her to let her know that I had traveled into “scary, scary Virginia” and she would do the same to tell me about being in “scary, scary Maryland.” (Native Marylanders and Virginians do not like to cross the bridge and go into each other’s states.)

I stand by this still, “I wish there was a job where I could get paid to tease Sunny.”

I will leave you with a link to one of my favourite posts that she wrote in a moment of great emotional pain:

It is hard to breathe sometimes. Just the act of taking a breath takes so much courage. There are days everything hurts. To think about going on and living can be so hard. Breathing is all you can do.

During all of this I have had a friend who shows up sometimes. This friend isn’t invited and never will be. It is the elephant that likes to move in and sit on my chest. Breathing becomes almost impossible. So I pray. I use G-d’s Word to make it move. I stay busy or even have a glass of wine to just calm me. Giving me courage to make it go. Each day the elephant visits less and less. THEN something will happen to invite it more. The process of making him leave begins again.

Sending good thoughts, SLAB.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “IVF Add-ons Racket: New Oversight Needed” (Silent Sorority)
• “A Socially Unacceptable Grief” (Pamela Tsigdinos on Medium)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Life Without Baby reflects on her year. What doesn’t feel quite right in her brain looks pretty good when she starts writing it out in her journal. Paper often brings feelings down to size, and it’s a good reminder when you feel overwhelmed by your inner monologue to silence it by writing out the truth.

The Uterus Monologues writes about how her experiences have changed her perspective. She explains, “I don’t think I was always this way. I’ve always been cautious, certainly. But not pessimistic. Not perpetually braced for disappointment as sometimes I wonder if I am now.” Disappointment is death by 1000 paper cuts, and she unpacks the feeling that hovers over her heart.

Life’s Basic Elegance has a post about the dreaded question: “Are you pregnant?” I love this point: “People often ask that intrusive question out of selfishness because they don’t want to be excluded. When people are ready to share their amazing news they will, but out of respect and love, I advise you to wait.” This post should be required reading.

Lastly, Infertile Phoenix points out the obvious (and I love it): “Whatever you decide for The Holidays 2019 is not set in stone for the rest of your life. Every year is different.” It’s so simple and it’s so true, and it’s a fact that can help you get through frustrating years. I hope the post helps you, too, if you need it.

The roundup to the Roundup: Sending love to Sunny’s family. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 13th and 20th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.