Category — Friday Blog Roundup

Early on in the pandemic, I decided that it would be a very good idea to cut my own hair. I should probably start by noting that I have no haircutting skills, and my hair is very long. I cut my hair dry; a little bit each day. I would pull it over my shoulder and trim the bottom of the curls. And little by little, my hair turned into a hot mess.

Every curl was a different length. And one side was much shorter than the other.

It has grown out and mostly looks even-ish if you don’t look too closely. Now you will because I told you that it’s uneven, but no one has commented on it in a long time.

This week, I had a dream that Josh cut my hair and he did an amazing job. We found a YouTube video that said the problem with curly hair is that if you cut it straight across—horizontally—it curls up at different lengths. If you cut it on the bias—diagonally—it magically becomes even. This made perfect sense in the dream world. Josh held the scissors at an angle and chopped away, and he gave me a perfectly even cut.

Josh doesn’t think it’s a good idea to test out the dreamworld ideas in the real world. But… I don’t know… I’m thinking otherwise.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Relentless Renewal” (Grief Is the Word)
• “My 6th Survivor Anniversary” (Infertile Phoenix)
• “The One Where Emily Hates the Term ‘Oriental’” (Apron Strings for Emily)
• “Without Words” (Stirrup Queens)—thank you, Jess!
• “Does Pregnancy Loss/Infertility Belong on Your Resume?” (The Road Less Travelled)

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Road Less Travelled asks an interesting question: does infertility or loss belong on a resume? Should we have a major life events section to explain possible gaps or point out life skills we’ve picked up outside the workplace? Or, as Justine says in the comments, “It would be great to normalize gaps, without making people have to explain them … why not judge what’s on the resume, rather than what’s missing?” Go give her your thoughts.

The Next 15000 Days explains how writing a blog is paying it forward, giving knowledge to infertile people who come behind you. She writes: “I may not be a mother… but I love the idea of being a big sister to someone who is in the hardest times of accepting childless life.” A great piece on why you should post today. Hint hint hint.

Lastly, Finding a Different Path has a post about photo reminders. She muses on how seeing a photo can take you back into the feeling in the moment. But she also points out: “But it’s also wonderful how the sting is so much less now that I am farther away from those raw times. Thank goodness for the hard work of healing.” Yessssssss.

The roundup to the Roundup: I think Josh could cut my hair. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 2 – 9) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Right on the heels (well, several weeks on the heels, but time has no meaning this year) of my sister’s visit, we got to see my brother and sister-in-law and nephew. We met them outside my parents’ house, masked and distanced. Which felt much stranger than my visit with my sister and niece due to the age difference in the children. My niece is older, so it didn’t feel odd not to pick her up. Honestly, she is almost my height, so I’m not sure I could pick her up.

But my nephew is a tiny toddler, so it felt odd not to scoop him up. But we take what we can get, and it was still fun to watch him paint the trees with his stick or go up and down the slide at the playground.

Someday. Soon-ish. We’ll get to have normal visits again. And we’ve just given him amazing fodder for future therapy sessions. “Well, there was that time when all the adults stood eighteen feet away from me, masks over their face, while they gazed at me…”

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Persistence” (Finding a Different Path)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Searching for Our Silver Lining has a moving post about grief. Her twins’ teacher died suddenly in a car accident on the heels of a beloved cat. They go to the beach while she figures out how to tell them. She writes, “As they played, I watched the waves, allowing the rhythm of water catching on the shore to calm my spirit and unjumble the thoughts and emotions from all the loss from this past week. From this past year. From a lifetime.” Send her some love.

No Kidding in NZ has a post about reading infertility and loss blogs (and message boards) in secret. She admits that she didn’t talk about the trying-to-conceive boards with her husband. She explains: “Perhaps it was because I was trying to figure out what it was I was thinking and feeling before I discussed it with him, or anyone? Perhaps it was shame? Perhaps it was nervousness that he (or others) wouldn’t understand, or would mock it?” I think many will nod along to this post, whether you entered the infertility internet almost two decades ago, or whether it was after social media became commonplace.

Lastly, Empty Arms and Broken Heart writes about surviving this past year. The whole family has had to go through multiple adjustments, but she points out: “Going back will feel like as much of a shock as being sent home was last year. I know I will re-adapt. I feel exhausted from all the adapting I’ve done since March 2020. But, if I could live through 2020, I can live through anything.” So true.

The roundup to the Roundup: Another outdoor visit. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 2 – 9) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

I don’t remember April Fools Day last year. I’m sure it happened; I mean, April 1st happened. But I don’t remember people doing stupid pranks.

Not so this year.

The pandemic no longer has the power to distract people from posting fake pregnancy announcements or online magazines from queuing up fake news articles to the delight of no one. I’m thankful we got a one-year break. If we did get a one-year break. I have zero memory of last April. To be fair, I was apparently very distracted by the lack of soap.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Because I Can” (No Kidding in NZ)
• “A Favour” (The Road Less Travelled)
• “Do You Have to Read This Blog in Secret?” (Childless by Marriage)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Uterus Monologues has a post about being torn between needing a break from childcare and feeling guilty. Which in turn becomes a musing on where she belongs now that she’s parenting after infertility. She writes: “I’ve found the transition surprisingly difficult and discomfiting – and, sometimes, brazenly painful. It’s uncomfortable, I think, because you find yourself empathizing with all angles, all at once.” I love this post because she gives space to something many people feel while parenting.

Finding My Plan B has a post about navigating life without a map. She tells a story of an actual walk that ended in a wonderful space, as well as the figurative walk of moving through life. She explains: “The absence of a map allowed me to experience the freedom of life the way I wanted to experience it, which may not have happened if I walked the route that others had mapped out for me, sound familiar?” It’s a smart reminder of the good things that can happen when you leave a path.

Lastly, FinallyMyLinesNow writes about the anniversaries that fertile people don’t have. They may move through pregnancy paying attention to milestones, but people pregnant after infertility or loss have additional moments they navigate. “Tomorrow, Sunday, I’ll reach 17 weeks. The last time I turned 17 weeks on a Sunday was October 2016. Zoe’s water broke right around 7 that morning. That was the start of a lot of changes in my life, my outlook, my values.” Send good thoughts her way.

The roundup to the Roundup: April Fool’s Day is back. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 26 – April 2) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Pesach starts this weekend. I am having a very hard time finding the motivation to make the holiday special. Last year, I was willing to do anything to marry normal with novel. This year, I am walking around the house asking everyone if they truly need matzo ball soup (a four-hour process), or will we all be equally happy with crudite (four minutes to dump baby carrots on a plate)?

Nothing has changed, but I have no energy for anything extra. No patience for anything challenging. No desire to make things meaningful.

We’re going to do the seders because I’ve purchased the matzah. We’re doing a traditional meal on the first night (think: roasted chicken, potatoes, charred broccoli with lemon) and a French theme on the second night (think: salmon, asparagus, gratin dauphinois, chocolate macarons and pot de crème). Service organized and executed by Josh. Accompanying wheeks by Beorn.

It is really hard to be doing a second round of pandemic holidays.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Accurate Thinking” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Road Less Travelled covers Childless Woodstock. (I love that!) She attended the online Childless Collective Summit, multiple days of programming, and she came away seeing the group as a “force to be reckoned with.” She writes: “The idea that there would be 2,700 of us gathered together (online, but hey, pandemic…), talking openly to each other about our childless-not-by-choice experiences, sharing hopes and fears and tears … absolutely, completely MINDBLOWING.” This post radiates energy, capturing the power of finding like-experienced people.

The Barreness also touched on the summit. She explains: “It was something I had wished for when I was at the start of my journey into finding who I am now.” I love a looping sentiment through this post: you figure your way out through things because “what else is there to do?” Taking that message to heart and remembering that sometimes resilience is just continuing to move forward.

FinallyMyLinesNow has a post about losing out on the tiny joys in a hard pregnancy. She is not sharing the fetal sex because of an incident after she lost her twins. She explains: “After we lost Alexis and Zoe, at some point during a conversation with my mom, she shared that ‘everything would turn out all right, because I had a dream of you holding a baby boy, so I know you’ll have a living baby.’ Let’s unpack that for a second. One, when you’ve lost two children, nothing ever in the world will make it ‘all right’.” Support should be supportive, and it hurts when something already hard becomes harder.

Lastly, Scientist on the Roof because… vultures! I wholeheartedly agree: “They are eerily quiet, there is occasional bickering, but overall, they give off a feeling of a good family dynamics, where everyone gets along. I don’t see bad omen any more – I see intelligence, curiosity, and playfulness.” My favourite birds.

The roundup to the Roundup: Pandemic Pesach, take two. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 19 – 26) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Things you can buy for 99 cents:

1. A box of Crayola chalk
2. A Wet and Wild eyeshadow brush
3. The e-book version of Life from Scratch

(Side note: It is really really really difficult to find 99 cents items on Amazon.)

My first fiction book is on sale for the next few days for less than a cup of coffee. Pick up Life from Scratch for yourself. Or a friend. Or your neighbour. Or your cousin. Or a random person that you spotted in a recent Zoom meeting.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

Infertile Phoenix has a post about changing her name after her divorce that was so thought-provoking. What happens if you change your name because you want to share a family name with your future children, but then you don’t have future children? I really loved hearing this perspective.

Finding a Different Path writes about a classroom conversation on The Giver. It’s not just the conversation on babies and the implications of this science fiction society. It’s her co-teacher driving home the myth that IVF works for everyone. She explains: “Normally I might have shared bits of my story with the students by now, but the weird schedule and the masks have kind of inhibited that personal connection.” So hopefully her students caught her correction because no person should be walking through this world thinking assisted reproduction is a given.

A Half-Baked Life has a post about scars; the ones you can see and the ones you can’t. This was a scarring year for many many many people. She explains, “Our scars make us who we are. They interrupt the flat expanse of grey with something else, reminders of something deeper, reminders that we are more than what we see on the surface.” Love that.

Lastly, there were a lot of posts about the last “normal” week before the pandemic. Res Cogitatae walks through the change over; from knowing about the virus to the pandemic starting to a year later. This spoke to me so much: “I don’t know where I would start the process of recovering. I don’t know what I would need to feel like I can start the process of recovering.”

The roundup to the Roundup: Life from Scratch is on sale. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 12 – 19) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.