The Last First Day
This week contains the last first day of school. Months ago, I wrote about this day, dreading it because it removes another buffer between our lives up until this point and when the twins leave for college.
“Very soon, we will have a final first day of school. And then a final last day of school. And then a final last day of summer. And then a college arrival. And then a college drop off and drive away. And I will have to get through each of these moments. And right now, I don’t know how I will do that.”
I still don’t.
I feel like a cartoon penguin on an iceberg — you know exactly what I’m talking about, correct? That common cartoon trope of the penguin’s icy platform growing smaller and smaller as it drifts into warmer waters, until the penguin is balancing on a little ice cube. Except I am a very real person, balancing on a platform of time, watching it melt away while I scramble to find my footing.
Clearly, I haven’t traveled far emotionally from the last time I wrote a full post about the last first day.
4 comments
I SO understand everything about this. No advice, just sending a lot of love.
I’m sorry. It’s so hard. So so hard. Birdie started middle school this year, and even though I know we have years before her last first day, I’m already dreading it. Why does life have to fly by so quickly?
This year she was so anxious about starting middle school that she didn’t let me take our traditional first day of school picture by the tree we planted the year we built our house. I don’t know why that upsets me so much. I have to respect her wishes. But between losing traditions and how much she hates school, it all feels so different and scary. Scary because she is facing a lot of things that I cannot solve for her (friend drama, hating classes, unpleasant teachers, lots of additional stress, lunchroom overwhelm, stressful homework).
I remember how hard it was for you when the twins started preschool. I know your children are amazing humans and will go out and do wonderful things, but that doesn’t make it any easier to let them go. I have no wise advice, but I’ll be here to listen, sobbing along with you.
So hard. So, so hard. Of course, you want your kids to grow up and be happy, but that doesn’t make their growing up any easier for you. I’ve been watching my boyfriend manage empty nest syndrome for the past year and a half and it has been really tough for him. To go from providing for your children throughout their lives to one day they just become independent and leave the family home? How rude (and developmentally appropriate) of them! I’ve had a hard enough time with my nephew turning 29 this year. I can only imagine the joy and also very real heartache of watching your children grow into young adults. Savor this year. It will be full of unique and treasured moments. <3
Sending you love. It’s hard.