The Line Between Forgivable and Unforgivable
Remember how I told you that I won an advance copy of Sophie Hannah’s upcoming book (it comes out in May), Happiness, a Mystery? It was the perfect book to read during this really tumultuous, unhappy time. Not only is it a fun read—Hannah is like a verbal cup of tea—but she gives you plenty of ways of viewing the external factors that affect your happiness.
And one of them should fit your world view.
So one of the most interesting questions she poses in the book comes on page 106. She tells the story of her dog, Brewster, and a person (called Charles) who keeps risking the dog’s death by leaving her front door open on purpose. Before she got the dog, Charles closed the front door 100% of the time. After she got the dog, Charles started leaving the door open regularly, and she has proof that it is a conscious decision to leave the door open and not forgetfulness.
She talks about the line between the person who deliberately murders a dog and the person who sets up a situation where a dog could die. While people fall emphatically on the side of “that is wrong” when it comes to dog murder and would stop seeing Charles if he shot the dog, they make up a lot of excuses so they can remain friends with Charles even when given proof that he is setting up a dangerous situation for the dog. They’re willing to forgive his intentions right up until he steps over the line into out-and-out murder.
It made me think about behaviour in our current situation, and the line between forgivable/explainable vs. unforgivable. Where we make excuses even though we know it’s the wrong thing, and where we’re not willing to make excuses anymore.
Anyway, I’ll have a review of the book in the March reading roundup mid-month, but I wanted to throw that thought out there because I’ve been chewing it over in my mind.
4 comments
I think my line is different than most people – or maybe I’m just intolerant of shenanigans like that.
That’s 100% unforgivable to me.
(Reminds me of *cough* a certain person’s base (cult) except they’ll forgive anything even straight out murder at this point)
I love this analogy. Right now it feels like everybody I see is violating the rules and I just don’t have the energy anymore to muster anger towards them. Fortunately, I have a misanthropic streak as it is, so nobody I had any faith in at baseline has done this (to my knowledge).
When I complain to others about the behavior, they fucking JUSTIFY it to me, as though I have no right to be upset about the transgression, which they are probably saying because they violate the rules all the time themselves and want that to be ok too (I guess I can muster anger towards this still, after all. Ha.). It further strengthens my desire to hole up in a cabin in the wilderness with shotgun in hand, and makes me want to cut ties with most people as completely as possible. My simultaneous repulsion with the behavior of people and desire to fix everything are in constant conflict. It sucks and I am trying not to ignore my feelings on the subject.
Oooh yes, this applies so much to right now. My family was out for a walk yesterday and saw two groups of siblings out playing together – neighbors who should not be socializing during our stay home order. I said that, at best, the kids were unsupervised and the parents weren’t aware they were playing with other kids. At worst, they are intentionally ignoring the seriousness of the situation. But in this moment in time, neither is ok and it angered me. Follow directions so we can end this.