Perfect Moment Monday
I told Lori that I was going to take a photo of the spaetzle bowl from the 18-hour tantrum and write an anti-Perfect Moment Monday, stating that after this incident, every other moment this week was perfect in comparison. But why focus on the negative?
My perfect moment came after the row was over and I asked the ChickieNob to come upstairs with me so we could sit in her rocking chair for a moment and both have a good cry. I told her that we needed to just let everything out and she sighed and said, “well, you can have a good cry. I’ve been letting everything out for the last three hours.”
Comedy.
See what others are saying were their perfect moment at Perfect Moment Mondays.
May 4, 2009 Comments Off on Perfect Moment Monday
The 50th Circle Time: The Show and Tell Weekly Thread
Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.
Let’s begin.
You will be learning this week about the tantrum from hell in reverse order, from aftermath to the bowl of spaetzles that ignited the 18-hour tantrum (intriguing, no? I mean, how could a bowl of German noodles do that much damage?). After calm descended, Josh and I went out to dinner to celebrate the release of the book, Navigating the Land of If, and then swung by the bookstore to see if it was on shelves.
We stopped at Barnes and Noble and went up the escalator towards the fertility section. My heart was pushing itself up towards my ears, thumping and thumping until Josh triumphantly yanked it from the shelf and handed it to me. I promptly burst into tears and an employee reshelving books walked past to ask us (not noticing the fact that I am wailing in the aisle) if the stack of books resting nearby were ours. We told him no and then stood staring at the cover for a long time.
Josh snapped a few pictures of my tear-stained, blotchy face and then gave me a long hug. The man returned and said, “I know the others weren’t yours, but are you planning on buying that book?” Josh said, “we’re not buying it, only because my wife wrote it.” The employee was delighted and asked what it was about, and upon seeing the title said, “aaah, I will not be reading that book. We do not have any problems with fertility. I have four kids.”
And while you may believe that was the best thing said in the aisle (because who doesn’t enjoy having others remind them that they are normal whereas you are a little mess of ill-functioning ovaries and clotty blood), the man continued to tell me that I was the second author he had ever met. Which seemed a little strange since he works in a bookstore that holds readings, but he told me the only other author was Ronald Rood, who wrote the saucily named How do You Spank a Porcupine and Animals Nobody Loves. He met Mr. Rood at the age of four when he saved him by pulling him out of a lake.
At that point, the man pretended that he was going to jump from the second story fertility section into the escalator bank below and told me to save him, and what I wanted to tell him was that I had considered that very act during the ten days I was on Reglan but had reconsidered realizing that two stories was not enough distance to do the proper amount of damage and purchased the Time Traveler’s Wife that night instead. After we all shared a nervous, uncomfortable laugh, we realized that my coupon was actually for Borders and decided to head a mile down the road to the other bookstore.
We found my book again in the fertility section and had another brief cry.
After we went book shopping and used my coupon, we headed out to a fake French cafe–by which I mean that it calls itself French and employs people who speak French, but there is nothing really French about it so it reminds one of the scene in Better Off Dead–for cake and coffee after learning that the diner nearby uses caffeinated root beer in their root beer floats.
What are you showing today?
Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (hint: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name). The list is open from now until late Tuesday night and a new one is posted every week.
| 1. The Infertile Sushi- loving Princess 2. Weebles Wobblog 3. Hello Jello 4. The Road Less Travelled 5. Birch and Maple 6. babydrought 7. Michelle 8. Baby Smiling In Back Seat 9. Wise Guy 10. Candice 11. Delenn 12. On The Road to Baby 13. Becoming Whole |
14. Parenthood for Me 15. Mrs. Sgt 16. Candice 17. Fractured Rainbows 18. Infertility Rocks! 19. Busted 20. Meepit 21. Building Heavenly Bridges 22. Bear and Comedian 23. A Uterus Divided 24. The Not So Secret Life Of Us 25. My So- Called Life 26. Mrs Spock |
27. Pam 28. Hobbit- ish Thoughts and Ramblings 29. The Life of Liv 30. Henry Street 31. Dragondreamer’s Lair 32. Krystle | Snarky Kisses 33. Cyster A.C. T. 34. Destined to be an old woman with no regrets 35. Life Induces Thoughts, mostly random 36. blondedawn |
- If you would like to join circle time and show something to the class, simply post each Saturday night (or earlier in the week or on Monday if you can’t do the weekend), hopefully including a picture if possible, and telling us about your item. It can be anything–a photo from a trip, a picture of the dress you bought this week, a random image from an old yearbook showing a person you miss. It doesn’t need to contain a picture if you can’t get a picture–you can simply tell a story about a single item. The list opens every Saturday night and closes on Tuesday night.
- You must mention Show and Tell and include a link back to this post in your post so people can find the rest of the class. This spreads new readership around through the list. This is now required.
- Label your post “Show and Tell” each week and then come back here and add the permalink for the post via the Mr. Linky feature (not your blog’s main url–use the permalink for your specific Show and Tell post).
- Oh, and then the point is that you click through all of your classmates and see what they are showing this week. And everyone loves a good “ooooh” and “aaaah” and to be queen (or king) of the playground for five minutes so leave them a comment if you can.
- Did you post a link and now it’s missing?: I reserve the right to delete any links that are not leading to a Show and Tell post or are the blogging equivalent of a spitball.
- If you want it…
I’ve now placed a Show and Tell archive on the sidebar that will be updated each week in case you miss it. And click here for the icon code if you wish to have it for your blog. It links to the archives.
May 2, 2009 47 Comments
Friday Blog Roundup
I Twittered this, but it seemed worth covering in more than 140 characters. Do you know how some kids have a security blanket? Well, I have a security book in that I have to sleep with one next to my bed (and actually have sometimes slept with one in my bed too…ooooh, rav milon) and I cannot leave the house without one. It’s not just a “the car could break down and I’d want something to read while I wait for AAA.” It’s truly a security thing by which I mean that I feel insecure without one. I don’t even have to necessarily read it. I just need to have it in my bag.
Which is probably how I ended up with all of my back problems.
Do you carry a security book? And if not a security book, what is your security item if any? My other security items are a camera and a pack of post-it notes with a pen. Three things: book, camera, post-it notes (and pen…so actually four things) and I can function. Mostly.
My Struggles with Infertility has a post about a baby shower. I like the post for its honesty and frankness–going to a baby shower is hard. It’s not that she wanted it difficult for her friend; ideally, MSWI would have been pregnant too instead of starting IVF. This post is more about MSWI swallowing hard and doing the thing she hopes her friend would do for her if the situations were reversed. And trusting that the opposite would come true and being that good friend, to me, is a very brave step.
I love this post about parenting after infertility by Our Family Beginnings. She writes: “Sometimes you want something so bad that it becomes this panacea in your head. If only I lost weight, had straight hair, got a new job, a new whatever – I’d be happy. For me it was a child for Mr. Badger and I. I wanted it so terribly much that it became everything. Every high and low could be traced in some way back to what our progression to parenthood had become.” It is a post that many will relate to and honestly, this post gave me more hope than merely the fact that parenthood can happen.
Our Own Creation has a post about moving on after her last FET. Perhaps I love this post because it’s sort of like a play where everyone is focused on what is happening on the stage without a consideration for the night after the curtain closes and the set is packed and cleaned. My favourite line in the post is “It’s sort of a step back, but sometimes that’s part of moving forward…not running as fast as you can to get away from the past, but stopping to check the map and making sure you’re still on the marked trail.” It is just a series of gorgeous, heartbreaking thoughts.
Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random has a post about living with the death of her mother. This post moved me beyond belief; I returned to it a few times to read it again. In our community, we write so often about loss moving in the other direction–mothers losing children–that it took my breath away to read these thoughts; especially and not despite her inability to get it all out, put it all into words. I hope she keeps writing about her mother and my heart goes out to her because May, as we all know, is so damn tough.
This post for NIAW by Uppercase Woman is just gorgeous. She writes: “Hope becomes a field of glass shards we are dragged through: it taunts you with with twitches and twinges that maybe, just maybe, could mean something good, and then sideswipes you with pregnancies that fail. Infertility steals your faith in God and the goodness of the universe.” And that is merely the beginning thoughts in a long paragraph that will have you nodding.
Lastly, To Baby and Beyond also has a post about infertility for NIAW. It begins: “Infertility has been one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. It’s hard because everyday you are bombarded with images and news that reminds of what you do not have and what you are unable to do. It is frustrating because while you want to be happy for others and live a ‘normal’ life, IF robs you of that ability.” And she perfectly describes what infertility means to her, how it has changed her life, and what others need to understand to walk in her shoes.
The roundup to the Roundup: do you carry a security item, answer the weekly what if, and lots of good blog posts to read. See you back here on Saturday night for Show & Tell.
May 1, 2009 Comments Off on Friday Blog Roundup
IComLeavWe: May
There is a new way to sign up. Please read the directions below.
Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.
Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):
- The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
- Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: May 2009. I will move the information from the form into the post (usually within 24 hours).
- Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
- Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
- I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
- Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
- The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.
- Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
- Geek By Marriage (ectopic, parenting, craziness)
- Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random (grief, acceptance, family)
- Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (ttc after losses, cooking, books)
- Production, Not Reproduction (open domestic adoption)
- Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, twin pregnancy, pottery)
- Happy-go-Lucky (donor eggs, GLBT issues, adoption)
- Woman Anyone? (primary subfertility, unexplained infertility, rants)
- The Pitter-Patter (ttc, infertility, marrakesh)
- My Pathway to Motherhood (TTC, SMC, life)
- I’m a Smart One (surrogacy, infertility, parenting after infertility)
- Staying Above the Water (1st time parenting, life in general, rants)
- A Fifth Season (grief, family, life study)
- Sticky Feet (twin pg, parenting, giveaways)
- Baby Manatee (IUI, life, fun)
- Busted Tube: Adventures in Infertility (infertility, loss, future)
- Sell Crazy Someplace Else (dIUI, marriage, weight loss)
- The Johnson’s Have Angel Wings (balanced translocation, loss, feelings)
- Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
- Infertility is a Bitch (pcos, infertility, love)
- Infertility Rocks! (infertility, humor, coping)
- Becoming Whole (emotional abuse recovery, uncertain family-building future)
- Thoughts by Kim (infertility, spirituality, weight loss)
- Waiting For Our Pod (mfi, infertility, pregnancy)
- One Small Wish (infertility, ivf, moving on)
- Infertile Myrtle (infertility, endometriosis, iui)
- In Due Time (infertility, pcos, life)
- May the Road Rise (IVF, marriage, random)
- Cyster A.C.T. (PCOS, health, life)
- Exploring Chaos (infertility, weightloss, life)
- Emilythehopeless (domestic adoption, dogs, waiting)
- Weebles Wobblog (open adoption, mindfulness)
- Bang Head Here…. ( lesbian ttc, donor eggs)
- Barefoot and (Not) Pregnant (pregnancy, ivf, food/wine/tv)
- Hello Jello (college, animals, family)
- Musings of a Fat Chick (SMC, fertility, humor)
- Babymaking 101 (pregnancy loss, recovery)
- Meepit On Parade (infertility, life, loss)
- Alana-isms (secondary infertility, family, teaching)
- Mom Someday (weight loss, PCOS, crazy life)
- Bella And Her Fella (POF, DE/IVF, thyroid cancer)
- Learning through the IF Journey (infertility, PCOS, faith)
- My Journey with Endometriosis (ivf, endo, life)
- A View On My Life (infertility, therapy, randomness)
- Sippy Cups Are Not For Starbucks (sarcasm, parenting, life)
- Not The Path I Chose (secondary IF, pregnancy loss, IVF)
- This could be anyone’s story (life, love, depression)
- All Grown Up (domestic adoption, life, random)
- Hope Endures (infertility, faith, life)
- Jen’s Farmily (garden, chickens, farm)
- The Cubicle’s Backporch (engineer, jobless, life)
- Isn’t TTC Supposed To Be Fun?! (loss, TTC, infertility)
- Body Diaries by Lucy (PCOS, IF, TTC)
- Best When Used By (infertility, 40+, life)
- Baby Makin Chronicles (pregnancy after miscarriage, life, rants)
- Parenthood for Me (adoption, infertility, coping)
- That’s My Answer (questions, fun, life)
- Yes, We’re Parents (infertility, parenthood, life)
- High Heel Happy (ivf, infertility, life)
- Life with Endometriosis and PCOS (infertility, endo, pcos)
- Our Surrogacy Adventure (surrogacy, intended mother, life)
- Eggs Benedict Arnold (adoption, family, infertility)
- Making Me Mom (fibroid, mfi, faith)
- Mama Bear (domestic infant adoption)
- On The Road to Baby (infertility, loss, metaphors)
- The Not So Secret Life Of Us (infertility, miscarriages, life)
- My So-Called Life (PCOS, considering living child-free, MTHFR)
- Faith, Hope & Poop? (parenting, school, adoption)
- Snarky Kisses (life, personal, ttc)
- Jason & Amber Patterson (ivf, infertility, life)
- Through The Eyes Of A Stranger (infertility, adoption, life)
- Letting It Out (parenting after IF, family drama, twins)
- Ninapintasantamaria’s Blog (pregnancy, snark, life)
- Xiolo’s Place (life-in-general, soon-to-be-dad, my life)
- Looking4#3 (infertility, iui, parenting)
- Dieting Take Two (life, weight loss, inspiring)
- OneSmarmyMama (parenting, sarcasm, debates)
- Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, ttc #3, life)
- Creating a Family (adoptive parenting, infertility, adoption)
- But a Moment (ivf, hope, new)
- Our Box of Rain (parenting, lawyering, life)
- The Long Journey (secondary infertility, weight loss and life)
- Can You Imagine? (infertility, life, iui)
- The Maniacal Mommy (infertility pregnancy marriage)
- Inconceivable?! (azoospermia, sadness, life)
- Run Amok Amok (infertility, life, marriage)
- Sparkly Things Distract Me (ivf, life, 40+)
- Wheresmy2lines (infertility, donor eggs, PCOS)
- Blondedawn (pcos, infertility, life)
- Live from the 205 (Gregory, life, death)
- A Little Hope (infertility, IUI, life)
- Thinking Positively (secondary infertility, adoption, endometriosis)
- Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Pampers (marriage, loss, infertility)
- Michelle’s Messages (infertility, life, ttc)
- Don’t Scare Easy (hysterectomy, infertility, cat)
- MeAndBaby’s Blog (smc, infertility, iui)
- I just want to be a mom (fertility yoga, iui, ivf)
- My Infertility Journey (IVF/ICSI, male factor, PCOS)
- Momtography (photography, parenting, life)
- Page Family Blog (infertility, family, health)
- Chasing That Dream (hysterectomy, endometriosis, infertility)
- Loving Thee… And More (parenting, family, life)
- In Pursuit of Parenthood (infertility, faith, waiting)
- Ova-EZ (babies, love, life)
- Baby To Be (iui, ivf, pcos)
- A New Wheeler for the World? (pregnancy after iui)
- Tammy’s Journey (infertility, diabetes, christian)
- Keeping Our Fingers Crossed (ivf, life, infertility)
- A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (entertainment, news, personal)
- Queen Wilhelmina (pregnant after infertility, incompetent cervix, life)
- Oh Sanity, Wherefore Art Thou (infertility, loss, life)
- Scarlet Baby (male factor, pcos, life)
- Getting There (infertility, PCOS, endo)
- Dragonfly Mama (infertility, race, spirituality)
- A Moment in Time… (marriage, infertility, life)
- Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (in the beginning, POF, coping)
- Twists of Fate (miscarriage, health, life)
- Elana’s Musings (twins, parenting newborns, randomness)
- Once Upon a Time (ivf, male factor)
- Ruminations (parenting after infertility, life, random )
- Life is Good (fet #1, 2ww, life)
- Lifeslurper (ivf after 40)
- Semi-fertile (miscarriage, hope, depression)
- Anchors’ Aweigh (pregnancy, parenting, navy life)
- The Unfair Struggle (male-factor, big remodel, friends)
- My Little Drummer Boys (IVF twins, pregnancy loss, daily life)
- The Daily Doings of Mr Silly and Little Miss Trouble (twins, surrogacy, infertility)
- Tales of the Phoenix (IVF over 40, improving egg quality, grief)
- Chronic Pelvic Pain (pain, insomnia, lupron)
- Life in the White House (pregnancy, donor sperm, vacationing with in-laws)
- Add yourself by filling out the form…
Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.
Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.
Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is dark blue, the next month it will be red, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.
Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.
Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).
Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.
Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.
Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.
April 29, 2009 Comments Off on IComLeavWe: May
Barren Advice: Thirty-Eight
This is the 38th installment of Barren Advice. You can ask questions that are fertility or non-fertility related.
Barren Advice is posted each Tuesday-ish. If you have your own question for Barren Advice, click here to learn how to submit. Please weigh in with your own thoughts in the comment section and indicate which question you’re addressing if there are multiple questions in the post.
Dear Mel:
My friend told me about your blog and I decided to write you with my dilemma even though it is not infertility related.
A while back, I went through a divorce. There was no big drama. We had simply grown apart until we weren’t communicating at all and I realized it would be better to be alone with myself than to feel alone in the relationship. Since the divorce, I have dated a bit, though the relationships have sort of made me look at how much I miss my first husband. We recently got back in touch and though we’re in the initial stages of talking, some information has surfaced that makes me think that we made a mistake. At the time. we were both unwilling to go through marital counseling. I think we’d both embrace the idea now.
I guess my question is what do you think of giving people second chances and how do I tell people in our life (friends and family) that we want to try again when they helped me emotionally through the divorce and will probably see this as a step back rather than a step forward?
–Anonymous
Giving second chances is sort of like shopping. Whenever I’m in a store and I have the impulse to buy something, I ask myself two questions: do I need it and what does it cost? And you can apply those two questions to this situation as well. Do you need it–meaning, what do you get out of being with him and is it worth taking him into your life. If you can point to the benefits of having him around–and those benefits can only be determined by you–then he needs to move on to that second question: what does it cost?
Since you don’t mention anything that would warrant paying the price of self-esteem (if he was belittling) or safety (if he was dangerous), is sounds like the largest cost will be pride. You touched on that with the second part of your question: how do you tell friends and family who are going to pass judgment if you return to the relationship.
But here’s the thing about pride–it’s sort of the same thing as money. People think they need to have a lot of it, and they horde it, and they refuse to spend it even if it could possibly get them more pride down the road (I swear, I’m going somewhere with this analogy). But in the end, what is pride? What is money? We assign it worth, but does pride keep you company or make you laugh? There is a difference between setting limits that protect your heart or taking a stand on what matters to you.
Is it hard to swallow your pride and put your heart out there again after it’s been trampled on? Most certainly. But based on your question, I am guessing that you see a worth to putting yourself out there again and the damn tether that is holding you back from leaping off the edge and trusting that either something good will happen or you’ll still be able to fly away again if your needs are not met, is pride. A desire to not look like a fool or love someone more than they love you or to be embarrassed when friends and family pass judgment on your choices. Pride is only beneficial when it’s protecting your boundaries rather than locking you in.
If you do decide he would make a great addition to your life again and he’s worth the cost (because he’s got to be both–he can’t look pretty in the living room and be out of your price range nor can he be clutter who is also too cheap to remain in one piece after three uses), I would give the information as matter-of-fact as possible because I think many times, the people who are on the fence will follow the underlying message they get from the way you tell the information. If you’re apologetic, they will pick up on it and take away the message that you think there is something wrong with this so perhaps they should think there is something wrong with this too.
So say it confidently. Write it in an email if you don’t think you’ll be able to get it out of your mouth in a phone conversation or over the dinner table. Tell them that life has a funny way of coming full circle and you’re lucky enough to have found each other for a second chance. You can admit that the news may be a bit shocking if they weren’t expecting it and you may want to fill them in on how you connected again. But make sure you keep it light, have it reflect how you feel.
Er…assuming that your heart is feeling light and there is no buyer’s remorse. Because listening to how the information sits with you once you need to release it to others is a good barometer of how to answer those two purchasing questions.
No really, the beauty of a blog advice column is that you get to weigh in with your two cents too. Let the questioner know if you support the advice, add to the response, or dispute it completely.
Leave a comment in the reaction box below–only keep in mind that conflicting advice is embraced and rudeness is not. Want to ask your own question? Click here to see what you need to send in order to be included in a future Tuesday’s installment of Barren Advice.
April 28, 2009 Comments Off on Barren Advice: Thirty-Eight
