There is a new way to sign up. Please read the directions below.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is now closed for August. The list for September will open on 8/30.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (infertility, twins, books)
2. Baby Smiling In Back Seat (infertility, twin pregnancy, pottery)
3. Maybe Baby? (pcos, miscarriage, infertility)
4. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, crafts, secondary infertility)
5. Three of a working on a full house… (pregnancy, neonatal loss, parenting)
6. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (ttc break, cooking, books)
7. Barefoot and (Finally) Pregnant (pregnancy, infertility, food)
8. Don’t Scare Easy (hysterectomy, infertility, sinuses)
9. We Got Hitched… (infertility IVF miscarriage)
10. Babymaking 101 (pregnancy loss, waiting to try again on dr’s orders)
11. Woman Anyone? (TTC#1, unexplained IF, impatient)
12. Waiting On Baby Paramore (infertility, PCOS, miscarriage/premature birth)
13. Rolling Around in My Head (disability, disphobia, disablism)
14. Our Little Tongginator (china adoption, humor)
15. Trying for a Baby (TTC, endometriosis, ovary suppression)
16. In Due Time (infertility, pcos, life)
17. Mindful Meandering (RPL; IVF; infertility)
18. Everyone Else But Me (infertility, ICSI, adoption)
19. The Journey To 40 and Beyond (infertility, hope, getting older)
20. All Grown Up (domestic adoption, waiting, random)
21. Getting to Phoebe (infertility, adoption, phoebe)
22. The Yerkes Life ~ Learning to Embrace God’s Plans (ivf, life, faith)
23. Once an Infertile (journey through infertility)
24. One Little Pink Line Short of Sheer Bliss (ttc, infertility, mfi)
25. In Ancient Starlight (parenting, infertility, PCOS/male factor)
26. Becoming Whole (emotional abuse recovery, uncertain family-building future, ponderings)
27. Baby To Be (ivf, pcos, hope)
28. What IF? (infertility, pcos, acupuncture)
29. Tales of My Follies (clomid, getting pregnant, day to day)
30. Conception Deception (male-factor, luteal phase defect, beginning treatment)
31. Wandering Wonderment (mama-dom, student-dom, dumb-dom)
32. Not A Fertile Myrtle (infertility, pcos, male factor if)
33. A Little Hope (infertility, iui, ivf)
34. Wishing4One (ivf, craziness, egypt)
35. (In)fertile Myrtle (infertility, IVF, random)
36. The Mis- Adventures of a Modern Day Farmer’s Wife (infertility, acupuncture, farming)
37. Faith, Hope & Poop? (parenting, adoption, reading)
38. My journey with Endometriosis (endo, IVF, life)
39. Sell Crazy Someplace Else (dIUI, marriage, weight loss)
40. Your Great Life (fertility, support, women)
41. Melissa’s Thoughts and Realizations (infertility,
    hypothyroid, grad school)
42. IF Crossroads (IUI, infertility, endo)
43. Not The Path I Chose (secondary IF, IVF)
44. Stork Stalker (IVF#5, infertility, life)
45. I’m a Smart One (surrogacy/infertility/parenting after infertility)
46. Hope in Virginia (early pregnancy post-IVF)
47. Waiting on Life Part Two (adoption, parenting, life)
48. Baby Making Journey (waiting, azoospermia, exercising)
49. My World, My Ramblings (IUIs, IVF, MFI)
50. Life is Good (pregnancy, infertility, life)
51. Will Not Work for Baby (infertility, ivf, marriage)
52. All Things Griffin (donor IUI, 2WW, infertility)
53. Elana’s Musings (twins, parenting, randomness)
54. Hello Jello (family, life after college, animals)
55. Teddy Lifeslurper, ttc (humour, IVF, ART)
56. Fertility Foibles (infertility, humor, adoption)
57. Life Induces Thoughts, Mostly Random (grief, acceptance, family)
58. You, Me and a Petri (ivf, endometriosis, vermont)
59. Drops of Jupiter (family, life, random)
60. Last American Girl Standing (infertility (im)patience cycle)
61. Infertility and Me (male factor infertility)
62. No Oven For the Bun (gestational surrogacy, infertility, MRKH)
63. Ova-Ez (babies, love, life)
64. emilythehopeless (domestic adoption, dogs, garden)
65. Are We There Yet (IVF, Eastern Europe, vacation)
66. The Long Journey (secondary infertility, IVF)
67. The Conceivable Future (RPL, infertility, IVF)
68. The Pitter-Patter (ttc, mfi, life)
69. The Secret Life of Sass & Lex (life, ivf, weight loss)
70. Whatever He Says (life, humour, faith)
71. Life with Endometriosis and PCOS (pcos, endo, waiting)
72. Trustee Tracks (education, parenting, special needs)
73. Adventures in Glass (FET, IVF, life)
74. Sparkly Things Distract Me (40, bad eggs, no more treatments)
75. Isn’t TTC Supposed To Be Fun?! (pregnancy, loss, IF)
76. Baby Incredible (PCOS, craziness, clomid)
77. My Infertility Journey (infertility, PCOS, male-factor)
78. Making Me Mom (mfi, iui, faith)
79. Eggcetera (IUI, infertility, life)
80. Semi-fertile (miscarriage, adoption, future)
81. Communique (life, infertility, ivf)
82. My Preconceived Notion (single mother by choice, pregnancy over 40, donor embryo)
83. Ninapintasantamaria’s Blog (life, pregnancy, snark)
84. Mommy Someday? (secondary infertility, parenting, IUI)
85. Parenthood for Me (infertility, adoption, coping)
86. Elusive BFP (FET, loss, life)
87. Human, Being (self-discovery, love, health)
88. All My Peccadilloes… (infertility, life, teaching)
89. That’s My Answer (fun, pop-culture, question of the day)
90. Outside My Head (parenting, yoga, photos)
91. Tammy’s Journey (religion, life, donor eggs/embryos)
92. Heeeeere Storkey, Storkey! (twins, pregnancy, life)
93. Exploring Chaos (pregnancy, adjusting, life )
94. PCOS SOS (frustration, infertility, life)
95. Invivo (IVF, GIFT, life)
96. Unproductively So (infertility, loss, hope)
97. Wheresmy2lines (donor eggs, pcos, life)
98. Yes, We’re Parents! (parenting after infertility, infertility, humor)
99. Chronicles of… (IVF#4; miscarriage; life)
100. little birdhouse (cooking, cats, knitting)
101. I Just Want To Be A Mom (pregnancy after IVF)
102. The Mind of ~Ifer (marriage, memories, random)
103. All Aboard the Pity Boat (infertility, running, life)
104. Run Amok Amok (infertility life marriage)
105. Baby Hungry (new to if, marriage, emotional effects of if)
106. Our Family Beginnings (adoption, child, life)
107. Learning To Let Go (infertility, marriage, depression)
108. Lifeslurper (donor, over 40, infertility)
109. Adding to the Pack (MFI, IUI, PCOS)
110. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, 4 month break, life)
111. My Own Little World (infertility, ttc, lesbian)
112. Our Someday Family… (ttc, mfi, beginning the IF journey)
113. Rottweilers Ate My Laptop (rottweilers, technology, life)
114. Scarlet Baby (life, male factor, infertility)
115. <a
     href=”http://awomanmyage.wordpress.com/”>A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, life)
116. Hello, my name is M (loss, ivf, emotional health)
117. This Time Around (secondary if, pcos, ttc#2)
118. Busted Tube: Adventures in Infertility (miscarriage, ttc, hope)
119. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (news, food, music)
120. Chasing That Dream (endometriosis, adoption, hysterectomy)
121. GettingThere (adoption, future, endometriosis)
122. Mindful Meandering (RPL, IVF, infertility)
123. Hopes and Dreams for Us (infertility, depression, child-free living)
124. GotchaBaby (adoption, parenting, random)
125. Body Diaries by Lucy (PCOS, IVF, IF)
126. Equal Opportunity Hater (annoyances, IVF, pregnancy)
127. Donor Eggs Journey (donor eggs, ivf)
128. Infertili- T & A (ivf, waiting, bitching)
129. Along Life’s Little Journey (pregnancy, life, endometriosis)
130. Slice of Pie (ivf, second opinion, food)
131. Raining Raining (fertility, marriage, life)
132. This could be anyone story (life, love, loss)
133. Back into the Fire (infertility, foster care)
134. Chronic Pelvic Pain (undiagnosed, pain, life)
135. Hoping for our own Peanut (infertility, IVF, pregnancy)
136. Just Multiply by 2 (twins, parenting, life)
137. Salvageable (recurrent loss, marriage, life)
138. Melissa’s Life as She Knows It (infertility, books, vacation)
139. A Page In My Book (family, boys, photos)
140. Endo-A-Go-Go (donor egg IVF)
141. No Lingerie Here… (ttc-after-mc, weightloss, life)
142. Weber’s in Action (IVF #1, NOA, family)
143. ethi-hope-ia: the journey to our sweet baby boy (ethiopia, international, adoption)
144. The list is now closed for August. The list for September will open on 8/30.

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is cranberry, the next month it will be red, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

This isn’t really the true BlogHer wrap-up because I will post notes once I have those ready this week and when video goes up for the sessions I attended, I’ll link to them. But these are my final (I hold the right to say more) thoughts on the conference.

This year differed greatly from last year. Last year, I likened the conference to visiting Wonderland and then having to return home, knowing that the white rabbit and red queen were still going to be existing without you. This year, it was more like the spinning tea cup ride at Disney World. It’s fun–it’s absolutely fun–but it’s also chaotic and you can only catch snatches of things and it makes the world feel like you can’t take it all in. Everything is just spinning by you too quickly to be sure of things.

And that’s sort of how this conference felt.

It was fun, and I learned a lot. But it was exhausting and everything kept moving without down time unless you decided to sit something out. And I sort of have this approach to amusement parks too. I figure I’m finally there and I don’t want to miss anything. So instead of sitting things out and going back to the hotel to rest, I go on all the rides.

And I went on all the freakin’ rides at BlogHer.

I met hundreds of bloggers I read and hundreds more that I now will read. I went to five sessions–one from each track and a Geek Lab. I wrote posts and tweeted and updated my Facebook status and uploaded photos (sorry, Denise, not to Flickr yet). I went to parties this time…sort of. I collected swag this year. So much swag that I needed to get another suitcase to get it all home. It is mostly not for me–I have it separated out into multiple bags right now so I can pass it along to others. But still. I had meals with friends and saw celebrities (Paula Deen, Dave Lieberman, Tim Gunn!). I cried. A lot. I laughed. A lot. I got no sleep. I felt like my entire nervous system was inflamed by the time the conference ended.

There are people who bitch about BlogHer, who leave unhappy, but I really believe that with a conference that size, a lot of it is what you make of it. I went to a school with 40,000 undergraduates, and some people walked out saying it was a great school, and others walked out saying it was a terrible school. But when you are speaking about an enormous entity such as a school or a conference, I really think that a lot of it becomes what you make of it. Did you actively seek a change when you became unhappy? Did you ask for help? Did you wait for people to come to you, or did you walk up to every person you could and start a conversation?

Because we’re all writers there–no one is better than anyone else. And if you’re going to come with the attitude that you’re owed something–owed attention because you have a certain amount of readers or owed accolades for your writing, you’re going to leave disappointed. Because, as I’ve already said, we’re all writers. And everyone thinks their little blog is special. Instead, all that should be left at the lobby doors and people will get the most from the conference if they turn to everyone they meet–from the random person sitting next to them at a panel to the other woman washing her hands in the bathroom–and start a conversation. Ask them about their blog. Hopefully they will ask you about your blog. A conversation begins.

Was the conference more commercial this year? Certainly. There were more sponsors and there were more business-y people walking around, trying to promote their business while interacting with bloggers. Was it a little annoying? Yes. But again, it was avoidable. And I could also choose to try to engage the speaker as a fellow person rather than follow their agenda to tell me about their product by asking them questions about where they’re from or if they’ve ever been to Chicago. And, sometimes I just smiled to be polite and took their card and then moved on rather than eating up more time explaining that I’m a kosher vegetarian and while their custom jerky business sounds cool, it just isn’t for me.

I saw some pretty sucky attitude on some people, comment-worthy sucky attitude. And like I did with my big college, I took my big conference and I avoided that suckatude because it wasn’t worth getting upset about. I left the party or I shifted spots and I used my time to find the most kick-ass people in the world. I freakin’ met Kathy and Io and Emily. I got to see Cecily and Sarah again. I spent time with Alexa and Aurelia and Kate and Briar and Magpie and Julia. I got to see people from DC and my fellow BlogHer CEs and some of my favourite bloggers I met back when I did book publicity. I took Nora’s head around the conference and took pictures.

And you know what, that sucky attitude that I witnessed in person, I also witness it every freakin’ day in the blogosphere. It is not a problem with the conference; it is a problem with human beings. People who won’t help you out unless they think they can get something out of it, or who think they’re better, or who ignore you…that happens every place in life. And BlogHer is not immune to it.

But it is an amazing place to be. Before I left, a blogger (I will keep her anonymous in case she doesn’t want me to tell her words) leaned in and whispered in my ear, “you saved my life.” I went back up to the room and cried and cried. It was a complete catharsis that I couldn’t reach on my own because I was so damn tired. But she brought me there because she said the most important reason why I blog and why I read: because we are saving each other.

When we write the words out of our heart and take them off our chest so they can stop eating us alive, we’re saving ourselves. And when we comment on another person’s blog, letting them know that their words matter, we’re saving them. When we reach out and support another person, we are literally saving their life. And I’m not talking in the hypothetical sense. Humans cannot live without contact, without interaction. Blogging makes the world less lonely, the world less difficult.

It is that Irish proverb–two shorten the road. And carrying each other’s burdens simply by listening, by saying with our actions, “I care”–that is not just shortening the road. That is saving a soul.

That is why I go back to BlogHer and why I walk away each conference saying that I had an amazing time. Because I go in looking to connect with other humans–not fawn on them or hope that they read me too–and I connect with other humans. And I walk away feeling full from the experience.

Many years ago, Josh was one of the nominees at a major award show and we were at this shmancy cocktail party before the award ceremony began. Suddenly, I heard myself scream out, “that’s Judd Hirsch” and saw my finger pointing at the actor, Judd Hirsch. I seriously don’t know what got into me. Judd looked at me and continued walking. I mean, how does one respond to a person pointing at you with their mouth hanging open while they tell you who you are?

I did the same thing last year at BlogHer. The elevator doors were closing and I screamed out, “you’re Her Bad Mother” at Catherine Connors. Who gave me the same look Judd Hirsch gave me.

And apparently, my body wanted to do it one more time.

I was sitting by a door when it opened and it walked Paula Deen with her security detail. She smiled and waved and I shouted out, “you’re Paula Deen” and she said, “I am.” And she kept walking. But I followed. And I took pictures.

So uncool.

She is really an incredible performer. We haven’t made her recipes, so I can’t speak to the food. But she is a joy to watch. So funny, so charming. Very warm.

And then there was Tim Gunn. I didn’t wait in line to chat with him because…well…my wardrobe needs more help than one man can give it.

But he signed Deb’s shirt.

I met Liza (pronounced Liz-ah, not Lie-zah) FINALLY. She is a superconnector, bringing me together with so many friends. And she is my doppelganger. We literally switched places at two schools–crisscrossed our undergrad and grad spaces. And she is just so funny and cool and sweet and wonderful.

Devra, Sarah, and I like to take this picture at every conference. I look like Sarah’s child. The story of Sarah will take too long to place here, but I realize that how we know each other makes for a very good story so hopefully I will have it together by the Friday Roundup this week.

The last night also turned out to be the annual Venetian Night in Chicago on the water complete with fireworks.

While we were outside, I told Josh that I wanted to run back in and take a picture of the sign for the last time. But workmen were taking it down. Unassembling BlogHer. I thanked them for their hard work–the undoing must be just as tremendous as the doing. Josh whispered to me that if I hugged them, I would truly become a caricature of myself. So I refrained.

And then we went upstairs to pack. To sort the swag into bags to give most of it away. To collapse into bed.

It’s hard to update here because the Internet connections are terrible. Major fail, Sheraton. And I apologize for any type-os because it is loud and crazy and chaotic here and I’m finding myself becoming fried as the conference continues.

So I left off at last night. After lunch and the Op-Ed session (I still have to upload my notes from that), I went upstairs and got dressed because…I had to be ready for the keynote. You’ll see what I read below, but the night before I flew to Chicago, I decided to wear part of the costume. The bottom part.

So I grabbed the boots, grabbed a pair of stockings, and then went looking for the bottom part of the outfit which was the black garter contraption. I took apart three drawers, took the drawers out of the dresser to check if it had fallen over the back of a drawer, and finally found them in a random bag in my closet. Five years since I last wore them.

Eden Kennedy introducing the Community Keynote

Speaking at the podium

My head, huge on the television screen

Showing some garter action

The Community Keynote group

I read my piece at the community keynote and that video will be available soon online. You can read the edited version of the post below. And then we went to the cocktail party and met all these cool bloggers and even got a seated massage.

Red Headed Lefty and Me

The Dana Files and Me

Cecily and Dana

Me and Ask Moxie

I swung through some parties and I have to admit this—last year, I grabbed no swag. I didn’t even venture really into the Expo Hall and I turned down bags when they were offered. And this year, I started down this road and now (Io as my witness this morning), I have become a maniac. I went back to one place and got three versions of the same toy for Baby Fred. I took freakin’ Mary Kay make-up—I don’t even wear make-up. So I waited in line last night and got some bags of stuff (a tiara, which the ChickieNob is excited to wear). And then I got to the real stuff.

I got to meet Mommy Wants Vodka, Apron Strings for Emily, and Who Shot My Stork! Aunt Becky had to leave, but Emily and Io and I went out for dinner/dessert. It was such an amazing time. First of all, they’re hysterically funny. And I cried meeting Io (I got to meet Emily at lunch so I got all my tears over then). I mean, she’s Io! And she’s wonderful. And we had a great time.

Emily, Me, Io, and Becky

I got back to the hotel and collapsed and woke up early to have breakfast and I met Dave Lieberman in the hallway and had my picture taken with him. Io found me and we walked around the Expo Hall, taking more swag. And then dropped it off and went to a session that I thought would be about something else, but gave me more ideas along the line of group Kirtsying to get our posts into the general community. Give me a few days to gather my thoughts on it and get it going in mid-August.

Me and Dave

Lookey here, I’m signing my book this afternoon

Laurie Kingston and Me

But here is what I read for the community keynote…

The Community Keynote Piece:

Loss is inherent in infertility–the negative beta at the end of the cycle, diminishing hope, forgoing opportunities. Mixed in with the loss is the physical pain and the emotional embarrassment. The financial holes and constant anxiety. And, of course, shwanking off in public.

When my husband, Josh, would complain about the donation rooms, I would lift up my shirt to show him my bruised belly. How could he ever compare rubbing one out with nightly injections?

And then I took a field trip to the donation rooms and listened to the nurses discussing the viscosity of a semen sample on the other side of the thin wall and I had a newfound appreciation for my husband’s prowess to zone in on an image of breasts (always my own, always my own) and get the job done despite the andrologist crooning “Careless Whisper” in his office, three feet away.

On the morning of our first IUI, we drove to the clinic, bleary-eyed from lack of coffee and somewhat anxious to see if this next step would work. When he was called back to the room, he seemed a little surprised that I was coming with him.

“I think you wait here,” he said.

“I’m coming back for moral support,” I said to the nurse. “If that’s okay.”

“Fine,” the squat, German woman barked. She paused outside of tiny room that contained a barcalounger, magazine rack, television set, and a sink counter containing a sealed collection vial.

She looked at me suspiciously and reminded me three times in quick succession that in order for it to be a clean specimen, I could not use my mouth.

“I will not use my mouth,” I promised. “I’ll be very quiet. I won’t touch anything. I’ll just read one of the magazines.”

“No mouth,” she repeated a final time, picking up the sealed donation vial and slamming it down on the counter as a final reminder of her wrath should my lips creep close to anything that is currently under her domain.

And this is what babymaking at the clinic is like. Someone else is conducting your intimacy and someone else is setting the time. And frankly, someone else is doing the job. It can be sobering, stilling to think about how much this process is out of your hands, the wonder removed, the love vacuumed out of it in the quest for a clean specimen. But that was why I was there. I was taking back the porn.

“I don’t know if I can perform if you’re going to be watching,” my husband admitted.

“Oh, I’m not going to be watching,” I said.

And that is when I stripped off the oversized grey sweatshirt and wide-legged jeans to reveal a black merry widow-like contraption with garters and thigh-high black stockings peeking out over knee-high boots. I unhooked my barrette and let my hair tumble down past my shoulders. “I’m Hilde,” I breathed.

“Hilde?” my husband asked unsteadily. “Like your great uncle’s girlfriend?”

Which wasn’t the reaction I had been hoping for. I had sort of assumed that the outfit would cause immediate schwangage–that he’d have to dive for the collection cup in slow motion to catch the stream of semen shooting out just from the mere site of his wife parading in front of him in material that was black and shimmery and see-through.

“I’m Hilde,” I said, shaking my ass a bit in his face as I leaned over to check out the porn in the magazine rack. I should have gone for the slow reveal. “Perhaps we should get to know each other,” I murmured, trying to look at him through my lashes without getting a headache. “I have a lot of secrets.”

“Really, Hilde? Secrets,” Josh said, not really making any motions that would get us out of this room.

“Lots of secrets,” I moaned. “Here’s the first one. Why don’t you just get your donation vial ready and we can begin.”

“Mel,” he said gently. “I think you’re beautiful in that. Hot. I wish you’d actually wear something like that at home. But…I love you. I want to make this baby with you.”

For him, it wasn’t about what was lost. It wasn’t about everything that came before or even this moment itself. It was about looking forward, thinking about what we were creating together. It d
idn’t matter if it took place at home or in an office or in the single-stall Starbucks bathroom–the end result would be the same. Parenthood. A child.

That is how we tuned out the conversation happening on the other side of that door; the whore and the madonna, sitting on the floor, holding his knees just so I could feel connected in some way to the experience. My eyes averted, a quiet connection, a return to the continuous mantra chanted by the heart, “could this be our chance could this be our chance couldthisbeourchance”.

All to the tune of “Careless Whisper.”

At lunch time, a bunch of ALI bloggers got together in the lobby so both BlogHer people and Chicago people could see each other. We had Cecily, Julia, Emily, Aurelia, Kate, Kathy, Briar, Magpie, Alexa, and Me. Later on, Jenny, Amalah, and Gwen stopped by. It was so much fun and I loved getting to spend time with everyone. This is why I go to BlogHer—to get to see the people I read.

The Bloggess is also one of the people here with Nora’s head so…here, Nora, your head was at lunch too. And you thought the mozzarella salad was delicious.

Kathy

Briar

Emily and Alexa

The elusive Aurelia and Kathy

Alexa and Kate

Cecily and Julia

Cecily, Magpie, Julia

Briar, Cecily and Magpie

Magpie and Julia

Emily and Alexa

Alexa and Kate

Kathy and Me

Amalah

Amalah and Julia

Me and Jenny with Nora’s head

Jenny and Cecily

Cecily and Gwen

Oh, and I also met Rick Bayless who gave me an excellent tip on mellowing the taste of garlic (put peeled garlic clove in a small dish of water and microwave it for 45 seconds to blanch it before using). And I had my picture taken with Mrs. Potato Head because she’s Mrs. Potato Head.

And the ALL fairies just because the ChickieNob loves fairies. Perhaps not ones with hairy legs, but these two will have to do. Um…only the man had hairy legs. And that’s really the pot calling the kettle black if you saw my legs right now.

Oh, and I got the date and day of the week wrong. So mark Sunday the 9th of August 2010 for the ALI get together in New York City.