Updated at the bottom

My normal reaction when I see self-created drama unfolding is to walk away.  And yet, here I am, two posts in one day on a situation that is wrought with self-created drama.  And it’s because I think there is a nugget of something very important at the heart of this.  The concept of using a blog as a weapon.

The blogger has since issued an apology of sorts, offering answers to questions people raised, though inviting more questions in the process and still making some pretty heavy accusations.  At the end of the day, like other situations that have occurred with blogs in our community, it comes down to each reader choosing what they believe.  Either you think the blogger is telling the truth or you don’t, and while we usually believe the blogger when they admit their lies such as the case of Little April Rose, it rarely seems to work the other way around.

The additional problem here is that she is publicly making some huge accusations about the conduct of the TSA–from taking her child to editing video–and she will need to back them up if they come knocking on her door.  Which comes to the point I really want to make:

Blogs are not weapons nor should they be used as such.

What bothered me the most about this story–beyond having to slog through so many retweets about it–is how she spoke about the incident on Twitter:

• needless to say, today has been hell… but TSA will be ripped a new asshole thanks to freelance writing.
• no lie. i am writing up every MINUTE that took place of them separating me from my child, without me even seeing him and publishing it.
• srsly? i was just goina go all written on them with “the people” that i know.
• full story can’t be posted on my blog…. publishers want it.
• i’m not posting shit. i’m writing a piece to be published much more widespread than my blog that get 6 hits.
• fuck the letters. my voice is stronger if it goes public. it was HORRIFIC.
• eh, i can put it on my blog, but get paid if someone picks up my story… MWUAHAHAHA…. pay me for my insanity!!!!
• dunno if i’m goina blog about it… may pitch it to publications and go waaaay out with it. i dunno yet.
• cuz i leave for the west coast sat morn at 6 am but want to raise fuckin hell by then.
• thank you love. i appreciate the RTs. will write a post when i am a little more stable. and yeah, they fucked with the wrong mom.
• BIGGER…. i’m writing a post and titling it “TSA TOOK MY SON” so everyone who googles TSA will find it.

And that is what bothers me enough to write about this a second time.  Because while it may feel really good to think in your head about the power of the written word when you are being knocked down by an organization or business, it is not a sound idea to put that concept into action, using the blog essentially like a whip to beat down another person, place, or thing.

We are accountable for what we place on the Web.  And when we levy accusations or gush glowingly about another person, place, or thing, we better be willing to stand behind our words.  In other words, once you start the ball game, you better be willing to stick around and see it through all the innings.  You can’t throw out one pitch and then run.

That was one of the points of the FTC’s ruling on disclosure for bloggers doing reviews.  It was the idea that people do take what they read online and run with it and we have a responsibility not to steer people towards an item we wouldn’t have paid for ourselves.  And it works in both directions–don’t hurl insults or make accusations to punish an organization or business.  In other words, don’t use your blog like a weapon or a fairy wand.

Use it as a personal space to express an opinion and share how you see the world.  Use it to connect with others or gather support or spread information.  But use your powers for good rather than evil.

At the end of the day, the impulse to write the post is just as important as the words on the screen.  Are you writing in anger to vent (get out emotions) or are you writing in anger to punish?  Are you writing glowingly to praise because you are truly tickled by something you found, or are you writing glowingly to praise because someone gave you a free item?

And frankly, based on her own quote: “eh, i can put it on my blog, but get paid if someone picks up my story… MWUAHAHAHA…. pay me for my insanity!!!!” I have a feeling that her post didn’t come from the right place.  This wasn’t about educating the public, holding an organization accountable, or venting about a scary moment.  This was about punishment, personal gain, the power of words to hurt another person after we’ve been hurt.

Update:

I stand strongly by my words that blogging–like any communication or interaction with other people–comes with responsibility.  With “reality” television, the viewer knows that we’re looking at a heavily edited medium that is leading us to certain thoughts.  And I think we come to the same understanding with blogs.  We are not looking at raw footage of a life: we’re looking at an edited version of events in a life.  And there is plenty of room for personal interpretation of events.  Someone might report that someone yelled, and if I had heard the same words, would have said that they were said in a normal tone of voice.  I think most of us read blogs taking those things into consideration.

But there is a difference between changing small facts to protect another person’s identity or changing that the sweater was green rather than red because that’s how you think you remember it, and creating an all-out-lie.  When we watch reality television, we watch with an understanding that the events, however staged, took place.  It would become fiction if they shot some footage of Kate from Jon and Kate against a blue screen and then set her in situations she was never in.

I think there is a social contract between reader and artist.  And I think we hashed this discussion to the gills when the whole James Frey incident came out.  If it’s fiction, mark it as fiction.  If you present it as reality, people utilize the information learned in a different way.

My point with the FTC ruling is that it’s no better to use your blog to gush falsely than it is to use your blog to lie to harm another person, place, or thing–not that this blogger’s situation falls under the FTC guidelines.

It’s not really a good riddle.

Quick on the heels of having emotions jerked with the boy-who-was-in-a-balloon-except-he-wasn’t-in-the-balloon (and instead of getting the sigh-of-relief conclusion where we all find catharsis in the fact that the boy is safe, we are instead left questioning the motives of the parents), comes the TSA-took-my-child except they didn’t because the TSA posted the video.

And this is all on the heels of the Little April Rose scandal and who knows what else–it seems like these small implosions of stories are constantly burst all over the blogosphere like fireworks.  Interesting to look at, but scary in the damage they could potentially do.  Everyone has their own version of these explosions in their corner of the blogosphere and you probably know of some that have rocked your world that I haven’t heard about yet.

Some would say what’s the true harm–you’re emotionally jerked through a story, yes, and the other person receives attention, but no one was injured, nothing was taken, the story explodes and we all walk away shaking our head and it’s over.

Except it’s not over.

Because these incidents make us cynical.  They–like a lit firework held in our hands–cause burns and once we’re burned, we’re pretty shy about holding the next story in our heart.  I’m not saying that I’ll never watch the news or read a blog post again without my usual naive belief that people are good and tell the truth.  But for a period of time after each of these explosions, I sometimes doubt other stories that pass my way, stories I wouldn’t have doubted at another time.  I think in the ALI community, the Little April Rose scandal has made us sniff at every story, smelling for something bad before we trust that we can believe it.  I think that the TSA story will have the same effect and people who could use support–not doubt–will not receive it due to the lies of others.

Which sort of sucks hardcore.

I went this morning to renew my passport.  It expired back in 2004 and the reason I didn’t renew it immediately is that I wanted to do it in person because I had changed my last name with marriage…well…the whole story is a balagan-of-a-reason and the punchline is that when I got to the office this morning, I didn’t need my marriage certificate at all.  There had been absolutely no reason to let it go on as long as I did.

Which brings us to two thoughts: I have not been out of the country in five years, with the exception of Canada (the last time I went, you could still go over the border without your passport).  I used to travel overseas at least once a year, sometimes multiple times a year.  We even put travel as a condition in our tenaim.  It’s just strange to think that if I live to be 100, I spent 5% of my life not fulfilling something I love to do.  And I’m not sure I’ll be traveling much past 70, so there’s another 30% of my life.  And I didn’t travel a lot as a child.  So what I’m saying is that I’m in prime travel years and I’m not traveling.

The other thing is how naked I feel without my passport.  This morning, I opened it to show the twins and went through some of the stamps.  I know I still have the photographs and the journals here, but that particular book contained a lot of memories and I loved standing in line at the airport, looking at my stamps and remember where I’ve been.

My first trip with Josh, when he asked me in a cafe if I thought I wanted to marry him one day.  Our spontaneous trip to Paris that we planned and executed in under 5 days.  A trip to Ireland where I came in from the rain and ate Linda McCartney vegetarian sausages and milky tea on the floor by the heater.  A month in Italy where we had a shower with a window in it.  Trying to learn Catalan in Spain.  A week in London where I convinced Josh to ask a shopkeeper on Portobello Road if he sold any bedknobs.  Running away to Israel to avoid an ex-boyfriend.  A trip to Canada after my first Follistim injection in a hotel in Buffalo, NY.  Taking pictures in a graveyard at midnight in Oslo.

When I get my new book, it will be blank.  The first clerk won’t know when he stamps it that I’ve been to a bunch of places.  Isn’t that a strange idea?  That you can become a clean slate in regards to travel every ten years.

*******

Weekly What If: What if in replacing your passport, they also wiped clean all of your travel memories?  What place would you love to see with new eyes (as in erase bad memories from a past trip or get to experience something all over again for the first time)?  Which trip would you be saddest to lose from your memory?

*******

Last night, we got into the house a few minutes past seven.  The twins washed up and I set up a candle on the counter.  They helped me light it and we went upstairs.

We kept losing power yesterday, including a few minutes after we lit the candle so it seemed extra fitting to have that established light.  An hour or so after the twins were in bed, I heard a strange popping noise in the kitchen.  It sounded like something plastic had fallen off the counter and onto the floor.

At first I couldn’t locate the source of the sound, but then I saw this:

The heat from the candle had blown out part of the glass.  I had used these candle holders numerous times in the past, so I’m not sure why this happened last night.  Perhaps it was a sign.

*******

In happier news, I got two surprises in the mail last week.  The first came from Jen who has started her own etsy.  She made the Wolvog and ChickieNob t-shirts with their favourite things–iPods and ballet.  Jen also sends the twins her old blackberries and cell phones therefore they already loved her hardcore.  The shirts were just the icing on the cake:

I’m hiring her to make a special onesie for me through the etsy.  Seriously high quality work–it’s gorgeous.

The other thing that came was from Nancy (who I owe a nice comment on this post and still have it saved in my Reader, not because I can’t think of something nice to say, but because I want to make it special).  She sent me my own pair of roller derby socks!

I am pairing them with a little black jumper and black platform heels.  I will take a picture once I’ve actually gotten myself dressed.  Which is a fancy way of saying, “showered.”

*******

Newsy News:

A bunch of things came in quick succession so I thought it was worth repeating.

1. The Blogger Bingo list closes over the weekend.  The first clue will be up in that first section of the right sidebar on Monday.  This is your last chance to sign up.
2. The IComLeavWe list for October closes mid-week next week and commenting starts on Wednesday.  Heads up if you wanted to sign up.
3. Next book for book club is the Phantom Tollbooth.  We wanted to keep it easy with all the holiday craziness coming up.  Sign up if you want to participate.
4. I’m going to be doing a bunch of Q&A’s at Fertility Authority next week.
5. If you live in Philadelphia, Cherry Hill, Southern New Jersey…er…that whole area, I’m going to be reading at the Borders in Marlton, NJ on October 23rd (next Friday).  I’d love to meet you if you live nearby!

*******

I also got to meet Christy last weekend:

If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “I bet Christy rocks,” you would be correct.  She is funny and sassy and has an incredibly delicious son.  I was so excited when I learned that she was going to be coming into town.

*******

And now, the blogs…

An Unwanted Path has a post about the word ineffectual.  Fertility treatments aren’t working for her and she writes: “I hate wasting all that time, all that money, all that emotional energy, on something that just isn’t working- and yet we keep doing it. It makes me feel like I’m delusional at times, and I ask myself why I bother.”  It’s a wistful post and I closed it, still thinking about the words for days after.

Still Passing Open Windows has a post about the economics of infertility.  When she inquires about the price of a camera, she can’t help but put it in terms of a cycle cost, medication bills, donor gamete prices.  And the post drives home the fact that when you buy something at the store, you pay for the product and when you spend your money on treatments, you pay for the chance.

A Real Life has a post about a setback in terms of her job and what she learned from the experience.  She writes: “To put it mildly, my response was not appropriate for the situation I was facing.”  I think what is most touching about this post is not just the honesty, but the enormous intelligence she brings to looking at her life.

Lastly, You Call Me a Bitch Like It’s a Bad Thing has a post about how she should have been 12 weeks pregnant.  It is a simple, sad post about waiting rather than being in action.  I just thought it was well-written and moving.

The roundup to the Roundup: Bye-bye old passport.  Answer the Weekly What If.  Cool things came in the mail and in person.  Lots of projects coming to a close or starting up–depending on how you look at it.  And great blogs to read.

When it comes down to it, this blog couldn’t have been named anything else now that I know that Stirrup Queens is merely an anagram for Pee Squirt Urns.

No, wait.  It’s an anagram for Queers Rip Nuts.

Squire Pet Urns.

Quietness Purr.

Requires Punts.

Queers’ Turnips.

Squinter Purse.

Quipster Nurse.

Queens Rip Rust.

Pee Squirt Runs.

Just a small game on a day of rain.

Where I am right now, emotionally:

Blue mood.

Shitty week: rejected friendship and a public reprimand.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I am lighting a candle in two more hours.

And I have my period coming soon.

Anagram for “period coming soon”: Iced Mooing Pornos.

Periodic Smog Noon.

Demonic Goo Prison…

Wait.  That totally explains the mood.  I am getting my demonic goo prison.

Updated:

At least my blog anagrams out to Pee Squirt Urns.  Our Family Beginnings becomes A Briefly Noggin Minus.  And please, Lori can try to hide it all she wants, but we all know that Weebles Wobblog is just an anagram for Gobble Blows Ewe.  Or Bowleg Blob Wees.  And Faereyluna (who left the first comment and I’m not sure if she’s okay with me linking to her blog since she didn’t put it in the comment) is otherwise known as Anal Eye Fur.  Wait, no, I love her for leaving the first comment and that is not a nice anagram.  How about “Ale Year Fun” instead?

Show and Tell is wasted on elementary schoolers. Join several dozen bloggers weekly to show off an item, tell a story, and get the attention of the class. In other words, this is Show and Tell 2.0. Everyone is welcome to join, even if you have never posted before and just found out about Show and Tell for the first time today. So yank out a photo of the worst bridesmaid’s dress you ever wore and tell us the story; show off the homemade soup you cooked last night; or tell us all about the scarf you made for your first knitting project. Details on how to participate are located at the bottom of this post.

Let’s begin.

It just may be the greatest game of all time.  It beats out Candy Land, Hungry Hungry Hippos, and even Life.

It’s the Ungame.

The point of the Ungame is to talk about your feelings–my favourite thing to do regardless of whether I’m winning or losing.  You move around the board, but there is no place you’re aiming to reach and the game only ends when your mother looks at the clock and realizes that it’s eight minutes until Dallas and by fuck could y’all get in bed already.

With each move, you either land on a space and talk about your feelings (tell us about a time when you were fearful?) or draw a card and talk about your feelings (describe how you’re feeling right now in three words).  See, greatest game of all time.  And it is only enhanced by imbibing alcoholic substances before playing.

My mother was cleaning out the closet and gave me our copy from the 80s because she remembered how much I loved it.  And do I.  I’ve even left it in the hallway as a conversation piece for when people come over and see those groovy photographs on the game box.  Expect to be seeing a lot of the Ungame on this blog as I play it incessantly.

What are you showing today?

Click here or scroll down to the bottom of this post if this is your first time joining along (Important: link to the permalink for the post, not the main url for your blog and use your blog’s name, not your name. Links not going to a Show and Tell post will be deleted). The list is open from now until late Friday night and a new one is posted every week.