Armed with your additional car suggestions and a print out of Allison’s ultra-informative Mazda email, we hit the car dealerships on Saturday to do a few test drives.  We loaded the kids’ car seats into the back of the Mazda5 and sat down with the salesman to do the paperwork.

When I gave him my name, which is, as you know, a pretty ordinary name, he gave this half-smile and said, “you know there’s another woman named Melissa Ford.”

I nodded and he continued, “damn, that woman wrote the book!”

At this point, you’re probably thinking, “how is Mel such a strange magnet for other infertile people that she has managed to find a car salesman who has read Navigating the Land of If?”

Um…that wasn’t what he meant.

Allow me to translate since the salesman seemed to continuously drop the risque ends of his sentences: “damn, that woman wrote the book on stone cold sexiness.”

I was not familiar with the other Melissa Ford’s body of work until I noticed one day that my MFA program’s page on Wikipedia had me listed as one of their alumni.  How nice, I thought, and clicked on my linked name to take me to what I thought would be my own personal Wikipedia entry, one that would list Navigating the Land of If and be a receptacle in the future for all my personal accomplishments including getting a one-woman show on Broadway called Jazz Hands (I’m predicting around 2015).

Instead, it took me to a very different Melissa Ford.

Strangely enough, waxing lyrical about soft core porn and music videos (“she’s the video vixen, you know!  Damn!”) with a woman sitting across from you in overalls and clogs does not make for a car sale.

“Yes,” I said dryly.  “I know the other Melyssa Ford.  I believe she makes music videos and porn.”

“It’s not porn!” the man admonished.  “It’s adult entertainment.”  Then he paused for a moment, perhaps remembering his favourite picture and said, “naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, you’re right, it’s poooooooooooooooooooorn.  Damn!”

You know how else I’m really sure that the salesman wasn’t infertile?

As we drove down the highway, talking about fuel economy and ABS brakes, the man called out from the back seat, “you guys going to have any more kids?”

And when he got crickets, he didn’t drop the topic, but instead kept drilling it home with his observations about our family, their genders, our size.

And then switched to talking about meat.

Three favourite topics to cover during car shopping: porn, family building, and meat.

Um…Happy Easter!

On Wednesday, we went to the Crayola Factory even though it really wasn’t on our way home.  We had a whole other trip planned to use up spring break and that got changed so Plan B was to choose something fun between New York and DC, hence how a trip to Crayola was spontaneously proposed and executed without actually looking online to see what a trip to Crayola entailed.  We like our vacations to have as much room for mishaps as possible.

When we set out for the factory (which is really more like a hands-on museum; by which I mean that it’s more like someone has given you free license to use a plethora of Crayola products and they will clean up the ensuing mess of crayon marks and scrap paper), it was grey and drizzly and it matched my mood.  I was all grey and drizzly and cried for a small part of the ride and then sniffled through a large chunk of the ride.  I was manatee.   But not the good manatee.  I was all the negative traits of manatee (just to be clear).

But something happens to you when you go into the Crayola factory, especially if you are a synesthete (which probably explains how I remember so much), in that my entire mood changed surrounded by so many great colours.  We watched crayons being made and drew pictures of princesses with melted wax and made strangely shaped hearts out of paper.  And then we headed to the Crayola store where I was confronted with this wall upon entrance and fell so deeply in love that I could have married the lobby.

By the time we left the store, the grey, drizzly morning had turned into a sunny, warm afternoon and I had this huge weight off my heart.  I was jazzberry jam.  The energetic version.  When we got in the car, all I could think was how my experience has been that taking the long way has always paid off with something so much better than I had imagined before I set out on the path.  I’m glad we took the long way yesterday in more ways than one.

*******

The Weekly What If: what if Crayola called you and told you that it was going to let you rename one of its current crayons.  (1) Which colour would you choose (state the old name) and (2) what would you name it, taking special care to choose something or someone meaningful to you.

I would take neon carrot and rename it ChickieVog after the twins.

*******

The new IComLeavWe list has opened for the month of April.

*******

And now, the blogs…

Waiting for Sunflower has a post about parenting after a long wait.  They are physically ready with all the baby accoutrement, but are they emotionally ready after eight years of building expectations?  I love this post because she balances her husband’s expectations with her own.  It is a beautiful, reflective, insightful little post.

Baby on Mind has a post about the emotions surrounding her canceled cycle.  She asks: “How does one grieve over the loss of a canceled IVF transfer?  I’ve grieved my BFN from my first IVF.   But how do you grieve the loss of embryos that stopped growing?”  It’s not a question with a clear answer, but I think in reading it, you may feel less alone with your own grief.

I Never Thought it Made Sense Anyway has a post about feeling unsettled on her one-year IVF anniversary.  She writes, “I am on edge and feeling burnt out.  I’m a lunatic with unfinished projects.  On occasion, I’ll just completely lose it with M because something wasn’t done the way I wanted.  I want to control everything and nothing.”  The feelings in the post are both familiar and unique at the same time.

I love this post from Adventures in Baby Waiting.  She has an amazing second mother.

Lastly, Semi-Fertile has a post about how the calendar is like walking through an anniversary minefield.  She explains, “Every time I start to heal emotionally from a miscarriage, I end up pregnant and going through it all all over again. Like fucking groundhog day. And now the calendar destroys me, because every month is something – a would be birthday. A loss anniversary. A pregnancy anniversary. Mother’s Day. Father’s Day. A veritable minefield.”  It’s a heartbreaking post, but it’s also an incredibly moving post.

The roundup to the Roundup: taking the long way can be a good thing.  Answer the Weekly What If.  New IComLeavWe list.  And great blog posts to read.

Worst-tricks-to-play-on-an-Infertile-person list:

• Announcing a pregnancy as a joke: want to know something hysterically not-funny? Having to suck it up and pretend to be excited for a friend who claims she is pregnant and then find out after you’ve swallowed all your sadness and frustration (because while she is knocked up, you just had another negative cycle) and gotten yourself to a place where you are honestly happy for her, that it’s just a joke. Because fake pregnancies are funny!
• All your embryos arrested: having your nurse call to tell you that all of your embryos arrested overnight and your transfer has been canceled only to change her tune after your heart has dropped into your stomach by shouting, “April Fools! You have six beautiful blasts!”
• This cycle is on the house: telling a patient that the $12,000 IVF cycle with ICSI is being comped by the clinic only to tell her (after the huge sigh of relief) that you’re just kidding–the financial department would like you to cough up the cash by your next appointment.

What else would break your heart today?

(additionally, check out the penis and vagina fertility festival on my BlogHer post today.  “Some 40 grown men strain under the weight of a massive vagina while carrying it to the shrine in the main parade. They’re followed by two smaller vagina litters.” No joke).

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: the April list is closed.  The May list will open on 5/1.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Dreaming of Quiet Places (emotional abuse recovery, ponderings, my cute dog)
3. Waiting for Sunflower (pregnancy, gestational diabetes, life)
4. Among the Blossoms (infertility, life, shopping)
5. You Just Never Know Where Hope Might Take Ya (open adoption, faith, family)
6. Maybe Momma Someday (infertility, faith, IVF)
7. Women’s Health And Fertility (infertility, women’s health, reproduction)
8. Production Not Reproduction (open transracial adoption)
9. Expecting the Unexpected-IVF/Preemie/Toddler (son, life, whatever)
10. AnxiousMummy (IUI, TTC, secondary IF)
11. The Mud and the Lotus (hysterectomy, cat, random)
12. Banking On It (mfi, taking a break)
13. The Impatient Optimist (infertility, pregnancy-after-infertility, pcos)
14. Please Let This Be It (pregnancy after IVF)
15. Sparkly Things Distract Me (40+, donor embies, waiting)
16. The Gal Who Wants to Be Anywhere But Where She Is (life after ttc)
17. PandaBox33’s Blog (everything, life, living)
18. Keeping my eyes on Jesus (faith, infertility, IVF)
19. The Journey To 40 And Beyond (adoption, advocacy, life)
20. My Pathway to Motherhood (pregnant, SMC, life)
21. Wishing4One (IVF, twin pregnancy, Egypt)
22. Our Journey, But Not Our Plan… (adoption, fet, summer)
23. Semi-fertile (trying again, miscarriage, grief)
24. Infertility And Me (male factor infertility)
25. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (ivf, family, waiting)
26. Northern Grin (craft, mail, photography)
27. Our Incredible Journey (adoption, special needs)
28. The Subfertile Frugalista (pg after loss, entering 2nd tri, dirty 30)
29. Adventures of a Dam Engineer (adoption, infertility, random crap)
30. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
31. In Due Time (life, infertility, pcos)
32. Ambivalent Womb (male factor, break)
33. Inconceivable?! (IVF, NOA, life)
34. My Infertility Diaries (IVF, grief, TTC)
35. Adventures in Baby Waiting (IVF, PCOS, infertility)
36. Arizona Mamma (kids, pcos, scrapbooking)
37. The Yerkes Life ~ Learning to Embrace God’s Plans (pregnancy, ivf, faith)
38. I Never Thought it Made Sense Anyway (infertility, adoption, loss)
39. Raising Miles (parenting after IF, baking, randomness)
40. The Babbling Bitter Bitch (pregnancy, humor, anxiety)
41. Baby On Mind (IVF, ttc#1, unexplained)
42. The Eternal Guestroom (infertility, IUI, thoughts)
43. All Aboard the Pity Boat (infertility, exercise, life)
44. Are We There Yet (IVF abroad, dancing, preparation)
45. Half as Many Chances (infertility, acupuncture, spirituality)
46. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
47. ErnieGirl (pregnant infertile birthmother)
48. Random Thoughts from Angie (ttc, life, family)
49. No Suzy Homemaker (family, babyloss, life)
50. Journey Through Infertility and TTC (pregnancy, baby, family)
51. Waiting for a Baby Bump (ivf, infertility, ttc)
52. Life with Endometriosis and PCOS (pcos, endo, waiting)
53. Faith, Hope & Poop? (life, parenting, thoughts)
54. A Tale (of the Trials and Tribulations) of Trying (pregnancy, anxiety and depression, pregnancy loss)
55. Woman Anyone? (primary subfertility, unexplained IF, headbanging)
56. Oh Sanity, Wherefore Art Thou (parenting after IF/loss, life, random)
57. Fertility Foibles (infertility, humor, china)
58. My Infertility Woes (infertility, other options/adoption, spirituality)
59. Infertili- T & A (foster parenting, IVF, sass)
60. Once an Infertile (uterine rupture, endo, PCOS)
61. Inconceivable! (ttc, family, struggles)
62. Wistfulgirl’s World (ttc, pcos, life)
63. Junebug’s Musings (IUI?, reverie, tomfoolery)
64. Spermination Station (infertility, coping, life)
65. Your Great Life (fertility, women, self-belief)
66. Riding the IVF Roller Coaster (billionth stimulated cycle)
67. Pull up your potty seat, This could take awhile. (ttc w/ pcos, our daughter, & randomness)
68. A little blog about the big infertility (IVF, infertility, loss)
69. A Woman My Age (adoption, infertility, parenting after 40)
70. My Accidentally on Purpose (pcos, life)
71. Everyone Else But Me (FET, adoption, ectopic pregnancies)
72. Waiting on Baby (PCOS, IUI, male infertility)
73. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, judaism, coping)
74. Baby Dreams (ttc #2 with pcos, my son, life)
75. Knock Me Up, Doc (fertility shots, infertility)
76. The Bushey Life (ttc, life, infertility)
77. The Cubas Cubs Corner (interesting giveaways links)
78. Partners In Crime (twins, life, memes)
79. Big Belly or Bust (ttc, life, distractions)
80. Mindful Meandering (adoption, motherhood after infertility)
81. The Road Less Traveled (IVF/ICSI, pregnancy, books)
82. A + B, Waiting for C (iui, injectibles, distractions)
83. Letters to my Unborn Daughter (pregnancy, baby, love)
84. A Half Baked Life (secondary infertility, cooking)
85. infertile myrtle (parenting after infertility)
86. On Tap for Today (life, humor, Boston)
87. The (In)fertility Diaries (TTC, clomid, new IF)
88. Alex’s Adventures (IUI, acupuncture, hope)
89. A Greater Yes (infertility, embryo adoption, pregnancy)
90. It’s Baby Time~!! (pcos, mfi, ivf)
91. Lose to Gain (infertility weight thyroid)
92. From IF to When (endo, MFI, IUI)
93. In The Middle With You (infertilty, loss, life)
94. The Barreness’s Blog (parenting after infertility)
95. Cape Girl’s Journey (stillbirth, inferility, IVF)
96. Hope Springs Eternal (male factor infertility, endometriosis, food)
97. Life: Chats and Rants (ttc, pcos, life)
98. The Adventures of a New Mom (new baby, recipes, pictures)
99. Busted Plumbing: When Mother Nature Kicks You Right In the Ovaries (PCOS, loss, awesomeness)
100. Getting There (adoption, infertility)
101. I Will Be A Mom … Someday (infertility, waiting, hope)
102. Communique (life, infertility, ivf)
103. Infertility Musings (having fibroid surgery)
104. The Infertility Overachievers (son, infertility, army)
105. Waiting on Baby (male factor infertility, PCOS, TTC)
106. Ready To Be A Mom (miscarriage, IVF, infertility)
107. Infertile Follies (infertility, ectopic, ivf)
108. A Virtual Hobby Store and Coffee Shop (news, music, food)
109. The Truth Is Out There (pregnancy, life, random thoughts)
110. Lifeslurper (over 40, donor eggs, Australia)
111. Eggs Out of Time (infertility, iui, ivf)
112. Awaiting Our Miracle (MFI, starting IVF, PCOS)
113. Journey to the Eng of the Rainbow (infertility, ivf, acupuncture)
114. Overcoming Obstickles (infertility, acupuncture, clomid)
115. Leave It To the Beavers (TTC, PCOS, life)
116. Three is a Magic Number (IVF#1, MFI)
117. fickleinpink, the dark side (introspection, writing prompts, life and love)
118. My Lovely Lady Bump (early pregnancy, family)
119. My Stories: An Infertility Blog (IUI #4, unexplained infertility, life)
120. And Baby Would Make 3! (IF, PCOS, clomid)
121. CD 1 Again (infertility, clomid, life)
122. The Conceivable Future (RPL, infertility, IVF)
123. Trying Not to Scream (infertility, IVF?, life)
124. Salvageable (marriage, rpl, work)
125. Through Eyes Of A Stranger (infertility, life, everything)
126. Find Joy Now (life, travel, joy)
127. Half of a Duo, Raising a Duo (traditional surrogacy, toddler twins, loss of children)
128. The Fiegels (mommyhood, gerd/medical issues, young children)
129. Pollination Chronicles (IVF abroad, suspected w MFI, failed IUI’s)
130. The Egg Drop Post (infertility, adoption, life)
131. The Birds and the Bees (ivf, unexplained, life)
132. Tripletly Blessed (triplets, jewish, food)
133. That’s My Answer (fun, question of the day, you)
134. Outside My Head (family, movies, books)
135. Oven Seeking Bun (ttc #1, pcos, follistim)
136. Do Without Doing (baby, work, stuff)
137. Circus Acts (formerly Kicking You From the Inside) (improvement, parenting, life)
138. Except For Mondays (TTF, Project 365, everyday life)
139. Musicmakermomma (de ivf, 40++, uterine surgery)
140. A Little Bit of Life (trying to conceive, husband, infertility)
141. Self Confidence (skincare, cosmetics, health)
142. The Road Worth Traveling (pregnancy, health, life)
143. Letting It Out (parenting, deployment, unknowns)
144. Hobbit-ish Thoughts & Ramblings (pregnant after losses, viability?, hope)
145. The Journey Through Life (pregnancy, emotions, life)
146. You Call Me a Bitch Like It’s a Bad Thing (PGD, early pregnancy, dogs)
147. All Grown Up (domestic infant adoption, new mom, random)
148. Venting Vagina (FET, miscarriage, hope)
149. An Unexpected Life (adoption, infertility, family)
150. Mommy in Waiting (male factor infertility, TTC)
151. The Pitter-Patter (if, miscarriage, life)
152. Hubby, Baby and Me… Would Make 3 (pregnancy, preparing for baby)
153. My Basic World (IVF, miscarriage, unexplained)
154. Life Is Now (adoption, infertility, loss)
155. O Small You (ivf, feelings, food)
156. Mama Bear (adoption, infertility, openess)
157. Sister Village (life, people, community)
158. Hopes and Dreams for Us (love dare, childfree, life)
159. All Because Two People Fell In Love! (infertility, PCOS, life)
160. Being Jamie Lynn (infertility, photography, randomness)
161. Circus Children (life, love, infertility)
162. Jennifer in MamaLand (Judaism, food, life)
163. Surprised By Hope (open transracial adoption,adoptive parenting,infertility)
164. The Life and Times of KitVonD (ttc, infertility, life)
165. Believing in June (infertility, hope, marriage)
166. Twists of Fate (pregnancy after loss)
167. Going For It (IVF, MFI, TESE)
168. Waiting for Our Miracle (infertility, PCOS, IF treatments)
169. Adventures in Babymaking (IF, SU, TTC)
170. Her Womb, Our Hearts (domestic adoption, army wife, faith)
171. The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow (I Hope) (recurrent miscarriages, hope)
172. The Buonanno Family (children, life, family)
173. Write, Baby, Repeat (adoption, infertility, writing)
174. the April list is closed.  The May list will open on 5/1.

Q: What if I miss a day?
A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?
A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?
A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is blue, the next month it will be yellow, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?
A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?
A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours).

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?
A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?
A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

Lindsay is such a great photographer that she can even make the grey in your hair disappear without using photoshop.

Unfortunately, she cannot make the squinty appear unsquinty.   But all photographers have limits.