Welcome back, Free Therapists.  I am so glad you guys don’t charge an hourly rate.  And you let me unload this crap from my head.

Over spring break, I went on a day trip to Salem with my sister and our families.  I wanted to see the House of Seven Gables, not realizing until we arrived that it was a formal tour vs. a do-it-yourself-old-fashioned-gawk.  I was very pro-gawk and not so into a formal tour, so we all used the bathrooms before hitting the road again. (My sister is very patient with me when I do shit such as drag everyone across the city to see the House of Seven Gables.  I am lucky to have her.)

As we waited for the last batch of our group to finish peeing, we were examining a sign of the top ten houses in America according to architects, counting off which ones we had seen.  They were Falling Water, the Gamble House, Monticello, Taliesen West, Biltmore, Mar-a-lago, the Breakers, Hearst Castle (San Simeon), The House of the Seven Gables, and the Glass House.

Falling Water.

It’s a gorgeous space and part of me would love to take the kids there, but we have never been back to the Deep Creek Lake area since it became a location casualty.  It’s up there with crickets, mayonnaise, and zombies — three things I absolutely can’t deal with.  I’m not sure if you also have these places, but there are two spaces on earth that have been ruined for me, and I can’t even think about them without getting a physical sensation of dread.  I would rather hang out with the snake than go to either of these places, and they’re the Deep Creek Lake area and Bucks County. (Apologies to people who live in either of these spaces.  It’s not the space itself — it’s what happened there.)

I have had to go back to Bucks County many times since and it’s always awful.  I spend the entire trip mentally back in the overwhelming depression I experienced when the place was ruined for me.  Therefore, I haven’t forced myself to confront Deep Creek Lake.  If I know that it upsets me to go to Bucks County, to feel the remnants of my depression again*, why would I choose to go to Deep Creek Lake? (To explain — we don’t choose to go to Bucks County.  We have to go in order to visit people who have started to go there years after the space was ruined for us.  I’m sure they have no idea the thoughts going through our heads while we’re there.)

And then I thought about the fact that my kids would grow up, just a short drive from these two incredible architectural feats and they would never see them due to my fears.  Which seemed silly when I put it in those terms.  Surely I could suck it up for a weekend and take them on the trip.  What’s the worst that would happen?  I’d feel crappy and stare out the window and cry?  It’s not like they haven’t seen that before.  And what’s the best that could happen?  Just like those marches that are meant to take back the night, I could wrest control of the space.  Reclaim it again in an “I Will Survive” moment.

But is it worth it?  And how do I determine worth?

I’ve written about this Real World episode before which I always mentally return to when I need to make a decision like this.

There was a Real World episode — Real World London (where people stop being polite and start getting real) — where the 7 roommates had to complete an Outward Bound-like course. One of the activities was jumping from a platform to catch a pole/branch: a trapeez-like move. It was a psychological thing because you were rigged up with ropes, and you wouldn’t actually fall to the ground. But it was nerve-wracking to jump forward off the platform, even knowing you couldn’t get hurt.

Person after person got up on the platform and jumped. Finally, it was Sharon’s turn and even though she had seen person after person jump and not get hurt (even when they missed the branch), she couldn’t do it. She got up there and cried, and they cut to all of the roommates talking about her behind her back in the “Confession” room and then back to them cheering her on and finally, after many minutes of screen time and cajoling, she jumped, missed the branch, was fine, and it was time for the next person to go.

Neil was sitting below the tree and looked up at the platform and said something to the effect of “Nah, I’m not going to do it. I don’t like heights and I gain nothing at the end of this activity except to say that I conquered a fear I didn’t need to conquer. Think I’ll sit this one out.”

And everyone was pissed at him, but he calmly shrugged in a way that said that he wasn’t going to budge or be bullied into trying something he didn’t want to do. And I have to admit that this Real World scene has played over and over again in my head since 1994, always there in the background when I am pushing myself to do something I don’t want to do “just because.”

It is, of course, cowardly. We’re taught brave is good and cowardly is bad. But why? Really — do we need to always push ourselves and work through fears? It would be great if we could all grab life by the balls and never let fear get in our way, but so many other things get in our way, why not fear too?

It’s not a decision I need to make immediately.  I could sit on it for a year.  Or eight.  Or I could just suck it up and throw them in the car and let them see the house that architects have determined is the most influential space on architectural creativity in America.  It’s a low-stakes fear, one that I don’t need to get over because the stimuli is highly avoidable.  And I miserably suck-it-up and visit Bucks County once a year, though the lead-up to it is always terrible.  So I can do it, if push comes to shove.

But how many of our fears do we really need to get over?  It’s sad that I won’t take my kids there, but it’s not a tragedy.  I’m not keeping them from their passion.  I’m just keeping them from a really cool experience.

*I’m obviously whitewashing the extent of how I felt when I label it “depression.”  I was sad all over the place during infertility.  I was in emotional hell when I was in Deep Creek Lake and Bucks County.  But for the sake of the twins possibly reading this in the future, let’s just label my emotional state at that time ambiguous “depression.”

You have officially steered me away from hermit crab hell — thank you.  I’m not sure which pet we will get, but I can promise you that it will not molt or cannibalize its friends.  We have a pretty low bar to clear at our house, but those two facts about hermit crabs do not clear the bar.

Anyway.

It’s free therapy week at Stirrup Queens.  So settle in, Free Therapists.  Hunker down in your cushy armchair.

We went to a baseball game last week — a Frederick Keys game, which is a minor league team.  When we got home, I reached into my pockets to empty them and found that while my house keys and thumb drive were there as well as a handful of change, my car key was missing.

Josh had his own copy of the car key and had used that one to get us home, hence how I could travel all the way to our house without noticing that it was missing.  I mentally went through the day, trying to remember any time that I actually used my copy of the key, and the only thing we could come up with was that it fell out of my pocket when I handed my house keys to the kids.  At Frederick Keys games, there is a point where you are supposed to hold up your keys and shake them.  Which meant that my car key was somewhere at Harry Grove Stadium.

All in all, this was a fairly low-stakes loss, all things considered.  Either it would be turned in by the cleaning crew to lost-and-found or it wouldn’t.  If it was found, I could pick it up this week because I had another copy of the key and still had access to my car.  If it was lost permanently, I could get another copy from the dealer.  It was an inconvenience, but a situation that was completely fixable with the cost of a little time or money.

And yet whenever I lose something, whether it is an item of value or a misplaced copy of a CD that I could easily burn another copy of within minutes, I get the same looping anxiety reaction.  I replay my steps in my head, I run around the house looking in highly unlikely places on the chance of a “what if.”  I literally can’t focus on anything else until the lost item is found.  I gave up a writing day trying to locate a video tape recently.  I literally spent the entire afternoon going through random boxes around the house.

Losing something becomes like a burn on my hand.  I can put the ice on and it numbs it temporarily, but the moment the bag of ice comes off, my skin is buzzing again.  And that is how my mind works with missing items.  I can be distracted, but the moment my brain shakes off the distraction, it returns to obsessing about the lost item.

This has only gotten worse over time.  Now it extends to missing computer files or forgotten words.  I can obsess for hours over a word I can’t remember.  Or if I can’t recall a name, but I can remember exactly what the person looks like.

I need to feel like everything that is mine (owned knowledge, tangible items or people) is here and in its proper place in order to relax and let go.

Am I the only one?  Is it a fear of aging and growing forgetful — a natural byproduct of old age?  Is it an outgrowth of loss?  Clear your throats and analyze.

The end of the story: I begged Josh to go outside with a flashlight and search the ground in case I dropped them on my way into the house that night.  He found them on the floor of the car.  No explanation of how they went from my pocket to the floor of the car, but what was lost was found.  Though I also know that finding this item will do nothing to stave off looping thoughts the next time I lose something.

Someone just asked me my favourite author, and it just occurred to me that I don’t have favourite authors insomuch as I have favourite characters and I’m willing to follow them anywhere, through any series.  I can’t think of one person that I would literally read anything they wrote beyond Josh.

I love Harry Potter, and I’d follow him or some of the other characters through a new series.  But if JK Rowling started writing books set during the Civil War, I can’t say that I’d follow along (nothing against the Civil War; it’s just not my cup of tea time-period-wise).  I like Neil Gaiman, but there are a bunch of books I’m currently avoiding because the plotline doesn’t interest me even though I know in his capable hands, he’d probably make me interested if I could just leap past the first few pages.

I also don’t have a favourite musician.  I can’t think of any musician where I own everything they’ve done.  I tend to wax and wane through a musician’s career — even the bands I love the most tend to have whole albums here and there that don’t interest me.  I also don’t have a favourite actor.  I can’t think of any actor that I would follow into any movie regardless of plot. (Again, sorry anyone who makes films set during the Civil War.)

Just me?  Is there any fine artist (writer, musician, actor) you would follow through to any place and back without a moment’s thought?  Or are you more tied to characters and particular albums?

*******

I feel like I always sound old when I use the term “album.”  That’s probably not the correct word anymore.  Or is it?  Will albums always be albums regardless of the medium (record, CD, digital download) used?

*******

We are getting a pet hermit crab this week unless y’all talk me out of it.  I have agreed to this because it seems like a good starter pet for two children who claim they’re going to feed and love a guinea pig but have a terrible track record of follow-through.  We’ll start with a hermit crab and work our way up to things with fur.

But it occurred to me after I agreed to the hermit crab that I have no idea how to care for a hermit crab.  Do they need a companion?  Live better alone?  What do they eat?  And… er… how long do they live?

So I Google hermit crab care and found not only a handful of websites where people have an intense (I am talking INTENSE) love of hermit crabs, but also some fairly scary facts such as the fact that pet hermit crabs can live easily to 25 years (those not in captivity can live longer).  This doesn’t sounds correct.  I don’t know anyone who is still caring for a hermit crab after their children leave for college.

I don’t want to sound cold and I certainly don’t want a dead hermit crab on my hands, but I also don’t know how I feel about caring for a hermit crab when I’m in my sixties.  Can you imagine me leaving the mah jongg table because I have to get back to the hermit crab?

So, um, could anyone give me any insight on hermit crabs as pets.  What they eat, what they’re like, and er… how long they live?

I keep a pack of post-it notes on my bedside table where I jot down thoughts either so I can place them somewhere and get to sleep or because they seem so brilliant at 3 am that I know I will want to cogitate on them in the morning.  Half of the plotlines in the books are jotted down on those post-it notes.

And then there are the gems that are unearthed in the morning or whenever I page back through the chunk of sticky notes.  Such as this random one:

Creamy caramelized onion soup

He had spent equal amounts of time thinking about how to get out as he had trying to stay in.

Foer told me to rub the soap around the leg but children rub soap up and down.

I didn’t remember the dream until after I read about it again on the post-it note pad, but I had a dream where Joshua Foer (author of Moonwalking with Einstein and fellow Washingtonian) pointed out that children always rub soap in an up-and-down fashion over their bodies even though parents bathing them since birth circle the soap around each body part.  It was supposed to be a deep parenting discussion.  I’ve never met Joshua since he was so far behind me in school, and I’m not even sure he has children nor thinks about their soaping habits.  Nor do I think that my dream Joshua Foer was onto something even if I have enjoyed what I’ve read so far of Moonwalking with Einstein.  Nor do I think, if he does by chance read this, that he should begin analyzing children’s soaping habits.

It’s not the dream that is the point at all.

It’s the fact that I found it important enough to write that down on a note at 3 am.

*******

My Josh (the one of playwriting but not book or soap-analyzing fame) decided recently that he’s now a Nationals fan.  He has not left behind his love of the Yankees, but he’s ready to commit to a DC team and it’s going to be the Nats.

It’s been slowly building over time, but his love is now spilling over and he has become obsessed with watching the Nats.  I was (note the past tense) not a baseball fan at all — I’m not a fan of any sport — but I decided to become a Nats fan too in solidarity.  Except that I skipped over normal fandom and went straight to superfandom.

If Josh is willing to zinc oxide his skin red, white, and blue, I am willing to get a permanent tattoo on my face in the same colours. (He has promised me that I will still need sunscreen if I do this and it will be very expensive, so I’m holding off for the time being.)  He will wear a Nats t-shirt.  I will shave a W into my hair.  He will call encouraging things to the players on the television screen.  I will scream obscenities at the screen.

See?  Superfan.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Am I Delusional?” (Diaries by Lucy)
• “When a Tori Amos Song is Really What You Mean” (Creating Motherhood)
• “After Life” (Here We Go Again)
• “In Heaven” (Mrs. Spit… Still Spouting Off)
• “An Unusual Father’s Day Blessing” (Four of a Kind)
• “For Better or For Worse” (Once a Mother)
• “Growing Old(er) Gracefully” (What I Really Meant to Say)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed has a post called “At a Loss for Words” about the thought process she goes through before she posts something.  She explains that as much as she can be outspoken, there are plenty of topics she doesn’t write about; things she worries will offend someone reading her blog.  The side effects of this are far-reaching, but she deals with the inherent problems of censoring herself because of her fear of failure.  It’s a really interesting read, and I’m positive she’s not the only person who feels this way.

Bio Girl has a post about jealousy when she sees large families at the pool.  She explains: “Those babies are not MY baby. They have nothing to do with me. They are hopefully very wanted and loved, just like my baby would be. But somehow yesterday it felt different. It felt painful. Any maybe because leading up to this point, we had a plan. We were still working out OUR baby.”  It’s about trying to be happy with your current life while releasing the old dreams.

Not a Fertile Myrtle has a post about getting a tattoo with two other infertile women.  It’s a good story, but I also love the ending: “I can’t tell you how much I love these ladies.  That’s one thing I’m glad infertility gave me… their friendship.  Now I just need to tell my mom that I got a tattoo!  Any suggestions?”

Lastly, Small Bird Studios has a post about revisiting the emotions of losing her daughter.  She has been gone for two years, but she can still re-enter those feelings.  She writes, “More than two years later when I let myself FEEL again for her loss – even for a moment, the longing has not dulled one bit.  It’s a good place to be momentarily.  To remember.  To cry.  To feel.  To embrace the storm that visited my life.”  It’s a beautiful, heartbreaking post.

The roundup to the Roundup: My best writing takes place at 3 am.  I have become a Nationals Superfan.  And lots of great blog posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between June 24 and July 1) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere — blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: The list is now closed.  The August list will open on 7/30.
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. The 2 Week Wait (TTC, infertility, pregnancy)
3. Here We Go Again (babyloss, parenting, random)
4. Mommy-In-Waiting (pregnant, twins, IVF#4)
5. Cats With Passports (baby after IVF, autoimmune issues, life overseas)
6. Bio Girl (parenting, infertility, endometriosis)
7. As Good As it Gets? (infertility, parenting, TTC/adoption=confusion)
8. Not a Fertile Myrtle (waiting, mfi, endo)
9. A Little Hope in My Pocket (pregnancy loss, infertility, life)
10. Climber’s Blog Gone Mommy (donor IVF pregnancy)
11. Meier Madness (pcos, iui, case of the crazies)
12. Finding My New Normal (stillbirth, grief, donor egg IVF)
13. Dragondreamer’s Lair (parenting, secondary infertility, crafts)
14. Weathering the Storm (domestic adoption, homestudy, waiting)
15. The Journey to Baby G (ivf, anxiety, humor)
16. Hannah Wept, Sarah Laughed (infertility, donor egg, hope)
17. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, pets)
18. Baby, Borneo, or Bust… (travel, parenting, TTC#2)
19. Baby On Mind (IVF, TTC#1, unexplained)
20. Wonderfully Ordinary (parenting, infertility, life)
21. for all the things we hope for (unexplained infertility, nursing school, miscarriage)
22. Trying To Conceive (IVF, pregnancy after IVF, emotions)
23. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
24. Marriage 2.0 (adoption, weight loss, married life)
25. Because Two People Fell In Love (puppy, loss, life)
26. Wistfulgirl’s World (infertility, weight loss, life)
27. Slowmamma (pregnancy loss, parenting, coping with all of the above)
28. Created Family (unexplained infertility, miscarriage, grad school)
29. Riding the IVF Roller Coaster (TasIVFer) (pregnancy after IVF/loss)
30. My Scarlet Baby (adoption, waiting, life)
31. Les Terres Fertiles (unexplained, infertility, feelings)
32. I’m polycystic inside (beginning fertility treatments)
33. Witty Infertility (infertility, VA benefits, weightloss)
34. Savor the Moment (pcos, life, love)
35. Lifeslurper (over 40, donor eggs, Australia)
36. Becoming Parents (irreverent, ttc#1, ivf/gestational carrier)
37. Mission: Fertile Soul (infertility, adoption, happiness)
38. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (domestic adoption, parenting after 40, life)
39. Colours of Cattiz (ivf, male factor, uk)
40. InDueTime (infertility, life, college)
41. Cammie.Me (parenting, unemployment, food)
42. Navigating Cyberloss (grief, loss, cyberloss)
43. The Suburban Princess Diaries (pregnancy, parenting, humor)
44. Eggs In A Row (pcos, infertility, coping)
45. MissConception (IVF, PCOS, twins)
46. First Time Twins (miscarriage, infertility, ivf)
47. My Lady of the Lantern (neonatal loss, grief, newly pregnant)
48. Kate; uncensored (brutally honest life)
49. Survive and Thrive (infertility, hope, waiting…)
50. The Chronicles of Violetta Margarita (unexplained infertility, IVF)
51. Are You Listening (toddlerdom, ttc #2, random)
52. Every Day Is A Country Song (ttc #1 after 5 miscarriages in a row, possible use of donor sperm, faith)
53. Not Just An Army Wife (iui, miscarriage, military)
54. BattleFish (life, infertility, loss of mom)
55. Crunchy Cupcakes (kids, pregnancy, attached parenting)
56. Baby Steps to Motherhood (IVF, infertility, TTC)
57. The Twinners Reviews & Giveaways (reviews, giveaways, weight loss)
58. Elana’s Musings (family, twins, infertility)
59. HimPlusMe (infertility, pcos, life)
60. Trying Times (recurrent miscarriage emotions)
61. The Rocky Road to Motherhood (IVF, pregnancy, life)
62. Chasing Our Stork: Our Journey with Infertility (international adoption, infertility, Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis)
63. Hoping For Baby Graham (miscarriage, hope, love)
64. Bring on the Babies… (IVF, miscarriage, recurrent loss)
65. Cinderella Wore Glass Slippers (infertility, another FET?, adoption)
66. Me, myself and Mom (TTC #2, family, drama)
67. A Little Blog About the Big Infertility (and Adoption too!) (RPL, anxiety from IF, domestic adoption)
68. We’re Making a Baby (twins, pregnant (again), home)
69. Holly’s Narrative Dream (secondary infertility, coping, life)
70. Zygotta (early pregnancy, PCOS, IF)
71. TTC A Modern Medicine Miracle (loss, donor sperm, military life)
72. Flogging the Muse (art, painting, creativity)
73. This International Life (travel, expat life, Europe)
74. It’s Just Us Chickens (ivf1, ttc, mfi)
75. Annoyed Army Wife (armywife, infertility, pets)
76. A Field of Dreams (parenting, weightloss, humour)
77. Pink or Blue: Either will do! (infertility ttc information)
78. Life As I Know It (twins, life, infant)
79. Tippy and Tidy’s Tumultuous Trip to Toddlers (ttc#1, unexplained, donor egg)
80. A peek into our journey (IVF #1 2ww)
81. The Stork Drop Zone (infertility, humor, life)
82. Adventures of a Nomadic Housewife. (Ttc#2, life, weightloss)
83. MoJoWorking (IVF, infertility, miscarriage)
84. Buy a Baby? (military, frustration, humor)
85. The Ladies in Waiting Book Club (infertility, books, community)
86. Lil Family Blog (motherhood, lesbians, adoption)
87. Searching for the Missing Piece (adoption, repeated miscarriage, creativity)
88. The Pursuit of Pregnancy (RPL, autoimmune, DOR)
89. Paradykes (surrogacy, cards, life)
90. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, speedskating, life)
91. Rainbow Making 101 (TTC, clomid, trigger shot)
92. Infertile is the New Black (infertility, IVF, relationships)
93. I Want to be a Daddy (male infertility experience)
94. All About God’s Grace (infertility, marriage, faith)
95. Hearts Joined, Hands Fast (ivf, mfi, hope)
96. The Barreness (earth, art, infertility)
97. Zero Guarantees (miscarriage 9x, now suro is pregnant)
98. Cradles and Graves ( cord-related losses, rainbow any day? )
99. His & Her Infertility (Just Like The Matching Towels) ( PCOS, azoo, international adoption )
100. A New Song ( parenting after infertility, ttc #2, life )
101. Great Expectations ( PCOS, clomid, humor )
102. IUI to Roux-en-Y ( weight loss, surgery, my journey )
103. Taking the Long Way ( rpl, ectopic and miscarriage, currently pregnant )
104. The Army Doctor’s Wife ( pcos, life married to a new medical intern, daily rambling )
105. A Miracle in the Works (infertility, loss, ttc)
106. Adventures of Endo in the Arctic (endometriosis, IVF, infertility)
107. TTC Baby E (ttc#1, pcos, clomid)
108. Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying (pcos, 1st pregnancy loss, teaching)
109. Storm in My Teacup (on-hold IVF #2)
110. Everyday is a Winding Road (first IVF, infertility)
111. Digital-Damita.net (frugal, green, ttc)
112. The Sun’ll Come Out Tomorrow (I Hope) (baby after RPL)
113. A Freckled Life (infertility marriage life)
114. One Day: Ill get my baby bump (recent 1st M/C, finding my feet again, life)
115. Lissie’s Luck (PCOS IVF hope?)
116. Historias Secretas (ivf, pregnancy, expat)
117. GoTeamBaby (IVF, infertility, hope)
118. Carney Exploits (infertility, remodeling, life)
119. Walking An Unknown Path (infertility, miscarriage, life)
120. Just Us and the Cat (fets, life, husband)
121. IFSerenityNow (pregnancy, IF, life)
122. The One in Eight Couple (unexplained infertility, IUI #1, hope)
123. Ambition: Motherhood (mfi, diui, renewal)
124. Embracing the Rain (natural cycle ivf, dor, rpl)
125. Not Exactly What I Had Planned (severe mfi, IVF #2)
126. Buck Up, Buttercup (FET, travel, grief)
127. Then Comes the Baby in the Baby Carriage (TTC# 1, miscarriage, tcm)
128. Our Life Journey (infertility, embryo adoption, life)
129. Traditionally Nontraditional (life, infertility, humor)
130. Daydreams And… (daydream, military, strength)
131. Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen (infertility, life, snarkiness)
132. Bohemian Transplant (photography, infertility, food)
133. Watering Faith’s Seed (fet, faith, ttc #2)
134. Always Looking For Something New (ttc, fitness, food)
135. The list is now closed.  The August list will open on 7/30.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments – 12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is blue, the next month it will be yellow, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.