The first warning for the storm came when I was racing through preparations for dinner, and I deleted it without really reading.  The weather service sends out a lot of alerts, and I had gone through a hectic day at the end of a hectic week where my to do list was too long and I had no time to complete the tasks.  I had been out of the house all day, but I hadn’t heard any other news for a storm coming, hadn’t heard people talking about storm preparations.  So I wrote off the warning and went back to cooking.

The second warning came while I was folding winter clothes (yes, it took me until mid-summer to actually switch over the drawers), trying to locate the matches for lone socks, cleaning the bathroom.  I deleted it after glancing at the first few lines.  I was so focused on completing each task that had to get done before I could go to sleep that I didn’t have time to contemplate rain.

The third warning came while I was tucking in the twins.  I paused near the Wolvog’s bed, reading the warning that people needed to get off the roads immediately.  But then I kissed his forehead and we talked though some things that were worrying him, and I walked back to my room with the impending storm forgotten.

Until a little after 10 pm last night, I believed that Josh was going to run out to get me frozen yogurt once the last task was complete.

The storm began with a loud crack — lightning must have hit a tree — and the ChickieNob’s accompanying piercing shriek of “Mommy!”  We ran into her room right as the lights went off, came back on, and went off again.  Moments later, the Wolvog followed the shine of the flashlight and joined us in her room, curling up with Josh on the floor while the ChickieNob and I lay in her bed, listening to the wind and the pounding of the rain, the sky lit up by constant lightning.  The house shook with some of the gusts.

After a day of constantly moving, my mind always focused on the upcoming tasks that still needed to get done, it felt like a relief to have the productivity out of my hands.  To have nothing I could do beyond lay next to the ChickieNob and answer her questions which were sometimes about storms and sometimes just about life in general, as if we should use natural disasters to cover any last topics we may have wondered about in passing over the course of a day.

I went to bed believing all would be right in the morning, but we woke to the dark, to news of the people who died in the storm.  To downed trees and electrical lines.  To every town in the area still.  We drove out, my hand over my mouth as we skirted an enormous trunk, shattered in half, its leafy upper torso resting across the road.  Branches blown apart.

I’ve heard from neighbours that we’re not getting power back for a few days.

New weather alerts were sent this morning; this was just the first of three terrible storms coming through the region.  The next will land tonight between 5 pm and 10 pm, the third some time on Sunday.  This time I read the alerts and processed them.

I have no right considering that we are merely without power vs. the people who are grappling with terrible property damage, loss of life.  I am trying to keep things in perspective, but I’m in a terrible mood.  A growl-y, snippy mood.

Distract me please me with something amusing, an interesting fact.  You can tell me how many candy bars would be needed to circle the earth or your most embarrassing moment.  I know, I know, I know, I’m supposed to be getting all my entertainment from books, but it’s nice when the blackberry buzzes too.  Especially when you have no power.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form: July’s IComLeavWe list is closed (the August one will open on 7/28)
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Why Not Us? (infertility, life, ttc)
3. It Is What It Is (Or Is It?) (pg w donated embryos, pg @ 46)
4. Our Pathway to Parenthood (infertility, FET, faith)
5. The Elusive Second Line (early pregnancy, miscarriage, PCOS)
6. Lessons from an Infertile Social Worker (open adoption, parenting)
7. Jewelling The Elephant (music life random)
8. Adrift on a Dandelion Breeze (stillbirth, secondary IF, IVF)
9. My Bum Ovaries (premature ovarian failure)
10. The 2 Week Wait (infertility, motherhood, humor)
11. Life As I Know It (twins, toddler, life)
12. InDueTime (life, infertility, college)
13. Feeling Beachie (life, humor, family)
14. Just Cycling Along (infertility, ttc, endo)
15. Writing for Life (ivf#3, expat life, uk)
16. Tales from the Waiting Room (IVF, TTC #1, unexplained IF)
17. Mommy Summers (mom after pcos)
18. Waiting For Baby (TTC #1, femara, vasectomy reversal)
19. Bring on the Babies… (preterm labor, miscarriage, IVF)
20. Breathe Gently (ivf#2, pcos, tww)
21. Looking For That One (IVF, ttc again, life)
22. She’s Gone Crunchy (parenting after infertility, going green, crafts)
23. Bereaved and Blessed (parenting, secondary infertility, loss)
24. Learning to Pivot (ttc, divorce, reflection)
25. The Infertility Voice (donor egg/IVF, infertility, empowerment)
26. From Gutter to Stars (therapist, infertility, adoption)
27. I’m Just Ducky, Thanks (surrogacy, adoption, rpl)
28. BFP Envy (ivf, infertility)
29. Syringe Sisters (IVF, pregnancy, twins)
30. Getting There (adoption, life, parenting)
31. Tales of a Cautious Optimist (ivf, male factor)
32. Follow Every Rainbow (male factor infertility)
33. The Brooding Woman (ttc, weight loss, anejaculation)
34. Our Growing Gardunn (secondary rpl, iui, septum)
35. Hapa Hopes (IVF, life, endometriosis)
36. If You Don’t Stand For Something (MFI, geekiness, general life ramblings)
37. Not All Dreams Are Free (IVF#1, male factor infertility)
38. Mommy-At-Last (twins after infertility)
39. My Life is About the Journey (recurrent loss, ttc #1, femara)
40. Just Stop Trying and It Will Happen (unexplained infertility, snark)
41. Lori Does Maryland (IVF, loss, parenting)
42. Our New Normal (adoption, ttcal, hopeful rainbow )
43. Infertility Unexplained (miscarriage, IVF, infertility)
44. Waiting to Expand (ttc #2, infertility, miscarriage)
45. Stupid Stork (infertility, silliness, ivf)
46. Ready To Be A Mom (hope, support, parenting after infertility)
47. Detour to Motherhood (adoption, surgery, optimism)
48. Ready For My Bundle…. (infertility, adoption, family)
49. MissConception (loss, pregnancy, pcos)
50. Sprout (ama, pcos, infertility)
51. Infertile FirstMom (early pregnancy, infertility/low ovarian reserve, birthmotherhood)
52. Musings of a Hormonal Egg Basket (parenting after infertility)
53. MRKH Musings (surrogacy, congenital infertility)
54. One Day At a Time (adoption, life, school)
55. Wishing and Hoping and Thinking and Praying (triplet loss, grief)
56. Searching for the Missing Piece (domestic adoption, RPL, life)
57. A Journey of Emotions (alternative treatment, depression, over 35)
58. what a day for a daydream (female factor infertility)
59. Glitter & Rainbows (infertility, letting go, moving on)
60. Breaking the Clock (infertility, jealousy, living childfree)
61. Fit to Parent (adoptive parenting, health)
62. The Unfair Struggle (mfi, speedskating, 1st 2ww)
63. Sweet Dreams are Made of This (adoption, recipes, life)
64. Fireworks and Rainbows (babyloss pregnancy grief)
65. for all the things we hope for (endometriosis, long-term infertility, birth doula business)
66. Inconceivable! (PG via DE, step-parenting, life)
67. The Days of Our Lives (pregnancy after recurrent miscarriage)
68. Turn Around (motherhood after loss)
69. Fit to Parent (adoption, health, loss)
70. Journey to the Finish Line (humor, infertility, running)
71. (In)Fertility Unexplained (pregnancy, life, IVF)
72. Tales From Our Yellow Brick Road (ivf, iui, balanced translocation)
73. The Infertility Doula (infertility, support, guidance)
74. Who Is This Fertile Myrtle (IVF #, secondary infertility)
75. Between the Paper Sheets (pregnancy, infertility, marriage)
76. Return To Go (PCOS, RPL, unemployment)
77. A Half Baked Life (food, life, parenting after infertility/loss)
78. A Blanket 2 Keep (IUI, life, crochet)
79. July’s IComLeavWe list is closed (the August one will open on 7/28)

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is blue, the next month it will be green, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.

This is the 399th Friday Blog Roundup, by which I mean it’s actually the 299th Friday Blog Roundup.  Many years ago, the numbering went off the rails and it jumped 100 Roundups.  But I can’t really go back to fix it because there was a Roundup already labeled the 299th Roundup.  It would mean changing the number on several hundred Roundups, and as much as I love all of you, I wasn’t going to do that.  So this is really the 299th Roundup, which makes next week the 300th Roundup (called the 400th Roundup).  Still an impressive feat all things considered.  How many blog projects last six years and occur weekly?

To celebrate, I’m going to ask you to find one post between now and next Wednesday on someone’s else’s blog within the last 2 years (going for the last 100 possible Roundups) that you still think about.  But here is the fun part…

• You’re going to submit the URL for the post.  Make sure you have the permalink that takes you directly to that post and NOT the main URL for the blog (main URLs will not be uploaded).  Yes: https://www.stirrup-queens.com/2012/06/supreme-court-affordable-care-act-and-infertility/.  No: https://stirrup-queens.com
• And submit the blog title — NOT the post title.  The list will be a gathering of blog names, and you won’t know which post it directs to on that blog until you click over to read.  Yes: Stirrup Queens.  No: Supreme Court, Affordable Care Act, and Infertility.

Think of it like a Christmas crackers blog list — you don’t know what you’re getting until it pops open.

When you know which one you want to submit, please click here and fill out this form.  Don’t overthink this one because I can only take submissions until next Wednesday evening (let’s say the cut-off is 9 pm EST).  The list will appear next Friday in lieu of the normal Roundup.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week as well as the week before.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Lesson 36: Choosing to Live Child-Free” (The Stir)
• “Hey Everyone!  Train Wreck Over Here!” (Mommy Odyssey)
• “Nada” (Kmina’s Blog)
• “Thank You, Leslie Brown” (Life As I Know It)
• “So You Want to Feel Normal Again” (Infertile First Mom)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Baby, Borneo or Bust has a brilliant, thought-provoking post on internal vs. external change.  She writes: “I have come to realize that as much as external change is important and rewarding, internal change is even more vital and exponentially harder.”  It’s a post that explains why we bring the weather with us, even when we switch locations.  Why we can’t un-run ourselves.  I love love love this post.

Searching for Our Silver Lining has a raw post about stopping fertility treatments and what comes after.  She marks the end of those 2 1/2 years stating: “There have been tears and anger. Despair and numbness. We both feel lied to, blaming ourselves and the world for this pain. Yet, in the end, both Grey and I know that this is the end. We’ve fought a good fight; it’s time to let go.”  It’s about finding the ability to let go.

Mrs. Spock has a post about wrapping her brain around a change in life plans, something that many of us have had to do numerous times.  She admits: “It is difficult to re-program my brain. I had never expected a family of four, so I don’t have those memory banks full of daydreams with a family of four. Something always seems missing. How very human of me.”  It’s beautiful, lilting writing.

If You Don’t Stand for Something has a great post about becoming an aunt-by-choice to her fictive kin, and how she turned out to feel different from how she predicted.  She says, “Something happened between prepping for the momma’s baby shower and now and things are so much smoother and the baby stuff surrounding her is so much easier on me.”  It comes down to feeling understood, feeling heard.  Amazing how that can release you to feel so much love.

Infertile Fantasies has a post about using her leftover embryos amongst other things.  There is a lot to chew on here.  But I love the points she makes about finding that balance between being everything to her children and reaching a point in life when she needs to also return to having some of her own achievements and milestones.  Gorgeous post.

Lastly, The Road Less Travelled has a brilliant post about her confidence over the years and how she feels that with age, she is fading aside as younger, faster people move into the slots she used to occupy.  But how that lack of confidence may not necessarily be a bad thing.  She so eloquently states: “In some ways, age and experience do bring wisdom. But in other ways, I find the older I get, the less confidence I have. Perhaps I’ve seen & experienced too much to be too certain or confident of anything any more — least of all myself.”

Who cares about the summer slowdown when moving slower makes people write such dense, wonderful posts?

The roundup to the Roundup: Tell me one post you still think about from someone else’s blog and honour their writing in the Roundup Extravaganza next week.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between June 22nd and June 29th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I literally could feel myself coiling up inside as I saw that there was an article in the newspaper today on stress and infertility, but I can release my breath because instead of one more article telling infertility women they should “just relax” or not sabotage their fertility with worry, there is actual scientific proof that not only does stress not cause infertility, but infertility causes stress.  Chicken — meet egg.  That’s where you came from.

Women who are stressed and anxious before in vitro fertilization (IVF) are no less likely to have a baby, new research suggests. But if the treatment fails, it may take a toll on their mental health.

In two separate studies in the journal Fertility and Sterility, researchers found women with anxiety or depression symptoms were just as likely as others to become pregnant.

I never experienced depression before or since infertility, but those years of trying to conceive the twins were the darkest moments I’ve ever experienced.  The self-hate, the suffocating sadness, the bleakness, the desire to be anyone but myself.  Everything I missed out on in other facets of life during those years because I was immobilized by infertility, by failed treatments or loss.  It was like trying to breathe underwater; impossible, and in its impossibility, it became life-threatening because no oxygen was coming in, no carbon dioxide was going out.

I am trying not to cry in this Starbucks.

I’ve always known what I went through emotionally, knew it was real and valid.  But there is something about reading it in black and white on the screen, in major newspapers across the country, that makes me feel like someone outside the experience might one day understand too.

And thank you, Lauri A. Pasch, for this:

And although women with a failed try at IVF were at higher risk, even women who became pregnant had substantial rates of depression and anxiety, Pasch’s team found.

During pregnancy, 30 percent of those women had depression in the “clinical range,” while half had clinical-level anxiety. Those rates were close to what they were before IVF.

According to Pasch, infertility practices should do more to help women with mental health symptoms – though not because it would be expected to improve their odds of IVF success.

You just changed a lot of women’s lives with this; at least, how we feel about ourselves and the way we cope.

This virtual bar is about to get a lot more crowded.

Working our way through the list of movies you suggested a few weeks ago, we showed the kids Back to the Future (we’re also currently watching the Sandlot and they love it).  It was much shorter than I remembered it being.  The night I saw it in the theater (with my family), it rained so hard that we had to pull over to the side of the road because there was no visibility.  I remembered thinking it had been such a long movie; that it was so late.

What didn’t disappoint was the cuteness of Michael J. Fox.  I had a big crush on him — even enduring Teen Wolf — and he was just as adorable as I remembered.  I mean, yes, you still see him in People magazine from time to time, and he’s still cute, but I wondered if he’d look as cute as I remembered from childhood.  And my G-d, that boy was cute.  He was clip-out-the-picture-from-Tiger-Beat-and-put-it-in-your-locker cute.

Since this is a virtual bar, which means we can do anything we want to do, I wanted to invite you as you sit down to have a drink to bring along the cutest movie star/musician you remember from your childhood.  Childhood is defined as any celebrity crush prior to age 18.  Don’t worry if he or she is already here because someone else summoned them; just name them and they’ll join your table too.

Michael and I will be over here, serving drinks and riding our skateboards while holding onto the back of trucks.

Make sure after you summon your celebrity tablemate that you fill us in on what has happened in your life this past month.

It has been awhile since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. Pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. The good, the bad, the ugly. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while (or if this is your first open bar), sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog — gasp! — you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation back on this current post.

So have an imaginary cocktail and tell us what is up with your life.