…will be on bookshelves and online stores in April of 2013.  The working title for the sequel is Taking Seconds.  Um, but that’s not all.  The sequel to Taking Seconds (which is really a sideways sequel that I’ll explain in a moment) will be coming out in 2014.  Three books in the series — Life from Scratch, Taking Seconds, and The Other Man, all released by 2014.  So more Rachel Goldman, more Arianna Quinn, more New York, more cooking, more blogging, more relationships, more sex scenes… and three weddings that may or may not happen.

Yay!

Getting a two-book deal is both wonderful and terrifying. (Please, publisher, close your ears for a moment because I don’t want to freak you out with my worries now that the contract is signed.)  Part of me feels at peace because I know exactly what I’m going to be working on between now and June when the third book is due (which is the second book in the two-book deal).  Part of me feels completely overwhelmed by the idea of committing to a project without knowing if the whole thing will sag in the middle.  Because if the book starts sagging in the middle, I can’t dump it and start something else.  I need to prop up the middle and keep the book afloat.  Which I think I can do, hence why I signed the contract.

So that’s what I’ll be working on between now and June.

Now to explain what I mean by a sideways sequel.  Taking Seconds picks up several months after Life from Scratch ends.  The Other Man takes place in the exact same time period as Taking Seconds.  Taking Seconds tells one version of events and relationships, and The Other Man tells a similar story (well, there are a few overlapping, anchor events) from a different character’s point-of-view.  Think of it like this — two books about a few months in two relationships come together in a room, chat for a bit, and then part ways.  There will be times when the stories will flow together, and places where you’ll be able to follow one character on their journey vs. only following the other.  The point is to give you a panoramic view of a situation, but it’s also to explore ideas we hold about marriage and love and truthfulness and what we owe to our relationships.

It is so nice to finally be able to share all this stuff that has been occupying my mind for the last year or so.

So that’s the news… two Rachel Goldman books coming out soon.

* I really wanted to title this post: “I Can Haz Two-Book Deal.”  But I wasn’t sure if that was proper usage of LOLCats grammar.  I wasn’t sure if in writing that if I was asking if I could have a two-book deal or if I was saying that I had a two-book deal in hand.  I Googled LOLCats grammar and discovered it was the former.  And since I had the two-book deal and didn’t need another one, I decided to just go with the more boring “The Sequel to Life From Scratch…” one.  Just felt the need to explain this.

I am currently reading JK Rowling’s new book, the Casual Vacancy.  I’ll probably write a longer review later, but my short take on it is that if you like people, you will like this book.  I know that’s a strange thing to say, but I think there are people who like people — in general.  And there are people who only like certain people — more specific.  And if you fall in the former category, you will like this book because at its heart, it is about what drives people.  And if you fall in the latter category or you’re expecting Quidditch fields in Pagford, you will probably not like this book very much because some of the people are pretty difficult to like.  And yet you love them.  I mean, you love them if you fall in that former category of liking people in general.  If you fall in the latter category, you will probably not like a bunch of these characters and you will not enjoy the book.  And that’s my short take on Rowling’s new book in case you wanted to know whether or not you should read it.  I guess my point is decide whether you like people or don’t like most people.

Part of reading the Casual Vacancy is pure joy: I love the town as much as I love Hogwarts, by which I mean that all the characters feel like people I could one day meet if I could find the fictional town of Pagford, and even the most hateful ones — the Draco Malfoys of the small town — would still be exciting to get to have a cup of coffee with and pick their brain.  Reading it is relaxing; or, as Edgar Rice Burroughs once explained as to how one knows if they’re holding a good book:

My stories will do you no harm. If they have helped to inculcate in you a love of books, they have done you much good. No fiction is worth reading except for entertainment. If it entertains and is clean, it is good literature, or its kind. If it forms the habit of reading, in people who might not read otherwise, it is the best literature.

The Casual Vacancy passes the test; it is the best literature.

Part of reading the Casual Vacancy is seething jealousy: I want to write like that.  I don’t want Rowling’s fame or the book sale numbers or the sellout readings.  I just want the skill.  If I could write like that, I don’t even know if I’d publish.  I’d just entertain myself all day long, creating these tiny worlds and manipulating the characters in them for my own enjoyment.  Which perhaps is a good thing that I don’t have that skill because I would not be able to live with it.  I think having that type of writing skill would literally consume me.  My G-d — just writing about it is making me tweaky.

So I read the book alternating between being curled up in the corner of the sofa, practically purring because the book is so good, and then picking up my journal and jotting down notes about just. how. jealous. I. am.

I was recently talking with a friend about something I’m doing this week, and she turned to me, mouth open, and said, “I am so jealous of your life.”  Which is a funny thing to hear because you can’t actually hand your life over to someone. (It has just occurred to me how uncomfortable my dissection of my jealousy may have just made JK Rowling if she’s reading this post, so I apologize.  But I have to be honest.  I am just seething with jealousy!)  My instinct, when someone expresses interest in something I own, is to give it to them.  Like the sweater I’m wearing?  Why don’t you borrow it?  Like the way these cookies smell?  Why don’t you eat one?  Like my life… er… well… I can’t really hand that to you.

So I was sitting there, stuck between my own jealousy on one side of me in the form of the book which was inside the purse against my hip and my friend’s jealousy, which was radiating toward me a few inches away from my other hip.  And it occurred to me that sometimes when I am reading Facebook, I am almost perusing the status updates in the same way I walk through Whole Foods, judging all the fruit as whether or not the visual makes me want to eat it.  Consume it.  I scroll down the page looking at snippets from other people’s lives and thinking, “oooh, I wish that were me.  And I wish that were me.  And I wish I were there or eating that or meeting that person or seeing that show.”

Based on things other people have said to me, I’m assuming there are also other people out there jealous of things that I post.  That we are all jealous of each other, connected by millions of vibrating strings stretching between every single one of us, shaking with envy.  A tangled web of coveting.

Would I be jealous even if Facebook didn’t exist?  I think so.  I mean, I think social media makes it easier to have these feelings on a daily basis, but I remember wishing for other childrens’ toys or my neighbour’s travels or living somewhere I deemed cooler than my hometown.  I remember a friend’s cousin coming to visit from the Isle of Wight and being consumed with the thought that he got to live on the Isle of Wight (which sounded so amazing but was probably in actuality like living in Rehoboth, Delaware with better accents).  So it’s totally possible to covet things from everyone else’s life without actually having a social media account at all.  But damn, Twitter and Facebook and Pinterest and BLOGS — blogs most of all! — make it so much easier to peruse all those moments, skills, accomplishments, opportunities, and attention in which to place our jealousy.

I admit it wholeheartedly.  I am jealous.  I covet other people’s pregnancies and the ease in which they occur, I covet talent, I covet cool jobs, I covet praise and accolades given to other people, I covet character traits I believe other people find admirable because I find them admirable and I’d love to have those character traits and be admired by others.  And at the same time, I’m realistic.  I know that you can’t create a life that is a pu-pu platter of everyone else’s good things (which leaves behind their bad in order to create the perfect amalgamation of a life).  That I may not even want these accomplishments, talents, jobs, praise, or character traits if I had them. (I’m fairly certain I’d want the babies so I’ll leave those on the list.)

But that’s all beside the point.

The point of this post is to get this off my chest.  My jealousy is not a fact about me that anyone will covet; I can’t imagine anyone strives to obtain this character trait.  But I’m putting this out there in case you’ve ever felt jealousy radiating from your Facebook page, coming in like a signal from hundreds or thousands of miles away.

It’s just me, in my house, reading your Facebook status and thinking, “I wish I had that too.”

I’m putting this out there in case you’ve ever felt jealous, reading a blog, thinking, “I wish I could do that.”

You’re not alone.  I do it too.

It is the seventh anniversary of the little Creme de la Creme. 277 bloggers participated last year. If this is your first time hearing about the project, this post should tell you everything you need to know. If you’ve participated in years past, you know how much fun the list is when its revealed on January 1st. So, I hereby declare the 2012 Creme de la Creme list open.

I know this is loooooong, but please read this whole post before submitting your entry. Every year, the rules change slightly in order to streamline the process.

If you didn’t read or participate in this list in 2006 or in 2007 or in 2008 or in 2009 or in 2010 or in 2011, the impulse behind this list are the ubiquitous award ceremonies that crawl out of their hiding spaces usually around December or January. Awards are nice — it’s good to honour someone and mark big accomplishments. But we all have a best post tucked into our archives. We all have words that have moved another person or ideas that have kicked off a series of musings. Bloggers are writers, and all of us deserve to be celebrated.

And we’re doing just that.

This is the way it works. If you want to participate, read through your archives from 2012 and choose a favourite post. You can leave all sorts of comments below telling me how fantastic I am, but fill out the form to send in your submission (do not leave it in the comments section–the point of this list is also the surprise of seeing the choices revealed on a single day). If you post your link below, I will delete it. Again, feel free to leave love comments below — in fact, please do leave love comments below — but not your submission for the list. Let’s keep it a surprise until the list is ready to go up.

You can only choose one entry. You cannot be modest. Everyone has a best post. There is no such thing as a boring blog. Even if you don’t think you have any readers because you’ve never received a comment, you have a best post. The one that you felt really good about when you hit publish. The one that would be the post you’d put forward if an editor called you tomorrow and said, “I have this great writing job for you that will pay a million dollars an hour. You just need to submit one blog entry to get this job so we can check your writing style.”

Even if you just found my blog because you read about the Creme de la Creme on another person’s blog, you are not only welcome to submit; you are encouraged. It is the best posts of 2012 for the ALI community and that community includes anyone who writes about infertility, adoption, pregnancy loss, stillbirth, neonatal death, assisted reproduction, pregnancy after infertility or loss, and every related topic — from living child-free after infertility to parenting after infertility. Everyone on the blogroll (or could be on the blogroll) is welcome to participate. Really, you don’t need to be a regular reader of my blog to join in. It’s open to everyone in the ALI blogosphere. I can’t say this in more ways than that. Which means you don’t need to write me a note asking if it’s okay to participate. The answer is yes. Okay?

Actually, it’s not only “yes;” it’s “please do.”

The list will be posted January 1st, and I promise that you will use up a good portion of the beginning of the year reading through the most stunning posts you’ve ever seen. We had 277 posts last year, and I’d really like to top that this year. My goal is all 3000 blogs currently on the blogroll, but barring that, let’s aim for over 300. Which means that not only do you have to participate if you’re reading this, but you need to spread the word and get other bloggers to participate (more on that below). Link to this post, send out a note to other bloggers you like, and suggest favourite posts to bloggers from this past year.

Um… other FAQ-like things:

How many posts can I submit?

You can only submit one. Please don’t submit two and ask me to choose. Submit one.

How will I know that you received my entry?

When you hit submit on the form, you should get a screen telling you that I have my entry. If you don’t see that screen, I don’t have your entry.

I sent in a post last week but I just wrote one that I love more! Can I switch my submission?

The short answer is no. The reason is that I write up the blurbs that appear next to each entry. This takes a lot of time. When you change your post, I have to write another blurb. Therefore, think carefully. But get your post in early so it’s high up on the list. But take your time picking it so you’re positive it’s the one you want on the list. But don’t give this too much thought…

If you just submitted it an hour earlier and realized you sent the wrong link, email me quickly so I can change it. Once I write the blurb, it’s set. I mean, you can pull your blog from the list, but you can’t submit a different link.

How do I know which one is my best?

Think of this list in sort of the same vein as those “Best American Short Story”-type collections except that it’s blog entries and everyone in the blogosphere should be represented with a link. The idea of the creme de la creme is not to put out there “the best” by someone else’s definition of “best.” It’s to put out the entry that means the most to you. Everyone has a best entry from 2012. It’s the one you would cry about if it was ever eaten by your computer. Even if it’s only meaningful to you.

I’m having a lot of trouble choosing my best one.

Why don’t you give a few choices to a friend and get their opinion? Don’t get hung up on the word “best.” It’s more about presenting a small taste of your blog. A lot of people read the list each January and it’s a chance for them to get to know your blog in one post. The goal, of course, is not only to honour every blog, but to also introduce everyone. Think of it like a cocktail party. You certainly think about what you wear, but everything doesn’t hinge on this one outfit.

I want to submit a post about my dog/favourite recipe/vacation in Hawaii. So … er … it’s not about adoption/infertility/loss. Can I? Or I want to submit a post but it has pictures of my baby in it. Do you think this is okay for an IF list?

Well, this list is sort of a pu-pu platter of the ALI community. Therefore, if your post is about your ski trip last winter, it doesn’t really show any emotion, thought, or event flitting through the community. Still, people have submitted off-topic posts in the past. If you have any part of the post that if ALI-related, all the better though.

The second question is a sensitivity one. Personally, I think that babies are part of the community and territory. The reality is that we’re all working towards parenthood or were once working towards parenthood. And children are included in that. I try to always mention in my blurb if it’s about a baby or if there are photos so people are given a heads up before they click over. So, yes, send posts that have photos in it and I will make sure that people know the gist of the post before they click over if they’re in a sensitive space.

I’m a man. Can I participate?

Are you part of the ALI community? Then didn’t you read above? EVERYONE is invited to participate. Male, female, young, old, married, single, gay, straight, everyone everyone everyone.

I’m a minnow. Can I participate?

Er … a minnow with a blog? An infertile minnow with a blog? I guess … I mean … I did say everyone … (but how do you blog underwater?)

I just started my blog in October. Can I participate?

As long as you’ve had one post in 2012, you can participate. Even if you didn’t start your blog until October 2012. Just choose your best from the last two months.

My blog is password protected. Can I participate?

If your blog is password protected and you want to participate, choose your blog entry and create a free blog at Blogger or WordPress and post that single entry. Then send me the link so I can place it on the list. I can’t link to password protected blogs.

When is the deadline for getting in my submission (and this has changed since last year so pay attention)?

To ensure that you’re on the list, please fill out the form by December 15th. No entries will be accepted after 11 pm EST on December 15th.

In the past, the list didn’t close until January, but this year, the list will not be updated after it goes up on January 1st.  December 15th is the only deadline, and it is a hard deadline.  Meaning, no one will be added who hears about this project after December 15th.

Which is why I am asking you, begging you, pleading with you, to spread word now.  Tweet it, Facebook it, Pinterest it, blog about it, email about it, talk about it with that random stranger in the fertility clinic waiting room.  Spread word now because people will not be able to add themselves after December 15th.

Can you post another link to the form right now because I’ve decided to submit.

Sure, here’s another link to the form. Just fill it out and hit send and it will go into the Creme de la Creme spreadsheet.

If you don’t want to participate, do nothing. With the Creme de la Creme List, I never add a blog or highlight a post unless the author has sent it to me. Therefore, no hurt feelings. If your post isn’t on the list, it’s because you haven’t sent one. If you see someone missing from the list after it is posted, go bug them and tell them to submit a post. But don’t send me a note asking me to add them without their permission. I really would like this post to be what the author believes is their best post, but if you are feeling shy and can’t choose, enlist a friend to help you narrow it down and choose your best work.

Lastly, there is another section of the list that needs your help: blogs that closed in 2012. These are blogs that closed entirely — the person stopped blogging and said specifically that they were not going to post any longer — not blogs that went password protected or the person moved their blog to a new space. If you read a blog that closed during 2012, please send me the title of the blog. It doesn’t matter if it was read by one person or read by 5000 people, all blogs should be honoured and recognized. And all blogs stand on the same plateau here.

Spread the word with the following button on a post or your sidebar to encourage others to send a link:

The code for adding the link to your blog can be found here. You can also use the social media buttons at the bottom of the post.

Everyone has a best post. It is your personal best. It is not best by any other standard. Stop comparing yourself. Stop feeling shy. Stop thinking it’s immodest to toot your own horn when I’ve told you to toot your own horn. Start reading through your archives. Reflect on the year. And then send me a link for the list.

Wheeeew. Sorry about that last part. But everyone in the blogosphere should be represented and honoured.

As certain as the CVS leftover candy sale on November 1st or Black Friday post Thanksgiving, this is my annual plea on the day before the opening of the Creme de la Creme list to read the post in full when it goes up tomorrow.  Because things change from year to year.

This will be the seventh Creme de la Creme.  For those new to the community, the Creme de la Creme list has been the answer since 2006 to those ubiquitous “best of” lists that come out every winter.  Instead of honouring a small handful of people, the Creme de la Creme points out that every single one of us has a post that is our personal best post of the year, the one we would be devastated if it were to be accidentally erased.  Please don’t get hung up on the word “best.”  We are talking about favourites.  About the post you love.  The one you’d want people to read if they could only read one post from your blog.

Because what the Creme de la Creme list becomes when it goes up on January 1st is a speed dating list.  It introduces people to your blog and gives them a single taste of what 2012 meant to you.  The point of the list, beyond celebrating every single member of the community, is to also make connections.  To help you find new blogs to read.  To help people find your blog to read.

If you want to peruse old Creme de la Cremes, you can see 2006 or 2007 or 2008 or 2009 or 2010 or 2011.

*******

There are two reasons why I write a yearly pre-list opening post:

1. There is some truth to the fact that those higher up on the list (the list is shown in the order in which the submission was received) receive more eyes on their post.  If you care about being high up on the list, you may want to choose your post today and be ready to go when the list goes live tomorrow morning with the submission form.

2. The list will close for submissions on December 15th this year.  This is different from all other years when I took submissions after the post went live on January 1st and updated the list.  Instead, the list will be closed for submissions at 11 pm EST on December 15th, and every entry will be on the list when the it goes live on January 1st.  Which means that if you want to be on it, don’t dawdle.

And it also means that I need your help now to spread word when the list goes live tomorrow.  Tweet it, Facebook it, Pinterest it, blog about it, email about it, tell your sister about it.  I am a little worried about closing the list early since I know a bunch of people only find out about it when people start to tweet or blog about it come January 1st.  But I also know that I suck lately at getting up the stragglers, and I want all the entries to be together when the list goes live so all will be read.

So… read the whole post when it goes live tomorrow.  Then submit your favourite post.  And tell other people about the list so they submit their favourite post.  And then sit back and relax until January 1st when you get to read the most fantastic post of the year; a condensed, delicious, panoramic verbal view of the ALI community.

Someone sent an article from Mental Floss into the Prompt-ly list a few days ago about when premature babies were essentially side shows set out for the public’s entertainment, and in exchange, the babies received care that would have been prohibitively expensive for the parents.  It was a hard idea to wrap my mind around.  If I had lived during that time period, I would have needed to use this set-up to get the twins the care they needed when they were born early.  And yet it was so exploitative of families, of needs, of a health situation.

There is zero chance that I would willingly participate in a reality television show or put the kids in one.  But what if my back was against the wall, if I had to allow people to gawk at our life in order to save the twins?  What would be the emotional fallout from that type of experience; what emotional residue would be left from that decision?  Of course, if I were Snooki and amenable to being on a reality show, it would be a moot point.  But I’m sort of the anti-Snooki.  There is no amount of money one could pay me in order to subject myself to being on a reality show.

What is your reaction to Couney and his Infantincubators (with living infants!)?  Which perhaps is your reaction to reality television in general.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Flying Solo” (She Dreams of Babies)
• “Lady Gaga” (Creating Motherhood)
• “A Carrier’s Perspective” (A Passage to Baby)
• “The Next Step” (My Fertility Blog)
• “The One Where I Screw Hope” (Stupid Stork)
• “The Hardest Part” (The Adventures of a Mama Gringa)
• “The One Where I Get Bitchy” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)
• “Twin Favourtism or PPD?” (Life in the Fruit Basket)
• “That Room” (No Baby Ruth)
• “My Dining Room Floor” (A Woman My Age)
• “I May Have Ripped My Dermatologist a New One” (Idiotic Infertility)
• “5 Stages of Knowing an Infertile Person” (Nuts in May)
• “My Greatest Fear” (Follow Every Rainbow)

Okay, now my choices this week.

The Elusive Second Line has a great post for her first blogoversary.  She sums up life perfectly when she writes, “This year has been the best bad year that I could have imagined.”  I love the fact that this post looks forward as well as backwards.  Congratulations on your blogoversary.

Weathering Storms has a deeply honest post about wanting a girl.  I was drawn into the post by the hope contained in the first sentences: “Last night, McRuger and I started talking about names for Adoption #2. It’s the sort of conversation that I love having with him. In those moments that we are talking, anything is possible, and there is no fear of what the future might bring.”  But what unfolded was a post that placed on the table the innermost wishes of her heart.  And that’s a beautiful thing; when someone allows you to see their deepest wants.

Something Out of Nothing has a post about the two week wait.  She spills out every jumbled thought from her brain, and what the reader gets is the ability to feel that penduluming between hope and fear, hope and fear, as she waits for the beta.  Sending her so many good thoughts.

Lastly, I love Mrs. Spit’s post about the museum this week, perhaps because it is such a touchstone of my childhood and a way that I have never thought about the building, but it’s also a reminder of the two sides to every story.  Or how there is a balance for the events that lie on either end of the extremes.

The roundup to the Roundup: What are your thoughts on the Infantincubator side show?  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 5th and 12th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.