The idea of quitting books was on my mind this week because not only did I quit a book, but my cousin and I had been talking about a series of lessons I had quit about ten years ago.  She can leyn.  I cannot.  She promised me that I could learn trope.  I reminded her that I had tried and failed.  Like major failed.  Like life changing failed.

I wrote about quitting leyning lessons back in 2006.  It is a post about the first time I openly quit; meaning, I didn’t make an excuse or pretend I was too busy.  I just announced that I couldn’t do it, and moreover, I didn’t feel like trying.  And then I went and helped a bunch of kids become quitters.  That sounds terrible when I put it that way.  Perhaps go and read the post “Quitters Can Win” and then return here to finish this post.

The first time I quit, it was hard.  By now, it’s a well-developed skill.  I quit yoga this year.  And guitar lessons.  And two clubs I was in.  A book club.  Um… probably more things except I can’t remember.  That should perhaps tell you how unimportant these things were overall in my life if I can forget them once I stopped doing them.

I’ve also started a lot of things including two new clubs, a few friendships, a short story project, and two novels.

It turns out that when you drop things that aren’t working and you don’t feel invested in, you have openings for new experiences — ones that may become important, life changing opportunities or ones that may become things that I also quit down the road.

I think we spend too much of life trying to fit our round selves (our well-rounded selves?) into square holes.  Moreover, I think we spend too much of life trying to fit our round partners into square holes and our round children into square holes.  We hold onto too many supposed to be’s and don’t match our expectations to reality.  We expect reality to match our expectations.  I know I am guilty of this a thousand times over.

I sometimes need something as small as dropping a book to remember that there are very good sides to quitting.

*******

On a side note, I loved Persnickety’s term “completist” to describe herself as a book finisher.  I’m going to call myself a “Stopper” instead of a quitter unless someone can come up with something better.

I won a goldfish at the Purim carnival.  It was one of those games where you have three chances to throw a ping pong ball into an incredibly small opening.  We had waited in a long line for our turn, and I was the last one in the family to go.  I got it in on the second ball, and I turned around and started screaming and jumping.  The other kids in line stared at me as if I was a goddess.  They asked me how I did it.  I felt like a celebrity; the Fish Winner.  We got in line and tried again, and this time the ChickieNob won.  We were feeling ten kinds of lucky.

Then the reality of “we won two goldfish” kicked in.  We had to go to a pet store to get supplies.  There was a lot of judgment from the pet store staff when we refused the 10-gallon tank (feel free to leave your own self-righteous comment about goldfish bowls so I can tell you what we told them).  We got fish food and water conditioner, and in the end, spent an additional $16 in order to attend the carnival.

Then we drove home with Galadriel and not-Spinky.  The ChickieNob settled immediately on the name Galadriel for her fish.  The Wolvog named his Spinky as we were walking out of the building.  Then he started crying at lunch when we told Grandma the name of his fish and he realized he hated it.  We then brainstormed several other names, including Sunday, which is what the fish is now called by everyone when we speak of it aloud.  But in my head, I still think of it as not-Spinky, or N-Spink, for short.

Both Galadriel and N-Spink live in the Wolvog’s room.  We were going to get two separate bowls for the two separate rooms, but the ChickieNob was too scared to have the fish live in her room because that means that one day the fish will die in her room.  She does not mind the idea of her fish dying in her brother’s room, and she assured him that he was totally up to the task of dealing with a dead fish.  She’s a sweet girl.

With a fish-winning arm.

*******

I’ve been devouring The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.  I read about half of it yesterday.  This is my first time reading John Green.  Are his other books equally good?  I really like the conversational tone.  The beautiful moments in the simplicity of the sentences.  I’m going to be near a bookstore this weekend and could get others if anyone can vouch for them.

So name some other books like that.  Not matching the subject matter or type (TFIOS is young adult); that isn’t what I mean.  I just want books that are similar in tone and style.  Conversational.  Unfussy.  Simple.  A lot of people can do complicated poorly.  Some people can do complicated well.  But a rare few can do simple well.  And I’m looking for great, unfussy, straightforward storytelling.

On a side note, I have not yet read the Hunger Games.  I’ve been waiting to read the first book.  I should probably just dive into it, right?  I’ve been assuming that it fits the bill as unfussy, straightforward storytelling… right?

So what other books — adult or YA, genre or non-genre, American or non-American — fit this description of unfussy, straightforward storytelling.  That is great.  Something like The Fault in Our Stars or The Age of Miracles or any of the Sookie Stackhouse books or… do you know what I mean by unfussy, straightforward storytelling?  I’m just trying to focus my book recommendation request on gathering ideas for a certain type of book I am particularly in the mood for at the moment.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “It Takes a Village” (Single Infertile Female)
• “Wild and Precious” (Stumbling Gracefully)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Bionic Mamas has a post about returning to the fertility clinic in order to conceive another child.  It’s both the logistics of coming back to the office, but also the emotions of being back in that space again.  I thought it was a wonderful, eye-opening post; something so many who experience primary infertility go through in order to continue to build their family.  I imagine the same feelings exist on other paths to parenthood such as adoption.  She writes, “As I waited for my name to be called, a strange nausea crept over me.  I hadn’t, I realized, been comparing my present-day self with the me who had first come to the Baby Factory at all; I’d been comparing myself to my memory of that person, a memory colored by knowing that my first visit was only the beginning, that there were miles to go, disappointments and fears and more than a few crying jags.”

By now, you have probably read Tiger Beatdown’s story about her infertility, but in case you haven’t, I’m sending you over.  It was not a post I expected to read when I opened her blog Thursday morning.  It was gut-wrenching.  It was raw.  It was a hard story to read but an important story to read.  She writes of the baby she lost, “Almost seventeen thousand dead in European detention centers since the mid 90’s. I have always added my own dead to the list. My dead wasn’t counted because it wasn’t official. I had never reported it to the NGO that keeps track of the corpses. And yet, since the day that I knew I was carrying a dead baby (an illegal immigrant dead baby), I have done nothing but honor her memory.”  Please go over and read in full.

Lastly, Adventures in Infertility Land has a post about dating after divorce while infertile.  She questions: “The truth is I have no idea how to go about this.  How do I share my story?  How much detail is ok to give?  How much can I keep in?  Do I owe it to these potential partners to lay it all out there so they know exactly what kind of a mess they might be dealing with?”  More illuminating are the reactions she records of the people she does tell.  And don’t forget to read (and add to) the discussion in the comment section.

The roundup to the Roundup: Two new pets in the Ford house: Galadriel and N-Spink… I mean, Sunday.  Trying to focus my book recommendation request.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 22nd and March 1st) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I have stopped reading another book.  A long time ago, I would read a book to the end whether I liked it or not.  Sometimes, if I was only two or three pages in, it felt fair to quit.  Sort of like spitting out a piece of gum after two chews when you suddenly remember that you don’t like spearmint.  But once I had blown a bubble with the gum, I was all in until the flavour was gone.  And that’s how I’ve always been with books.

Since September, I have stopped reading dozens of books.  Sometimes I’m a chapter in.  Other times, I’m only a chapter or two to the end when I quit.  One time, I was six pages from the end.  Six pages.  I literally couldn’t read the final six pages because I wasn’t enjoying the story anymore.  I have a sense the three main characters live some version of happily ever after, but who knows… they could all be dead, hit by a meteor.

It feels cruel to put down a book.  It’s like making someone your best friend and then saying a day later, “I don’t really like you.”  Sometimes it really is me and not the book; my mood changes and I’m no longer grooving on apocalypse fiction.  Sometimes it’s losing patience with a meandering book in grave need of a different editor.  Sometimes I feel like I’ve gotten everything I’m going to get out of the book and I don’t need the ending to feel satiated.

Time feels short.  Life feels short.  It feels too short to feel pressure to finish a book, even a good book.  It feels too short to feel pressure to read certain books just because everyone else is reading them and you don’t want to be left out.  I’ve been using our mortality as a barometer: if I died tomorrow, would I be okay with the books left on my to-read list and would I be okay with the books I just consumed?  What if this book I’m reading now is the last book I ever get to read… will I be okay that this was the last story that passed before my eyes?

The answer to those questions usually leads to me finishing the book.  But dozens of times, it has led to me to look at the to-read pile and think something else would be a better use of my time on earth.  We only have so much time to consume stories and information, and I want to use that time well.

I recently finished The Age of Miracles by Karen Thompson Walker.  It was amazing.  Such a good read.  I’d be okay if that was the last book I got to read (though… er… I’d love to still be around and read a lot more books).  I just finished reading One Good Egg by Suzy Becker – a memoir about assisted conception – and it’s fabulous.  I blurbed it, hence why I got to read it ahead of time.  All I can say is that I couldn’t wait to get back to it every night.  I just gave up a book-which-shall-not-be-named, and I’m instead reading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green and Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie by Alan Bradley (thank you, Loribeth!) along with Magic for Beginners by Kelly Link.  I am so excited about all three of those books.

What is your personal rule for stopping reading books if you have one at all?  Do you feel any guilt when you stop reading?

And leave a book recommendation or ask for one by telling us what else you like.

A friend sent along Miranda Dodson’s song “Try Again,” which is currently a free download on NPR (there is an 11 second ad for NPR before the song begins).  NPR states,

The heartbreak Dodson sings about is, in fact, her real struggle to bear a child. Following a miscarriage, Dodson found herself saddled with a sense of shame. During an interview with KUTX, she told me, “I thought, ‘Something’s wrong with me.’ That’s because no one talks about this.”

She’s remedying this by releasing a song that recounts that question that goes through every infertile and loss-touched person’s mind: “should we try again?”  Knowing that there is so much to lose with even a try.

Why can’t I

Get it right from the first…

second time?

Or the third?

The wasted lives.

As I said, it’s a free download today on NPR.  Scroll down and follow the directions under Miranda Dodson’s section where it says “Download “Try Again” (Right-click and “Save As”).”  And then, if you love it and find yourself crying in the middle of the day listening to it, buy the whole EP for only $3, which just came out on February 22nd and support the artist so she can do the good work of getting these types of thoughts out there.

Welcome back to IComLeavWe. It stands for International Comment Leaving Week, but if you say it aloud, doesn’t it sounds like “I come; [but] leave [as a] we”? And that’s sort of the point. Blogging is a conversation and comments should be honoured and encouraged. I like to say that comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations.

Here is the vital information, pure and simple (a more detailed set of rules follows below the list):

• The list opens the 1st of every month. It remains open until the 21st. You can add yourself at any point. The list is open to everyone in the blogosphere–blog writers and/or blog readers.
• Add yourself to the list by filling out this form:  The March list is closed.  The April list will open on 3/27.
  
• Click here to cut-and-paste this bit of code to add to your sidebar (if you have the old code from another month, remove it and replace it with this one). You need to add the icon or a link to the current list on your blog (see below) and will not be added until it’s up.
• Commenting kicks off every month on the 21st. Please mark it somewhere (calendar, post-it note taped to your computer…), though I will be sending out an email reminder on the 20th. Commenting week runs from the 21st to the 28th. Every day, leave 5 comments and return 1 comment for a total of 6 comments. You are highly encouraged to choose the blogs you comment on from the participants list below, but this is not required.
• I will send a second email on the 28th to remind you to remove the icon from your blog.
• Read below if you want to find out about Iron Commenters.
• The commenting ends on the 28th. We catch our breath and the whole thing starts again the next month on the 1st. Drop in and out according to what is happening in your life between the 21st and the 28th.

1. Stirrup Queens (twins, books, writing)
2. Team Harries Beats Infertility (faith, acupuncture, all-natural)
3. Non Sequitur Chica (IVF #1, infertility, misc.)
4. Lil Family Blog (parenting, lesbian, babies)
5. Beloved Burnt Toast (IVF, hope, humor)
6. Dancing My Way Through Life, Loss, and Books (life and pregnancy after loss, books, ballroom)
7. The 2 Week Wait (infertility motherhood humor)
8. Elana’s Musings (pregnancy, parenting, randomness)
9. Waiting for Baby (IUI, pcos, weight loss)
10. Breathe Gently (IVF, PCOS, 1st-pregnancy)
11. The Write Mama (motherhood after infertility, IVF, advocate for IVF medical coverage))
12. A Bliss Filled Life (open adoption after UI, acceptance, parenting)
13. Who Shot Down My Stork? (iui, unexplained IF, humor)
14. Comatised (love, family, caring)
15. How I Spend My Dash (twins, parenting, life)
16. An Expat’s Journal (decision-making, uk, babyloss)
17. Feeling Beachie (life, family, humor)
18. Wycliffe Pitneys (Wycliffe, faith, pregnant after loss)
19. Where the Bleep is Our Stork? (TTC, PCOS, life)
20. Ready For My Bundle (pregnant after ivf, family, smc)
21. My journey through infertility, pregnancy & loss (pregnancy, infertility, loss)
22. Life of an Army Wife (donor eggs, army)
23. Just Another Inferrtility Blog (Infertility, loss, life)
24. TTC Baby E3 (ttc, secondary infertility)
25. Creating a Family (infertility, adoption, adoptive parenting)
26. TTCwithUU (infertility, unicornuate uterus, emotions)
27. Putter Pie (marriage, pregnancy, baby)
28. Unexplained Rantings (infertility, foster-adoption, early pregnancy)
29. A Crack In Everything (loss, acceptance, TTC while single)
30. Old Lady and No Baby (egg donation, miscarriage, softball)
31. Wishing on a Snowflake (infertility, embryo adoption, pregnancy)
32. The Buggy List (pregnant after loss, humor, animal parent)
33. Our Journey Through This Lovely Life (ttc, loss, upcoming iui)
34. Punch Today In The Face (pcos, motherhood, #3 on the way)
35. Baby On Mind (infertility, adoption, embryo adoption)
36. Sweet Dreams are Made of This (adoption, life, recipes)
37. Thought Provoking Moments (IVF, pregnancy & loss, life lessons)
38. Three Quarters Full (infertility, parenting after IF, life)
39. A Place Where I Can Be Me (parenting, infertility, writing)
40. From Gutter to Stars (therapist, infertility, adoption)
41. Baby-Making Merry-go-Round (pregnant,  micro-preemie, IVF)
42. On Day at a Time (IUI, adoption, life)
43. A Greater Yes (embryo adoption donation, parenting)
44. The Barreness (art, infertility, reflection)
45. Gypsy Mama’s Misconceptions (ivf #2, infertility, cancun)
46. Two Steps Forward, and One Step Back (infertility, pregnancy, random)
47. Patience is Not My Virtue (ttc, iui, letrozole)
48. Reese’s Rants and Raves (pregnancy after loss)
49. Donating Hope (donor gametes, IUI, faith)
50. Frozen OJ (infertility, childlessness, endo)
51. Closet Infertile (IVF, infertility, waiting)
52. Life As I Know It (twins, toddler, life)
53. Baby Makin’ (pcos, 1st baby, infertility )
54. Midwest Pillowtalk (pregnancy, ttc, sahw)
55. Gypsy Mama’s Misconceptions (ivf #2, cancun, infertility)
56. How Babies Are Really Made (parenting, fet, infertility)
57. No Good Eggs (donor egg, IVF, POF)
58. The March list is closed.  The April list will open on 3/27.

Q: What if I miss a day?

A: Catch up the next day by doubling your comments–12 comments instead of 6.

Q: What if I have two blogs? Can I sign up twice, listing both blogs?

A: Yes, but you also need to double your comments. If you have two blogs listed, you should be leaving 12 comments per day.

Q: What is an Iron Commenter?

A: Not for the faint-of-heart. People who wish to be an Iron Commenter and be entered on the Iron Commenter honour roll need to leave a comment on every blog on the participants list (exceptions are blogs that require you to have a special log-in, such as some LiveJournal accounts or other similar situations). You can spread out this commenting any way you wish over the whole week, but the final comment needs to be left by midnight on the 28th (EST). Reaching Iron Commenter status is done on an honour system. Please email me if you earn Iron Commenter status so I can add you to the wall of honour.

Q: Why do I have to add that bit of code to my sidebar?

A: The code is the latest icon (the icon changes colour every month so you know that you’re on the right list). This month, the icon is green, the next month it will be blue, etc. The reason is two-fold: (1) it enables more people to find out about IComLeavWe and (2) it gives you easy access to the current list once the commenting week actually begins and better ensures that you’ll use it. Too many times, people sign up and forget to actually do IComLeavWe and this icon gives you a daily reminder (with the dates on it) every time you open your own blog. The icon is linked back to the current list. On the 28th, remove the icon from your blog. A new one will be created for the next month.

Q: It’s the 23rd and I just saw this for the first time on my friend’s blog! I want to join the list–why can’t I?

A: Because IComLeavWe happens every month, once the list is closed, it’s closed. If you’re finding out about this on the 23rd, you can’t join the current month. But leave yourself a note to check back in a week on the 1st and you can sign up for the next month.

Q: You said the list closes on the 21st. Well, it’s still the 21st where I am. Why aren’t you moving my information onto the list?

A: All dates and times are U.S. Eastern Standard Time (UTC/GMT -5 hours). The list closes around 11 p.m. EST on the 21st.

Q: What if no one comments on my blog and I have no comments to return?

A: Well, that really doesn’t happen for the most part, but in that case, simply choose another blog and add an additional comment. The goal is to hit 6 comments daily as a minimum. Going over that is fantastic and encouraged.

Q: Mel, my question wasn’t covered at all. What do I do?

A: Email me; I’m quite friendly. It helps to place “IComLeavWe” in the subject line. You could also check this post which contains the history of IComLeavWe and see if you can glean anything there.

Looking for the comment section? It has been closed on this post. Use the form in the directions to add yourself to the list.