It feels like I’m being told with increasing frequency that I’m unhappy.  The more I dive deeply into happiness research, the more I find studies charting our underlying unhappiness.  Not as individuals, but collectively, as a member of humanity.

We’re not operating a peak happiness.  We are in an unhappiness epidemic.

Except… they’re two very different things.  I mean, I could be averaging a B+ in happiness, and that is still a damn good grade, even though I could clearly put in a little more self-reflection and gratitude practices and boost my happiness grade to an A-.  Or I could be getting a D in happiness, barely passing this life lesson.

I read that article linked to above because I was interested in the connection to screens and whether social media contributes more positive than negatives to my life.  I wanted to know what is the right amount of non-work-related screen time (since all of my work takes place on a screen).  It turns out the amount is about an hour a day.  More than that and your happiness decreases.  No screen time at all and your happiness decreases, too.

But, again, increases and decreases are very imprecise terms.  Are we talking about a 1% drop in happiness?  Did I drop from a 98% happiness level to a 97% happiness level, and would I really be able to discern the difference between the two levels?  Or did I drop from a 98% happiness level to a 56% happiness level, and it’s so noticeable that I need to fix this situation?

I am fascinated by happiness research and the general sense of whether it is measurable when our memories are so faulty.  How can I compare my happiness level today to my happiness level from yesterday when I only have a vague sense of yesterday?

I guess that’s really where I’m interested; the intersection of memory research (and how accurately we remember things) and happiness research.  Can we really tell our happiness levels?

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about meditation lately.  I downloaded 10% Happier while it was on sale, though I haven’t started reading it.  I downloaded two apps: Calm and Breathe.  And then I just… stopped.

I mean, I think about meditation all the time.  But I haven’t started it yet.

My interest in meditation was piqued by a review of another book, especially this description of meditation: “[it] is not like other goal-oriented tasks. Rather, it is about getting away from the self.”  Who wouldn’t like to take a small break from themselves every once in a while?  But then I continued reading the article and it all got very muddy inside my mind.  I don’t want that kind of break from myself.

Do you meditate regularly?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

Infertility feels like those people you’re connected to on Facebook who are part of a different period of life.  You rarely interact with them, but because you’re connected, they sometimes pop up in your feed and you think, “Oh, right, Infertility.”

I was seeing a new doctor, and her first question was “how many pregnancies?”

“How many children?” I asked.

“No, I asked you how many pregnancies.”

It wasn’t unkind; it wasn’t thoughtless.  It was just the question she needed answered in the moment, and I fumbled through it, feeling like my body was being judged even though I could tell from her expression that it wasn’t.  It was just a fact.

Afterwards, I was in a different waiting room, standing behind a woman with a gurgling baby.  The baby was fussing but stopped to smile at me because I was smiling hugely at her, making funny faces.  The mother noticed and nodded as if to say thank you for the distraction, and I wanted the universe to note that I do that well when it comes to kids.  I may suck at creating them or internally growing them but I rock at interacting with them.

That should count for something.

As self-predicted, I have become obsessed with the Wolvog’s VR headset.  I like the LifeVR movies, especially the ones where you’re underwater or the White House one, but I mostly want to just sit on the roof of the Cliff House and look at the floating islands.  That picture doesn’t really capture the whole scene, with the beach below and the perpetually blue sky.  But it gives a sense of the space.  I like to sit on the floor and look out at the scene.

Luckily, I have zero clue how to work the equipment, so I can only go on when he’s home and able to set it up for me.

We are still in the honeymoon period of the VR rig.  I heard the twins playing with it the other night, and the Wolvog slipped it over her head with a surprise.  “I am at Buckingham Palace,” I heard her start to shriek.  “There is a man standing next to me and OH MY G-D, I FEEL LIKE I’M IN LONDON AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE!”  And I smiled, internally predicting that at this time, next month, we will no longer be sweetly exploring the world together but rather snarling about something.

Enjoy it while it lasts?

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Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “I’m Doing it For My Daughter” (The Road Less Travelled)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Not a personal blog, but the story is worth highlighting as it makes its way around the Internet.  An 8-year-old girl helped deliver her baby sister after also going through her parent’s miscarriages.  I love this story because infertility is sometimes a personal story or a couple’s story, but it can also be a family’s story.  And in this case, it was a healing moment for a girl who wanted another sibling.  The pictures made me burst into tears along with her, especially the one where the girl is crying with her hand over her heart.  Take the fact that I cried as a warning if you’re in a fragile place.

No Kidding in NZ got a chance to meet another IF blogger face-to-face.  I cracked up over (and second!) this: “I meet you all online, which is truly special, and I feel as if my life is much broader than it might be, simply because I chat with you all on a regular basis. That, it turns out, is the top factor contributing to longevity, so I thank you all in advance!”  I’m jealous because I’d love to meet both Mali and Valery.  Here’s to long life.

Infertile Phoenix has a post about her pediatrics unit at school.  The class is going to visit a NICU, and the professor mentions that the pregnant classmate may want to skip the visit because it can be upsetting.  She internally asks, “What about women who have lost babies? Wouldn’t the NICU be even more upsetting for them? We don’t know what everyone has been through. There might be someone sitting in that class who has had a traumatic experience in the NICU. But no one ever considers the infertile and baby loss population, do they?”  It’s a thought provoking post about the places where infertility and loss rears its head.

Lastly, Non Sequitur Chica has a post about their new cats (yes, plural!) with pictures.  I love this post because I spend a lot of time looking at more guinea pigs even though Josh has told me that we’re not getting another guinea pig.  Even though they’re so cute and they fill a hole in my heart.  But I digress.  The cats are really cute, and it’s a sweet story about their new family members.

The roundup to the Roundup: The VR honeymoon period.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 9th and 16th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

So yesterday I asked the first part of the question: “What the difference between who you are and what you have?” or “What’s the difference between who you are and what you do?”  Do we define people more by what they have (born into or worked for) or what they do?

The next part also occurs on page 79.  The texting conversation continues and the boy gives new parameters to setting the definition of the self: “Maybe you are what you can’t not be.”

Not what you are, but what you can’t choose not to do and still be yourself.  Meaning, I couldn’t be a meat eater and still be Melissa.  Being a vegetarian feels like something I can’t not be.  I couldn’t not be Jewish.  I just wouldn’t feel like myself if I didn’t have that cultural touchstone anymore.

But… then I wonder if there’s anything we can’t not be.  We all know from infertility that we hold beliefs about what we can’t not be (a parent).  But at the same time, we rationally know that life would continue, we would exist, even without reaching parenthood.  I was still myself even when I wasn’t achieving what I couldn’t not be, and I was still myself after reaching it.  You are/were yourself even when you aren’t/weren’t reaching what you want/wanted to be because we are more than a single facet of our personality.

Even our personalities aren’t one thing.  I’m a worrier, but I’m also organized, empathetic, and circumspect.  I can’t not be worried, can’t not be organized, can’t not be empathetic, and can’t not be circumspect, even though I also know that there are times when I’m calm, disorganized, and thoughtless.

Is there anything you can’t not be?  And what do you think would happen if you were not that thing?