Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I want a Dame, the reusable tampon applicator. I know this isn’t a great use of my money. I am two minutes away from menopause; how many more tampons will I possibly need in this lifetime? And it’s not like you can pass it along to someone else when you’re done. (Here, take my used reusable tampon applicator.)

But I got sucked into the video of how it works, and then Googled it and read reviews. And now I want to become part of the Dame family. I want to smarmily nod at a fellow Dame as she washes out her tampon applicator, like Tesla owners acknowledging each other while they plug in their cars.

I am only half joking.

I mean, I am completely joking about making eye contact with another person washing out their Dame. I am completely serious about wanting a Dame.

Totally gross but beyond that, what do you think?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

I’m reading Maria Konnikova’s Mastermind right now, which is about how to think like Sherlock Holmes. I realized about five pages into the book that I don’t want to think like Sherlock Holmes, but I’m finishing the book nonetheless because it’s fascinating.

Starting with the dedication page. She kicks off the book with two related quotes. The first comes from WH Auden:

Choice of attention—to pay attention to this and ignore that—is to the inner life what choice of action is to the outer. In both cases man is responsible for his choice and must accept the consequences. As Ortega y Gasset said: “Tell me to what you pay attention, and I will tell you who you are.” —W. H. AUDEN

Later, on the third page of the book, she includes a second quote from William James:

William James, the father of modern psychology, wrote that “the faculty of voluntarily bringing back a wandering attention, over and over again, is the very root of judgment, character, and will.”

It’s an interesting question: are you in complete control of what you pay attention to? If we think about control as a continuum, actions are on one end of the control line. I can decide to do or not do something (most of the time). On the other end of the spectrum, though still pretty close to the center, is control of my reactions. I can mostly decide how I’m going to react to someone else’s actions or words.

But attention? I can choose to pay attention to something, but can I really choose not to pay attention to something? I mean, sure, I can show a person that I’m not giving their antics attention, but I still need to technically pay attention in order to not pay attention. I need to notice so I know to avoid.

Does that make sense?

So in the end, the only way to ignore is to focus on the thing you want to ignore.

About this time last year, Josh started broaching the topic of our future empty nest in earnest, gently bringing it up every few months. His cousin — a fellow parent of twins — told us that they hadn’t prepared and were completely immobilized for months after their twins left for college, not knowing what to do with themselves.

We talked about it a lot in France this summer, tossing out ideas while we sat on the boardwalk in Perros Gueric. Okay, tossing out ideas while I sobbed on the boardwalk in Perros Gueric. I knew I had to spend the fall taking actual steps toward new interests because the longer I waited, the emptier the activities would feel–obvious substitutions vs. actual interests. Plus the kids are busy with their own interests and activities and friends and mountains of homework. I needed to fill in my hours.

We’ve taken up birdwatching and already have two birdwatching trips planned for the spring and summer. I joined Friends of the Library and started volunteering with them. I volunteer weekly with the kangaroos. I joined the LGBTQ group at our shul. I joined a book club. Josh and I have a shortlist of classes we want to take or activities we want to start doing. We’re going out with friends more often. I started a research project for a book I’m planning to write.

My life at the end of 2019 looks different from my life at the beginning of 2019. I don’t feel at peace, but I also don’t feel as panicked. Which is a small, good thing.

Looking forward to 2020. And I hope you are, too.

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “#MicroblogMondays: This Is What It’s Like” (The Road Less Travelled)
• “The Last Moon Cycle of the Decade” (The Barreness)
• “Don’t Render Me Invisible” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Risakerslake looks back at a decade (a little more profound than looking back at a year). From infertility not even being on the radar to becoming a parent to two girls via donor egg, she takes you through her roller coaster ride while conjuring up your own decade in the back of your mind. It’s amazing to look back on how much has changed in ten years.

It’s Inconceivable has a post of snapshots about Christmas. It is not an easy holiday for many people. She writes, “It’s deciding a few years ago to cease stressing about creating the perfect Christmas for everyone else and taking back control and doing things your own way – logging out of social media, mainstream tv etc, not attending triggering events and tending to your own needs.” Amen.

Lastly, No Kidding in NZ has a post about the stories we tell ourselves. She points out that some of the pain of being child-free after infertility (or even infertility itself) is that you need to change the story. The new tale goes against the one you were telling yourself. She explains, “We suffer because we have, for so long, told ourselves how happy we will be when we get pregnant/adopt/become parents. We suffer because we have told ourselves it is the only acceptable outcome.” I love this post, and it’s such an important read as well as a tool for reflection for the stories you’re telling yourself.

The roundup to the Roundup: All my new activities. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between December 20th and 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

This pretty much sums up my day: “The Icelandic tradition of Jólabókaflóðið is a mashup of slumber party and holiday-themed Scholastic Book Fair for grownups. With chocolate.”

We are not having a traditional Jólabókaflóðið because the books come from the library (though I really love giving and receiving stories as gifts). But we have books and chocolate and blankets to snuggle under and nowhere to go because nothing is open.

Merry Christmas, if you’re celebrating today.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

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I only read the headline this week, but apparently breaks on Wednesdays are more recharging than having a three-day weekend. Which we get this week: two days on, Christmas on a Wednesday, and two days back on if your office is open.

But I’m not a fan of the mid-week break. I love it when holidays fall close to a weekend, and feel pretty stressed out when they’re smack in the middle of the week. Even when I’m not hosting, and all I need to do is show up.

What do you think? Do you like having a mid-week Christmas, or do you wish the holiday backed up onto a weekend?

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Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.