I mentioned a week or two ago that I was reading Maria Konnikova’s Mastermind. (Am I working on a mystery? Perhaps…). There is this part on page 82 where Konnikova cautions people to think flexibly like Holmes vs rigidly like Watson. Holmes takes in new information and changes his line of thinking. Watson rejects new information unless it confirms the mental path he’s already on.

She writes:

You can set goals to help you filter the world, but be careful lest you use these goals as blinders. Your goals, your priorities, your answer to the “what I want to accomplish” question must be flexible enough to adapt to changing circumstances. If the available information changes, so should you. Don’t be afraid to deviate from a preset plan when it serves the greater objective.

Infertility to the core. Goals as blinders? Changing circumstances? “If the available information changes, so should you. Don’t be afraid to deviate from a preset plan when it serves the greater objective.” Am I right?

Which is scary because goals feel close and greater objectives feel far away. But isn’t our greater objective to be happy? To be satisfied and use our time well on earth? To love and to be loved? Are there multiple ways to reach those greater objectives if we can be flexible like Holmes?

We go into our plans hoping they’ll come to fruition. But if they don’t, what next?

Food for thought.

As you know because I talk about it incessantly, I am a Carolyn Hax superfan. I will skip reading the news when we’re abroad. And I will skip doing my beloved New York Times mini crossword puzzle. But I will never skip reading Hax’s column.

My favourite moments are when she weaves a little of her own story into giving advice. She has mentioned divorce (her ex-husband is the person who draws the comics that accompany the column) and infertility several times throughout the years.

But last week, due to sloppy reading, I thought she gave us a peek into her parenting world. A person asked for advice on getting their child evaluated. She gave her advice (completely sound, as usual), and then she added some reader thoughts. Except, at first, I missed that they were reader thoughts, so I thought she had gotten super personal when I got to the comment about the daughter.

(For people who can’t read the column because it’s behind a paywall: “Do the testing yesterday, even if you have to sell your house. My daughter always had issues, but no one ever recommended we test her. We just essentially withdrew her from college yesterday, and life is hell right now.”)

So not her comment, but I thought it was her comment, and it made me realize how much I appreciate candidness from a professional. I know therapists and teachers are taught to put up strong boundaries, and there is a point to those boundaries.

But as a teacher, some of my most meaningful moments came when I let those walls down and admitted to the kids times I had struggled in school or things I was afraid of or mistakes I had made in life.

I’m grateful for the times when she does that, even if this was not one of those times.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

*******

My friend commented last week on how new our carpets look even though we’ve had them for years. The secret is the Dyson. That thing is like a Biore strip for the floor.

But we’re also a shoes off home. We became a shoes off home after we bought a place and realized how (1) expensive and (2) pain-in-the-ass it was to replace carpet. But even if we had hardwood floors or tiling throughout the house, we would be a shoes off home.

The four of us also wash our hands when we enter the house, and it sort of feels like the same thing as taking off our shoes. It’s about not tracking the outside world through the inside world. Leaving the dirt and germs and whatever else we come in contact with by the door.

Are you a shoes off or shoes on home?

*******

Are you also doing #MicroblogMondays? Add your link below. The list will be open until Tuesday morning. Link to the post itself, not your blog URL. (Don’t know what that means? Please read the three rules on this post to understand the difference between a permalink to a post and a blog’s main URL.) Only personal blogs can be added to the list. I will remove any posts that are connected to businesses or are sponsored post.

I read the dek even before I read the headline: “Researchers found that 18 percent of women were experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder nine months after a pregnancy loss.”

It’s unpacked deeper early in the article: “According to a new study published in the American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology, nine months after experiencing a pregnancy loss, 18 percent of women had PTSD, 17 percent had anxiety and 6 percent reported having depression.”

18% PTSD

17% anxiety

6% depression

Perhaps due to that overwhelming message from society: Just get over it.

The ultimate quote from the article:

“We have a problem on our hands that we haven’t up until now properly acknowledged or looked to treat,” she said.

In other words, no follow up. No return visits to check on emotional well-being. No protocol to follow beyond suggesting another cycle. This study made me angry because it brought up so much that is wrong in medical world when it comes to women’s bodies.

Life from Scratch is a little over nine years old. Isn’t that bizarre to think? It came out in December 2010. The reason I’m telling you this is that the e-book version is on sale for the next two weeks for 99¢. You can’t even get a gumball anymore for 99¢, and here, the publisher is giving you a whole story.

So if you have missed the old days of blogging or want an easy read to get through the winter months (or, I guess, summer months if you’re in the southern hemisphere), pick up your own copy of Life from Scratch today.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “The Second Wave” (It’s Inconceivable)
• “Paths Forward” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Jess!

Okay, now my choices this week.

Searching for Our Silver Lining has a post about gaps in understanding. While the original situation which kicks off the post is a financial one, it also applies to infertility and the assumptions we make about other people. She writes, “The truth is that though all of us are doing the best we can, most won’t venture outside the comfort of the narrative they’ve been given.” And moreover, that there is “comfort behind not challenging the narrative.” Go read this thought-provoking post.

Life Without Baby threw out a topic that got me thinking: baby pictures at the OB/GYN. Which really doesn’t make sense. Pictures in a pediatrician’s office, of course. But unless OB/GYNs are also going to put up artful shots of vulvas and acknowledge the bodies they deal with directly, should they have pictures of babies? I mean… really… babies make zero sense. OB/GYNs spend months or years dealing with your genitalia. Doesn’t that deserve wall space?

Lastly, My Path to Mommyhood is caught off-guard when she has a twinge of sadness seeing baby items she gave away put to use. As she explains, “It’s one thing to give someone things that were supposed to be for your baby that never existed, and to see them in your own home or a restaurant. It’s quite another to see them in their now-native environment, scattered on a toy-peppered couch, or placed just-so in a gorgeous nursery.” So perfectly understandable.

The roundup to the Roundup: Life from Scratch is on sale. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between January 10th and January 17th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.