On the topic of awareness months, November is also Prematurity Awareness Month and tomorrow, November 14th, is Prematurity Awareness Day. Prematurity is on-topic for an infertility blog because there is a higher rate of premature babies born to infertile parents due to a number of reasons–multiple births from fertility treatments, clotting factors that lead to IUGR or preeclampsia, or weakened cervixes (I truly, truly, truly hate the term “incompetent cervix”). The same problems that can keep you from becoming pregnant can also keep you from carrying to term.

Over half a million babies will be born prematurely in America this year and the same organization–the March of Dimes–that funded the cure for Polio has now taken on preventing prematurity since preterm birth is now the number one killer of newborns. They have set up a page on their website to help you participate in taking action for Prematurity Awareness Month.
They have letters you can send to editors of local papers and an email that can be forwarded to friends and family to promote awareness. They have set up coin centers around America and you can find a coin center in your town and donate your change. All around America, people will be dressed in pink and blue (including my twins–I’ve already placed the outfits on the top of their dresser) tomorrow in order to show visible support for the March of Dimes.

Why this cause is so close to my heart: my twins were born prematurely at almost 34 weeks (33 weeks and 6 days, but I feel like rounding up). At 32 weeks, my OB became concerned because the twins were suddenly measuring smaller on the sonogram. He decided to repeat the sonogram a few weeks later to check whether or not the sonographer was off in her measurements or there was cause for concern.

The day before the sonogram, Josh was in a car accident (which is why we both no longer use our cell phones in the car). The car was totalled, but Josh thankfully walked away with mostly cuts and brusises and what they thought was a detached retina. I was on partial bed rest, so after a quick trip to the emergency room to check on him, I was sent home and my parents spent the day with him at the hospital. Can you imagine the day my brother had trying to babysit me? Many curse words and crying were his thanks for keeping me company.

The next morning, I went to the sonographer with my mother while Josh attended more doctor appointments with his parents. The sonographer was very quiet and finally said, “has your doctor ever spoken to you about IUGR?” He had never used that term before, though I had seen it on a write up between the sonographer and the OB from the prior appointment. He sent me off to the OB where I was promptly told not to get undressed or even give my urine sample. I was to go straight to the hospital because the babies needed to come out. Today.

Josh and his parents met us at the hospital and they ran one last sonogram to determine whether the babies had stopped growing. This sonographer estimated them each to be a healthy 5 pounds. The high-risk OB on duty at the hospital bit her lip for a while, trying to decide what to do about these two conflicting sonograms and the information from my OB. She finally decided to do an internal exam to check on the status of things and exclaimed, “Melissa! Didn’t you know that you’re in active labour?”

Well, no. I didn’t. Because apparently my body does nothing by the book. Morning sickness and vomiting continued until the day I delivered. I never had breast changes. And, apparently, my contractions were never regular. Though I had been having contractions–sometimes 8 or 10 an hour–for two days, I didn’t think it was labour because they weren’t evenly spaced. I could go an hour or two with only one contraction and then have several hours where they came every few minutes.

And my doctor told me to call him when they were regular.

And I think my mind was in other places the day before, right?

Every labour is an emotional labour. But I couldn’t stop crying because I wasn’t ready to not have them with me anymore. I’m going to be honest–I’m a selfish person. And for all those months, the babies were entirely mine. I felt them and I had them with me wherever I went. And once they were out of my body, they were not only going to be shared with many people, but they were going to start walking down a road that contained things like independence. And self-determination.

But as much as I wanted to keep them right beneath my heart forever, they had to come out. I delivered my twins nine minutes apart. My daughter came out first and they held her up for a moment before they let Josh cut the cord. She was raced out of the room and I called out her name for the first time ever for all the doctors and nurses to hear.

My son was born nine minutes later and I didn’t even get a chance to peek at him beyond a quick sighting of his screaming, wriggling body being given to one of the NICU nurses. They took him away without letting Josh cut the cord.

And then we were alone.

I still get emotional when I see those early pictures. They were tiny. My son was 2 pounds 15 ounces. Unlike most babies, he only dropped a few ounces during his NICU stay. There was no weight to lose! My daughter was 4 pounds 2 ounces, but she dropped down 3 pounds and a few ounces over the course of the first week. At first they were fed by IV, but they graduated to an ng tube and finally learned how to suck on a bottle. Feeds in the beginning took around 45 minutes to give them one ounce.

Their brains were immature, so they sometimes “forgot” to breathe. Their apnea episodes led to bradycardia where their hearts would slow down. They both came home on heart monitors that were a blessing and a curse. On one hand, we had a machine that would alert us if they ever stopped breathing or their heart stopped beating. On the other hand, we had sweaty, drool-encrusted children who set off false alarms on the monitor every time the leads became damp. The monitors were also the weight of a newborn child so when I had to pick up both babies and sling the monitors over my shoulders, it was like carrying four children at once. My arms got such a work out. I was riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipped.

The twins are now two-years-old and doing much better. I am eternally grateful to the NICU and the excellent care they received during their stay. But I’m also grateful to the March of Dimes who fund the research that create the advances that save the children who are born too soon. So when you go to your grocery store this week and you drop your change in that March of Dimes box, know that you’re helping people like my children. Who are their sassaholic and delicious selves due to the good work of the March of Dimes and those NICU neonatologists and nurses.

We’re in the middle of November and I feel remiss that I have yet to mention that it’s National Adoption Awareness Month. It’s interesting–it feels like all awareness concerning infertility, paths to parenthood, and prematurity are crammed into the fall. I’m trying to figure out if there is a reason behind this: did they place all these awareness days, weeks, and months together so organizations could cross-promote each other’s programs? Is fall an undesirable or a desirable time to have an awareness day?

Regardless, we are currently in the middle of National Adoption Awareness Month and even if it is not the path to parenthood that you have chosen, you can still jump in there and celebrate. Not everyone who adopts has experienced infertility, but it is one of the paths out of infertility.

So what can you do to promote awareness about adoption during National Adoption Awareness Month?

Educate yourself

• choose a few blogs off the blogroll and begin reading first-hand accounts of domestic or international adoption.
• Start collecting materials or attend a lecture in order to decide whether adoption is the right path for your family.
• Write one of the peer counselors of the Peer Infertility Counselor list and ask a few questions.
• Read NACAC’s Education Guide along with their larger publication to raise awareness during National Adoption Awareness Month.

Educate others

• take the words “just adopt” out of someone’s mouth and replace it with factual information about domestic or international adoption.
• Suggest a book for your book club dealing with the theme of adoption in order to bring up a larger discussion in a more relaxed setting.
• If you have children, introduce the concept of adoption by choosing picture books that broach the topic.

Weigh in with other ideas of how people can get involved with National Adoption Awareness Month.

We just had the most rockin’ time EVER at the Dan Zanes concert. For those of you who don’t know Dan Zanes, he is a children’s musician who was formerly one of the Del Fuegos. He sings both standard classics like “Erie Canal” and “Over the Rainbow” as well as original songs like “Thrift Shop” and “Smile.” And I have been known to listen to Dan even when there are no children around. It’s just good stuff. And I love his voice.

And now I love Dan because he ended the concert by walking out through the audience and into the back lobby. So as you were leaving the show, he was standing in the front lobby with his entire band, continuing the last song. And it just made me love him even more. Oh–and because he warned everyone when it was the last song and he told them that they should get up and dance because he didn’t want them to go home with regrets that they hadn’t done something that they wanted to do. He’s like, “too many times, you get home and you’re kicking yourself because you just wish you had gotten up and danced. So I’m saving you that regret by telling you that you should just get up and do it. And you’ll go home feeling at peace.”

And that just seemed like sound advice. To jump into things you want to do without regard to how it looks or what other people think. We, of course, had danced through every song anyway (and I had deep regrets about wearing such a heavy shirt to the concert). But if I hadn’t, I would have hauled myself out of my seat. Because he’s right–there are too many times that I didn’t dance because I was more worried about whether or not I was a “good enough” dancer to move in public rather than just focusing on having a good time.

Today, I just had a good time.

P.S. You can go on his website and listen to clips of songs. May I suggest Hop Up Ladies, Smile, Thrift Shop, Brown Girl In the Ring, and Mingulay Boat Song. Just click on the link that says “song sample” on each page.

Guess what came out on newsstands? The latest issue of Playboy, complete with nude photos of Cindy Margolis, “posing for a purpose.” The purpose being to promote infertility awareness. A portion of the proceeds from the sale of the magazine are earmarked to go to RESOLVE, so get out there and purchase your porn today.

We mused last night whether sending our two-year-old son up to the counter with the magazine and having him exclaim: “I want this!” at Barnes and Noble was funny or just poor parenting. Don’t worry, mum–Josh deterred me from that one…

The blogs…

I loved Josefina’s post this week at My English Blog about the incredulousness she felt when the Clearblue Easy Monitor told her that her peak fertility days are day 13 and 14 of her cycle. It was a case of if-I’m-so-freakin’-regular-then-why-am-I-still-not-pregnant? It’s not that you want something to be wrong, but wrongness can at least be an explanation. And having sex on the wrong day of your cycle is something that you can at least do something about. If anyone knows anything about fertility monitors, head over to Josefina’s blog and help answer her questions. She also ended with an interesting question: how does one count how long they’ve been “trying?” For instance, if you have to sit out a month or two due to a cyst, do you count that time? What if you miss ovulation due to a business trip? It was an interesting thought. I personally count the time from the first month we consciously began trying. I also cycle so frequently that I get more than 12 tries per year. So in 18 months, I may cycle 24 times. How does one count that? Your thoughts on the idea of counting time?

Mary Scarlet at Mary Scarlet came up with a brilliant idea. Rather than switch paths to parenthood or try something more drastic, she is simply switching REs. Getting a new pair of eyes on the case with new ideas about protocol. It was a such a simple idea and such a brilliant idea–and perhaps someone else is reading this and feels like they’re at the end of the line. Well, this is one more step that you may not have considered. Head over to Mary Scarlet and read more…

On the same topic of perspective, Piccinigirl over at Kir’s Corner has a fantastic post this week about where she’s “at.” She has a beautiful way of describing how infertility affects her life: “Infertility is where I am right now. It’s my path and many days, it obstructs the way I view others and the world. It is always at the edge of my consciousness, waking with me in the morning and tucking me in at night. It is the ‘thing’ I see all the time and it is the ‘thing’ that I view the world through. I say this because there is much more to me than infertility (well at least I hope there is) but for the past three years it is the spectrum that I see everything through including just everyday life, never mind things like holidays and other family gatherings.” She illustrates the point by telling a story of looking through a catalog that her mother thought she would like. In it, she finds onesies that say things like “No More Silent Nights” as well as other cute baby paraphernalia. She begins crying and her mother says, “where were those things when I looked through that catalog? I didn’t see any of those things, but they were [obviously] there.” The point being that sometimes we miss seeing things because they’re just not in our frame of reference. And other times, things loom large because of the emotions that come into play. She finishes the post with a gorgeous sentiment that she found within that same catalog: “Impossible is not a definite…it’s a dare.”

Lastly, through a slip-of-the-fingers, the Anonymous Infertile at Random Ramblings has coined a new term: infertiority. It’s that feeling of inferiority one (irrationally) feels when they consider other women’s ripe, plump ovaries. And gorgeously formed uterus. And baby-making hormone levels. My new campaign will be to get this one in the OED by 2008.

I’m posting the Friday Blog Roundup later this afternoon, but this post absolutely couldn’t wait. Jessica over at Getting Pregnant the High-Tech Way has pretty much the best IVF conversation in history written out on her blog. You need to go read it and laugh hysterically. And then come back here and tell me the best thing you’ve ever heard someone say about IVF*.

*And by “best,” I mean “funny.” I’m not talking about those conversations where the person tells you that you’re going to hell or you’re going to end up with 17 babies. I’m talking about little-baby-faces-pressed-up-against-the-side-of-the-test-tube stories. And it can be any form of ART–not just IVF.