Um…hello.

I’m the…well, I’m the emoblopedia. You know, that emotional blog encyclopedia that archives thought-provoking entries? The one that’s an interactive anthology grouped by topic (treatments, adoption, loss) as well as category (deciding to try IVF or remembering terraversaries)?

So…that’s who I am. And you–you’re a blogger. Who writes about infertility or loss or life after infertility or loss. And you write these really fantastic entries that make people leave comments. And they change the way someone views the world. And frankly, that’s pretty powerful.

You know, sometimes people read the same blogs every day. And sometimes, people are searching for words that help them make sense of their own situation. Reading someone else’s thoughts on the matter sometimes makes them feel at peace with their own thoughts. Or it may help them make a decision. Or decide that they want to take a different path. And that’s sort of the point of me–the emoblopedia. People can quickly find the types of posts they are looking to read from any of the hundreds of infertility and pregnancy loss blogs in the blogosphere.

But you see, the problem is that I’m too thin. I’m sort of like only-eating-cucumber-slices-for-lunch thin. And I don’t have to fit into a bikini this summer–that is the beauty of being the emoblopedia. Bigger is better. I want to be overstuffed with emotions. I want to be ripping at the seams from all the entries.

What I really want is to be like my cousin, the Creme de la Creme list. She showcases 76 different blogs and she only covers one year! I cover any time period–from the beginning of the blogosphere to anything you write in the future.

So…er…this is my open note to beg for entries. Give me your favourites, give me your thought-provoking, give me your turning points. Give me the ones where you sat on the floor crying or when you heard those magical words: doubling beta. From the day you received back the SA results and learned about your infertility to the day that you started your first IVF cycle. Anything. Everything. If people took the time to comment on the entry, it means that it has the power to make people think. Or feel. Or empathize. And this is a chance to have people find your little blog on the prairie.

So…I need to get back to adding entries, but I wanted to also say a special thank you to Tina, Katd, SoCo, Bea, and Pamela for being the first people to send me some links to kick off the project. And then Samantha, LJ, Serenity, Sara, Dianne, Bumble, Adrienne, Jules, and Mandolyn for adding entries over the weekend. So here is a great opportunity to read through your blog and see your whole journey in words. And contribute to this anthology. Which is interactive because people can still leave you comments on your posts. See–old posts get new life on an emoblopedia.

So send over the entries and/or create new categories–remember if a category doesn’t exist to house one of your entries, simply create a new category. There is a home for every type of entry in my belly. I mean…er…the emoblopedia. Right. The emoblopedia.

And please help me spread the word in case there are people out there who read your blog and would want to contribute an entry or two (or 18. Or 36. Or even 414–really, there is an infinite amount of space).

Love,
The Emoblopedia (otherwise known by her friends as simply Emo-Blo)

P.S. Be sure to include a link to the main page of your blog when you submit an entry because it helps me add them faster. And tell me the best category for your entry (or the new category name). And you can either leave entries in the comments section or email them to me at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

I recently joined Mother Talk, which is a blogging book review group…well…actually, click on their name because I think they can do a better job explaining themselves than I can do in one sentence…

Regardless, for my first review (and I’m not sure how often I’ll actually have a book to review), I read Rae Pica’s A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity and Free Time Create a Successful Child. I really liked this book, but I also need to admit that we are a Dan Zanes sort of family. We’re a put-on-music-
and-have-a-dance-party-while-we-all-make-dinner-together sort of family. We’re a sustainable living, turn off the television, let’s all run around in the park in our favourite costumes sort of family. Though this wasn’t where we began. When we first started trying to conceive, we obtained a set of Baby Einstein DVDs, believing that this was the only way to produce the uber-children we knew we’d have. We thought they’d be in preschool by two–not only for the art projects and climbing toys, but because I didn’t have faith in myself to be able to teach a two-year-old how to read (because I planned on having my children reading by two so they could be in Harvard by six. We needed those four years to perfect their essay writing skills).

And along the long wait, things changed. Ideas changed. And now they closely mirror what Rae Pica suggests in her book. Turn off the television. Kids learn through play. You don’t need to enroll your children in classes in order for your children to learn. And there is more than one path to brilliance. That, yes, Baby Einstein may have a place, but so does lying on the grass and staring up at the clouds, trying to imagine them moving to music.

I think what I loved most about this book is the concrete advice she gives on how to execute some of her ideas. She doesn’t simply tell parents to play cooperative games with their child, she gives specifics: “sit facing your child and begin by making a face, which she imitates. She then makes a face for you to imitate.” And this game comes tucked into a list of four cooperative games that teach children the skills they need before they’re ready to participate in team sports such as soccer or basketball.

She warns against coaches who don’t teach age-appropriate skills (and gives you a checklist of questions to ask and things to look for in a coach). She encourages parents to not over-schedule children and to be their advocate in the school system. And most important, she teaches parents when to play with their child and when to step back and allow them the space to run free with their imagination. It’s a pretty powerful set of tools presented in the book.

I think when you wait a long time for your child, you can become anxious and wonder if you’re doing everything “right.” And I think books like Rae Pica’s are important because they remind you that your child will turn out okay in the end if you fulfill not only their basic needs: food, shelter, comfort, but also their in-born childhood needs such as space to play and time to run. It’s freeing as a parent to let go of that anxiety, put down the Baby Einstein DVDs, and just allow your child to take a nature walk for an hour. And to believe that the hands-on experience of wonder will bring you to the same place down the line as intensive science classes for toddlers or French lessons at age three.

Sigh.

I just like the idea of someone telling me that it’s okay that we haven’t exposed them to television or enrolled them in preschool. At the end of the day, we’re drawn to the books that match our parenting philosophy.

There has been a lag between questions, so just to remind y’all the point of these posts and to let new readers in on the discussion, you can reread the first post here. The general idea is that these are quotes from books that I’m reading that have made me pause. And since you can’t always speak to the author and start a conversation with them, I thought I’d throw this into the blogosphere and get your reaction.

No one brought up this quote when we were discussing Children of Men, but I marked it in my copy. To set the scene, Jasper is stating that he is not upset by the fact that he’ll never have children or grandchildren because the couple knew early on that they were both infertile.

The man states: “You can’t mourn for unborn grandchildren when there never was a hope of them.”

Which personally harkens images of those who know either without a doubt or with a strong suspicion that they are infertile prior to trying to conceive and still go through the same emotions as all other infertile people when faced with using assisted conception or adoption or contemplating life without children. I think there is a shitload of mourning that goes on in the Land of If even when the inhabitant knew beforehand that they would be setting up camp on this island if they wanted to become a parent.

It made me wonder about my own parents and inlaws and what they went through wondering whether we would produce grandchildren. I have to imagine that they would mourn. I know I certainly mourned pregnancies that had no hope of continuing–where the doctor had told me point-blank were hopeless. I still mourned when it was all over and the blood came.

Your thoughts?

The emoblopedia feels like a tottering little bicycle that is just starting to straighten out and pick up steam. Thank you for all of the great ideas so far and a special thank you to Tina, Katd, SoCo, Bea, and Pamela for being the first people to send me some links to kick off the project. I’m looking forward to seeing this grow like the Creme de la Creme list and become this sea of points-of-view and writing styles from the infertile and pregnancy loss community. An interactive anthology of the experience.

If you’re having trouble figuring out links to send, work backwards. Cull out your favourite posts–the ones you felt good about when you hit the publish button. The ones that received positive comments and nods of approval. We all have plenty of these types of posts. And then create a new category to fit that post (or check the list to see if there’s a good place where it could already fit). One problem is that sometimes a post fits in multiple categories. It’s fine to put it in more than one place if it covers multiple ideas or to choose the place where it fits best. And from now on, as you write something that you like, send on the link and put it in the emoblopedia so another person who is searching for words that echo her own experience can find your post and feel less alone. And if you love a post on someone else’s blog, let them know that you think it would be a good addition to the list by contacting them directly or leaving the idea in the comments section of their blog.

There’s no reason to be modest–if you have even one reader for your blog, your words make a difference in another person’s life. And if you have a new blog and haven’t had any readers yet, this is a great way for people to find you.

Remember–there is no limit. You can send one a day, you can send 15 at once, or you can two and then never send another. And I’ll add the links as quickly as I can, though I will probably move over to a wiki-like system when I get a chance to figure out the logistics of that. I think the project needs to blossom a bit first.

And, of course, as soon as I can grab a few minutes, I’m going to create a little emoblopedia icon.

Speaking of which, I’m intrigued with the idea of creating a badge for the Friday Blog Roundup–especially because I am obsessed with Microsoft Paint and believe that all beautiful things come from that program. What would it look like? Would people put it on their blog?

It’s an ugly, dreary, rainy day here, but these are some beautiful, uplifting, sunny examples of things I found in the blogosphere this week (wasn’t that a nice little balanced sentence?):

This isn’t an infertility blog, but I found it interesting nonetheless (what? There’s more in the blogosphere beyond infertility and pregnancy loss blogs?). In Oh, the Joys blog this week, there was a post titled “George the Blog Monkey” that goes through all of the reasons she blogs as well as why she reads other blogs. She asks a series of questions about blogging beginning with this idea: “What does it mean to be so intimately exposed to others through their writing and the interactive commenting without ever having met them?” I don’t have answers to most of them, but they’re fascinating questions. Thank you, DD, for sending me the link.

Dear, sweet May at Nuts in May had an HSG this week, but she wrote two funny posts (can unblocking a tube actually be funny?) from the experience. Click here and here to read about re-peeing, stripping to Vivaldi, and dye leakage. As well as differences you never knew existed between the British and American gynecological experience.

Nica at Life as a Sandwich has a moving and thought-provoking post this week about fairness. And the general lack-there-of fairness in life. It’s a different way to look at the age-old question of why bad things happen to good people as well as that fact that we can’t force luck in our favour simply by being a good person. And learning to let go once we realize all these difficult lessons.

Sami at A Cop, A Nurse, 3 Dogs, and Maybe Baby has a post that will (1) bring you to tears and (2) make you start your own list of all the reasons you love your parents (I guess this second point is contingent on you loving your parents). It is a very emotional tribute to her father who died three years ago. And I bawled reading it even though I’ve never met Sami or her father. It’s just that you can feel how much she loved him.

Lastly, Elizabeth at the I Word asks an interesting question this week about the informal rules of alcohol while trying-to-conceive. Do you give up alcohol before CD1? Drink until ovulation? Continue to drink until you see two pink lines? Have a sip or two through the pregnancy? Head over and weigh in with your opinion about alcohol while trying-to-conceive and when you stop tipping back actual margaritas (imaginary margaritas, of course, can always be consumed at the Virtual Lushary regardless of the point in your cycle or pregnancy).

Have a wonderful weekend. And send those links!

Welcome to the emoblopedia, an emotional blog encyclopedia that archives thought-provoking entries. It is organized both by larger umbrella topics such as “treatments” or “adoption” as well as by smaller subcategories such as “deciding to proceed with IVF” or “getting through the homestudy.” An emoblopedia is an archive of the emotional journey–a series of posts that a person can read when they feel alone and want their emotions confirmed (click here for the original post kicking off the creation of the emoblopedia).

Even though the entry you may be reading was written weeks or years ago, the information can still help you emotionally on your journey. And since all posts come from the blogs of men and women experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, please leave them compliments or questions in the comments section of their entry. Blogs are an interactive communication form.

In addition, if you have used the emoblopedia and have a blog that touches on the emotional side of infertility, pregnancy loss, or related topics (such as adoption or a GLBT experience with conception), please consider contributing links to entries from your own blog. There is no limit to the amount of entries a person can have in the emoblopedia. There is also no time limit–entries that were written four years ago are just as desired as entries that were written this week. You can submit an entry for a category that already exists, or you can start a new category. You can submit each entry that you write or choose only your favourites to pass along.

• To submit category titles, send an email with the new category name to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

• To submit an entry for an existing category, send an email with the url address of the post as well as the url address for the main page of your blog to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

• All other questions about the emoblopedia can also be sent to Melissa at thetowncriers@gmail.com.

Scan the index below and click on the hyperlinked topic headings in order to jump to the topic page containing the entries you wish to read.

General Infertility
Receiving a diagnosis
Family relations
Coming out about infertility
Being outed as infertile by another person
Taking a break
Marriage difficulties while trying to conceive
Marriage strengthening while conquering infertility
Depression and infertility
Friendships and infertility
Need a good laugh?
Need a good cry?
Emotions after a BFN (big fat negative)
Acceptance and peace during infertility
Hope and infertility
Infertility: a dirty little secret
Thinking about changing paths to parenthood

Thoughtless comments and other assvice

Treatments
The first time you took Clomid
The dreaded HSG
Laparoscopy
Deciding to proceed with IUI
Deciding to proceed with IVF
Choosing a new RE
Injection classes
The first injection
GBLT experiences with clinics
Fears about starting fertility treatments
Excitement about starting fertility treatments
A mix of emotions about starting fertility treatments
Emotions after a first failed cycle after starting treatments
Emotions after a first failed IVF cycle
Good interactions with the RE or clinic

Adoption
Deciding to proceed with a domestic adoption
Deciding to proceed with foster-to-adopt
Deciding to proceed with international adoption
Getting through the homestudy
Matching with an expectant mother
Birthmothers and children
When adoption plans change (terminating a match)

The emotions of a broken match
The first day feeling at peace again after a broken match
Long periods of waiting

Third Party Reproduction
Deciding to proceed with a donor or surrogate
Emotions surrounding the donor or surrogate experience

Living Child-Free
Deciding to proceed with living child-free
Navigating life cycle events after deciding to live child-free
Emotions over stopping treatments
Snappy answers to intrusive questions
The moment you stopped feeling childless and started feeling child-free
Stopping treatments doesn’t stop infertility
Child-free in poetry and literature

Pregnancy Loss, Stillbirth, and Neonatal Death

Learning that a pregnancy may not be viable
Learning you are having a miscarriage
Remembering terraversaries
The first day you felt good after a loss
Loss and the affect on family
Coming out about loss(es)
When i
s enough enough?
Coming to terms with recurrent loss
Making the decision to proceed with multifetal pregnancy reduction
Making the decision to proceed with a medical termination
Discovering that you have an ectopic pregnancy
Discovering that you have a molar pregnancy
The roller coaster of emotions
Going back to work after a miscarriage

Receiving pathology results

Pregnancy loss without infertility
Grieving
Losing a pregnancy
Not wanting to be pregnant again after a loss

Pregnancy After Infertility or Loss
Seeing a heartbeat
Being released from the RE
Fears during pregnancy
Doubts about being pregnant
Discovering that you’re carrying multiples
Communicating with the OB after being accustomed to the RE
Moving to a high-risk specialist
Ambivalence about impeding parenthood
A child resolves childlessness, but it doesn’t resolve infertility

Parenting After Infertility or Loss
Ambivalence about milestones
Postpartum depression
NICU experiences
Joy over holding your child for the first time

Secondary Infertility
How to come to terms with your new-found fertility-status
What to tell existing children
How to balance secondary infertility with parenting
Friendships and secondary infertility
Emotions and secondary infertility

Emobloictionary
A glossary of made-up words