Wanted to take a moment to post the master list for the fourth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Club. Not on the list? Anyone in the infertility/pregnancy loss/adoption/parenting-after-infertility/assisted conception community (as well as all other related groups that I inadvertently forgot) can join–all you need is a blog (and you can set one up for free via Blogger).

Book: Waiting for Daisy
Author: Peggy Orenstein
Start Date: April 17th
Question Due: May 30th
All Questions Listed: May 31st
Post Date: June 4th
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours.)

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (click on any of the links below on May 29th to take you to a stop on this book tour. Jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on Waiting for Daisy. I will keep adding to this list until 11 p.m. on May 23rd. The list is currently open)

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters (Melissa)
The Annex (Josh)
Serenity Now! (Serenity)
Sticky Feet (Jamie)
My Journey Towards My Little Miracle (Sunny)
Coming 2 Terms (Pamela)
Kir’s Corner (Kir)
Karaoke Diva (KD)
Baby Hopes (Joei)
The Egg Timer (Egged Out)
A Somewhat Ordinary Life (Amy)
Sticky Bean (Kristen)
Southern Infertility (Samantha)
Twisted Ovaries (Vanessa)
Oscar Wants a Playmate (Jackie)
Out, Damned Egg! Out I Say! (Millie)
The Vicious Cycle of Cycles (Erin)
Scrambled Eggs (Binky)
Miss E’s Musings (Ellen)
The Twinkies (Stacie)
Still Passing Open Windows (Carlynn)
What to Expect When You’re Not Expecting (Kirby)
Pretty Kitties (Wendy)
Diary of a Miscarriage (Rachel)
Weebles Wobblog (Lori)
All Things Deb (Deb)
Jonesing for a Baby (Michelle)
Our IVF Journey (Mary Ellen)

Not on the list and want to join? Drop me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. You can add yourself up until 11 p.m. on May 23rd.

How the book tour works:

(1) leave a comment or send me an email (thetowncriers@gmail.com) saying that you’re interested in participating.

(2) read Waiting for Daisy by May 30th (or at least enough of it in order to ask a question to the group).

(3) create a single question that would kick off a discussion (in other words, any question that leads to more than a “yes” or “no” answer where someone can express their opinion) and mail it to me on May 30th (or any time beforehand). I will send you a reminder email close to the date. Click here to see sample questions from tour #2. You can also send me a question directly for Peggy Orenstein as she will be participating in this tour and is open to answering any questions.

(4) on May 31st, I will send you a list of possible questions. Everyone will choose 3 questions off the list and answer them in a blog entry.

(5) on June 4th, everyone will post their entry. I will post my answers too and an entry about post day so people can go around and read the entries and comment (start a discussion back and forth in the comments section). Reading the entries and commenting on the posts is the best part of the tour–by the end of the week, you should have a comment from every participant (and maybe even a few new permanent blog readers).

(6) I will also post Peggy Orenstein’s answers to our questions.

COMING UP: Cementing the next three book tour choices so people can plan ahead with beach reading for the summer (or, for all the people entering winter down south…winter reading).

Update at bottom of the post:

A few weeks ago, as we were driving out of New York, we got stuck next to Ground Zero. We were staring out the window at the construction site, trying not to think about how different the landscaped looked a few years ago. How the buildings used to stand firmly in place, as stable as the front teeth that complete your mouth. Josh blinked at the fencing for a moment where pictures were tucked years ago. “How the hell are we ever going to explain this to our kids?”

Amy at A Somewhat Ordinary Life asked this question this week: “It makes me wonder why I cry so hard over not being able to bring a child into this crazy world!” The events at VA Tech have shaken us to the core. On one side is the response of how can we work this hard to bring children into a world where people die as they’re working on an accounting project in the Twin Towers or studying history in a classroom. On the other side is this overwhelming anxiety that you need to reproduce now. That life can change in an instant, and even if you don’t need your spouse’s genes, you need to know that you shared this child with them. That the two of you are the parents and you will share that link forever.

Either way, it’s enough pressure to make me want to curl up on the sofa and stare at the sensible tan pattern until I forget everything I’ve seen this week.

I question the repetition of images too just as I did when they kept reshowing the planes entering the towers over and over and over again. I had a nightmare last night where the shooter arrived in the same pose that is being repeated on the cover of every newspaper–stark room and a gun in either hand. He told me to take money out of an ATM machine and afterwards, he would kill me. And I just stood there paralyzed with fear. I knew that the moment I gave him the money, I would be shot. No more Josh. No more twins. But I was all alone. Not giving him the money was only prolonging the inevitable.

I woke up feeling a bit ill with these thoughts today.

My ostrich-like way of turning away from these images is not meant in any way to disrespect the people who are mourning intensely this week. I feel like we do have an active responsibility as fellow human beings to comfort rather than turn away (how many times have we all wondered where family and friends went the moment we’re processing a loss–the women who pull a YJSATLAIDKWTSSIPTIDSY?) . But you can only stand so close to your worst fears for so long before starting to feel dizzy.

And I can’t believe I’m going to write this, but let’s talk about infertility and pregnancy loss instead. What kind of world do we live in where this kind of pain feels like an easier topic?

Let’s start with a little hope. Sara at Of Course You’ll Get Pregnant has made a wonderful offer on her blog this week. She left yesterday for a trip to Israel and she has offered to print out a note from any other blogger and put it in the Wall. She has instructions on her blog on how to send it. The only catch is that she needs to have it by Saturday night in order to get it into the Wall in time. For those who are scratching their heads right now and saying, “um…what does she mean by Wall? Is this a reference to Pink Floyd?” The Western Wall is the retaining wall for the Temple Mount where the Temple once stood. It is considered one of the most holy places in Judaism. It is a tradition to write a note and fold it up and put it into the cracks of the wall. Many times, when someone is going over to the Kotel, they will offer to put in notes for other people. Don’t be shy–she is offering to do this for any other blogger in the community. So click over and send her a note. It certainly can’t hurt.

I’m breaking my own rule by including a post that was technically posted last week (before last Friday), but I think it was so well-written that everyone should read it. And since I missed it until Friday night last week… Omega Mom posted an ode to thinking through choices when it comes to adoption. It was followed by two more posts about adoption and emotions. They are all excellent reads, written by a mom who adopted 7 years ago (so she has the gift of perspective). So head on over and read them.

Aunt Sassy from Rotten Eggs has a post called “Motherhood: From the Other Side of the Glass” that I loved this week. I think this is my favourite line: “And as our mothers tell us “just wait until you have a child” when we are misbehaving. I just took for granted that I would.” How brilliant is that? Though it is written for someone fertile to read and understand how someone infertile looks in on motherhood, I think it is a post that everyone living in the Land of IF will read and nod.

JJ at Reproductive Jeans has a post comparing braces to infertility–as if that’s not intriguing enough to make you click over to read it! I felt exactly the same way about braces–I wanted them so badly not because I wanted to be in pain, but because with braces came a sense of belonging. It’s a lonely thing to be the only girl at the table without braces as everyone complains about their braces. And she makes a brilliant analogy between female factor and male factor infertility. Beyond that, this particular post has a great idea that JJ is guiding that will bring more mail to everyone’s mailbox. And what beats snail mail except perhaps when they include a free additional pee stick in a box?

Forever Hopeful at Wishing It Would Get Easier has a beautiful post about the pain one may still feel even as they’re experiencing hope. And how while others may be eager for us to move on, it’s a personal journey that works on a unique timetable. I love this line because I think so many people will recognize it in themselves: “This isn’t like me normally but I don’t know who I am anymore because infertility changed me.” Wishing you much peace, Forever Hopeful.

Lastly, it’s here it’s here! Sign up is now open for the second leg of the International Infertility Film Festival (IIFF). The theme is “seasons,” and Bea has a great post outlining the theme and sign-up. We have already signed up and entries will be posted July 28th. Bea has fantastic resources on the IIFF blog for making a movie so even if you have no movie-making experience (as I had none until Bea came around), you can make a simple cartoon or slide show of photographs.

On that note, we have decided to change Infertile Myrtle’s name. I’m not really sure why, but it feels like the right move. The new name we had decided upon was Barbara Barren, but when I said it to my mother last night,
she wrinkled her nose and said, “I don’t like it at all.” We threw out Brenda Barren and Britney Barren. And even Karen Barren. But now we turn it over to you. (1) Which name do you like best for my cartoon-version alter ego, (2) which name do you hate beyond belief and hope we don’t use, and (3) do you have another suggestion.

The choices: Infertile Myrtle, Barbara Barren, Brenda Barren, Britney Barren, or Karen Barren.
—————————————————————————–
I came too late on the scene to read Naked Ovary so I didn’t know about Karen’s nickname for herself (or character?). Therefore, a name closer connected to me (thank, Aurelia, for the suggestion) would be Sharon Barren. What do you think? Another option.

There has been a trickling of squares coming in for the second blilt–or virtual blog quilt. But I just learned how to add more colours to the colour palette on Microsoft Paint. Making for extremely beautiful orange squares (have you ever noticed that I have nothing orange on the blog even though it’s my favourite colour? Didn’t know how to add colours until now. You can call me a loser at any point if you must).

Beyond that, the blilts make for an excellent drinking game for bloggers who all live in the same city. You can get together and try to guess the owner of the quote before you click on the square. If you get it right, everyone else drinks a shot. If you get it wrong, you drink the shot. 60 squares or more could make that game much more interesting, n’est-ce pas?

So send a square? If not to describe your own waiting then at least to make another blogger stinkin’ drunk. Imagine the love sent out via drunk blogging.

So, the theme this time is waiting. Sometimes it feels like this isn’t really “making” a baby or “becoming” a parent or any other active verb. It’s the inverse of active. It’s a huge waiting game. You wait to cycle, you wait to have your beta, you wait to be chosen for adoption. And everyone gets through that wait with different emotions and thoughts.

For this next blilt, add to this thought in anywhere from 1–15 words: “During the wait…” (you don’t need to add those words to your sentence, but simply use them as a kick-off point). And here is one additional step–state which type of wait you’re writing about in your square. Whether it’s waiting to cycle, waiting to know, waiting to get in with the RE (any form of waiting). I may try to coordinate the “fabric” with the type of waiting. And it would help me tremendously to enter them quickly if everyone used this format:

You can take this square in any direction–what you think, feel, or do during that time period. What makes it hard. What makes it the only time in your cycle where you relax. What makes it the time you feel the most hope or the most despair. Anything you think sums up your own experience with waiting.

Send in your words by 11 p.m. on April 23rd (Monday), though, as always, the blilt is never closed. I will keep adding to them as new squares are sent. Last time, we had 58 squares when I first posted the first blilt (since then, more have been added). I’d love to pass that amount and get a square from every infertility or pregnancy loss blog.

Oh…and if you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, here is the explanation of the Blilt Project.

What says good morning more than an ice cold, imaginary French martini?

And what says good afternoon more than some virtual vomiting in a luxurious invisible bathroom inside the Virtual Lushary?

I feel like I’ve been out of touch. Like everything is moving too quickly. Like I can’t absorb everything. I think I need to sit down today. I’ll be pouring drinks from the seated position. Maybe with my feet up too. So tell me about your life right now–what is happening–both good and bad.

So…as always… It has been a little more than a month since we met, bitched, cried, comforted, and caught up each other on our cycles and lives. As always, pull up a seat and I’ll pour you a drink. Let everyone know what is happening in your life. Maybe you just peed on a stick and you’re wondering if it’s too early or if it’s a sign of how the beta will go in a few days. Or maybe you just found out that you’re getting to cycle again soon. Or maybe you need a good cry to let out some of that stress you’ve been carrying as you wait for that first sonogram to confirm the pregnancy. My only request is that if a story catches your eye, you follow it back to the person’s blog and start reading their posts. Give some love, give some support, or laugh with someone until your drink comes out of your nose.

I have a ton of assvice in my back pocket and as a virtual bartender, I will give it to you unless you specifically tell me that this is simply a vent and you do not want to receive anything more than a hug.

So if you have been a lurker for a while, sit down and tell us about yourself. Remember to provide a link or a way for people to continue reading your story (or if you don’t have a blog–gasp!–you can always leave an email address if you’re looking for advice or support. If not, people can leave messages for that person here in the comments section too). If you’re a regular at the bar, I’ll get out your engraved martini glass while you make yourself comfortable. And anyone new, welcome. I’m glad you found this virtual bar.

For those who have no clue what I’m talking about when I say that the bar is open, click here to catch up and then jump into the conversation.

Drink specials this month for all stirrup queens or sperm palace jesters who are currently undergoing any form of waiting in honour of the second blilt. And…by strange coincidence since I just noticed it right now…the 4th book of the Barren Bitches Book Tour—Waiting for Daisy. Waiting. It’s freakin’ everywhere. And feel free while you’re hanging around the blog to send over a blilt square or sign up for the book tour… (and if you’re still finishing leaving comments as part of the tour, the list of participants is under this post if you scroll down).

Welcome to the third tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade–a book club from the comfort of your own living room. Grab a cup of coffee and start clicking away at the links below.

Just to explain, this book club is entirely online and open to anyone in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way.

Book: The Time Traveler’s Wife
Author: Audrey Niffenegger
Start Date: March 6th
Post Date: April 16th
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours.)

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (click on any of the links below to take you to a stop on this book tour. Jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on The Time Traveler’s Wife)

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters (Melissa)–my post is below
The Annex (Josh)
Sticky Feet (Jamie)
In Search of Biscuit 2.0 (Little Angel Kisses)
Carrying On (Katherine)
My Journey Towards My Little Miracle (Sunny)
Wishing and Waiting (Nicole)
A Somewhat Ordinary Life (Amy)
Our Own Creation (AMS)
Vanilla Dreams (Vanilla)
The Tragic Optimist (Ann)
Chris posting on The Tragic Optimist (Ann’s Husband, Chris)
Serenity Now! (Serenity)
Fertility Musings (Rachel)
My Perky Ovaries (Karen)
Coming 2 Terms (Pamela)
Beaten But Not Bowed (The Drowned Girl)
Kir’s Corner (Kir)
PCOS Baby (Erin)
King Baby (Jessica)
Hell or High Water (Starfish)
Southern Infertility (Samantha)
Infertile Fantasies (Bea)
The Oneliner (Christina)

Even if you haven’t read the book, you can jump into the conversation in the comments section of any of the blogs above.

Like the idea of being in a book club without leaving your living room? The next book for book tour #4 is Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein. Peggy Orenstein has agreed to join us for the tour and she’ll be around to answer questions and read your reactions to her book. Which is extremely cool, but she’s just that kind of chickie–the cool kind.

Tour #4 will start tomorrow (April 17). Participants will read Waiting for Daisy by Peggy Orenstein. On Wednesday, May 30th, everyone will send one question based on the book (to get a sense of questions, click here to see the questions sent for book tour #2) to thetowncriers@gmail.com. I will compile the questions into lists that will be emailed out to you or posted on May 31st. Everyone will choose 3 questions from the list and answer them on their own blog on June 4th. On June 4th, I’ll also post a master list and people can jump from blog to blog, reading and commenting on the book tour. We may also do a separate post of Peggy answering questions that week too.

If you would like to sign up to participate in book tour #4, leave a comment below or send me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. I need the title and a link to your blog as well as an email address where you’d like the two or three book club emails sent. If a spouse wants to participate too and he/she doesn’t have their own blog, have them set up a blog solely for book tours (as we did with the Annex) and send me a link to that blog. And if you’re a reader without a blog, now is a great time to set up a space for yourself on Blogger. People will be able to find brand-spanking-new blogs because they will be on the book tour’s participant list. Happy reading.