Updated with polls at the bottom:

There has been talk (oh my G-d, is this woman about to announce one more thing?) about making NaComLeavMo a more yearly thing. Not that you’d have to commit to it for a year–it would still be month by month–but it would be all-year round. Sort of like the same support and community that has sprouted up with NaBloWriMo. Except NaComLeavMo would be sans theme. It would be comments, pure and simple. And we’d probably have to get rid of the Iron Commentor status.

So, first things first, yay or nay on keeping NaComLeavMo around. The pros: there would be a list of people committed to writing and returning comments just as much as they’re committed to writing their own blog (so people who think outward rather than just reflecting inward). You would know they were good blogs to read if you were looking for mutual support. It would help keep commenting up throughout the year and it would give commenting its due and importance as much as the blog writing itself. It would be something to do if you were looking for something to do. The cons: it would be one more thing to do. The pros again: you could drop in and out month by month. The cons again: it would make it less special because it wouldn’t pop up on the calendar, it would be a yearly thing (on a month-by-month basis). So it would remove the Christmas-like quality (so says the Jew).

Next things next: there has been a request to rename the project IntComLeavMo (International Comment Leaving Month–because it would still be month to month). Are you for keeping NaComLeavMo (it was named to match up with all of the other Na-like projects such as NaBloWriMo) or changing it to IntComLeavMo? The pros to keeping it NaComLeavMo: the name has been set and it matches up with other Na-like projects. It is easier to say aloud. The cons to keeping it NaComLeavMo: people feel excluded by the name.

Things after that: the list would be open in three month intervals. In other words, to make my life less difficult, the list would be open from now until September 2 and the commenting would take place in July, August, or September. Obviously, it would close after the 2nd of the month because you couldn’t really participate in September if it was already September and you hadn’t signed up yet. On September 3rd, I would open a new list that would run for October, November, December. There would be a note at the bottom of the current list warning people to sign up on the new list if they want to remain on-board. If they don’t sign up, they’re just not included on the new list. It’s probably a good indication that they aren’t actually using the list and leaving comments. Or, it could simply mean that they’re in a busy period and don’t have time to read and comment. But this is the only way I could think of that was not time-consuming for me that helped ensure that the lists active. Any other ideas would be appreciated.

I also made an icon that would be colour-coded to show the current list. Here is a sample:

The puppy image will become clear in a moment, but the point is that the icon would be red now, orange later, yellow after that–so you’d always know if you were on the current list.

So…what are your thoughts? For people participating, would you want to keep doing it? For those who missed the boat the first time around, would you be happy to know anyone could join and not have to wait a year for it to come around again? For those who aren’t participating now and won’t immediately, but would like the option to be open in the future? For those who hate this idea and wish people would stop commenting?

I have to say that I am really sad about the idea of it not coming around again for a year. I missed it over the course of this year. And I loved seeing comments go up around the blogosphere–for some people it was a huge amount. For others it was a small step. Oh, the other idea I had was shuffling the list week by week (which isn’t hard to do at all) so different people would be near the top. But wasn’t sure if people hated that idea because they were trying to keep track of who they had already commented on.

So I am leaning towards holding this year-round if other people are into it. I’ve certainly gotten feedback from people saying they love it, but would you love it if it was always around? Like a little puppy?

Comments are the new hug, but they’re also the new puppy (warm and sweet, yet needing to go out in the middle of the night–hence the image on the icon).

Aaah, and last things last, I would lower the commitment to three comments a day (either from your regular reads or from the list) plus one returned. 4 comments total a day. That way, if you miss, it’s easier to catch up. And everyone could take a “bye” once a week. “Bye” as in a comment-free day.

Yes, no, maybe so?

So, here are the questions in a neat order:

1. Would you keep participating or start participating if it was held month to month or would you rather keep it a once-a-year thing?

2. Would you rather keep the name NaComLeavMo, rename it IntComLeavMo, or create a hybrid NaIntComLeavMo? Or create a different name entirely?

3. Any thoughts on the other ideas?

Winter is home to the Creme de la Creme, but the summer holds its counterpart: the Roundup Extravaganza. Unlike the Creme de la Creme where each person submits their favourite post from their own blog, participants agree to allow another person to choose their best work from July 2007 to July 2008 and in turn, choose their favourite post from an assigned blog (of a fellow participant). The end result is a list very similar to the Creme de la Creme, except that it follows in the same vein as a massive Friday Blog Roundup. It will be a complete surprise to see which post is chosen AND as per the request last year, you will not know who read your blog and chose your post.

For those who are shaking right now, sweat dripping from your clicking finger, wondering how you will ever do NaComLeavMo and do the Roundup Extravaganza, stop sweating and take a sip of cold water. The two do not truly overlap and the Roundup Extravaganza will take about an hour of work (maybe less? Maybe more?) on your part. An hour? That’s space that is now free due to a lack of television programming. See, there’s a reason this is held in the summer.

Take a look at last year’s list and if you’d like to participate, here’s what you need to do (read the short version if my all-inclusive lists scare you and read the long version if you like having answers to all questions that may arise)

Short Version:

• Leave a comment below that states the following: your blogging name or first name, your blog’s name, your blog url, email address (if you don’t wish to put this in the comment section, email me with this information) and whether you are pregnant/currently have children (I try to match those who are experiencing primary IF with those experiencing primary IF).

Long Version:

• The Extravaganza is open to any infertility/loss/adoption blog (either still trying, on a break, currently pregnant, parenting after IF–either functional or biological IF, adopting, living child free). Yes, everyone. You don’t need to ask. If you have a blog that is either on the blogroll or could be on the blogroll, you can join along. If you didn’t start your blog until recently, the person will choose your post from whatever is currently there.
• It is possible to join along if you have a private blog. You will need to give your reader access to the blog (so I guess you would end up knowing who chose your post…) and you will have to start another blog that is public that contains the single, chosen post so others can read it too. If you have a private blog and need help with this, let me know.
• Leave a comment below that states the following: your blogging name or first name, your blog’s name, your blog url, email address (if you don’t wish to put this in the comment section, email me with this information) and whether you are pregnant/currently have children (I try to match those who are experiencing primary IF with those experiencing primary IF).

Yes, three posts in quick succession.

I am blown away by the birthday wishes. Thank you–it meant the world to me. I had a nice day with park time and making pickles time (note: when the recipe calls for kosher salt and you only have sea salt on hand, decrease the amount of salt) and a board meeting and Rita’s water ice with Lindsay where she gave me the most thoughtful gift in the world (you know, one of those things you say in passing and the other person remembers and gives it to you months later and it’s not even about the item: it’s about the fact that someone heard you). 34 isn’t terrible and when I think about other ways it could have looked, I bite my tongue.

The comments were also beyond wonderful for my self-esteem; comments being the new hug. It has also taken me a long time to grow into (read: be comfortable with) that hair so…it’s nice to have other people say nice things about you.

Here is the strange convergence that you could not have possibly known. Two issues from childhood have come back into play this week: bugs and friends. They require a much longer post of explanation, but yesterday, while I was on the phone with my friend, I caught a wasp in my Dyson (this somewhat doesn’t count because I have no fear of wasps). I also brushed a cricket off of the Wolvog and took them walking to the strawberry fields despite the cacophony of crickets come from under the straw (Shelby, I was dying when I got out of the car and saw them leaping through the sticks).

Outside, I am fine with them. Inside, I have my Dyson. I am trying to hold down all of my fears which are being forced back up to the surface. Damn aging and reliving.

Aaah, wait, the convergence. The other issue is about friendships and feeling alone as a child. As I was on the phone with my friend, catching the wasp, we talked about feeling like a ten-year-old again and reliving all of those friendless moments from childhood. And then I walked in the living room and saw the number of comments. And was blown away to go from being ten inside my heart to being 34 in reality and seeing those verbal hugs. The truth is you need those verbal (and actual) hugs when you are ten and you need them when you are 34. That never changes.

But it reminds me of the year I bought my mother the book The Ugly Duckling for my birthday, the year I finally became comfortable with myself (does that ever really happen?). I bought it for the last line:

Here is to not being between the ages of…oh…let’s say 8 and 14 (the awkward years). To not being a teenager anymore. To being an adult–even with all of the heartbreak that entails. I don’t need to be a child again (please no), but I would love to be able to bounce around my thirties forever and ever.

So thank you, for making it a good day.

Sign up below for the next book tour–a blogger’s book!–hopefully this will kick her in the ass to write more posts.

Barren Advice below as well.

And a massive project is brewing and will spill over in another day or so. Anyone care to hazard a guess? Here is the clue: summer thinks that are good enough to drink.

This is the seventh installment of Barren Advice. You can ask questions that are fertility or non-fertility related.

Barren Advice is posted each Tuesday. If you have your own question for Barren Advice, click here to learn how to submit. Please weigh in with your own thoughts in the comment section and indicate which question you’re addressing if there are multiple questions in the post.

Dear Mel,

I have just found out I am pregnant (naturally after IF!) but am wondering what to tell the doctor about my cycle dates. You see, I didn’t ovulate until CD25. So the typical week count from Day 14 will not be accurate to measure growth and predict due dates. But we all know how well doctors listen to what we have to say. In my experience they usually decide (in a somewhat patronizing way) that I am mistaken but I know I’m not. I temp every day and am very aware of when I ovulate. Also, I use TCOYF software.

I suspect that the Doctor will still want to count my 40 weeks from my CD1 which was April 19. This will throw off calculations by almost 2 weeks. Should I fudge my dates? Should I tell them that CD1 was April 29 in order to reflect CD14 ovulation date which is how they calculate the 40 weeks? Would there be any harm in this? I just don’t want to go through the next 40 weeks explaining to every nurse and ultrasound tech that I actually ovulated on CD25. (Assuming that my pregnancy lasts that long.) I know that this seems like a trivial problem to have but I really don’t want to have miscalculated times the whole way through.

–Skygirl at Chasing Blue Sky

My gut says to work from a place of utmost honesty. State the start date of your cycle and the date you ovulated. A doctor who is not willing to work with you to calculate the correct due date and trust that you know your body is not a doctor you want to remain with during the duration of the pregnancy. Switching doctors is easier said than done, but problems can actually arise that go beyond the panic you’ll feel when you hear your embryo is measuring behind.

Not using the correct date of ovulation can throw off all testing that is time sensitive–CVS, amnio, AFP tests (alpha-fetoprotein). You may be induced early believing that you’ve reached your due date–and induction does carry more risk and a higher chance for a c-section than natural labour. It’s one thing when induction is unavoidable, it’s another when it’s being done simply because a doctor will not listen to you when you know your ovulation date.

Back up your words with evidence such as the TCOYF software and a copy of your chart. And truly, a doctor who is rigidly set on Naegele’s Rule and can’t listen to facts or wishes is giving you a sign that they most-likely will be inflexible later on when you decide you do or do not want other changes to standard protocol.

Another route is to ask your doctor to do a series of ultrasounds early in pregnancy to help determine the correct due date based on growth. The ultrasounds are most accurate before 12 weeks. There is a margin of error as there is with any ultrasound, but you will still be able to get a better sense of the correct due date once you bring together all of the information you have on hand (LMP, the ovulation date, and ultrasound findings).

Stand your ground and put on some ass-kicking shoes before that first appointment just in case you need to kick a little ass in order to have reality heard.

No really, the beauty of a blog advice column is that you get to weigh in with your two cents too. Let the questioner know if you support the advice, add to the response, or dispute it completely.

Leave a comment in the reaction box below–only keep in mind that conflicting advice is embraced and rudeness is not. Want to ask your own question? Click here to see what you need to send in order to be included in a future Tuesday’s installment of Barren Advice.

Here is the master list for the thirteenth tour of the Barren Bitches Book Brigade. What is the Barren Bitches Book Brigade? It’s a book club from the comfort of your own living room. The book club is conducted entirely online and open to anyone (male or female) in the infertility/pregnancy loss/assisted conception/adoption/parenting-after-infertility world (as well as any other related category I inadvertently left off the list). It is called a book tour because everyone reads the same book and then poses a question to the group. Participants choose a few questions to answer and then post their response on their blog. Readers can jump from blog to blog, commenting along the way. We read both fiction and non-fiction.

Anyone can jump aboard–it’s a book club where you can drop in and out as you wish and all in the community are welcome.

Book: The Empty Picture Frame*
Author: Jenna Nadeau
Start Date: May 27
Question Due: July 1
Question List Sent Out: July 3
Post Dates: July 9
(need an explanation of how a book tour works? Click here to go to a list of posts on the past book tours as well as information about future tours.)
*with author participation!

About The Empty Picture Frame: Written by the author of the now invite-only blog, Epi-blog, Jenna details her IVF experience from discovering she is infertile to multiple IVF attempts. Thoughts from her husband, Mike, are woven into the chapters as well. A very interesting read, especially when she explores the emotions surrounding infertility.

Barren Bitches Book Brigade List (The blogs below are participating on this current book tour. On July 9th, you’ll be able to jump from post to post to read a plethora of opinions and thoughts on The Empty Picture Frame. I will keep adding to this list until 11 p.m. on July 1. The list is currently open)

Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters
The Road Less Travelled
Southern Infertility
All Things Deb
The Dunn Family
Desperately Seeking Baby
Everyday Stranger
Miss E’s Musings
Life After Infertility and Loss
Kir’s Corner
Maybe It’s Just Me
Hurry Up n Wait
Emily the Hopeless
In Ancient Starlight

Not on the list and want to join? Drop me an email at thetowncriers@gmail.com. You can add yourself up until 11 p.m. on July 1.

How the book tour works:

(1) leave a comment or send me an email (thetowncriers@gmail.com) saying that you’re interested in participating. I need your blog name, blog url, and email address.

(2) read The Empty Picture Frame by July 1 (or at least enough of it in order to ask a question to the group).

(3) create a single question that would kick off a discussion (in other words, any question that leads to more than a “yes” or “no” answer where someone can express their opinion) and mail it to me on July 1 (or any time beforehand). I will send you a reminder email close to the date. Click here to see sample questions from tour #4.

(4) the author, Jenna Nadeau, is open to answering any questions and reading along. Please send me any questions you have for her by July 1.

(5) on July 3, I will send you a list of possible questions. Everyone will choose 3 questions off the list and answer them in a blog entry.

(6) on July 9, people will begin to post their entry. Each day, I will post a linked list of all the people putting up their entry that day so people can go around and read the entries and comment (start a discussion back and forth in the comments section). Reading the entries and commenting on the posts is the best part of the tour–by the end of the week, you should have a comment from every participant (and maybe even a few new permanent blog readers).