Category — Friday Blog Roundup

Today is Random Act of Kindness Day. It was started years ago by an IF blogger to mark her son’s birthday.  He died one day after his birth, and since he was not going to be able to do all the random acts of kindness he would have completed if he had lived, his parents set up this day for people to do kindness in his name.  So today I will do kind acts and I will let the person know that it was done on Thomas’s behalf.

I found out about this day over 10 years ago, and I’ve participated every year.  It’s for Thomas, but it’s really to tether all of our kids who aren’t here to do their own great acts.  And I love this sentiment: “finding ways to make the world a little nicer, a little sweeter, and a little happier on his birthday. Ripples into eternity, as they say.”  We all could benefit from a nicer, sweeter, happier world.

So in honour of Thomas, please go put something good into the world.

And let his parents know what you’ve done today in his name.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Finding Asa Gray” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)
• “Having it All” (Countingpinklines)
• “That Damned Uterus” (Silent Sorority)
• “I’m Not Special.  I Feel Stupid” (Delayed But Not Denied)
• “Part of the Problem” (Not a Wasted Word)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Inexplicably Missing has a post about bumper stickers for infertiles.  Snickering and cringing over the thought of 70 embryo stickers on the back window.  I love this post for the last line: that idea of making things less invisible.  It’s easy to see what is there; much harder to see the things that are not there.

Pages, Stages, and Rages has a moving post about being out with her friend who learned that her father had been in an accident and had died.  This line gutted me: “This wasn’t the first time we’ve cried together, it won’t be the last.”  The post is an important reminder that it’s okay to not say anything.  To just sit with someone and let them know that they’re not alone.

Lastly, Res Cogitatae has a post about mentally traveling back to the clinic when she tastes a breakfast sandwich she’d get herself years ago on IUI days.  She explains, “They’ll never be ‘just’ breakfast sandwiches for me … Those sandwiches for me will always taste of the waiting room, the early mornings, and our quiet, mounting despair that we might not ever get to be parents.” For me, it’s the scent of a certain soap.  It’s amazing how our senses can emotionally bring us right back into a moment.

The roundup to the Roundup: It’s Random Act of Kindness Day.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 2nd and 9th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

So I went to get the mail and there was a letter addressed to someone else in my mailbox.  My address, someone else’s name.  This happens sometimes, so I went into the post office to hand it over to the postmaster so he could return it to the sender because it was clearly a check.  But the thing was, the name on the envelope wasn’t the person who had my address before me (I still get her mail all the time), AND it was a check, which meant a transaction had happened recently.  Strange to have the wrong address.

As we were standing in line, ChickieNob was playing with the envelope and suddenly she said, “This is from Puerto Rico.  And it’s going to our address in Puerto Rico.”  So it was our address but in Puerto Rico vs. our state.

But this is where it gets even stranger.  Mail is stamped with a number or barcode that is used for routing purposes.  The routing was a number off, sending the letter to our state instead of Puerto Rico.  If the rest of the address hadn’t been correct, it would have hit an obstacle at some point and returned to the sender without reaching me.  But because the address exists in both places, it continued on its merry way into my mailbox because the machines reading the routing number didn’t see anything else amiss.

I wonder if that family has ever received our mail, or if this was a one time thing.  Unfortunately, they took the envelope from me before I could write down the person’s name or I would write them directly and say, “Hello, I’m your address Doppelganger.”  Actually, now writing that out, it’s sort of creepy.  Cool to think about, but… yeah… probably shouldn’t write them.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

My mind was blown by My Path to Mommyhood’s post about death cleaning; in other words, decluttering so if you died tomorrow, other people wouldn’t have to deal with all of your stuff.  Or, really, that they’ll deal with less stuff.  I laughed at this: “Leaving your home with mostly wonderful things you truly love and not, say, leaving a drawer full of exotic dildos for your grandchildren to find (a real example from the book!).”  But she points out that all of these books also make a lot of assumptions about family situations; namely, the existence of children.  This was my favourite part of the post: “It just amazes me how some people are so removed from infertility struggle. And how ever-present it is in my life.”

Infertilityhonesty has a moving post about a ritual they created to mark the “time of death” for their dream of parenthood.  She points out that the conversations they have with the yearly ritual “are crucial interactions for a loss that does not receive this kind of discussion, or really any for that matter, in mainstream human conversation.”  Another important moment in the post: “Our backyard is a space where I can honor our losses and experiences within a world that doesn’t by vowing to make the resting place of the dream of our children as beautiful as possible.”  I wish the general public would have more recognition and conversation around this type of loss.  But in addition to that, I’m glad that she has written this beautiful post about creating your own way forward.

Lastly, Searching for Our Silver Lining has a post about the concept of being “deserving.”  She writes about a friend who has given birth after a long journey to parenthood, and how another friend congratulated her by saying she deserved it.  At the same time, another baby is born into a difficult situation.  She writes, “Turning terms like ‘deserved’ and ‘blessed’ on their heads and making you wonder about the games that are played. The polar opposite reactions to the exact same news: in one case I’m celebrating and sending well-wishes while in the other I’m mourning for the newborn.”

The roundup to the Roundup: I have an address Doppelganger.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 23rd and March 2nd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I have a lot of trepidation around Marvel movies after Doctor Strange failed to live up to my expectations. (I’m sorry — I love Benedict Cumberbatch in many things, but he’s not Stephen Strange.)  But Black Panther managed to live up to and surpass the hype.  It is fantastic.

Wakanda is gorgeous, T’Challa is thoughtful, and the women are brilliant.  That last part is maybe the coolest thing: Even though this is T’Challa’s story, three women do the vast majority of thinking and ass-kicking in the movie.

We loved it.  And now I can return to waiting for A Wrinkle in Time to open because I. cannot. wait. to. see. that. too.

Have you seen Black Panther yet?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Ein Paar ohne Kind” (Elaine ohne Kind)

Okay, now my choices this week.

This was the most gorgeous article I read all week, and while it’s about the loss of his husband, I thought there was a lot of advice buried in there that is applicable to pregnancy and infant loss.  Especially this exchange with a nurse after his husband died: “She grabbed my hands and met my eyes. ‘It will be hard,’ she said. ‘It will be long. It will be painful. But you have to keep talking.’ That was the first advice I received as a widower. It remains the best.”  Please read the whole story.

My Lady of the Lantern also has a post about her child asking questions about death, especially about her sibling who died before she was born.  She writes, “Last night she was completing a class project and there she had to write names of her siblings. She had already written M’s name, and then asked me if she could mention CBub. Of course, she could!”  What is difficult for adults is approached differently by children, and it’s an emotional post about including your history.

Trisomy 18 Loss – Music and Musings writes about waiting for her ultrasound appointment.  A scan is never just a scan after a loss, and it’s a moving post about our experiences change us.

Lastly, In Quest of a Binky Moongee has a post about birthday wishes.  For the last few years, all wishes have involved parenthood.  And now that parenthood has come true, her husband pauses while the candle burns.  She writes, “He told me that when it came time for him to make a wish this time, he looked up and saw me, Bunny, and Okra. He did not feel the need to make a wish.”  It’s interesting to think about other ways to use that birthday wish when your constant one comes true.

The roundup to the Roundup: Black Panther was fantastic.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 16th and 23rd) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

As self-predicted, I have become obsessed with the Wolvog’s VR headset.  I like the LifeVR movies, especially the ones where you’re underwater or the White House one, but I mostly want to just sit on the roof of the Cliff House and look at the floating islands.  That picture doesn’t really capture the whole scene, with the beach below and the perpetually blue sky.  But it gives a sense of the space.  I like to sit on the floor and look out at the scene.

Luckily, I have zero clue how to work the equipment, so I can only go on when he’s home and able to set it up for me.

We are still in the honeymoon period of the VR rig.  I heard the twins playing with it the other night, and the Wolvog slipped it over her head with a surprise.  “I am at Buckingham Palace,” I heard her start to shriek.  “There is a man standing next to me and OH MY G-D, I FEEL LIKE I’M IN LONDON AT BUCKINGHAM PALACE!”  And I smiled, internally predicting that at this time, next month, we will no longer be sweetly exploring the world together but rather snarling about something.

Enjoy it while it lasts?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “I’m Doing it For My Daughter” (The Road Less Travelled)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Not a personal blog, but the story is worth highlighting as it makes its way around the Internet.  An 8-year-old girl helped deliver her baby sister after also going through her parent’s miscarriages.  I love this story because infertility is sometimes a personal story or a couple’s story, but it can also be a family’s story.  And in this case, it was a healing moment for a girl who wanted another sibling.  The pictures made me burst into tears along with her, especially the one where the girl is crying with her hand over her heart.  Take the fact that I cried as a warning if you’re in a fragile place.

No Kidding in NZ got a chance to meet another IF blogger face-to-face.  I cracked up over (and second!) this: “I meet you all online, which is truly special, and I feel as if my life is much broader than it might be, simply because I chat with you all on a regular basis. That, it turns out, is the top factor contributing to longevity, so I thank you all in advance!”  I’m jealous because I’d love to meet both Mali and Valery.  Here’s to long life.

Infertile Phoenix has a post about her pediatrics unit at school.  The class is going to visit a NICU, and the professor mentions that the pregnant classmate may want to skip the visit because it can be upsetting.  She internally asks, “What about women who have lost babies? Wouldn’t the NICU be even more upsetting for them? We don’t know what everyone has been through. There might be someone sitting in that class who has had a traumatic experience in the NICU. But no one ever considers the infertile and baby loss population, do they?”  It’s a thought provoking post about the places where infertility and loss rears its head.

Lastly, Non Sequitur Chica has a post about their new cats (yes, plural!) with pictures.  I love this post because I spend a lot of time looking at more guinea pigs even though Josh has told me that we’re not getting another guinea pig.  Even though they’re so cute and they fill a hole in my heart.  But I digress.  The cats are really cute, and it’s a sweet story about their new family members.

The roundup to the Roundup: The VR honeymoon period.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 9th and 16th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

The Olympics kicks off tonight… or… I guess they’ve already kicked off?  I’m a little fuzzy on the whole time difference thing since we only watch the prime time coverage.  I know you don’t see everything if you only stick to the nightly coverage, but I really miss how we used to have television “events” where you and the rest of the world were watching the same thing at the same time.  It still happens from time to time with things like the State of the Union or the Super Bowl, but it feels like those moments are few and far between.

Like I remember watching the season finale for Friends when Ross said Rachel’s name at the wedding.  Our windows were open, and a collective shout went out across the apartment complex at that moment.  We ended up spilling outside, laughing with our neighbours once we realized everyone in the complex had been watching the same television show at the same time.

But I digress.

We’re watching the Olympics at night, and we’re so excited.  So even though you can watch the Opening Ceremony early if you go online, we’re sticking to waiting and seeing it at the end of the day.  Because we’re all traditional like that.  Top favourite events: figure skating, skeleton, and luge.

What are your favourites?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Women’s Blogs” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Lori!
• “Where We Are” (With Every Heartbeat)
• “Everybody’s Kids” (The Next 15000 Days)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Carolyn Hax gave cryptic adoption advice this week, but Lavender Luz filled in the missing information, including the point that kids take their cues from adults, so if the adults are on-board with openness, the kids will usually follow suit.  As always, I love this point that Lori often highlights: “Just because you’re showing pictures and having the occasional visits doesn’t mean you’re open. It means you offer contact. But understand that contact ≠ openness.”

The Road Less Travelled discusses a spot that infertile and fertile women often find themselves in when they enter a different stage of life; eager for someone else (a family member or friend) to have a baby, though infertile women know that you cannot put pressure on another human to build their family.  In this case, it is her nephew and his wife who would like a baby but believe that it isn’t a good time for them to try.  She points out that she knows first hand how terrible it is to deal with outside pressure, “It was hard enough to deal with then, when we assumed we would be parents someday, at a time of our choosing. It became excruciating once it dawned on us that parenthood might not be a given after all.”

Old Lady and No Baby has a funny post about her twins and their imaginary friend.  Their individual imaginary friends share the same name — Papa — and are, of course, awesome.  The ChickieNob and Wolvog both had imaginary friends, and we still reminisce about Bronner from time to time.  I mean, I miss Bronner (and her imaginary friend, Ursula, since the ChickieNob’s imaginary friend had an imaginary friend), and she wasn’t even my imaginary friend plus she made my life very complicated.  But, you know, imaginary friends rock.

Lastly, I love Slaying, Blogging, Whatever’s letter to her children who are going through a difficult time.  Her words squeezed my heart and also make me feel calm, and her kids are very lucky to have such a thoughtful mum: “Things you think should be easy are not and things that are hard are harder than you thought. Growing up is hard. No matter what we have done to prepare you, it is never enough… especially if you see and react to the world differently. It can seem like an endlessly, rough road.”

The roundup to the Roundup: Olympics are starting!  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between February 2nd and 9th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.