Category — Friday Blog Roundup

I hear Laurel.  I only hear Laurel.  Full stop.

The twins hear Yammy.  (With an M!).  They only hear Yammy.  I think they’re playing me.

I don’t even hear Yanny when I’m using the NYT’s audio tool.

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We cut down a tree in our front yard, the one we called Pete.  I wanted him trimmed back because he had gotten too tall, but the tree guy talked us into removing him.  At the time, his explanation made sense.  After he was done chopping down my friend, I couldn’t remember why we had to go to this extreme.

I still feel sad every time I walk out of the house and see the empty space.

A few hours after he chopped down the tree, a squirrel came by with an acorn, and he kept circling the stump, wondering where his home went.  That gutted me.

So now we need to plant something new in the space.  We should probably first check with the homeowner’s association because I am doing this once.  I really hate change.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Eleven” (Lavender Luz) — yes, it’s below, too, because it was on last Friday
• “For My Best Friend (Who Will One Day Get Me a Quokka)” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Cristy!
• “Missed” (Bent Not Broken)
• “Microblog Mondays: A Beautiful Birthday” (My Path to Mommyhood)
• “Microblog Mondays: Flaunting Ignorance” (Shail’s Nest)

Okay, now my choices this week.

It’s Inconceivable has a post about being asked about the “fault” of their infertility.  She writes, “Those who tread a similar path know that although you can be healed, there are some things that still take your breath away a bit – and this was one of them.”  This post is a must-read.  For everyone. [And it was nominated in last’s week’s second helpings, but I had it for this week.]

Bent Not Broken has a beautiful post about a small act of kindness; a person who noticed and ended a conversation with grace.  It feels like a poem; both the moment and the post.

Lavender Luz’s blog just turned 11, and she has a post about its tween years.  I’ve never really thought about it as mirroring age groups, but my own blog certainly doesn’t feel as it did 12 years ago.  Blogs, like blog writers, grow up.  Congratulations on hitting this amazing milestone.

Lastly, Pages, Stages, and Rages has a post about Mother’s Day, and how it went completely wrong and right at the same time.  As she writes, “This is what I signed up for.”  It’s a perfect summation of the experience.

The roundup to the Roundup: I only hear Laurel.  My tree is gone.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 11th and 18th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I have had Childish Gambino’s “This is America” stuck in my head on a continual loop for days.  I wake up hearing his voice in my head.  Then I move through my day, muttering an approximation of the lyrics.  (Like Josh, I thought he was saying, “underpants, underpants, underpants.”)  I think about the song as I drive and as I cook and as I clean out Linus’s cage.

It has been a long time since a song has gotten under my skin like that.

That song is taking up all the space normally held by my mental calendar.  That continuous conversation my brain has with me about everything that needs to get done each day.  I somehow conflated Mother’s Day with the royal wedding, believing they both were occurring this weekend, and that I had to make scones immediately so we’d be ready for breakfast while we watch.

Clearly I have a little more time than I thought.

A warning if you haven’t seen the video: it’s violent.  I wish I had been given that warning before I saw it, so I’m passing it along to you.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Flipping The Script: Solidarity, not Pressure” (Inconceivable!)
• “Aunt Mila” (The Next 15000 Days)
• “Tell the Story” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Jess!
• “The Curious Misunderstanding About Grief” (Searching for Our Silver Lining)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Searching for Our Silver Lining has a post about how things look from the outside on International Bereaved Mother’s Day.  I love this: “Because though from the outside we look like a normal mother-daughter pair, our story is more than that.”  It’s the definition of bittersweet; a beautiful post about honouring loss and cherishing the child who is here.

No Kidding in NZ has a post about Mother’s Day and honouring where you are vs. being nudged into someone else’s idea of how you should spend the day.  She calls it “the day that reminds us without mercy that we didn’t become the mothers we had wanted to be.”  It is also her husband’s birthday, so it is a careful dance of being with her mother-in-law and celebrating her husband’s birthday and taking time for herself, too.

Lastly, The Road Less Travelled has published a mammoth post on social capital and making friends and loneliness, topics that I find extremely interesting.  There is also the infertility angle; how does infertility and loss affect your friendships?  She writes, “Nevermind the mommy train — many of the friends that I have managed to make here over the past 30-35 years almost literally boarded a train — they moved and left me behind, which was a new (and unpleasant) experience for me.”  Jump into the conversation happening in the comment section, too.

The roundup to the Roundup: “This is America” is stuck in my head.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 4th and 11th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

An indoor sky diving place (like this one) is being built nearby, and I am obsessively going back and forth between “I must do this” and “I cannot do this.”  On the must-do-this side: it is safer that real sky diving and it’s over in one minute if I hate it.  On the cannot-do-this side: fear of the sensation of falling.  I need to talk Josh into doing it first and then have him walk me through how everything feels.  And then dither about it for a bit longer.  And then finally work myself up into an anxious lather.  And then finally do it but only enjoy the last ten seconds because I spend the first 50 freaked out.

You know, just be me.

Would you do it?  Indoor sky diving?

Um… have you done it?  What is it like?  And do you like roller coasters and such?

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May the Fourth be with you.

(I had to say it.)

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “NIAW: Don’t Stay Stuck” (Capturing Jewels)
• “You Won’t Always Be Sad” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

My Path to Mommyhood has a post musing on that distant day in the future when they’ll finally be done telling people about ending their family building efforts.  Oh my G-d, I love this so much: “It’s a tough balancing act, conveying the enormity of what we lost along with how incredibly happy we are to be living our life, free of the tetanus-rusted chains of uncertainty.”  And this: “It would be lovely if we were done. If future conversations could center on who we are NOW, rather than the roles we’d hoped to have but failed to acquire, every single time.”  Read this whole post.  Now.

Inexplicably Missing has a post about finally getting an appointment — 9 months in the waiting — with a particular RE, and finding out that the RE is currently out for a hurt foot.  The clinic was going to put them with someone else in the practice, but this is it, a final round of IVF.  Does she wait and see the person she wanted to see, or does she go with someone different, knowing that she may or may not have “what ifs” in the future?  This is the stress of infertility you don’t hear about; the big weight of every decision.

In Quest of a Binky Moongee has a post marveling at how different life has turned out.  It is their anniversary, and she reflects on her marriage, stating: “After all the struggles with Bob’s parents and building a family, it is nothing short of a miracle that we have both my in-laws and our babies sleeping under the same roof.”  Here’s to being on the other side of struggles and the next seven years.

CountingPinkLines has a great analogy post comparing the stress of infertility and the stress of pregnancy to the stress of a PhD program and the stress of medical school.  It actually makes perfect sense if you go over and read the post, and I had never thought about it that way.

Lastly, More Than Riley’s Mama has a post about telling people about infertility… and hearing crickets.  We can’t just ask people to talk about infertility or loss; we need to do a better job at asking people to be better receivers of information.

The roundup to the Roundup: To try or not to try indoor sky diving.  It’s Star Wars Day!  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 27th and May 4th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

I am still riding the energy of the read-a-thon.  I only managed to complete one of the books (Hello, Sunshine) because there were many pauses to muse on the state of Kate’s uterus and its inhabitant.  I moved the read-a-thon to the beach because… I mean… it’s the beach.  But the ChickieNob was very concerned that she would miss the royal birth.  We compromised by bringing my laptop on the off-chance that she delivered while we were read-a-thoning, though we didn’t need to turn it on because she delivered on Monday.

So we swam in the hotel pool and ate a lot of ice cream.  We parked the car facing the ocean and read inside with the windows cracked so the wind streamed through.  We stopped early one night and went to see A Wrinkle in Time.  We rode our bikes around the nature reserve, stopping for fifteen minutes to observe an animal that looked like a woodchuck with a long rat tail, swimming down a stream.  We played with the hotel owner’s ponies.

I was able to ride that reading energy into the week and made a dent in Jasper Fforde’s Shades of Grey.  (Liking it a lot so far, Jenny!).  I needed a weekend like that.  I’d like to have more weekends like that, with Josh joining us so he can do the ice cream runs.  Just the beach and books and nowhere we have to be.

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

Manapan’s Space has a brilliant post playing off the Welcome to Holland essay to explain her child’s diagnosis.  She points out: “What nobody ever seems to reference, however, is having a child with hidden disabilities.”  Please go over and give her support.

Bereaved and Blessed marks the ten year anniversary of Molly’s birth and death by revisiting the CarePage from that time.  The site is shutting down, and it compiled her posts into a 199 page PDF.  She writes: “I’ve re-read what I shared about our journey with Molly many times over the past 10 years, but not as much as I did today in a while and not the specific comments we got on my posts from those who followed and supported us on our CarePage.  It was surreal, painful and affirming.”  It’s a must-read post about why we write; why it is so important to record life.

NotMyLinesYet has a post about her inner monologue stuck on a loop.  She explains: “Lately, I’ve realized that my inner monologue has lost its utility and become focused on loss and infertility. The words ‘7 pregnancies, 8 babies, no living children’ just keep swirling around. I’m concerned that this is becoming how I define myself.”  I love her redirection exercise for getting her mind onto other aspects of self.

Lastly, Laughing is Conceivable has a post about NIAW and this year’s theme: “flip the script,” which has long been used by the adoption community.  It’s sort of a strange theme because no one has been speaking for infertile people (more like ignoring infertile people), so there isn’t really a script to flip?  Anyway, she brilliantly points out that it’s important to have the script fit your needs.  Telling people because you need people to hear it. (Or not telling because you don’t.)

The roundup to the Roundup: Trying to hold onto the read-a-thon feelings.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 20th and 27th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.

The twins and I are having a read-a-thon this weekend.  Josh is busy with a committee he’s on, so we’ve made stacks of books and purchased a lot of snacks from Trader Joe’s.  We plan on reading books and eating Cat Cookies for People non-stop all weekend.

The Wolvog is reading Moonwalking with Einstein and The Most Human Human.  The ChickieNob chose books about various members of royal families including Sally Bedell Smith’s book about Queen Elizabeth and The Royal Sisters.  I am reading Shades of Grey (the Jasper Fforde book), Hello, Sunshine, and A Study in Charlotte.

My plan is to emerge from the weekend covered in crumbs with more books added to my “read” list.

What are you reading?

*******

Stop procrastinating.  Go make your backups.  Don’t have regrets.

Seriously.  Stop what you’re doing for a moment.  It will take you fifteen minutes, tops.  But you will have peace of mind for days and days.  It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week.  In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Microblog Mondays: The Emperor Has No Tea” (NotMyLinesYet)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Dwelling in Possibility has a beautiful post that, while not about pregnancy loss or neonatal death, will resonate as she discusses the reality of widowhood.  Especially this thought about depleted energy tanks: “Even when we’re well into the experience of living while grieving, even when we’ve re-entered our lives and have gone back to work, gone back to being present for family and friends, gone back to what looks like, for all intents and purposes, a functional life. We still need a bigger top off on our tanks to take us through.”  Her words about crying in the car sent (good) chills down both arms.

Res Cogitatae has a fascinating post about the people who are important to us that people outside our community or country or culture don’t know.  Again, not about infertility, but I couldn’t help but think about the individuals who loom large in our personal worlds — children not here — that other people never know about.  It also reminded me of all the times I’ve walked through the Portrait Gallery and wondered, “Who is that?”  And to another community, that person is one of their most important representatives.  Jump into her comment section, too, after you read the post.

Bent Not Broken wins for first Mother’s Day spotting.  As she points out, does a minor holiday really need a month of lead-up time?  Though she made me laugh with her ending: “But yeah, it looks like we (at least those of us here in the US) have a full month of advertising for a holiday that doesn’t apply to us ahead of us! Pass the pineapple ale!”

Lastly, Lavender Luz ponders the future of adoption.  She looks at the two ways the needle has swung in the past and the problems with both ways of thinking.  And she proposes a different way of contemplating openness and doing the hard work of exploring feelings so people remain open to all possibilities, all experiences.

The roundup to the Roundup: We’re having a read-a-thon.  Your weekly backup nudge.  And lots of great posts to read.  So what did you find this week?  Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 13th and 20th) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week?  Read the original open thread post here.