Category — Friday Blog Roundup

We’ve been watching cooking videos from Da Mario’s, a favourite restaurant in London. The chef is posting recipes from the menu and explaining why he does things. Like did you know that if you add vegetable stock to a cream sauce, it won’t clump up? So once or twice a week, we schedule in Da Mario nights, pretending that we’re at the restaurant and our substitutions are close enough to the real deal.

Plus he made me cry when he got choked up during his first video.

What are you eating?

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Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

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And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “When Our World Shifts Beneath Us” (No Kidding in NZ)
• “Jealous of Fiction” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, Jess!
• “Die Kinder anderer” (Elaine ohne Kind)
• “The ‘Have Children or Do Something Big’ Dilemma” (Different Shores)
• “Life at a Different Altitude” (Stirrup Queens) — thank you, KatherineA

Okay, now my choices this week.

Infertile Phoenix received the perfect understanding of her own heart via a response to a comment. She explains, “I wanted children because I wanted to love them. I have a lot of love to give.” You’ll need to read the whole post (and Elaine’s post, too) to follow the thought, but it gets to the core of why infertility and loss hurts so deeply.

By the Brooke wonders how the current situation will remain with her kids into the future. She writes: “I keep thinking of ways that this experience is shaping my children’s lives in ways that might have real and lasting impacts. Like, hopefully they’ll be very good handwashers. But also, they might never touch people.” The post is an unpacking of a lot of thoughts that are in my head, too, of what life will be like down the road.

Res Cogitatae has dusted off her blog (welcome back!) to ask why she is angry all the time if things are generally okay? The two voices in her head are also the ones in mine: “The voice that says (truthfully) that in the grand scheme of things EVERYTHING IS FINE and the voice that says (also truthfully) that THIS IS TERRIBLE AND I HATE IT.” Read through the twists and turns in her brain; there is probably something in there (or many things) that you will have you saying, “me too.”

Finally, My Path to Mommyhood writes about the draining quality of quarantine stress. Even though things are going well with work, days of screens becomes evenings of screens. She is helping her students tremendously, but it takes something out of each teacher who is spending the day online, reaching out to their students. She writes about comparative suffering (akin but not exactly the Pain Olympics): “It’s basically feeling like empathy is a pie and I can’t feel exhausted for myself while there are healthcare workers out there who are working endless 12 hour shifts, so my frustration and exhaustion isn’t as bad as theirs. She said you have to have empathy for yourself and realize that everyone has the right to their suffering without comparing to others.” So, yes, let it out. And be kind to yourself.

The roundup to the Roundup: What are you eating? Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 24 – May 1) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Josh did our bi-weekly grocery store run this week, and he picked me up a basil plant as a treat. We named it Eadwynn, and placed it on the kitchen table by the window. And then the fretting began.

Is this the best place for her? And how often should I water her? And how do I harvest her leaves without killing her? I turned to the good people of Facebook who attempted to gently coach me through new plant ownership. But I am emotionally carrying a lot of plant killing baggage. I am not known for keeping plants alive.

I have grown unnaturally attached to Eadwynn. She like… my best friend now.

AMS, who no longer blogs but is responsible for the clickable map on the blogroll, has been walking me through how to be a good Plant Mother. Like getting her a bigger pot. And nurturing and harvesting her to keep her happy. I just want her to like living here. I want her to hang out with me and be my best plant friend.

I’m so glad you’re here, Eadwynn.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Another Weird Anniversary” (Infertile Phoenix)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Kveller has a wonderful essay about Covid-19 impacting family building. She writes about her infertility: “But now, after weeks of lockdown in the U.S. (and throughout most of the world), Covid-19 has become a magnifying glass on any issues with which someone might have been struggling before … Before Covid, infertility was a struggle that plagued me and my husband, Tzvi. Now, we feel even more uncertain than ever about whether we’ll ever be parents.” I think many will find something familiar in her words.

Lavender Luz has a guest post about adoptees and the pandemic. She explains how adoptees may be processing current events, and what they need to hear to feel reassured. She writes about the fears that kids may be feeling. I love love love what she says about emotions needing to move: “Right now I’m full of emotions — frustration, sadness, alarm, lack of control. Emotions need to move. This is not specific to adoptees, nor to children, nor to this pandemic … In a time of crisis, our basket of emotions can overflow pretty quickly if not regularly emptied. To empty my basket, I need a lot of sad books and movies.” Yes to the good cries that empty our baskets.

Project Progeny has dusted off her blog and writes about the sounds of the pandemic. “Every afternoon we hear sirens from police cars to initiate curfew. For a long time it was at 1:00 p.m., now it’s 5:30, and then the eerie silence begins. Eerie, but beautiful too. We hear birds, and wind, the quiet sounds of a neighborhood – voices, household sounds, even roosters.” The sights—yes—but I hadn’t thought about how the sounds have changed.

Lastly, Anabegins has a post that echos what is happening right now inside my head and home. She writes, “Taking it day by day helps. Just doing the next thing I have in my planner … If I think too far in advance it all falls apart. What is the rest of the year going to look like—if you asked me 2 months ago, I’d have given you a very detailed play by play of our family’s entire plan.” Same.

The roundup to the Roundup: Welcome to the family, Eadwynn. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 17 – April 24) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

I just realized that I’m approaching 800 (really 700 — remember, the misnumbering) Roundups. I started them a week or two into blogging, and I’ve done them every week for the last (almost) 14 years. So… yeah… the math makes sense. I’m just… surprised somehow.

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Four years ago, I had an amazing fake chicken sandwich at a nearby vegan restaurant. They change their menu every three months, so I went back and got it three or four more times before it disappeared. I thought they’d bring it back the next year, but every time the menu flipped over, the fake chicken sandwich was nowhere to be seen.

I wrote them emails, left them Facebook comments, and made mention of the fake chicken sandwich whenever I went there for a meal. And they would smile and nod and say, “Sure, sure, we’ll let the chef know that you’re taking your desire for a fake chicken sandwich to an unhealthy mental space.” (Or, “Thanks for the feedback. We’ll let the chef know.” Maybe I just imagined the judgment when I mentioned it for the 47th time.)

Guess what the restaurant brought back this week?

Guess who probably will not be able to get it from said restaurant because we’re not doing carry out right now? (Everyone’s comfort zone is different, and we’ve gotten takeaway Italian ice. But my gut tells me this particular meal isn’t worth the risk.)

The small consolation is they did a different sauce so it won’t be exactly the same. But still.

Four years.

P.S. I am more amused than upset by the timing. It feels like a fitting addition to this time period.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Oppressed by Advice… All Over Again” (Gateway Women)
• “Day in the Life – Coronapocalypse Week 3” (Torthúil)
• “No Kidding 2020 Project: Day 10 – Balance” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

No Kidding in NZ has a post about painful reminders during the pandemic. While people expect Christmas or Mother’s Day to be hard, no one could predict the onslaught of parenting posts popping up due to COVID-19. She writes such important words: “It’s one of the lessons I learned best during infertility and when recovering from it. That it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to feel sad.” Yes.

Life Without Baby has a post about mourning (and healing). She writes about Poet Edward Hirsch’s 78-page elegy to his son. She tells us, “He writes that mourning is like carrying a bag of cement up a mountain at night. There is no clear path to follow, but when you look around you, you see everyone carrying their own bags of cement.” Again, she gives excellent advice on the worth of feeling what you are feeling.

Lastly, An Unexpected Family Outing has a post about grieving a loss when people are focused on the pandemic. She writes, “Because right now, the world is in crisis and it feels insensitive to shift my attention away it all. I almost feel petty for wanting to talk about how much I miss my daughter who died. It feels inappropriate for me to grieve anything but the chaos of the world around me.” Except that our lives are more than this moment. And as John Green says, “pain demands to be felt.”

The roundup to the Roundup: I’ve written a lot of Roundups. I am never getting a fake chicken sandwich. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 10 – April 17) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

The manager of a grocery store in our town started an amazing Facebook account. She posts what they have in stock several times per day, letting people know when new trucks have come in and what time she thinks things will be on the shelves. If you are looking for a particular item, you can DM her and she’ll set it aside for you. She’s dropping off groceries for house-bound people who can’t do curbside pickup. And she posts news about opening or closing times or new policies for the store (such as low-capacity and a new line system).

But beyond all of that, she has become the town cheerleader. Her updates are funny, and she keep reminding us that we’ll get through this if we work together. She encourages people to reach out to neighbours and not take more than what they need. She is keeping us calm, so I look forward to her updates, even though we’re not shopping right now.

I get emotional talking about her because it’s such a small thing. It’s just a woman reminding us to smile and telling us that the toilet paper aisle is filled. But it’s so much more than that. I’ve been staying offline because there seems to be an incessant need to shit on everyone else’s thoughts and feelings right now. And she’s the opposite of that: In a sea of negativity, she’s a voice who is always upbeat, always positive, always supportive, even when it’s just to say that the supply truck didn’t arrive for the third day in a row.

I’ve thanked her personally, and I’ve thanked her publicly, but I want to do something bigger once all of this is done. Because she’s my Mister-Rogers-look-for-the-helpers right now, keeping us feeling like someone has our back when everything feels tumultuous and unknown. People like that are awesome.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “From the Front Lines” (Looking for My Silver Lining)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Infertile Phoenix feels like we’re all in separate realities; or, maybe just that everyone’s COVID-19 lens shows a different (but related) reality. Some people joke, some people are upset. She comments: “And it’s not unlike my experience with infertility. My family made light of it while the rest of society just assumed that, since I dreamed of raising children, I’d follow the norm and become a mom eventually, one way or another.” I agree—sometimes things just suck.

My Path to Mommyhood has a series of quick pandemic updates. I loved this little snapshot into life at the moment. From teaching from afar to the hard choices we’re making to follow the rules, I love hearing first-hand accounts of how people are processing. Thank G-d for blogs.

Lastly, speaking of blogs, I love it when people start writing again. A Half Baked Life has an update from her corner of the sofa. She writes, “What new hobbies are you cultivating, they ask? Old hobbies, I answer, under my breath. Anxiety. Long work days. Ignoring my kids. I feel unreasonably angry at people who are quilting and bread baking and learning to play the ukulele, at the same time as I feel deeply grateful for a job that lets me work remotely.” Yesssssss. To all of it. Plus she gives you a delicious-looking recipe in the end.

The roundup to the Roundup: Thankful for the upbeat, calm voices. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between April 3 – April 10) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

When I look back on my bullet journal years from now, I will notice that I had an unhealthy obsession with soap. I was scanning March before I flipped over the page to start April:

• All the stores are sold out of… everything. Including soap.
• I cannot believe how hard it is to buy soap.
• What if we can never find my soap again?
• One of my biggest anxieties is not being able to easily get soap.
• Josh found a place selling soap online! Now I’m worried the order will fall through because immediately afterward, it said it was sold out…

I am well aware that this is what my brain has chosen to latch onto because considering COVID-19 itself is too scary. A soap shortage is much more manageable.

This is where it’s completely irrational: We have plenty of soap. I mean, sure, talk to me about this a month from now, but for the time being, we are fine on soap. It’s just the idea of not being able to buy soap that is keeping me awake at night.

Must go write another journal entry about soap because my family has told me to stop bringing it up as a conversation topic at dinner every night.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “My 5th Survivor Anniversary” (Infertile Phoenix)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Dreaming of Diapers recounts a secret IVF cycle she did on the heels of her last one, explaining that she needs to know she did everything she possibly could to feel at peace. She writes, “But I cannot help but think or believe that… there is an extremely thin line between insanity and a miracle… right? Miracles happen… but it’s mostly to people who takes chances in the most impossible circumstances… right?” It’s about proving ourselves to no one but ourselves.

Life Without Baby has a post about the hierarchy of loss. Because people are realizing what those who have experienced infertility or miscarriage have known for a long time: You will be sad within that new normal. She writes: “As many of us are now facing a different kind of loss as we adjust to life alongside COVID-19, it’s worth taking a moment to acknowledge that small griefs can trigger our dormant deeper grief, and that the feelings of loss many are experiencing right now can be compounded when we’re dealing with other losses.” It’s a really helpful book excerpt to read right now.

Lastly, I nodded my head straight through this Pesach post from Hopelessly Infertile and Surrounded by Fertiles. So, first and foremost, if you’re not Jewish, imagine trying to hold Christmas over Zoom. But also imagine that your Christmas tradition has a ritual meal where a book is read—but everyone has a different copy of the book. THAT is what Pesach is like this year. Some people want to try to hold the seder over Zoom. Any maybe some people will be able to get that to work, but I’m not hopeful about having a meaningful experience that way. So… yeah… But that’s excitement for next week.

The roundup to the Roundup: Does anyone else want to talk about soap? Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between March 27 – April 3) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.