Category — Friday Blog Roundup

I debated whether to write the Roundup this week because the majority of IF-blog posts that I read were about the protests. This is not a problem—the issue is that they were all written by white women.

Black women have a higher rate of infertility than white women, but our online blogging community is overwhelming white. The vast majority of the POC bloggers I read write non-IF themed blogs in my feed reader. Your mileage will vary because we each curate our own feed reader, and I can only read who I know. When it comes to IF blogs, I apparently know mostly white women who are still blogging now that so many blogs are defunct.

For almost 14 years, I’ve featured only IF bloggers in the Roundup. I read non-IF blogs, but the project has always been infertility-focused. So I haven’t featured book bloggers or general diarists or online cooks. Rather than make this post something it’s not, I think it is better to not write the Roundup this week.

Instead, I point you towards Ibram X Kendi’s guide for discussing his book, How to Be an Antiracist, which includes his reading guide for other books. There’s a lot of content in there. Dig in.

Things just felt like a lot this week. I hit a pandemic wall. I had a doctor’s appointment in March rescheduled for early June. I called the office to see if my appointment was still on, feeling fairly certain that it would be canceled. But the woman who answered reassured me that the appointment was happening. I felt uncomfortable and made a gut decision to cancel the appointment for the time being even though they weren’t taking new appointments at this time.

When I went to tell Josh, he absentmindedly told me he would have kept the appointment. That the doctor’s office has protocols and it was probably safe. Which sent me into a half hour of sobbing because I couldn’t rebook the appointment. And it was such a small thing—just an annual visit. They will either start taking appointments soon or they won’t. It’s out of my hands.

Maybe that is it—I hit a wall because humans have a limit to how much they can be reminded that the world has always been out of our control.

I cried because I can’t seem to keep basil plants alive. I cried because I don’t know when I’m going to get to see my siblings again. And I cried because it is so hard out there. And then I went back to work and pretended everything was normal.

I couldn’t cry over the front page of the weekend New York Times showing a thousand people who died. I can only cry over the small things because if I let myself cry over the big things, it would be a deluge.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “No Kidding 2020 Project: Day 15 – Admit” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

It’s Inconceivable has a post about COVID-19 through the lens of childless-not-by-choice. She makes so many great points about the language around COVID-19 (especially the “we’re all in this together” messaging). She writes, “There’s been much talk of loneliness and mental health for older people during lockdown – but no chat of the loneliness of those single, CNBC who have no family, male or female or those of us who are partnered, but don’t have children in this child-centric world. Why are these people forgotten, even when we aren’t in the throes of a global pandemic?” Read her whole bullet point list.

My Path to Mommyhood has a heartbreaking conversation with a student who asks if she will adopt her if she goes into a foster-to-adopt situation. It is an impossibly difficult conversation that guts her (and, in all honesty, made me cry reading it, too), leaving her “feeling so sad about a world where kids like her get stuck with shitty family situations, and people like us don’t get to be parents.”

Lastly, Slaying, Blogging, Whatever… turned 50 this week. It’s a huge milestone, and it’s falling during the pandemic. So if you could take two minutes out of your day and go pile on the birthday wishes, I would really appreciate it. Because 50 deserves a big celebration, even if it has to be partially online. (And a little late.)

The roundup to the Roundup: Little things broke me this week. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 22 – 29) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Josh and I plugged my phone into our television and streamed a 12-hour beach video from YouTube. Then we got into our bed and read books, pretending we were at the beach.

The pros: No sand blowing into the pages, seagulls begging for food, or need for sunscreen. Bathroom is mere steps away. No people playing their radio. (That’s my beach pet peeve.)

The cons: It is not the beach.

The issue is that I’m near-sighted and cannot see the waves on the screen without my glasses, but I cannot wear my glasses and read my book. I technically need bifocals, but since I’m not getting bifocals (and taking off my glasses works fine for reading), this makes enjoying the waves and the book at the same time difficult.

The ChickieNob wandered in during the experiment and told us that she thought the whole thing was weird. That the real beach doesn’t have a watermark for a website in the lower left corner. Plus my phone ran out of battery and died so our beach trip was cut short.

But it’s my new Plan B. French fries while walking around the kitchen (that’s my boardwalk) while bird noises play, and reading in bed on the fake sand. Now if I could just figure out how to set up mini golf in the living room…

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “The Science and the Art…” (Regie’s Blog)
• “Grit” (Searching for My Silver Lining)
• “Congratulating Myself” (Infertile Phoenix)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Waiting for Baby Bird marks the anniversary of learning she was pregnant. She writes about her husband’s enormous grin on finding out the news and how she can’t forget the look on his face. She writes: “You might ask why would you want to erase it, because it was a happy moment, right? It was. And it still is. Yet, at the same time it isn’t. Because that life I promised to protect? I couldn’t.” Instead, she has been in a state of pregnancy—of anticipation—for eight years, and she talks about why she still has hope.

Infertile Phoenix had a hard day this week and she unpacks it in a post. The pandemic is stressful, and navigating the world right now is stressful. She writes, “I started crying as I was driving to the city, thinking about how I’ve wasted my life and how I would’ve lived my life differently if I’d known I was infertile (while also remembering that I had, in fact, already written a blog post saying just the opposite–that I WOULDN’T have changed anything about my life).” It’s about living life under stress for nine straight years. And she’s right: we’re not alone and sharing our stories helps.

Lastly, My Path to Mommyhood has a post about a People magazine article that finally—FINALLY!—acknowledges that not everyone who tries to adopt ends up parenting. She thanks the couple in the article, saying, “It’s okay to evaluate your life and know that you have the kind of relationship that could withstand that loss and building a new life, and then take that exit off the family building heartbreak highway towards that new existence.” Yes.

The roundup to the Roundup: Bringing the beach to my home. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 15 – 22) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Eadwynn didn’t survive the transfer to the bigger pot. Eadwynn II didn’t survive. Period. She was dead on arrival, though I still attempted to coax her back to life. I went back to the nursery to get Eadwynn III (third time is a charm!), and the horticulture teacher at the local high school was there. She stood 18 feet away from me in the tent and gave me a 10-minute lesson in gardening.

I used her advice to pick out a few new plants. Please meet Mary the chive plant, Edith the parsley plant, and Sybil the basil plant:

What I really need (clearly) is an indoor gardening class because when I checked out, the woman ringing me up said, “Just know, we’ll still have plants all summer if you need a fourth try.”

Don’t break my heart, little plants.

I am really bad at this, but I want plant friends.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

Risakerslake has a beautiful set of watercolours based on embryo photos. She found an artist who makes them on Instagram. You provide the embryo picture, choose the colours, and the woman paints the print. What a cool keepsake.

Amateur Nester has a guest post about how Covid-19 is affecting IVF cycles. She writes: “They are open 365 days a year — weekends, holidays, even Christmas and Easter. It seemed our treatments always fell on holidays and Sundays (and my husband is a Pastor!). Thanksgiving, New Years were two of our treatment dates, just to name a few. Amazed the staff was available EVERY SINGLE DAY… and then… COVID. Closed, shut down, no IVF treatment cycles would proceed for the indefinite future.” Read how she’s navigating the emotional side of the experience.

No Kidding in NZ unpacks Mother’s Day. She wrote it before the day began. “This year, though, I know it might be harder. I think we’re all a bit more vulnerable at the moment. I know I am … I have had the occasional moments when I have felt emotions welling up. Unexpectedly so. Uncertainty does that to us. Loneliness does that too.” Mother’s Day can be hard any year, but the pandemic amplifies emotions.

Lastly, Searching for Our Silver Lining has a post about balancing the return to the old normal with looking forward after The Great Pause. She explains: “But my hope is that despite the attempts at gaslighting, people will not be able to easily forget what has come from this period. That in addition to making right all the wrongs, they remember the good that came out of this. And that combined, it makes us a better species.” The post is like getting a hug from afar.

The roundup to the Roundup: Still attempting to have plant friends. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 8 – 15) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

The twins’ final year of camp was canceled. They had been going to the same camp for nine years, and they were finally in the oldest group. So… no re-do possible. They’re taking it in stride; I mean, what is one more canceled event amid so many other cancellations?

School was canceled for the rest of the year. We expected it, but it was still strange to get the alert telling us that they’d be sheltering in place for the remainder of the spring. It’s unclear whether they’ll go back in the fall. Everything feels like a big unknown.

I’m in a numb stage this week. I’m reading all the announcements, but I’m not really emotionally processing them. It’s almost like I’m being told someone else’s dream. It’s interesting, but it’s not really mine, so I don’t really feel anything about it beyond a general sense of unease.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “COVID-19 Jubilee: Shame, Debt, and Mercy” (The Philosophy of Motherhood)
• “No Kidding 2020 Project: Day 12 – Accept” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

Dreaming of Diapers has a post about being the last one to be told about a pregnancy. She wasn’t expecting friends to be announcing their pregnancies in their 40s, but she had two who let her know recently. She writes, “The call was super uncomfortable. I mean, beyond. All of our other friends found out at 12 weeks… but me… the last one to know.” Everyone, do not do this, even if you think you’re being considerate of another person’s feelings. They’ll have to find out at some point. Better to know along with everyone else. Ugh.

Res Cogitatae has a post that pretty much sums up all of my feelings about food at the moment. I have never spent so much time worrying about ingredients, worrying about meal planning, stressing about cooking. She explains everything that is happening in their home: “The effort of making sure the right things are in the cart and the uncertainty of knowing what we’ll actually get when we go to pick up the groceries is producing stress for both of us.” I think many of us relate to this post.

The Road Less Travelled has a post about COVID-19 that is brilliant, summarizing the main things she wants to remember. I’m highlighting it here because everyone is going to want to steal her format. Especially the idea of revisiting the questions later to see how your thoughts change over time.

Lastly, I learned the word “sabai” from A Separate Life. She explains: “I have always enjoyed what the Danish call hygge – cosiness, comfort, content. It’s not unlike the Thai concept of sabai, though because of the different climate, sabai conjures less cosiness, but pleasure, a gentle cooling breeze, and a feeling of contentment or even bliss in a moment.” I love that she makes you think about your personal definition for hygge (or sabai). Mine definitely includes reading at the end of the day.

The roundup to the Roundup: Everything is canceled. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between May 1 – 8) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.