Category — Friday Blog Roundup

My ballot has been accepted. First, my to-do list included, “Request mail-in ballot.” Then it was, “Check that ballot arrived.” Then, “Fill out ballot and return to polling box.” And finally, “Check if ballot has been accepted.”

In Maryland, you can track your ballot. And it was a sigh of relief when I knew it arrived and was accepted and counted.

I like to go to the polls on voting day—I’m not even a vote early kind of girl—but it made no sense to ask poll workers to risk their lives for me so I could be there in person when there is a perfectly acceptable alternative. So I voted from home, and now there is nothing to do except wait and worry.

I am worried about the results. I am worried about what comes next. I am just worried. Full stop.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Two Weeks and Then Some” (Chasing the Gerber Dragon)
• “Schrödinger’s Happiness” (Stirrup Queens)—thanks, Jess!

Okay, now my choices this week.

Jewish IVF sums up how I feel. Exactly. Drained is the perfect word. “I definitely feel mentally and emotionally drained. Feeling like fewer people are taking the pandemic seriously, even while numbers continue to rise, is draining. The political climate is draining. The state of the world — nay, the UNIVERSE (hello asteroid) — is draining. Will it ever feel like the sky isn’t falling?” Yes. To all of it.

Infertile Phoenix recounts two separate moments of… oof. For lack of a better word, I leave you with a sound. She begins by pointing out: “I refuse to explain anything to satisfy someone’s fleeting questions about my personal life and trauma. It took me years to get where I am today physically, emotionally, spiritually, socially, and geographically. Why should I and how could I possibly satiate their curiosity in five to ten minutes?” And then goes into two things said to her recently. You completely understand why she needs to set those boundaries in place. And I love this: “I don’t like it when people don’t let me have my ending to my own story.”

Lastly, speaking of “oof” moments (there’s that sound again!), Hopelessly Infertile and Surrounded by Fertiles recounts an exchange with a kid, who inadvertently presses against an emotional bruise. It’s a short post with a profound ending on the perspective of aloneness.

The roundup to the Roundup: Worried about the election. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 16 – October 23) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

As Beorn grows more comfortable, he reveals more of his personality. He is a calm, cautious pig, currently about the size of a stick of butter. He likes to sit in my lap—he sometimes sits there for hours while I work—but when he’s done, he walks off and goes back into his cage without a goodbye.

He knows vegetables go in his purple bowl, so he checks it every few minutes to see if I placed something inside. (I didn’t.) But he won’t try a new vegetable unless he first sits on my lap and I rub it against his mouth for about 30 seconds to prove that it’s edible. He also refuses to eat a vegetable if he hasn’t encountered it in a day or two. So, for instance, we did this dance with romaine hearts, then he ate them with gusto, and two days later, we needed to do it again because he wasn’t quite sure the leaves of romaine in his food bowl were actually “food.” But once we reassured him that they were food, he once again ate them with gusto.

If the twins come upstairs on a break from their school day, he works himself into a frenzy, popcorning around his cage with 180 degree hops. He doesn’t wheek a lot yet, and while he enjoys his vitamin tablets, he doesn’t beg for them.

As much as I miss Linus, he was not a chill pig. I would have never allowed him to walk off my lap, over the arm of the sofa, and let himself back in the cage because there was a 100% chance that he would pause and chew a hole in the sofa on the way to his food bowl. He would have never sat on my lap through a meeting, choosing instead to climb all over my keyboard and beg for cookies. He was well behaved in the sense that I could leave his cage open, tell him not to exit it, walk out of the room for ten minutes, and he would be sitting inside (next to the door), waiting my return. But he wasn’t join-me-for-a-meeting material. He was more of a let’s-play-after-my-work-is-done kind of pig. There’s a reason we always called him Puppy. He was a tiny pig who thought he was a tiny dog.

I miss wrestling with my loud, silly Linus, but it’s nice to get to know someone new. Especially a chill pig like Beorn.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Does the Grief Stay with You?” (No Kidding in NZ)

Okay, now my choices this week.

There were a lot of posts on the theme of optimism/hope and pessimism this week. No Kidding in NZ has a post about feeling hope, even when she’s being realistic about the chances or mourning the loss of a different choice. She makes a fair point: “There’s no point in being pessimistic. We’ve lost the life we wanted. But there’s no point in letting pessimism steal the wonder and joy of the life that is waiting for us.” Different doesn’t equal bad, and hope can make the unknown a little easier.

My Path to Mommyhood also comments on the idea of hope and compares it to a spice. “Too much and it’s overpowering, too little and nothing tastes good. Finding that just-right balance can be tricky.” And managing hope is easier in some places more than others.

Finally, FinallyMyLinesNow is a woman with a similar heart (and we have a lot of jokes in this house over the word “yet”) whose mind wonders when the bad news will arrive. This is how I think: “I really do feel like I’m just waiting for the bad news. Maybe it didn’t come today. Maybe it won’t come before retrieval. It’s coming, though.” At the same time, hoping her bad news doesn’t arrive.

The roundup to the Roundup: Beorn continues to settle in. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 9 – October 16) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

This week was terrible. I’m not sure there’s much more to say except to pass along the advice to never say something matters to you in 2020 such as, “Linus is the only thing getting me through the pandemic.” (Except he was.) Or “I cannot lose my pig.” (Because I will.) Or “My greatest joy right now is mornings with my pig. I show him animal videos and scratch his head. He curls up next to me while I read a book. He is my heart, covered in fur.” (Because it will hurt to encounter these sentences later on.)

It is hard to cry in a mask.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “We’re All in the Same Ocean” (My Path to Mommyhood)
• “My Aunt Called” (A Different Life)
• “Love & Eliza’s Library Wish List” (By the Brooke)

Okay, now my choices this week.

I found Stay at Home Meg substack because someone linked to it when talking about Chrissy Teigen’s loss. She writes about her miscarriage: “It was a work of loneliness. I didn’t get pregnant alone but I miscarried alone. Even with a supportive partner, even with emotional support, miscarriage like birth is a physically a solitary labor.” It’s a rallying cry for changing the way we speak about and support people through loss.

Project Progeny provides a little balance. She points out that we often come to our blogs to unload our hearts, making them a little heavier on one side than another. She balances things out by describing the good around her.

Lastly, A Half Baked Life tells a story that begins with texting pictures of cups of coffee, and how her friend makes her rethink things that she loves but never uses because they’re fragile. A coffee cup moves from being something bringing her joy to something bringing her pain, but it all loops back again. It was the perspective I needed to read this week.

The roundup to the Roundup: Losing a fur-covered friend sucks. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between October 2 – October 9) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Linus has a bladder stone. We noticed that his wheek changed. A few days after that, he started doing the strange wheek whenever he peed or pooped. We took him to the vet—a new vet because our vet retired (this new doctor is wonderful and caring)—and she found a bladder stone when she took an x-ray. He will need an operation to remove it.

This was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I keep hearing a mantra in my head: “I cannot do this.” I think it when we’re driving to the vet, when we’re waiting in the parking lot because we can’t go inside, when we’re driving home. When I’m sitting beside him or giving him medicine. Clearly, I am doing this, but my heart feels like I cannot do this. I cannot lose my pig.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• None… sniff.

Okay, now my choices this week.

Inconceivable! has a post about resolution that comes with an espresso machine. Her doctor provides an amazing perspective on being 90% sure: “So, so much of what I’ve heard over the years and read has been people saying ‘you want to be 100% certain.  You don’t regret the children you do have, you regret the children you don’t.’  Maybe this is good advice for fairly fertile women who haven’t been dragged through h*ll and back on fertility issues.” It is a must-read post. For everyone. Even if you don’t drink coffee. (I promise the espresso machine part is explained in the post.)

Hopelessly Infertile and Surrounded by Fertiles has a post about what happens when you keep things low-key. After a frustrating Rosh Hashanah, she decides to do Yom Kippur differently and it ends up being exactly what she needs: “And inside my heart, I felt just a tiny spark. I would go for Kol Nidre. I would hear the voice of my childhood. I would be present in that moment. And I was. And I stayed for the rest of the service too. And a few minutes afterwards talking to my old next door neighbor and the mom of one of my very good friends.” And I love that she “lit up every part of [her] soul.” We all need that.

Lastly, Infertile Phoenix also talks about taking things down a notch, a lesson in self-care that she learned during infertility that also applies to the pandemic. She writes, “But no, no, no to most everything else and to anything extra right now. I can’t do it. I cannot. There’s already too much to process on a daily basis.” I love the idea of holding back some of your energy for yourself.

The roundup to the Roundup: Linus is sick. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between September 25 – October 2) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.

Kymberli died this week, and the world lost a really awesome person. I keep erasing this sentence because… it’s hard to sum up your experience with a person with words. If you knew Kym, you know exactly what I mean by an awesome person. And if you didn’t, it’s hard to convey her humour and wisdom and kindness in a flat blog post.

Instead, I’m going to point you to one of her old posts from 2012. Partially because I love it. Partially because it hurts to know how the story really ends. Partially because maybe you’ll get a feeling for the woman if you didn’t get a chance to meet her.

She noticed a spike in pageviews, and she tied it all back to the same reader. She writes:

Someone out there is reading my story. I mean really reading it, all 756 posts. She started at the beginning and is working her way up, post by post, through my life.

I didn’t notice how she managed to find her way here. Was one of my posts a search result and she got so sucked in that she had to see how it all started? Which angle of my life is it that keeps prompting her to click Next Post?

Is it the story I’ve told as a mother? As a mother-after-infertility? As a gestational surrogate?

I feel like a character in someone’s good book that she can’t put down. As I am the author, I am flattered that someone is so gripped by my narrative that she’s spent literally hours a day here reading.

I can’t help but wonder, “Does she already know how the story ends?”  

An explanation was going around this week about how Jews don’t say rest in peace in regards to Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Instead, we have a say amongst other things, “May her memory be a blessing.” And it’s appropriate here. May Kym’s memory be a blessing on the world, and may we all carry ourselves with a little extra kindness this week in her honour.

*******

Stop procrastinating. Go make your backups. Don’t have regrets.

Seriously. Stop what you’re doing for a moment. It will take you fifteen minutes, tops. But you will have peace of mind for days and days. It’s the gift to yourself that keeps on giving.

As always, add any new thoughts to the Friday Backup post and peruse new comments in order to find out about methods, plug-ins, and devices that help you quickly back up your data and accounts.

*******

And now the blogs…

But first, second helpings of the posts that appeared in the open comment thread last week. In order to read the description before clicking over, please return to the open thread:

• “Feeling Gaslit Again” (Infertile Phoenix)
• “Hollow” (Stirrup Queens) —thank you, Jess!

Okay, now my choices this week.

Bereaved and Blessed captured Kym in a blog post. And she said it best: “I am better off for much of what I’ve let into my life, especially dear bloggy friends like you.” This strange new medium, this way of connecting that came about when we were more accustomed to making friends offline. We all found each other and let each other in. It’s a tribute to Kym, and it’s also a tribute to the friendships found online.

FinallyMyLinesNow has happy news before her retrieval: a euploid embryo in the freezer. The nurse delivers the news, and everyone tears up. And, well, you will likely tear up reading this story, too. And smile.

Lastly, In Quest of a Binky Moongee writes about the Bunny and Okra’s third birthday. She comments that the last three years have gone by so fast, but I was thinking about before they were here—all the hoping and waiting. I love this—I love that the kids in our community grow up, and we get to continue hearing the story. Happy third birthday!

The roundup to the Roundup: May your memory be a blessing, Kym. Your weekly backup nudge. And lots of great posts to read. So what did you find this week? Please use a permalink to the blog post (written between September 18 – 25) and not the blog’s main url. Not understanding why I’m asking you what you found this week? Read the original open thread post here.